A confession.

[Spirit of Light]

I am writing this because I have failed to be the person who I wish to be, the path of Buddhism has given me amazing moments and many realizations about our existence. But on a personal level as a Buddhist i can with an honest voice say that I am about to fail and not be able to follow the teaching the way i should do.

This only my own fault and I do not blame me anyone other than my self.

I do not write this to get attention, but to maybe give an answer to why i have been acting more aggressive or negative the last months or maybe all of 2019.

I always try to be an open person and to me, speaking of the more difficult things in life are my way of healing my self, and to put words on my thoughts. So to those who maybe do not understand why i do this so openly in this forum, it is not because i want attention, it is my way of saying, living a spiritual life is not only good and happy days, it is also a lot of pondering and struggle to become a better human being, and when I fail to be a better human being it is ok to admit it.

Why do I say I failing as a Buddhist? I have not been able to let go of attachments that I should have done a long time ago, and I clinging too much to the human way of living. My focus on the Dharma/teaching has faded this year. Too much of my attention has been toward situations in the world that I can not do anything about, and I find my self getting upset with people or situations that I can not do anything about. To me as a Buddhist, this should not happen, but still, I see my self slipping away from where I wish to be.

At this moment in time, I do not know where I am I my spiritual path, I do not doubt the teaching of Buddha Sakyamuni and there is no reason for me to look for something else.
I know I have for some time seem to be more aggressive in discussions and also been sometimes rude in my way of speaking of others, especially about Trump and America. I have realized that this is a wrong view from my part, and I want to give an apology to those I may have hurt by my speech.

I hope I can become a better Buddhist and a better human being both in my real life and here online in this forum.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I've read of some of your struggles before in life I think, such as only being able to eat one meal a day (I think that's what you said anyway). Given the hand you were dealt, I really think you handle life well.

 

[LuisDantas]

I hope that this is not too personal a question: how do you know that a view is wrong?

 

[Nakosis]

I am writing this because I have failed to be the person who I wish to be, the path of Buddhism has given me amazing moments and many realizations about our existence. But on a personal level as a Buddhist i can with an honest voice say that I am about to fail and not be able to follow the teaching the way i should do.

This only my own fault and I do not blame me anyone other than my self.

I do not write this to get attention, but to maybe give an answer to why i have been acting more aggressive or negative the last months or maybe all of 2019.

I always try to be an open person and to me, speaking of the more difficult things in life are my way of healing my self, and to put words on my thoughts. So to those who maybe do not understand why i do this so openly in this forum, it is not because i want attention, it is my way of saying, living a spiritual life is not only good and happy days, it is also a lot of pondering and struggle to become a better human being, and when I fail to be a better human being it is ok to admit it.

Why do I say I failing as a Buddhist? I have not been able to let go of attachments that I should have done a long time ago, and I clinging too much to the human way of living. My focus on the Dharma/teaching has faded this year. Too much of my attention has been toward situations in the world that I can not do anything about, and I find my self getting upset with people or situations that I can not do anything about. To me as a Buddhist, this should not happen, but still, I see my self slipping away from where I wish to be.

At this moment in time, I do not know where I am I my spiritual path, I do not doubt the teaching of Buddha Sakyamuni and there is no reason for me to look for something else.
I know I have for some time seem to be more aggressive in discussions and also been sometimes rude in my way of speaking of others, especially about Trump and America. I have realized that this is a wrong view from my part, and I want to give an apology to those I may have hurt by my speech.

I hope I can become a better Buddhist and a better human being both in my real life and here online in this forum.

I suspect everyone walks the path they have to walk. The path that is necessary for them. There is no other path to walk than the one you are on. There is no one else to be than the person that you already are.

 

[Spirit of Light]

I suspect everyone walks the path they have to walk. The path that is necessary for them. There is no other path to walk than the one you are on. There is no one else to be than the person that you already are.

The problem I face is that I struggle a lot to follow the Buddhist guidelines, and I struggle to see my own fault before it has gone some time, and I see the result of my own stupidity. Yes, it is where I am right now, but it is not where i should be according to how long I been a Buddhist who tried to become better.

 

[David1967]

I am writing this because I have failed to be the person who I wish to be, the path of Buddhism has given me amazing moments and many realizations about our existence. But on a personal level as a Buddhist i can with an honest voice say that I am about to fail and not be able to follow the teaching the way i should do.

This only my own fault and I do not blame me anyone other than my self.

I do not write this to get attention, but to maybe give an answer to why i have been acting more aggressive or negative the last months or maybe all of 2019.

I always try to be an open person and to me, speaking of the more difficult things in life are my way of healing my self, and to put words on my thoughts. So to those who maybe do not understand why i do this so openly in this forum, it is not because i want attention, it is my way of saying, living a spiritual life is not only good and happy days, it is also a lot of pondering and struggle to become a better human being, and when I fail to be a better human being it is ok to admit it.

