Exaltist Ethan
Bridging the Gap Between Believers and Skeptics
This thread was partly inspired by @Trailblazer 's "I should be happy" thread you can find here.
So, I would like to share how I feel most of the time. When I was a kid and a teenager I could not let go of my anger. I would repeat angry songs over and over and had huge problems because of this. In fact, even though I am diagnosed with bipolar, I later found out that the doctors told the government to put me on disability due to this anger. I have delusions, psychosis, mania, and euphoria at times, but I typically get in the most trouble when I'm in a irritable, agitated, and in a rage-like mood state.
In fact, there was a time just recently that I forgot to schedule my Invega injection and I was without it for bit, and I was so moody. And when I had to go off lithium from developing an allergy to it, I had problems severe enough that I needed to be hospitalized, having anger, confusion and paranoia that my neighbor was trying to get me kicked out of my apartment. Thankfully I found out that wasn't true.
I developed a chart for moods and mood disorders.
The only problem with this chart is that in the very middle, where I put "normal window", there should be the word euthymic.
Now that I'm on two anti-psychotics and a mood stabilizer, Invega, Zyprexa and Tegretol, I am euthymic more than 50% of the of time, and in that "normal window" more than 75% of the time.
I posted this chart on a chart-making Reddit server, and got a lot of karma for it, but unfortunately, it was taken down because people incorrectly assumed I was playing the role of a psychologist or a doctor by creating this chart. I didn't create it as a professional but for fun instead, as a unique and creative thing I can do for myself and other people.
So yes, most of the time I am in a state of euthymia. Right in the middle of the chart. I feel the best when I have no feelings at all. Sometimes I can sense when, if I had not been on medication, that I would irritable or agitated, but my meds do a very good job putting me in the center most of the time.
I used to have this thing with my therapist that he would draw a chart and I would tell him where I am mood-wise. We haven't talked about this chart in a number of weeks, and I have mostly forgotten that I created it.
I just wanted to share this creation with the community, tell others in this thread that I'm doing fine because I feel nothing, in a zen-like state and ask others how they feel and where they would put themselves on this chart. Are you typically blue, red, green or purple? Being almost always in a state of euthymia, I'm fluctuating between all four slightly, but overall I would say I'm usually in the green section. But without meds, I'm definitely red.
So yes, I feel calm, content, relaxed, peaceful, and try my best to avoid irritability and agitation most of the time. I consider the red section to be the worst area of the chart in fact, due to how many problems I've had with my anger. But I'm in a better state now than I have been for a long time, spending time with family and friends often, and not getting upset at them anymore just because they want to end conversations.
I feel okay, which is good. How is everybody else feeling out there?
So, I would like to share how I feel most of the time. When I was a kid and a teenager I could not let go of my anger. I would repeat angry songs over and over and had huge problems because of this. In fact, even though I am diagnosed with bipolar, I later found out that the doctors told the government to put me on disability due to this anger. I have delusions, psychosis, mania, and euphoria at times, but I typically get in the most trouble when I'm in a irritable, agitated, and in a rage-like mood state.
In fact, there was a time just recently that I forgot to schedule my Invega injection and I was without it for bit, and I was so moody. And when I had to go off lithium from developing an allergy to it, I had problems severe enough that I needed to be hospitalized, having anger, confusion and paranoia that my neighbor was trying to get me kicked out of my apartment. Thankfully I found out that wasn't true.
I developed a chart for moods and mood disorders.
The only problem with this chart is that in the very middle, where I put "normal window", there should be the word euthymic.
Now that I'm on two anti-psychotics and a mood stabilizer, Invega, Zyprexa and Tegretol, I am euthymic more than 50% of the of time, and in that "normal window" more than 75% of the time.
I posted this chart on a chart-making Reddit server, and got a lot of karma for it, but unfortunately, it was taken down because people incorrectly assumed I was playing the role of a psychologist or a doctor by creating this chart. I didn't create it as a professional but for fun instead, as a unique and creative thing I can do for myself and other people.
So yes, most of the time I am in a state of euthymia. Right in the middle of the chart. I feel the best when I have no feelings at all. Sometimes I can sense when, if I had not been on medication, that I would irritable or agitated, but my meds do a very good job putting me in the center most of the time.
I used to have this thing with my therapist that he would draw a chart and I would tell him where I am mood-wise. We haven't talked about this chart in a number of weeks, and I have mostly forgotten that I created it.
I just wanted to share this creation with the community, tell others in this thread that I'm doing fine because I feel nothing, in a zen-like state and ask others how they feel and where they would put themselves on this chart. Are you typically blue, red, green or purple? Being almost always in a state of euthymia, I'm fluctuating between all four slightly, but overall I would say I'm usually in the green section. But without meds, I'm definitely red.
So yes, I feel calm, content, relaxed, peaceful, and try my best to avoid irritability and agitation most of the time. I consider the red section to be the worst area of the chart in fact, due to how many problems I've had with my anger. But I'm in a better state now than I have been for a long time, spending time with family and friends often, and not getting upset at them anymore just because they want to end conversations.
I feel okay, which is good. How is everybody else feeling out there?
