Abandoning friends for the sake of mental health

[Sha'irullah]

Me and depression go back a while and for the most part it was tolerable until I gradually got older and had more social environments which forced me to be around people I do not like and have to be in situations that break me mentally. Over all this time I have told absolutely nobody until recently my sister and my fiance. It really bugs my fiance because she knows I will mostly bottle any emotions I have and never speak about them. It also bugs her that I essentially always display an even temperament that never escalates or responds to anything.

Over the course of some years I have realized that panic attack after panic attack followed by long periods of dread and hopeless I am not a very pleasant person to be around. I only like being with somebody I truly love and that is essentially my fiance, her family and a few pets. I am beginning to isolate myself from all the people who consider themselves my friend and with this I am feeling much better about myself.

Just to clarify the situation, I do not hate people at all and I enjoy my time with them to some extent but most people who engage with me think far to highly of me and treat me like some sort of leader in the group and it does not mesh with who I am. I just like being left alone and tending to my own affairs, I do not have anything in common with most people and the things that make me happy are mostly very simple and I cannot mesh with average people.

I do not like TV, films, video games, sports, or share aligning common views about life with anybody of any age bracket. I am at odds with everybody around me and I cannot tolerate being in an environment I do not understand or even care about. My interest are simple and they usually revolve around reading, scheming, learning, sex and eating and if I do not have any of those things I cannot thrive.

So right now I have essentially just abandoned all my friends over the course of a few months and overall I feel much better and more pleasant to be around which is what my fiance tells me at least . I was always a loner and my depression became far worse the minute I spent years correcting that lonesomeness now I regret it altogether.

Has anybody else has to face similar dilemmas and have their been other ways you have relieved your depression.

 

[wizanda]

Has anybody else has to face similar dilemmas and have their been other ways you have relieved your depression.

Also had depression for years, and found that a lot of the friends i've grown up with, no longer fitted the model for what my life has destined...

Like I'm vegan now, don't drink anymore, and that in the UK is like being an alien from another planet.

Depression is affected by our perception of our inner - outer reflection of the world.

Thus on realizing what many of the religious text suggest, that here is a place of delusion; it justifies what we see in the world..

If we lower our expectations, it lowers the risk of disappointment.

In my opinion.

 

[YmirGF]

Me and depression go back a while and for the most part it was tolerable until I gradually got older and had more social environments which forced me to be around people I do not like and have to be in situations that break me mentally. Over all this time I have told absolutely nobody until recently my sister and my fiance. It really bugs my fiance because she knows I will mostly bottle any emotions I have and never speak about them. It also bugs her that I essentially always display an even temperament that never escalates or responds to anything.

Over the course of some years I have realized that panic attack after panic attack followed by long periods of dread and hopeless I am not a very pleasant person to be around. I only like being with somebody I truly love and that is essentially my fiance, her family and a few pets. I am beginning to isolate myself from all the people who consider themselves my friend and with this I am feeling much better about myself.

Just to clarify the situation, I do not hate people at all and I enjoy my time with them to some extent but most people who engage with me think far to highly of me and treat me like some sort of leader in the group and it does not mesh with who I am. I just like being left alone and tending to my own affairs, I do not have anything in common with most people and the things that make me happy are mostly very simple and I cannot mesh with average people.

I do not like TV, films, video games, sports, or share aligning common views about life with anybody of any age bracket. I am at odds with everybody around me and I cannot tolerate being in an environment I do not understand or even care about. My interest are simple and they usually revolve around reading, scheming, learning, sex and eating and if I do not have any of those things I cannot thrive.

So right now I have essentially just abandoned all my friends over the course of a few months and overall I feel much better and more pleasant to be around which is what my fiance tells me at least . I was always a loner and my depression became far worse the minute I spent years correcting that lonesomeness now I regret it altogether.

Has anybody else has to face similar dilemmas and have their been other ways you have relieved your depression.

I have a feeling that we would get along quite well... if you survived the endless barrages of my quirky sense of humor.

 

[Quagmire]

Me and depression go back a while and for the most part it was tolerable until I gradually got older and had more social environments which forced me to be around people I do not like and have to be in situations that break me mentally. Over all this time I have told absolutely nobody until recently my sister and my fiance. It really bugs my fiance because she knows I will mostly bottle any emotions I have and never speak about them. It also bugs her that I essentially always display an even temperament that never escalates or responds to anything.

