A confession.

[InChrist]

I have found spiritual failures to be good reminders. I think trying to live up to certain religious standards or follow a set of rules and then failing reveals the real need for a Savior. At least, that's how I see and I think it is a positive thing because it draws me closer to Jesus' love and realization that I am dependent on His strength and perfection, not my own...because on my own I fail.

 

[Dawnofhope]

I am writing this because I have failed to be the person who I wish to be, the path of Buddhism has given me amazing moments and many realizations about our existence. But on a personal level as a Buddhist i can with an honest voice say that I am about to fail and not be able to follow the teaching the way i should do.

This only my own fault and I do not blame me anyone other than my self.

I do not write this to get attention, but to maybe give an answer to why i have been acting more aggressive or negative the last months or maybe all of 2019.

I always try to be an open person and to me, speaking of the more difficult things in life are my way of healing my self, and to put words on my thoughts. So to those who maybe do not understand why i do this so openly in this forum, it is not because i want attention, it is my way of saying, living a spiritual life is not only good and happy days, it is also a lot of pondering and struggle to become a better human being, and when I fail to be a better human being it is ok to admit it.

Why do I say I failing as a Buddhist? I have not been able to let go of attachments that I should have done a long time ago, and I clinging too much to the human way of living. My focus on the Dharma/teaching has faded this year. Too much of my attention has been toward situations in the world that I can not do anything about, and I find my self getting upset with people or situations that I can not do anything about. To me as a Buddhist, this should not happen, but still, I see my self slipping away from where I wish to be.

At this moment in time, I do not know where I am I my spiritual path, I do not doubt the teaching of Buddha Sakyamuni and there is no reason for me to look for something else.
I know I have for some time seem to be more aggressive in discussions and also been sometimes rude in my way of speaking of others, especially about Trump and America. I have realized that this is a wrong view from my part, and I want to give an apology to those I may have hurt by my speech.

I hope I can become a better Buddhist and a better human being both in my real life and here online in this forum.

RF is a challenging space in many ways. I haven't seen you posting aggressively.

I tend to avoid politics, especially American politics as its so divisive. I find focusing on spiritual matters much more constructive. Through following a spiritual path that works best for us, I believe we are better able to navigate the complexities of politics looking at the key principles and avoiding personalities.

All the best with following the Teachings of Buddha.