I miss my Dad

[endlessvoid2018]

So about two months ago, I moved my Dad into my house with me and my family after a horrible fall. My Dad has dementia and was officially diagnosed the week prior to this happening. His condition had declined quite a bit at this point. However, when I saw what had transpired, I thought it was the best thing to do was to move him in with us since he had become a danger to himself. Boy were we in for a challenge. I had no idea how hard it is caring for someone with dementia was. This wasn't really meant to be a long term solution though, basically until we could set up moving into a memory care facility for him at some point.

So last week, he had declined even worse. In the course of a few days or so, Thursday night, he basically couldn't talk coherently, walk and basically couldn't hold any of his bodily functions. I thought something was really wrong. An ambulance came, paramedics came into his room, and he was basically not responsive. They took him to the hospital, and found he had something called a subdural hematoma, which had been there for awhile. Most likely occurred during a previous fall. It had shifted the position of his brain due to the brain bleed. On Saturday morning, he had surgery to help alleviate the pressure and drain the area. Since all this has occurred though, my Dad basically in cognitive and coherent capacity is gone. He still cannot walk, talk or eat. After he is discharged from the hospital, he will be transferred to a skilled nursing facility for subacute rehab.

I feel horrible about all this though. Not only the fact of this happening, but we weren't really getting along great when he was with us due to his condition and me having a hard time being patient with different quirks of his. I feel guilty about that, especially now that something has happened to him. I know in his heart though he would forgive me. Even before we saw each other every day, we used to talk on the phone every day. As hard as it was for him to live with us, it's extremely hard to process all this and I find myself being really depressed about it and missing my Dad. It basically feels like he's not there anymore. I don't know if he will ever make a full recovery or anything like that, as he may have long term brain damage due to this. Only time will tell.

I also am a bit angry at the fact that this could have potentially been avoided I feel. I took him to his doctor after his initial fall, and they didn't order any kind of tests, brain scans or a CT scan, or anything like that. He has been there several times since then, one occasion after another fall. They did nothing then, either. Looking back on it now, I would have think for someone who has dementia and has a history of falls, they would have at least ordered some CT scans to see if he had any brain injuries or anything like that. I am weighing the option to see if legal action could be taken against them for medical malpractice and waiting to consult with some attorneys.

 

[JustGeorge]

So about two months ago, I moved my Dad into my house with me and my family after a horrible fall. My Dad has dementia and was officially diagnosed the week prior to this happening. His condition had declined quite a bit at this point. However, when I saw what had transpired, I thought it was the best thing to do was to move him in with us since he had become a danger to himself. Boy were we in for a challenge. I had no idea how hard it is caring for someone with dementia was. This wasn't really meant to be a long term solution though, basically until we could set up moving into a memory care facility for him at some point.

So last week, he had declined even worse. In the course of a few days or so, Thursday night, he basically couldn't talk coherently, walk and basically couldn't hold any of his bodily functions. I thought something was really wrong. An ambulance came, paramedics came into his room, and he was basically not responsive. They took him to the hospital, and found he had something called a subdural hematoma, which had been there for awhile. Most likely occurred during a previous fall. It had shifted the position of his brain due to the brain bleed. On Saturday morning, he had surgery to help alleviate the pressure and drain the area. Since all this has occurred though, my Dad basically in cognitive and coherent capacity is gone. He still cannot walk, talk or eat. After he is discharged from the hospital, he will be transferred to a skilled nursing facility for subacute rehab.

I feel horrible about all this though. Not only the fact of this happening, but we weren't really getting along great when he was with us due to his condition and me having a hard time being patient with different quirks of his. I feel guilty about that, especially now that something has happened to him. I know in his heart though he would forgive me. Even before we saw each other every day, we used to talk on the phone every day. As hard as it was for him to live with us, it's extremely hard to process all this and I find myself being really depressed about it and missing my Dad. It basically feels like he's not there anymore. I don't know if he will ever make a full recovery or anything like that, as he may have long term brain damage due to this. Only time will tell.

I also am a bit angry at the fact that this could have potentially been avoided I feel. I took him to his doctor after his initial fall, and they didn't order any kind of tests, brain scans or a CT scan, or anything like that. He has been there several times since then, one occasion after another fall. They did nothing then, either. Looking back on it now, I would have think for someone who has dementia and has a history of falls, they would have at least ordered some CT scans to see if he had any brain injuries or anything like that. I am weighing the option to see if legal action could be taken against them for medical malpractice and waiting to consult with some attorneys.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds miserable to all involved...