Over the course of some years I have realized that panic attack after panic attack followed by long periods of dread and hopeless I am not a very pleasant person to be around. I only like being with somebody I truly love and that is essentially my fiance, her family and a few pets. I am beginning to isolate myself from all the people who consider themselves my friend and with this I am feeling much better about myself.

Whatever works.

Just to clarify the situation, I do not hate people at all and I enjoy my time with them to some extent but most people who engage with me think far to highly of me and treat me like some sort of leader in the group . . .

Which means people generally have unreasonably high expectations of you, cut you less slack when you screw up, take it personally when you're having a bad day and your mood is sub-par, figure if you're already carrying 90% of the weight in a relationship you won't notice that they threw the other 10% on top of your pile when you weren't looking, and in the extreme you wind up in a parent-child relationship with everybody in your life, which sucks for a lot of reasons and is also lonely as hell.

Other than that . . .

and it does not mesh with who I am. I just like being left alone and tending to my own affairs, I do not have anything in common with most people and the things that make me happy are mostly very simple and I cannot mesh with average people.

I do not like TV, films, video games, sports, or share aligning common views about life with anybody of any age bracket. I am at odds with everybody around me and I cannot tolerate being in an environment I do not understand or even care about. My interest are simple and they usually revolve around reading, scheming, learning, sex and eating and if I do not have any of those things I cannot thrive.

So right now I have essentially just abandoned all my friends over the course of a few months and overall I feel much better and more pleasant to be around which is what my fiance tells me at least . I was always a loner and my depression became far worse the minute I spent years correcting that lonesomeness now I regret it altogether.

Has anybody else has to face similar dilemmas and have their been other ways you have relieved your depression.

There have been plenty of times when I tried to force myself to be more "social" and I have some huge regrets attached to those periods of my life. At this point I've come to realize that I'm probably one of those people who was just mean't to be a semi-hermit. I like people a lot more and treat them a lot better when there are fewer of them, and I can get along with just about anybody from a nice safe distance.

All I can say is, be who you are, Man. You'll never be any good at anything else.

 

[Enoch07]

Has anybody else has to face similar dilemmas and have their been other ways you have relieved your depression.

Yes almost exactly the same.

I keep only a handful (like 5 at most) close friends. Anymore than that and the relationships seem to become toxic, which adversely affects my ability to control my anxiety and depression. So I stick to the KISS method (keep it simple stupid) when it comes to the social world.

 

[YmirGF]

Unfortunately, one of the "features" of having a high intelligence is that one, more often than not, does not have a high need for interpersonal relationships.

 

[Revoltingest]

Unfortunately, one of the "features" of having a high intelligence ......

What's that like?

Anyway, depression has never darkened me door, but
I know the value of distancing myself from some people.
Just look at all the arguments I don't have with some posters.
Life is better this way.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Whatever works.

Within reason. Talking monkeys are one thing, but satisfying an urge to taste human flesh is probably beyond the pale...

Which means people generally have unreasonably high expectations of you, cut you less slack when you screw up, take it personally when you're having a bad day and your mood is sub-par, figure if you're already carrying 90% of the weight in a relationship you won't notice that they threw the other 10% on top of your pile when you weren't looking, and in the extreme you wind up in a parent-child relationship with everybody in your life, which sucks for a lot of reasons and is also lonely as hell.

Yep. I have come to realise that some people offer nothing (other than being a decent person to talk crap with). Some people give what they can, but it won't be balanced against what you can give. And occasionally you'll find someone that can give you a lot, even if the nature of that is different to what you can give.
Being able to recognise that completely is quite liberating. My friendship group shrank pretty drastically, but the amount of people I could rely on didn't change at all, and I could invest more effort into those relationships.

TLDR : Steer clear of energy suckers.

There have been plenty of times when I tried to force myself to be more "social" and I have some huge regrets attached to those periods of my life. At this point I've come to realize that I'm probably one of those people who was just mean't to be a semi-hermit. I like people a lot more and treat them a lot better when there are fewer of them, and I can get along with just about anybody from a nice safe distance.

