Advice needed

[Fluffy]

Ive found that Ive reached a really difficult decision and so I thought Id just try and collect my thoughts in this post and ask what everyone else thought.

Basically there is this girl in America, Katie, who I've never met before but I honestly believe I've fallen in love with her and she feels the same way. We've known each other for 2 years now and speak on the phone for hours every single day (thankgod for cheap international calls). However, because of the distance we've decided that we should not go out and we should still date other people. I'm very unlikely to actually meet her for at least 2 years maybe more.

Now there is this other girl who is in basically the same situation as me, has a guy abroad in Denmark but cant see him. She wants to date me and I want to date her because I feel like she is looking for just the same thing I am: companionship till our significant other is closer.

So my question is this: should I date her or shouldnt I?

 

[Circle_One]

Do you want to date her simply for the companionship, or do you have genuine feelings for this other girl?

I think dating her simply for compansionship wouldn't be fair to either of you, especially since you both have hardcore feelings for someone else. However, if you have genuine feelings for her, I don't see the problem with dating her, but it shouldn't be "until our signifcant others are closer." That just seems a little shallow to me and basically says "I'm just with you because at the moment, I can't be with the person I really want to be with." But that's just my opinion.

 

[Fluffy]

Do you want to date her simply for the companionship, or do you have genuine feelings for this other girl?

I think dating her simply for compansionship wouldn't be fair to either of you, especially since you both have hardcore feelings for someone else. However, if you have genuine feelings for her, I don't see the problem with dating her, but it shouldn't be "until our signifcant others are closer." That just seems a little shallow to me and basically says "I'm just with you because at the moment, I can't be with the person I really want to be with." But that's just my opinion.

Well I like the girl but its difficult to say whether Id date her if Katie wasnt in the picture. I think the reason I have reservations about it is simply because I am unsure where it lies. If it was nothing more than simply companionship then would it still be damaging to both of us since we are being open about it and honest with each other over it.

 

[Saw11_2000]

Does it seem right to you? Is that little voice in your head trying to tell you anything? If it isn't perhaps you should.

 

[Circle_One]

Well I like the girl but its difficult to say whether Id date her if Katie wasnt in the picture. I think the reason I have reservations about it is simply because I am unsure where it lies. If it was nothing more than simply companionship then would it still be damaging to both of us since we are being open about it and honest with each other over it.

I think the fact that you are unsure whether you would date her or not if Katie wasn't in the picture should be a clue that you shouldn't date her. And I think simple companionship could still be damaging because you can never know whether it will turn out to be more than simple companionship for one of you. Perhaps this other girl, in time, ends up falling for you, but then Katie shows up and you leave her for Katie, or vice versa even. I think this has the potential to hurt one of you.

What you should do, in my opinion, is wait for Katie, if you really have these intensely strong feelings for her, but do not limit yourself to her incase someone else comes along that you develop genuine feelings for. But unless you have feelings that don't revolve simply around companionship for this other girl, do not date her.

 

[SK2005]

That's a hard decision to make. I am in a similar but not similar situation and I don't know what to do. I have decided until I figure something out, I am going along with the flow. It is not the best thing to do, but I don't know what else to do. I pray that you find your way.

 

[Rex]

I always say it never hurts to try. You may find out that she is the one for you. You will never know unless you do, and if you don't, it may haunt you for a while.

 

[Lightkeeper]

I would date the girl that's available. I'm not sure you can have true feelings for someone you haven't met in person. Mainly, because until you actually spend time with her you won't know enough about her. She may have a nervous tic that drives you crazy, etc.

 

[mrscardero]

I would date the girl that's available. I'm not sure you can have true feelings for someone you haven't met in person. Mainly, because until you actually spend time with her you won't know enough about her. She may have a nervous tic that drives you crazy, etc.

I agree with LK. You can get to know a person more when you both are present then being countries away. I have a friend who was in phone and email contact with another person for years without personally meeting this person. She wanted to meet this person but this person always had an excuse. They enjoined talking on the phone. Even though they were only states away, she thought she knew this person. She came to find out that this person had one of these machines where he can change his voice to a womans voice. Here all these years, she thought she was talking to a female and it was a male. Even though this guy sent her pictures, it wasn't even him or who she thought was a she

.

Another one was where my friend was on phone conversations with another female who she thought was in her 30's and when this female parents found out, they contacted my friend to inform her that she was only 17. They were going to call the police to file a report on her because they found emails stating that they were going to meet. My friend did not know that the girl was only 17 until the girls parents called her. She never met the girl.

Rex_Admin

: I always say it never hurts to try. You may find out that she is the one for you. You will never know unless you do, and if you don't, it may haunt you for a while.

Don't knock it till you try it.

 

[Fluffy]

Thanks to everyone who gave me advice it was really appreciated. My decision: Im waiting for Katie and so Im staying single for awhile it seems. I think its the right one and time will tell . Frubals to you all.