A question on gender.

[jonzo]

Hello at first I didnt know whether to put this onto Sexuality or Health and Healing but I chose for this one. This Post is sort of a look for some advice or just someone to talk to me I chose the religious forum because thats the area of life I guess i'm most interested in. I've read over this forum before but never posted till now.


I'm a straight, 20-something male who lives in europe and i've always had a sort of problem around gender. I guess I display a lot of characteristics that are typically female and very few that are male. When friends or people have pointed this out to me I've always replied that the "Macho man" that is portrayed on TV is a negative male steriotype. Despite this I can't help that feel that theres something wrong with me. I'm extremely Emotional, I don't like to conform to traditional gender roles, I'm kind and loving and giving and naturing, But also i'm emotionally weak I often need support, I'm not physically strong,I'm passive, I dont like to lead, I like to "look after" people, I engage in conversation easily, I'm honest but tactful.

I guess I display a lot of characteristics that women arn't interested in as a partner and this had lead most people who knwo me to question my sexuality.
I just wonder if i am the By-product of a system of raising children that feminizes boys, Has the feminist movement made me a failure?

I've honestly tried to cultivate "masculine qualities" but it hoenstly doesn't come easily and so sugguestions of "Just stop being a *****" don't really help.

I'm interested in your thoughts, I guess its always tempting for people to throw their feelings onto a page and hit enter sometimes.

 

[Storm]

Just be yourself.

 

[Katzpur]

Seriously, jonzo, you sound like the answer to a lot of women's prayers. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not being macho. I detest that stereotype myself and I know a lot of women who do. I'd suggest that you stop letting your so-called friends tell you that you're not manly enough to suit their idea of what a "real man" should be like.

By the way, welcome to the forum.

 

[Buttercup]

Hello at first I didnt know whether to put this onto Sexuality or Health and Healing but I chose for this one. This Post is sort of a look for some advice or just someone to talk to me I chose the religious forum because thats the area of life I guess i'm most interested in. I've read over this forum before but never posted till now.

Cool. Welcome to RF....you've come to the right place and you'll find plenty of people willing to discuss this subject with you.

I'm a straight, 20-something male who lives in europe and i've always had a sort of problem around gender. I guess I display a lot of characteristics that are typically female and very few that are male. When friends or people have pointed this out to me I've always replied that the "Macho man" that is portrayed on TV is a negative male steriotype. Despite this I can't help that feel that theres something wrong with me. I'm extremely Emotional, I don't like to conform to traditional gender roles, I'm kind and loving and giving and naturing, But also i'm emotionally weak I often need support, I'm not physically strong,I'm passive, I dont like to lead, I like to "look after" people, I engage in conversation easily, I'm honest but tactful.

You know, the traits you mention are not just female related...you could be describing my husband. Plus, not all women are loving and nurturing. Think of the personality characteristics you mention as positive parts of who you are. They have nothing to do with one specific sex over another.

I guess I display a lot of characteristics that women arn't interested in as a partner and this had lead most people who knwo me to question my sexuality.
I just wonder if i am the By-product of a system of raising children that feminizes boys, Has the feminist movement made me a failure?

In what way are you a failure? Do you rob banks?

I'm interested in your thoughts, I guess its always tempting for people to throw their feelings onto a page and hit enter sometimes.

I hope we can have a great discussion but first the biggest piece of advice I have for you is that you're letting the rest of the world determine who you are. Only you can do that.

 

[Seven]

Hi jonzo. I think traditional gender roles are overrated. Personally I also have trouble conforming to the traditional male role, which has led to people questioning my sexuality too.

I say celebrate your individuality and you will attract people who like you for you. Just be happy with who you are, because trying to change simply won't work. Besides you sound like a very likable person to me

 

[whereismynotecard]

Awwww... All of those characteristics that you "are supposed to have" as a male are just made up. There is no specific way you are supposed to be. We are each very different from everyone else. I have characteristics that some might see as male, but that doesn't mean there is something wrong with me, and there's nothing wrong with you either. And if anyone doesn't like you, they aren't worth your time anyway.