I have a small group of good friends, and don't even feel like I'm being social when we talk and hang out. Then there are a larger group of friends I quite like being around in small doses (my wife's friends, for example). Can't avoid it, and can enjoy it, but if I see them too much, or don't have enough downtime, man, I get super-grumpy. And anytime I do I vs E emotional testing, I've come out as pretty much right between introvert and extrovert. I can only imagine how draining such relationships would be for a true introvert. Or a non-drinker...ahem...

All I can say is, be who you are, Man. You'll never be any good at anything else.

Yup. Again, within reason. We all have things we need to improve, but they should be based on what you actually want to improve, and not what others expect.

 

[David T]

Me and depression go back a while and for the most part it was tolerable until I gradually got older and had more social environments which forced me to be around people I do not like and have to be in situations that break me mentally. Over all this time I have told absolutely nobody until recently my sister and my fiance. It really bugs my fiance because she knows I will mostly bottle any emotions I have and never speak about them. It also bugs her that I essentially always display an even temperament that never escalates or responds to anything.

Over the course of some years I have realized that panic attack after panic attack followed by long periods of dread and hopeless I am not a very pleasant person to be around. I only like being with somebody I truly love and that is essentially my fiance, her family and a few pets. I am beginning to isolate myself from all the people who consider themselves my friend and with this I am feeling much better about myself.

Just to clarify the situation, I do not hate people at all and I enjoy my time with them to some extent but most people who engage with me think far to highly of me and treat me like some sort of leader in the group and it does not mesh with who I am. I just like being left alone and tending to my own affairs, I do not have anything in common with most people and the things that make me happy are mostly very simple and I cannot mesh with average people.

I do not like TV, films, video games, sports, or share aligning common views about life with anybody of any age bracket. I am at odds with everybody around me and. My interest are simple and they usually revolve around reading, scheming, learning, sex and eating and if I do not have any of those things I cannot thrive.

So right now I have essentially just abandoned all my friends over the course of a few months and overall I feel much better and more pleasant to be around which is what my fiance tells me at least . I was always a loner and my depression became far worse the minute I spent years correcting that lonesomeness now I regret it altogether.

Has anybody else has to face similar dilemmas and have their been other ways you have relieved your depression.

" I cannot tolerate being in an environment I do not understand or even care about"


Hmmm might suggest you get a bit of John muir in your reading and possibly others. If the wilderness is an environment you cannot or do not understand or even care about well.... good luck!! The Picture below is of my home, I only live in a box called house as weather protection, and amenities. People weirdly call their boxes homes.. Odd.

 

[Grandliseur]

Me and depression go back a while and for the most part it was tolerable until I gradually got older and had more social environments which forced me to be around people I do not like and have to be in situations that break me mentally. Over all this time I have told absolutely nobody until recently my sister and my fiance. It really bugs my fiance because she knows I will mostly bottle any emotions I have and never speak about them. It also bugs her that I essentially always display an even temperament that never escalates or responds to anything.

Over the course of some years I have realized that panic attack after panic attack followed by long periods of dread and hopeless I am not a very pleasant person to be around. I only like being with somebody I truly love and that is essentially my fiance, her family and a few pets. I am beginning to isolate myself from all the people who consider themselves my friend and with this I am feeling much better about myself.

Just to clarify the situation, I do not hate people at all and I enjoy my time with them to some extent but most people who engage with me think far to highly of me and treat me like some sort of leader in the group and it does not mesh with who I am. I just like being left alone and tending to my own affairs, I do not have anything in common with most people and the things that make me happy are mostly very simple and I cannot mesh with average people.

I do not like TV, films, video games, sports, or share aligning common views about life with anybody of any age bracket. I am at odds with everybody around me and I cannot tolerate being in an environment I do not understand or even care about. My interest are simple and they usually revolve around reading, scheming, learning, sex and eating and if I do not have any of those things I cannot thrive.

So right now I have essentially just abandoned all my friends over the course of a few months and overall I feel much better and more pleasant to be around which is what my fiance tells me at least . I was always a loner and my depression became far worse the minute I spent years correcting that lonesomeness now I regret it altogether.

Has anybody else has to face similar dilemmas and have their been other ways you have relieved your depression.

If you have the means and place, a dog is a great anti-depression companion, but it needs attention, being walked, and such. As to people, having a weekly activity such as (for men perhaps) chess, or badminton (both sexes) gives enough companionship to last most for the week. The interaction is light and physical, it could help some.