Why do I say I failing as a Buddhist? I have not been able to let go of attachments that I should have done a long time ago, and I clinging too much to the human way of living. My focus on the Dharma/teaching has faded this year. Too much of my attention has been toward situations in the world that I can not do anything about, and I find my self getting upset with people or situations that I can not do anything about. To me as a Buddhist, this should not happen, but still, I see my self slipping away from where I wish to be.

At this moment in time, I do not know where I am I my spiritual path, I do not doubt the teaching of Buddha Sakyamuni and there is no reason for me to look for something else.
I know I have for some time seem to be more aggressive in discussions and also been sometimes rude in my way of speaking of others, especially about Trump and America. I have realized that this is a wrong view from my part, and I want to give an apology to those I may have hurt by my speech.

I hope I can become a better Buddhist and a better human being both in my real life and here online in this forum.

Stay away from politics. That tends to bring out the worst in all of us.

 

[Spirit of Light]

I hope that this is not too personal a question: how do you know that a view is wrong?

No, your question is not wrong or bad to ask
I understand my view has been wrong since it has not been always according to t Buddhist teaching, i should be better in following the dharma every day

 

[Spirit of Light]

Stay away from politics. That tends to bring out the worst in all of us.

So true

 

[LuisDantas]

No, your question is not wrong or bad to ask
I understand my view has been wrong since it has not been always according to t Buddhist teaching, i should be better in following the dharma every day

Is there any chance that your understanding of the Dharma, as opposed to or perhaps in addition to your view, may require reconsideration?

Did that happen to you in the past, per any chance?

 

[Spirit of Light]

Is there any chance that your understanding of the Dharma, as opposed to or perhaps in addition to your view, may require reconsideration?

Did that happen to you in the past, per any chance?

Yes, there have been many times since I become a Buddhist that I realized that my view was wrong and that I needed to adjust toward the new truth I discovered that I understood. And I might have come to a new crossroad on my journey as a Buddhist, and I might need to adjust or study even deeper to realize where I understand the dharma in a wrong way.
But I am sure I am missing something of the truth of dharma right now, I just don't seem to grasp it at this moment.

 

[metis]

I hope I can become a better Buddhist and a better human being both in my real life and here online in this forum.

Our spiritual life is a journey, not an end. There will always be some bumps along the way, so it's more with how we deal with those bumps that matters.

You're a really good person, so just keep that in mind and keep pushing on.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Our spiritual life is a journey, not an end. There will always be some bumps along the way, so it's more with how we deal with those bumps that matters.

You're a really good person, so just keep that in mind and keep pushing on.

Thank you @metis

 

[shmogie]

I am writing this because I have failed to be the person who I wish to be, the path of Buddhism has given me amazing moments and many realizations about our existence. But on a personal level as a Buddhist i can with an honest voice say that I am about to fail and not be able to follow the teaching the way i should do.

This only my own fault and I do not blame me anyone other than my self.

I do not write this to get attention, but to maybe give an answer to why i have been acting more aggressive or negative the last months or maybe all of 2019.

I always try to be an open person and to me, speaking of the more difficult things in life are my way of healing my self, and to put words on my thoughts. So to those who maybe do not understand why i do this so openly in this forum, it is not because i want attention, it is my way of saying, living a spiritual life is not only good and happy days, it is also a lot of pondering and struggle to become a better human being, and when I fail to be a better human being it is ok to admit it.

Why do I say I failing as a Buddhist? I have not been able to let go of attachments that I should have done a long time ago, and I clinging too much to the human way of living. My focus on the Dharma/teaching has faded this year. Too much of my attention has been toward situations in the world that I can not do anything about, and I find my self getting upset with people or situations that I can not do anything about. To me as a Buddhist, this should not happen, but still, I see my self slipping away from where I wish to be.

At this moment in time, I do not know where I am I my spiritual path, I do not doubt the teaching of Buddha Sakyamuni and there is no reason for me to look for something else.
I know I have for some time seem to be more aggressive in discussions and also been sometimes rude in my way of speaking of others, especially about Trump and America. I have realized that this is a wrong view from my part, and I want to give an apology to those I may have hurt by my speech.

I hope I can become a better Buddhist and a better human being both in my real life and here online in this forum.

We Americans are a tough bunch. Only the sissies get hurt by someone's free speech. No apology needed.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I think you are being too hard on yourself. You need to remember that Buddhism is supposed to be "the middle way", not "the stringent way"! Honestly, you appear to be similar to a Jain in your strictness.

 

[Spirit of Light]

I think you are being too hard on yourself. You need to remember that Buddhism is supposed to be "the middle way", not "the stringent way"! Honestly, you appear to be similar to a Jain in your strictness.

Yes i do agree i am strict but personally i find it to be right for me (maybe not for others). Where i feel i lack strenght is in my morality.
But i should not judge others the way i judge my self. " And no i dont see my self as better then others)

 

[RoaringSilence]

I am writing this because I have failed to be the person who I wish to be, the path of Buddhism has given me amazing moments and many realizations about our existence. But on a personal level as a Buddhist i can with an honest voice say that I am about to fail and not be able to follow the teaching the way i should do.

This only my own fault and I do not blame me anyone other than my self.