 

[47Wasps]

I don't think you have a thing to be ashamed of or worried about.
Although I am opposed to stereotypes,the "macho man" is a stereotype that continues to exist because the average man wants it to exist. So many guys are terrified of embracing their inner feminine side or not appearing masculine that they hide it under layers of "manliness." Some men would rather detach themselves from emotions or feelings them feel are too feminine that appear to be weak or "unmanly"

The fact that you are different than the average guy is a blessing. Embrace your feminine side,as it is a gift. It lets you experience emotions to an extent that the average guy may never be able to understand or feel.

 

[Nanda]

I'd take a man like you any day over some macho clown. Lots of women would.

 

[DarkSun]

Hello at first I didnt know whether to put this onto Sexuality or Health and Healing but I chose for this one. This Post is sort of a look for some advice or just someone to talk to me I chose the religious forum because thats the area of life I guess i'm most interested in. I've read over this forum before but never posted till now.


I'm a straight, 20-something male who lives in europe and i've always had a sort of problem around gender. I guess I display a lot of characteristics that are typically female and very few that are male. When friends or people have pointed this out to me I've always replied that the "Macho man" that is portrayed on TV is a negative male steriotype. Despite this I can't help that feel that theres something wrong with me. I'm extremely Emotional, I don't like to conform to traditional gender roles, I'm kind and loving and giving and naturing, But also i'm emotionally weak I often need support, I'm not physically strong,I'm passive, I dont like to lead, I like to "look after" people, I engage in conversation easily, I'm honest but tactful.

I guess I display a lot of characteristics that women arn't interested in as a partner and this had lead most people who knwo me to question my sexuality.
I just wonder if i am the By-product of a system of raising children that feminizes boys, Has the feminist movement made me a failure?

I've honestly tried to cultivate "masculine qualities" but it hoenstly doesn't come easily and so sugguestions of "Just stop being a *****" don't really help.

I'm interested in your thoughts, I guess its always tempting for people to throw their feelings onto a page and hit enter sometimes.

Anyone who doesn't like your personality doesn't deserve your attention. Don't worry about it and just be yourself.

 

[Comicaze247]

Hello at first I didnt know whether to put this onto Sexuality or Health and Healing but I chose for this one. This Post is sort of a look for some advice or just someone to talk to me I chose the religious forum because thats the area of life I guess i'm most interested in. I've read over this forum before but never posted till now.


I'm a straight, 20-something male who lives in europe and i've always had a sort of problem around gender. I guess I display a lot of characteristics that are typically female and very few that are male. When friends or people have pointed this out to me I've always replied that the "Macho man" that is portrayed on TV is a negative male steriotype. Despite this I can't help that feel that theres something wrong with me. I'm extremely Emotional, I don't like to conform to traditional gender roles, I'm kind and loving and giving and naturing, But also i'm emotionally weak I often need support, I'm not physically strong,I'm passive, I dont like to lead, I like to "look after" people, I engage in conversation easily, I'm honest but tactful.

I guess I display a lot of characteristics that women arn't interested in as a partner and this had lead most people who knwo me to question my sexuality.
I just wonder if i am the By-product of a system of raising children that feminizes boys, Has the feminist movement made me a failure?

I've honestly tried to cultivate "masculine qualities" but it hoenstly doesn't come easily and so sugguestions of "Just stop being a *****" don't really help.

I'm interested in your thoughts, I guess its always tempting for people to throw their feelings onto a page and hit enter sometimes.

1) You're not a failure. I'm very very similar to you, in terms of the feminine. I've even wondered if I was a woman in a past life. Though it could be because it was mainly my mother that raised me, because my dad wasn't really the active type (all he ever does is work and study), so he was there, we just never really bonded.

2) The majority of women our age (I'm 23) are still a wee bit immature, in that they're looking for the "bad boy" right now. Once they realize that they can't force a bad boy to change, they'll regret not giving those nice guys a chance. Guys like you and I are somewhat late bloomers.

3) Don't be unconfident in who you are. Who you are is who you are. Don't ever change for anybody but yourself. If YOU don't think there's anything wrong with you, then there's no need to change. What people REALLY go for in a mate is confidence. If you don't love you, how do you expect anybody else to love you?

4) The macho-man gender role is a dying social construction. Don't even bother with it.