 

[oldbadger]

What's that like?
.

Having a high IQ?
Well, very basically, within several minutes of inspecting a bus timetable to go to Whitstable, I usually get on a bus going to Herne Bay. But I'm happy looking out the windows, wherever I'm going.

 

[Grandliseur]

Having a high IQ?
Well, very basically, within several minutes of inspecting a bus timetable to go to Whitstable, I usually get on a bus going to Herne Bay. But I'm happy looking out the windows, wherever I'm going.

How would your bus activities fare if the person was a bit LQ?! (or is it: LIQ) Just curious.

 

[Sha'irullah]

How would your bus activities fare if the person was a bit LQ?! Just curious.

Either I am drunk or had no idea of what you said to begin with . . . but it is late night for me so obviously I am drunk at the moment. Bicardi is my friend past 23:00 o'clock. What is LQ?

 

[Grandliseur]

Either I am drunk or had no idea of what you said to begin with . . . but it is late night for me so obviously I am drunk at the moment. Bicardi is my friend past 23:00 o'clock. What is LQ?

Well, the phrase 'high IQ' was mentioned, so I thougth low IQ could be abbreviated as LQ or as LIQ. - since I didn't check the dictionary, I am sorry if I confused you at a vulnerable time. Any other vulnerable times I should know about, just in case I want to pull your leg again?!

My preferred intoxicant is grapefruit juice. So, I am as clear-headed as I can be.

 

[oldbadger]

How would your bus activities fare if the person was a bit LQ?! (or is it: LIQ) Just curious.

I'll have you know that I took an IQ test once. I actually took one!
And ....... and ....... I got more than ...... yes, more than ..... 50!

So there!

 

[metis]

My son has bipolar disorder and one of my granddaughters has mood disorder, and the thing that helps them is family, learning how to deal with their malady, and medication. My son is now in his mid-40's and owns his own contracting business, and my granddaughter is a sophomore in college with a 3.7 grade-point. They're realistic about what they have and know not to make big decisions on either their up or down days.

So, stick with it, understand and accept it, and reach out to family for help,

Take care.

 

[Grandliseur]

I'll have you know that I took an IQ test once. I actually took one!
And ....... and ....... I got more than ...... yes, more than ..... 50!

So there!

I'm impressed. And, thank you for the humor. Now I don't dare tell you my opinion of those test, though I never took one. Hope you the best of luck on your next bus sightseeing.
But, try avoid ending up in Plymouth, if I understand your point of origin. That would make it hard to get home for happy hour.

 

[Sha'irullah]

If you have the means and place, a dog is a great anti-depression companion, but it needs attention, being walked, and such. As to people, having a weekly activity such as (for men perhaps) chess, or badminton (both sexes) gives enough companionship to last most for the week. The interaction is light and physical, it could help some.

I used to have a dog then a guinea pig. Both died although my guinea pig died tragically and after that I could not bring myself to get another pet. I am simply incapable of bonding with animals to any severity at the moment and it is mostly because I do not like caring for them since my fiance is requires 60% of my attention and will literally cry and whine like a 5 year old if I do not give her any time.

 

[Grandliseur]

I used to have a dog then a guinea pig. Both died although my guinea pig died tragically and after that I could not bring myself to get another pet. I am simply incapable of bonding with animals to any severity at the moment and it is mostly because I do not like caring for them since my fiance is requires 60% of my attention and will literally cry and whine like a 5 year old if I do not give her any time.

I would like a dog. Used to have 12 or 14 at one time, but old age took them all. At the moment, with my wife in the hospital, and caring for myself, etc. all I do is feed some stray cats. I can no longer handle the responsibility of a dog though I love such dearly. You sound young, and I am old. My oldest son is at least 41, I think.

 

[Sha'irullah]

I would like a dog. Used to have 12 or 14 at one time, but old age took them all. At the moment, with my wife in the hospital, and caring for myself, etc. all I do is feed some stray cats. I can no longer handle the responsibility of a dog though I love such dearly. You sound young, and I am old. My oldest son is at least 41, I think.

If your oldest son is 41 then I am sure you do not need anymore dogs . I am 23 and just barely starting my life at the moment, at least marriage is coming pretty soon in my life but I am sure you could tell me if it is a smart move or not.