 

[Clizby Wampuscat]

So about two months ago, I moved my Dad into my house with me and my family after a horrible fall. My Dad has dementia and was officially diagnosed the week prior to this happening. His condition had declined quite a bit at this point. However, when I saw what had transpired, I thought it was the best thing to do was to move him in with us since he had become a danger to himself. Boy were we in for a challenge. I had no idea how hard it is caring for someone with dementia was. This wasn't really meant to be a long term solution though, basically until we could set up moving into a memory care facility for him at some point.

So last week, he had declined even worse. In the course of a few days or so, Thursday night, he basically couldn't talk coherently, walk and basically couldn't hold any of his bodily functions. I thought something was really wrong. An ambulance came, paramedics came into his room, and he was basically not responsive. They took him to the hospital, and found he had something called a subdural hematoma, which had been there for awhile. Most likely occurred during a previous fall. It had shifted the position of his brain due to the brain bleed. On Saturday morning, he had surgery to help alleviate the pressure and drain the area. Since all this has occurred though, my Dad basically in cognitive and coherent capacity is gone. He still cannot walk, talk or eat. After he is discharged from the hospital, he will be transferred to a skilled nursing facility for subacute rehab.

I feel horrible about all this though. Not only the fact of this happening, but we weren't really getting along great when he was with us due to his condition and me having a hard time being patient with different quirks of his. I feel guilty about that, especially now that something has happened to him. I know in his heart though he would forgive me. Even before we saw each other every day, we used to talk on the phone every day. As hard as it was for him to live with us, it's extremely hard to process all this and I find myself being really depressed about it and missing my Dad. It basically feels like he's not there anymore. I don't know if he will ever make a full recovery or anything like that, as he may have long term brain damage due to this. Only time will tell.

I also am a bit angry at the fact that this could have potentially been avoided I feel. I took him to his doctor after his initial fall, and they didn't order any kind of tests, brain scans or a CT scan, or anything like that. He has been there several times since then, one occasion after another fall. They did nothing then, either. Looking back on it now, I would have think for someone who has dementia and has a history of falls, they would have at least ordered some CT scans to see if he had any brain injuries or anything like that. I am weighing the option to see if legal action could be taken against them for medical malpractice and waiting to consult with some attorneys.

I hope you have some good support. My father in law went through this recently with his mother. It was hard for everyone. Sorry this is happening.

 

[Quintessence]

I dunno if this will help, but when my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer one of the things she said to me was something like this:

Remember me like I am now. Right now, I feel fine. I'm doing fine. I don't want you to worry about me and I don't want to be a burden. I don't want your memories of me to be soured when I do grow more ill. Remember me like I am now. Hold on to those joyful memories of me and keep them near and dear to your heart. Let them bring a smile to your face after I'm gone. ​

 

[endlessvoid2018]

Thanks everyone. It's appreciated. Yeah, I do have some support through family and friends. At this current point, everything is up in the air unfortunately. He isn't responding to anything really.

 

[PureX]

So about two months ago, I moved my Dad into my house with me and my family after a horrible fall. My Dad has dementia and was officially diagnosed the week prior to this happening. His condition had declined quite a bit at this point. However, when I saw what had transpired, I thought it was the best thing to do was to move him in with us since he had become a danger to himself. Boy were we in for a challenge. I had no idea how hard it is caring for someone with dementia was. This wasn't really meant to be a long term solution though, basically until we could set up moving into a memory care facility for him at some point.

So last week, he had declined even worse. In the course of a few days or so, Thursday night, he basically couldn't talk coherently, walk and basically couldn't hold any of his bodily functions. I thought something was really wrong. An ambulance came, paramedics came into his room, and he was basically not responsive. They took him to the hospital, and found he had something called a subdural hematoma, which had been there for awhile. Most likely occurred during a previous fall. It had shifted the position of his brain due to the brain bleed. On Saturday morning, he had surgery to help alleviate the pressure and drain the area. Since all this has occurred though, my Dad basically in cognitive and coherent capacity is gone. He still cannot walk, talk or eat. After he is discharged from the hospital, he will be transferred to a skilled nursing facility for subacute rehab.

I feel horrible about all this though. Not only the fact of this happening, but we weren't really getting along great when he was with us due to his condition and me having a hard time being patient with different quirks of his. I feel guilty about that, especially now that something has happened to him. I know in his heart though he would forgive me. Even before we saw each other every day, we used to talk on the phone every day. As hard as it was for him to live with us, it's extremely hard to process all this and I find myself being really depressed about it and missing my Dad. It basically feels like he's not there anymore. I don't know if he will ever make a full recovery or anything like that, as he may have long term brain damage due to this. Only time will tell.

