Advice!!

[Hope]

I am really upset about something, and would love anyone's advice. It is in regards to a sibling of mine, a younger sister, who is 19, and still lives with our folks. She is an amazing artist, with totally God-given, natural talent, who has her heart set on studying costume-design ( which she would be absolutely fantastic at---and I'm not saying that just because she's my sister either ). I love her dearly, and want her to be able to follow her dream. However, my father just lectured her the other day on the 'evils' and 'immorality' of people in theatre, and forbid her from following her chosen path, telling her that she should be an architect instead. She is absolutely crushed, and this breaks my heart. She would never dare go against our father's wishes---especially since she still lives under his roof.

So, here's my question---should I intervene in some way? I told her I would gladly talk to him, but she's afraid that would only make matters worse. We love our dad, but he is sometimes a bit narrow-minded in his opinions. Also very strict. I just don't want to see my sister's talent wasted, or her dreams crushed to bits. She has amazing potential, and it makes me so mad that my dad would try to squash that, even if he doesn't necessarily mean to. I want so badly to do something! I can't stand by and watch my sister's spirits go down the tubes because her hopes have been bashed. Any advice anybody?

 

[robtex]

Hope draw a bigger picture for us. Talk about your father more. Did he use the word evil and immoral and what are his views on the subject? Where did he get his perceptions of the theater and is your father the stirct head of the household type?

What do you know about his lecture that you are willing to put on here for us to chew on and why does he feel the need to choose a career for your sister?

I am also assuming that if he picked her path at some point he pulled the same stunt on you..What was the outcome of that and what did you learn from it that you can share with us.

 

[Master Vigil]

Do something about it. I don't pretend to know your dad, but that just isn't right. I know many many people in the theater, and in no way does evil necessitate from it. I would definitely say to intervene.

 

[Lightkeeper]

Maybe your sister could take some kind of a test to see if she has an apptitude for architecture. Maybe a college level professor could talk to your father about what her apptitude is. I think bringing some kind of professional at this point might get you farther.

 

[Hope]

Thanks, guys. My dad is indeed the 'strict, head-of-the-household' type, Rob. Ooooh, yes---very much so. He and my mother are very conservative Christians, and have very set views about certain things. I don't know much about the actual lecture---my sister just gave me a brief synopsis. I know he only wants the best for his children; unfortunately, the 'best' is often only what is within his view of being good. I have never been outright supported or encouraged in dreams of mine either. When I once expressed a wish to go to Spain to study at a university, he told me I couldn't, because it was 'unsafe'---I was about 22 or 23 at the time. He and my mother even expressed reservations about me going to Scotland to do a creative arts school with Christians, all because it involved drama and acting. I went anyway! And I know from that experience, that to stereotype those who are in theatre and such as 'immoral', is very ignorant and unfair. So, yeah, I'm mad that he said that.

 

[Lightkeeper]

Come up with a list of Christian costume designers. She doesn't necessarily hve to deal with the theater. Maybe she could just study design.

 

[robtex]

Hope I need a day to think about this. I have to fiddle with things like this but I do have a few quick observations.

1) While you feel it is ignorant and unfair it is not the issue but may become one if you phrase it that way. Maybe uneducated and unreasonable would be better words if you feel the urge to construct that picture for him.

2) Sounds like you have done this before with your trip. Please go through it mentaliy and assess what went well and unwell. Use that information for your present situation.

3) realize you have a time frame in planning your arguement that will span months maybe a year or more pending basic classes that are important in all colleges irrgardless of major. So when you work on your presentation or arguement don't see it as one big final contestment over the issue. Think of it as gradually fine tuning his opinons over a span of time.

It sounds like a doozie when you have a I-am-the-man-of-the-house type. Such a barbaric way of thinking. Since he already said no you can't really lose an agurement but I have a funny feeling it will be an uphill battle that you will have to fight in small ways over a stretch of time instead of at one time. Give me some more time to chew on this.

Good luck to you two. You sound very protective of your little sis. I have a younger bro and feel that way too.

 

[linwood]

Hope,

The advice above is good and I just want to add something.

From the perspective of someone who had a talent at a young age and didn`t take advantage of it at the earliest possible time.
There is nothing left but regret and attempts to "catch up" to where one should have gone in the first place.
If your sister truly truly has this talent do not allow her to turn away from it.
It`s something she should work at every single day if even in the smallest of ways.

If an atheist can believe in the conceppt of "sin" this is one of the biggest to me.
Ally yourself with whoever you need to in order to sway your father.

 

[Feathers in Hair]

I like the idea of the list of Christian costume designers. I don't know the industry well enough to know who to put on the list, though.

I agree that intervening would be a great idea.

 

[Hope]

Thanks, all of you! Well, it looks as if I definitely should intervene in some way. All of your suggestions I will take into account. They are excellent. It occured to me that I should talk to a friend of mine who majored in theatre, and has a bit of experience in the whole drama field. She is also a Christian. My sister gets comments from total strangers about the quality of her work---she is truly amazing and imaginative. She could be an architect as well---she has good math skills, and draws incredibly detailed and beautiful houses and castles ( inside and out )---but her heart is into costume designing. I just want to see her follow her heart....

