ImmortalFlame
Woke gremlin
(An empty city street, around 8pm. Officer Stane sits in his Police Patrol vehicle, drinking coffee and monitoring the street carefully. He takes a sip and rests back in his chair.
Suddenly, the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching - somebody running. Officer Stane looks up, then opens the car door and steps out of his vehicle to listen from where the steps are coming from.
The steps are now very close and joined by the sound of a person screaming and breathing heavy.
From the dark of the street emerged Laura. She is terrified, covered in bruises and cuts. Her clothes are torn. She and Officer Stane make eye contact and she dashes over to his patrol car madly, desperately.)
Laura: Oh thank God, Officer, you have to help me!
Officer: Okay, madam, calm down, what's going on?
Laura: It's my ex-boyfriend! He's found where I live and today he came round with a metal bar and attacked me! Please, you've got to help me! He's been chasing me through the streets for the last six minutes - he could be here any second! You need to protect me! You need to take me out of here!
Officer: Alright, madam - first, I'm gonna need you to just calm down for me. Can you do that?
Laura: What? - I - he could be here any moment! I need help!
Officer: I just need you to calm down. Can you do that for me, madam?
Laura: I... I think so...
Officer: Okay, I'm gonna need you to slow down and take a deep breath, okay?
Laura: I'll - I'll try.
(She takes a deep breath.)
Officer: That's good. Are you feeling more calm now, madam?
Laura: Yeah - yeah, I guess so...
Officer: That's great. Now I just have one question for you, madam.
Laura: What is it?
Officer: Do you think your life is more important than every other life in this country?
(Pause.)
Laura: Excuse me?
Officer: It's a simple question, madam. Do you think your life is more important than every other life in this country?
Laura: What does that have to do with anything??
Officer: Because it sounds to me like that's what you're saying, madam.
Laura: What are you talking about? Aren't you a police officer??
Officer: Of course I am - look at my uniform and my car. I'm very obviously a police officer.
Laura: So why aren't you helping me??
Officer: Well, that's just the thing. You seem to believe in this bizarre delusion that I, as a police officer, am uniquely situated to protect your life.
Laura: Isn't that the whole point of police officers??
Officer: Of course not! What an incredibly selfish notion!
Laura: Then what is the point of you??
Officer: I would of thought that was obvious! As a police officer, I am sworn to protect and serve every citizen of this country.
Laura: Then help me!
Officer: Did I misspeak? I said my job is to protect and serve EVERY citizen of this country, not merely just you.
Laura: What??
Officer: Oh dear, you really do have an inflated sense of your own importance. See, if I was to protect you right now, I cannot be protecting everyone, can I? I would just be protecting you.
Laura: But my life is in danger! Look at my injuries! You can check my record - I have a restraining order against my ex-boyfriend! If you don't do something to protect me right now, my ex-boyfriend is going to beat me to death!
Officer: Now, madam, see what you just said there? YOUR life is in danger. I can check YOUR record. I need to protect YOU. Your language is entirely selfish. You seem to believe I am some sort of personal bodyguard, not an officially appointed officer of the law.
Laura: I am a citizen! You should serve and protect me!
Officer: There you go again! See, you're not the ONLY citizen of this country, I'm afraid. And how can I possibly do my job - which, as previously stated, is to serve and protect ALL citizens of this country - if I am busy serving and protecting just you? I mean, what exactly do you expect me to do about it?
Laura: Anything! You - you could take me into protective custody, you could arrest my boyfriend, you could make sure he is detained for assault...
Officer: Well, yes, I certainly could do all of those things.
Laura: Then why won't you?!
Officer: I think you wildly underestimate the problem of violent crime in this country. See, in this city alone, there are three violent assaults every night -
Laura: Please! He'll be here any minute - !
Officer: Madam, please allow me to finish. So, there are three assaults in this city every night, and that isn't even the worst violent crime rate in this region of the country! So, you see, for me to devote my time just to you and helping you with your problem doesn't really seem like it's that important when you look at the big picture, does it, madam?
Laura: But I'm the victim of a violent crime!
Officer: But my job isn't to prevent violent crime against you, madam. It's to prevent ALL violent crime, and I simply can't devote any time or resources to prevent violent crimes against you without it taking up valuable time in my continued quest to prevent all violent crime everywhere, which, when you think about it, is a far bigger problem, isn't it? Don't you agree that preventing all violent crime is more important than preventing just one violent crime?
Laura: But - !
Officer: Don't you agree?
Laura: Of course I don't agree!
Officer: Oh dear, you really are delusional, aren't you.
Laura: There must be something you can do!
Officer: Of course there is! I wouldn't be much of a police officer if there was nothing I could do.
Laura: Then what CAN you do??
Officer: I've been doing it! I'm working tirelessly in my capacity as an officer of the law to prevent all violent crime everywhere. Obviously, once that goal is achieved, you can no longer be the victim of violent crime, and thus your problem is resolved! Doesn't that sound reasonable?
Laura: So - So you're saying that you can't do anything to help me right now -
Officer: Correct.
Laura: - Because, rather than helping someone right now in front of you who is currently the victim of a violent crime -
Officer: Uh huh.
Laura: - You need to devote your time to somehow preventing all violent crime everywhere in the country?
Officer: That's right. And once we have solved that problem - which, you will agree, is quite a lot more important than your little run-in with your ex-boyfriend - you will find that your problem will be solved as well! See, we're all in this together, madam. You would do well to learn that.
(Pause.)
Laura: You're an idiot.
Officer: Hey!
(The sound of footsteps approaching. Laura, fearfully, runs off back into the darkness. Moments later, a man emerges from the same direction Laura came, brandishing a large metal rod and speckled with blood.)
Man: Good evening, officer.