 

[3.14]

if you wanna be more macho here are couple tips

a. suck it up don't ask help for every little thing
b. talk less
c. check to make sure your not mentaly instable(instead of extremly emotional)
d. start playing a competative sport


ps
I'm passive, I dont like to lead, : dont worry most guy don't want to lead unless there sure the can
I'm kind and loving and giving and naturing, :most men develop this later because woman who want to settle down are a sucker for those feats
I engage in conversation easily, : usefull for getting a job
I'm honest but tactful : most guys respect that (allows you to borrow cash easyer )

 

[Valjean]

I doubt it can be put down solely to nurture. It's probably just the way Nature made you.
Have you thought about finding other's like you, or a support group?

 

[Comicaze247]

I doubt it can be put down solely to nurture. It's probably just the way Nature made you.
Have you thought about finding other's like you, or a support group?

I don't think it's that way either. Hence why I believe I may have been a woman in a past life

I'm not sure how genetics would play into the relative ideas of masculinity and femininity

 

[jonzo]

Yunno, I didn't check this for a few days and then found all the responses really..well helpful. I guess I was just doing a bit of self-therapy. Thanks for being nice guys, a good dose of humor always clears things up. I'm feeling quite a bit better about it right now.


I promise my future posts will be a lot more Religious orientated.

 

[Valjean]

I don't think it's that way either. Hence why I believe I may have been a woman in a past life

I'm not sure how genetics would play into the relative ideas of masculinity and femininity

Whilst there is a lot of cultural influence on sex roles, a lot is inborn, too. Baby girls and boys act differently, play differently. Brain scans on adults show clear anatomical differences, though scans on gays often reveal what appears to be male brain anatomy in lesbian women and vice versa.

You were probably born the way you are and, weather you know it or not, I'm sure there are plenty of other people just like you.

 

[Comicaze247]

Whilst there is a lot of cultural influence on sex roles, a lot is inborn, too. Baby girls and boys act differently, play differently. Brain scans on adults show clear anatomical differences, though scans on gays often reveal what appears to be male brain anatomy in lesbian women and vice versa.

You were probably born the way you are and, weather you know it or not, I'm sure there are plenty of other people just like you.

Oh yeah, that I'm aware of. Like studies with boys and girls, given unisex toys all their lives. Then they're given "boy toys" and "girl toys" The boys almost always went for the "boy toys" (toy guns, slingshots, etc.) and the girls almost always went for the "girl toys" (doll, stuffed animals, etc.).

 

[JamieA1A]

Hello at first I didnt know whether to put this onto Sexuality or Health and Healing but I chose for this one. This Post is sort of a look for some advice or just someone to talk to me I chose the religious forum because thats the area of life I guess i'm most interested in. I've read over this forum before but never posted till now.


I'm a straight, 20-something male who lives in europe and i've always had a sort of problem around gender. I guess I display a lot of characteristics that are typically female and very few that are male. When friends or people have pointed this out to me I've always replied that the "Macho man" that is portrayed on TV is a negative male steriotype. Despite this I can't help that feel that theres something wrong with me. I'm extremely Emotional, I don't like to conform to traditional gender roles, I'm kind and loving and giving and naturing, But also i'm emotionally weak I often need support, I'm not physically strong,I'm passive, I dont like to lead, I like to "look after" people, I engage in conversation easily, I'm honest but tactful.

I guess I display a lot of characteristics that women arn't interested in as a partner and this had lead most people who knwo me to question my sexuality.
I just wonder if i am the By-product of a system of raising children that feminizes boys, Has the feminist movement made me a failure?

I've honestly tried to cultivate "masculine qualities" but it hoenstly doesn't come easily and so sugguestions of "Just stop being a *****" don't really help.

I'm interested in your thoughts, I guess its always tempting for people to throw their feelings onto a page and hit enter sometimes.

Some women will be interested in you as a partner and some won't. You don't need to concern yourself with those who don't and just focus on those who do. Like someone said, be yourself (and enjoy yourself) as much as you are able too. Life is short.

 

[monta]

If you act like you are doing something wrong or there is something wrong about you, people will pick up on it and act accordingly.

Relax and as Storm said be yourself. Traditional concepts of gender appropriate behaviours and traits grow less relevant with every generation.

 

[Sunstone]

As a totally Macho Man, myself (I don't even eat cake -- unless it's stale -- because it's too feminine) I can see that your problem comes down to a lack of bricks.

I was a normal man until I began pounding bricks into my forehead. Doing that for up to two hours each day turned me macho in just three short months. I highly recommend the technique.