I also am a bit angry at the fact that this could have potentially been avoided I feel. I took him to his doctor after his initial fall, and they didn't order any kind of tests, brain scans or a CT scan, or anything like that. He has been there several times since then, one occasion after another fall. They did nothing then, either. Looking back on it now, I would have think for someone who has dementia and has a history of falls, they would have at least ordered some CT scans to see if he had any brain injuries or anything like that. I am weighing the option to see if legal action could be taken against them for medical malpractice and waiting to consult with some attorneys.

I moved in with my dad and took care of him through his dementia and eventual passing. And it is very hard to watch someone you love slowly 'disappearing' right before your eyes, like that. It was like living in a continual crisis mode for a couple years, and when it's over you end up feeling relieved, confused, and sad all at the same time.

In the end all I can say about it is that I found it wise not to bother with all that second-guessing. His end was coming and it didn't really matter exactly how or when. All that really mattered was to keep him comfortable and his dignity intact for s long as possible, and then hope the end would be quick and relatively painless. At one point my Dad had detached his retina, probably riding a lawn tractor. It would have been easily repaired if he could have understood what was happening and how to cooperate with the healing process. But he couldn't. I would keep eplaining it to him, and why he needed to rest with his head at a certain angle but a minute later he'd forgotten and would start moving all around again. And so it never healed and he lost sight in that eye when it could otherwise have been easily reattached. But wallowing in those "what if's" are irrelevant. The eyesight loss meant he had to stop using the mower, which he loved, and stop driving, which he also loved, but in truth those things had to stop anyway for him, anyway. They had become too dangerous.

Point is, he was going to die one way or another. And he was going to have to let go of everything he loved in the process. And we were going to have to let go of him. Because that's what death means. So enjoy what of your dad you have left, and then just try and keep him calm and comfortable. It's all you or anyone can do and it may reach a point where even that is impossible. Don't worry about the 'what ifs'. It's all going to end in the same result, anyway. And don't beat yourself up when you feel both sad and relieved at the same time when that time comes.

 

[endlessvoid2018]

I am sorry to hear of that. It is altogether quite a depressing notion, especially seeing your loved one or someone who raised you and was strong to essentially losing their cognitive abilities almost completely.
My Dad isn't getting any better. In fact, he seems to be getting worse since having his surgery. This might take time, if he does ever recover from this. Every time I go to see him, he basically isn't responsive and is knocked out due to this medication that they keep giving him called Ativan.
They say he becomes agitated or "restless." He's in hand restraints, so he can't really go anywhere. He isn't talking, can't get food down, and they also want to put a feed tube in through his stomach. No signs of trying any kind of PT.

Awfully funny that he was in ICU after his surgery, and he was still responsive and could say a few words or even a sentence here and there, but mostly incoherent mumbling/noises. They weren't giving him this medication when he was in ICU though. How is he supposed to get any better, make any kind of progress if he's just constantly drugged? I don't get it. I feel they are neglecting him, and just simply give him medication so they don't have to deal with him.

 

[endlessvoid2018]

In the past 4-5 days, my Dad has had some great progress. He's now alert with his eyes open a lot! He tries to talk. Some words come out coherently, some do not. I was actually able to conversate with him yesterday! It's been the first time in like three weeks! I didn't know if this was something I would ever be able to do again! To what extent he will recover, however, time will tell. But it's good to see some of his cognitive abilities coming back! Amazing how that works when he stops constantly being drugged and sedated. Now he's coming out of it. Hopefully physical therapy will come in soon and start working with him.
Sadly, as what happens with a lot of dementia patients, he is also a bit delirious. He was asking for his cigarettes yesterday and I was like, "uh, no Dad. You don't have any cigarettes and can't smoke in here." Lol

 

[ChristineM]

In the past 4-5 days, my Dad has had some great progress. He's now alert with his eyes open a lot! He tries to talk. Some words come out coherently, some do not. I was actually able to conversate with him yesterday! It's been the first time in like three weeks! I didn't know if this was something I would ever be able to do again! To what extent he will recover, however, time will tell. But it's good to see some of his cognitive abilities coming back! Amazing how that works when he stops constantly being drugged and sedated. Now he's coming out of it. Hopefully physical therapy will come in soon and start working with him.
Sadly, as what happens with a lot of dementia patients, he is also a bit delirious. He was asking for his cigarettes yesterday and I was like, "uh, no Dad. You don't have any cigarettes and can't smoke in here." Lol

I'm glad that you are seeking an improvement.