 

[Lightkeeper]

The biggest point to be made is that it is NOT Christian to interfere with or impede someone's true calling. Obviously your sister has a calling to be a costume designer. Maybe a point you can make to your father is that she may be able to help those in the industry that are spiritually weak. Jesus lived among the imperfect, not the perfect. Your father is way out of line to try to keep her from using the talents God gave her. He is static on her direct line to God.

 

[michel]

Thanks, all of you! Well, it looks as if I definitely should intervene in some way. All of your suggestions I will take into account. They are excellent. It occured to me that I should talk to a friend of mine who majored in theatre, and has a bit of experience in the whole drama field. She is also a Christian. My sister gets comments from total strangers about the quality of her work---she is truly amazing and imaginative. She could be an architect as well---she has good math skills, and draws incredibly detailed and beautiful houses and castles ( inside and out )---but her heart is into costume designing. I just want to see her follow her heart....

I don't really like giving advice; have you and your sister thought of sitting down quietly with both Mum and Dad, and see if you can't iron things out. You might find that they will respect your honesty.
I know someone who didn't follow her dream because ger Dad said she'd no longer be welcome as a member of the family if she did what she wanted to. Now that she is older, and her Dad has died, she realizes it was only bluff - she is a mother herself. Sure it's difficult for parents to 'let go' but they need to for your sister's and your sake!

 

[robtex]

Hope I am going on the assumption that he really does believe that theater is a magnet for non christians and hetertics with this but I have a sneaking suspicsion that this is not true and he is using Christanity as a tool to achieve an ulterior motive. If he is that would be an important piece of information but as of this posting that idea was not presented by you .

So going on theory that he really believing what you said about theater. I have a 2 tier strategy and the application of each. Both are long term goals that are going to be slowly presented a piece at a time. More of a wearing down strategy as opposed to a "one final showdown" strategy.

1) All studieds outside of the clergy have secular componets to them. At various levels. Actually truth be known since artitechture has math science oriented and will attracted hyper-logical types I suspect that is would contain more heathens than theater who does not attract the math/science types. But Rather than butt heads with him I think it may be better to present the idea that all areas outside the study of religion specifically have standards of secularity to them at reasonable and fluctulating levels. One is no more secular than the other.

2) Present or market your sister as spirtually strong. They may seem obvious, espically if she has even 1/2 the faith you do but it isn't to your dad or he would trust her faith. Which apparently he does not. Instead of presenting the obvious lack of confidence he has in her faith present your theory of how strong her faith is. Further articulcate that serpents of temptation are everywhere even in the garden of eden and if they have yet to faulter her unskakable faith you doubt that an enviroment like theater will either. Do this when she is around him (tag team him) and when he balks than play the "you have no faith in her faith card." Than in front of her he will be forced to conceed or play a diversion tatic to change the subject. Everytime he looks to change the subject just ask him point blank if her faith is strong enough to resist temptation in an enviroment no more secular than artitecture or any other non religious major.

So remember in part 2 the serpent of tempation is everpresent. It is present in her high school, at the bookstore, at the mall and at any non bible college she goes to. Than point out how strong her faith has been all these years and if the heathens of her past have failed to shake her unshakable faith than you serious doubt that the theater will do that either.

Compare her faith in strength to yours and relate how you did the theater thing and how you came back more of a christian (if the same exaggerate it anyway) than when you left. Present a senerio of success and hold him accountable for his failure to acknowledge the strength of her faith.

 

[Pah]

Hope,

Is there any way your sister could move out?

 

[robtex]

Hope,

Is there any way your sister could move out?

Pah I am sure even is she did that the dad is fitting much of the post h.s. education bill. Even if not in the beginning it so often ends up that way do to the rising cost of school and lack of money kids out of h.s. have.

 

[Pah]

Pah I am sure even is she did that the dad is fitting much of the post h.s. education bill. Even if not in the beginning it so often ends up that way do to the rising cost of school and lack of money kids out of h.s. have.

Yes, so much depends on money. But moving out would be an emancipation.

 

[kreeden]

I wasn't going to say anything here because the topic has sooo many sides . That is , I wasn't going to say anything , untill I read Pah's reply .

Hope , all little birds have to leave the nest at some point ... I wish your sister the best in whatever she decides .

 

[mrscardero]

Baby birds learn to fly to explore the world.
So they can be more independent.
So they can be who they want to be.
So they can follow their dreams.

(also fly south for the winter, but that's not the point...
sorry...going off topic here :bonk: )

Your sister will have to leave the nest sooner or later to follow her dream.

It's hard to have parents that only wants what's best for their children and will hold them back from what they want to do in life. What and How can they learn when the rope is too tight? Parents only want what's best for their children. But sometimes, the rope needs to be loosen or sometimes, the rope needs to be let go.

 

[Hope]

Thank you all, once again, for your great advice. I'm not sure now I'll be able to use any of it, though! I had a good talk with my sister, and she now says she's unsure whether she really wants to do costume design. I asked her if she was just saying that because she was resigned to the fact she couldn't, but she insisted she has simply thought it through more, and really isn't sure anymore. She says her main desire is to get married and have lots of kids---the costume-designing thing was just a fall-back plan. Sooooo.....I don't know what to do now. I hope she does something with her talent, though!

 

[Hope]

I do agree, though, that her moving out---getting a job first would be helpful---would do her a lot of good. She's basically in a state of limbo right now.