I do not write this to get attention, but to maybe give an answer to why i have been acting more aggressive or negative the last months or maybe all of 2019.

I always try to be an open person and to me, speaking of the more difficult things in life are my way of healing my self, and to put words on my thoughts. So to those who maybe do not understand why i do this so openly in this forum, it is not because i want attention, it is my way of saying, living a spiritual life is not only good and happy days, it is also a lot of pondering and struggle to become a better human being, and when I fail to be a better human being it is ok to admit it.

Why do I say I failing as a Buddhist? I have not been able to let go of attachments that I should have done a long time ago, and I clinging too much to the human way of living. My focus on the Dharma/teaching has faded this year. Too much of my attention has been toward situations in the world that I can not do anything about, and I find my self getting upset with people or situations that I can not do anything about. To me as a Buddhist, this should not happen, but still, I see my self slipping away from where I wish to be.

At this moment in time, I do not know where I am I my spiritual path, I do not doubt the teaching of Buddha Sakyamuni and there is no reason for me to look for something else.
I know I have for some time seem to be more aggressive in discussions and also been sometimes rude in my way of speaking of others, especially about Trump and America. I have realized that this is a wrong view from my part, and I want to give an apology to those I may have hurt by my speech.

I hope I can become a better Buddhist and a better human being both in my real life and here online in this forum.

you're not alone i m going through exact same for about 2 years + , the anxiety of not doing enough or failing to understand weather we are expected to lose attachments and be cold to our own relatives in exchange for a ticket in heaven ?

some things that helped me..
1) Life is a story , do not be attached to it since you are just a witness and attachment to the result of your life ( win/loss..success /failure ) is what you need to separate from ( i.e Fruit is not in your hands)
2)Attachment has to be dropped so that you can think beyond yourself and family and think n work as a neutral witness to your own story of life viz a viz other's. It does not imply that you become callus and loveless but a mere witness to how the story went.
3) the negative thoughts lose power when you chant and eventually they thin out.

please watch this vid

 

[Spirit of Light]

you're not alone i m going through exact same for about 2 years + , the anxiety of not doing enough or failing to understand weather we are expected to lose attachments and be cold to our own relatives in exchange for a ticket in heaven ?

some things that helped me..
1) Life is a story , do not be attached to it since you are just a witness and attachment to the result of your life ( win/loss..success /failure ) is what you need to separate from ( i.e Fruit is not in your hands)
2)Attachment has to be dropped so that you can think beyond yourself and family and think n work as a neutral witness to your own story of life viz a viz other's. It does not imply that you become callus and loveless but a mere witness to how the story went.
3) the negative thoughts lose power when you chant and eventually they thin out.

please watch this vid

Than you @RoaringSilence your words help

 

[Nyingjé Tso]

Vanakkam @Amanaki

You cannot better yourself or let go of any attachements if you don't get yourself out of this Idea that you've failed.

The only way to fail something is not to try. And you Say it yourself, you're trying... Therefore you are NOT failing.

Everyone makes mistakes, every living being does. And it's absolutely okay and even essential to make mistakes in our lives.

If you don't make mistakes, you never learn from them. If you never learn from any mistake, you get stuck on bad behavior.

On Samsara you gather those mistakes and turn them into lessons, from there you get expérience and on until there is nothing left for you. Mistakes gives you the tools to attain your objective.

Don't beat you up for that because you're building a prison of low self esteem that will be hard to escape later.

Love and forgive yourself first before others.

There is no perfection... Striving for it, constantly, is just another bondage adding to the others.

Just let practice flow, and keep being mindful of mistakes not because they are marks of failure, but because they are here as teachers and these moments are moments for listening for a lesson.

Cheers ! And give yourself some love !

Aum Namah Shivaya

 

[Spirit of Light]

Vanakkam @Amanaki

You cannot better yourself or let go of any attachements if you don't get yourself out of this Idea that you've failed.

The only way to fail something is not to try. And you Say it yourself, you're trying... Therefore you are NOT failing.

Everyone makes mistakes, every living being does. And it's absolutely okay and even essential to make mistakes in our lives.

If you don't make mistakes, you never learn from them. If you never learn from any mistake, you get stuck on bad behavior.

On Samsara you gather those mistakes and turn them into lessons, from there you get expérience and on until there is nothing left for you. Mistakes gives you the tools to attain your objective.

Don't beat you up for that because you're building a prison of low self esteem that will be hard to escape later.

Love and forgive yourself first before others.

There is no perfection... Striving for it, constantly, is just another bondage adding to the others.

Just let practice flow, and keep being mindful of mistakes not because they are marks of failure, but because they are here as teachers and these moments are moments for listening for a lesson.

Cheers ! And give yourself some love !

Aum Namah Shivaya

Thank you for your warm words and advice @JayaBholenath

 

[RoaringSilence]

Thank you for your warm words and advice @JayaBholenath

possible reason for your mounting anxiety is that you're picking virtue over vice and that is disturbing to the negative side . i wouldn't challenge the negative side because that creates unwanted rift.. but you have the power to ignore LOL ..