 

[endlessvoid2018]

So several weeks ago, he was transferred to a skilled nursing facility. About four days later, he was sent back to the hospital because he pulled
out his PEG feeding tube.
He has been in there ever since.
Unfortunately, I don't really see any scenario, at least currently, where my Dad recovers from this whole ordeal
Even if he physically heals, this whole ordeal has led to a huge cognitive decline due to his dementia.
I have decided it's probably the best case scenario that he is transferred to hospice. However, hospice is not always
the end of the line. Sometimes people come out of hospice. I am hoping it will at least make him comfortable, if these are his last months.

 

[endlessvoid2018]

So unfortunately, today, my Dad passed away.
He definitely wasn't doing good at all. I had him placed into comfort care at the beginning of the week,
then transferred into hospice care. Well, he was anyway. He died before he was able to transition to it.
Luckily, it looks like my Dad passed away peacefully in his sleep. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to be
by his side as he passed before I had got there. I was quite angry that he had passed about an hour or so
before I got there and nobody contacted me and had to find out by going there.
As much as as it hurts, I am relieved for him that his suffering is over and he is finally at peace.

 

[Viker]

So unfortunately, today, my Dad passed away.
He definitely wasn't doing good at all. I had him placed into comfort care at the beginning of the week,
then transferred into hospice care. Well, he was anyway. He died before he was able to transition to it.
Luckily, it looks like my Dad passed away peacefully in his sleep.
As much as as it hurts, I am relieved for him that his suffering is over and he is finally at peace.

I extend my deepest sympathies to you and your family. Please accept my condolences. May you be blessed and at peace.

 

[InChrist]

So unfortunately, today, my Dad passed away.
He definitely wasn't doing good at all. I had him placed into comfort care at the beginning of the week,
then transferred into hospice care. Well, he was anyway. He died before he was able to transition to it.
Luckily, it looks like my Dad passed away peacefully in his sleep. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to be
by his side as he passed before I had got there. I was quite angry that he had passed about an hour or so
before I got there and nobody contacted me and had to find out by going there.
As much as as it hurts, I am relieved for him that his suffering is over and he is finally at peace.

I’m truly sorry about the loss of your Dad and all you went through these past few months. My mom had dementia for almost five years before she passed away several years ago. It was very sad seeing her lose her memory and recognition of people who loved her.

 

[endlessvoid2018]

I extend my deepest sympathies to you and your family. Please accept my condolences. May you be blessed and at peace.

Thank you so much.

I’m truly sorry about the loss of your Dad and all you went through these past few months. My mom had dementia for almost five years before she passed away several years ago. It was very sad seeing her lose her memory and recognition of people who loved her.

Wow. That is a long time. Dementia is such a horrible disease. It really got bad within the past few years for my Dad, particularly the past 8-9 months. I am so thankful however that he never forgot me.

 

[Debater Slayer]

So unfortunately, today, my Dad passed away.
He definitely wasn't doing good at all. I had him placed into comfort care at the beginning of the week,
then transferred into hospice care. Well, he was anyway. He died before he was able to transition to it.
Luckily, it looks like my Dad passed away peacefully in his sleep. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to be
by his side as he passed before I had got there. I was quite angry that he had passed about an hour or so
before I got there and nobody contacted me and had to find out by going there.
As much as as it hurts, I am relieved for him that his suffering is over and he is finally at peace.

My condolences to you and your family, @endlessvoid2018. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

So unfortunately, today, my Dad passed away.
He definitely wasn't doing good at all. I had him placed into comfort care at the beginning of the week,
then transferred into hospice care. Well, he was anyway. He died before he was able to transition to it.
Luckily, it looks like my Dad passed away peacefully in his sleep. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to be
by his side as he passed before I had got there. I was quite angry that he had passed about an hour or so
before I got there and nobody contacted me and had to find out by going there.
As much as as it hurts, I am relieved for him that his suffering is over and he is finally at peace.

I am sorry for your loss and the struggle you went through. :-(

 

[Subduction Zone]

I am sorry for your loss. My father had an accident that took him from 100% to the point where he needed to live in a care facility. I supplemented his care for ten years and was ready to offer you advice but sadly you do not need it.

You still did the best that you could do. And sometimes a quick passing can be a blessing.