Officer: Good evening, sir. How can I help you?
Man: I was just looking for a woman. About five foot six, dark hair, clothes a little torn. Have you seen her?
Officer: I think so, yes. She ran off in that direction.
(Officer Stane points in the direction Laura ran.)
Man: Thank you very much, officer. You're doing a great job.
(The Man heads off in the direction Officer Stane pointed.
The street is silent again as Officer Stane gets back into his car, closes the door, and lies back in his chair. He takes a sip of coffee.)
Officer: Ugh, cold. What a selfish woman...
Suddenly, the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching - somebody running. Officer Stane looks up, then opens the car door and steps out of his vehicle to listen from where the steps are coming from.
The steps are now very close and joined by the sound of a person screaming and breathing heavy.
From the dark of the street emerged Laura. She is terrified, covered in bruises and cuts. Her clothes are torn. She and Officer Stane make eye contact and she dashes over to his patrol car madly, desperately.)
Laura: Oh thank God, Officer, you have to help me!
Officer: Okay, madam, calm down, what's going on?
Laura: It's my ex-boyfriend! He's found where I live and today he came round with a metal bar and attacked me! Please, you've got to help me! He's been chasing me through the streets for the last six minutes - he could be here any second! You need to protect me! You need to take me out of here!
Officer: Alright, madam - first, I'm gonna need you to just calm down for me. Can you do that?
Laura: What? - I - he could be here any moment! I need help!
Officer: I just need you to calm down. Can you do that for me, madam?
Laura: I... I think so...
Officer: Okay, I'm gonna need you to slow down and take a deep breath, okay?
Laura: I'll - I'll try.
(She takes a deep breath.)
Officer: That's good. Are you feeling more calm now, madam?
Laura: Yeah - yeah, I guess so...
Officer: That's great. Now I just have one question for you, madam.
Laura: What is it?
Officer: Do you think your life is more important than every other life in this country?
(Pause.)
Laura: Excuse me?
Officer: It's a simple question, madam. Do you think your life is more important than every other life in this country?
Laura: What does that have to do with anything??
Officer: Because it sounds to me like that's what you're saying, madam.
Laura: What are you talking about? Aren't you a police officer??
Officer: Of course I am - look at my uniform and my car. I'm very obviously a police officer.
Laura: So why aren't you helping me??
Officer: Well, that's just the thing. You seem to believe in this bizarre delusion that I, as a police officer, am uniquely situated to protect your life.
Laura: Isn't that the whole point of police officers??
Officer: Of course not! What an incredibly selfish notion!
Laura: Then what is the point of you??
Officer: I would of thought that was obvious! As a police officer, I am sworn to protect and serve every citizen of this country.
Laura: Then help me!
Officer: Did I misspeak? I said my job is to protect and serve EVERY citizen of this country, not merely just you.
Laura: What??
Officer: Oh dear, you really do have an inflated sense of your own importance. See, if I was to protect you right now, I cannot be protecting everyone, can I? I would just be protecting you.
Laura: But my life is in danger! Look at my injuries! You can check my record - I have a restraining order against my ex-boyfriend! If you don't do something to protect me right now, my ex-boyfriend is going to beat me to death!
Officer: Now, madam, see what you just said there? YOUR life is in danger. I can check YOUR record. I need to protect YOU. Your language is entirely selfish. You seem to believe I am some sort of personal bodyguard, not an officially appointed officer of the law.
Laura: I am a citizen! You should serve and protect me!
Officer: There you go again! See, you're not the ONLY citizen of this country, I'm afraid. And how can I possibly do my job - which, as previously stated, is to serve and protect ALL citizens of this country - if I am busy serving and protecting just you? I mean, what exactly do you expect me to do about it?
Laura: Anything! You - you could take me into protective custody, you could arrest my boyfriend, you could make sure he is detained for assault...
Officer: Well, yes, I certainly could do all of those things.
Laura: Then why won't you?!
Officer: I think you wildly underestimate the problem of violent crime in this country. See, in this city alone, there are three violent assaults every night -
Laura: Please! He'll be here any minute - !
Officer: Madam, please allow me to finish. So, there are three assaults in this city every night, and that isn't even the worst violent crime rate in this region of the country! So, you see, for me to devote my time just to you and helping you with your problem doesn't really seem like it's that important when you look at the big picture, does it, madam?
Laura: But I'm the victim of a violent crime!
Officer: But my job isn't to prevent violent crime against you, madam. It's to prevent ALL violent crime, and I simply can't devote any time or resources to prevent violent crimes against you without it taking up valuable time in my continued quest to prevent all violent crime everywhere, which, when you think about it, is a far bigger problem, isn't it? Don't you agree that preventing all violent crime is more important than preventing just one violent crime?
Laura: But - !
Officer: Don't you agree?
Laura: Of course I don't agree!
Officer: Oh dear, you really are delusional, aren't you.
Laura: There must be something you can do!
Officer: Of course there is! I wouldn't be much of a police officer if there was nothing I could do.
Laura: Then what CAN you do??
Officer: I've been doing it! I'm working tirelessly in my capacity as an officer of the law to prevent all violent crime everywhere. Obviously, once that goal is achieved, you can no longer be the victim of violent crime, and thus your problem is resolved! Doesn't that sound reasonable?
Laura: So - So you're saying that you can't do anything to help me right now -
Officer: Correct.
Laura: - Because, rather than helping someone right now in front of you who is currently the victim of a violent crime -
Officer: Uh huh.
Laura: - You need to devote your time to somehow preventing all violent crime everywhere in the country?
Officer: That's right. And once we have solved that problem - which, you will agree, is quite a lot more important than your little run-in with your ex-boyfriend - you will find that your problem will be solved as well! See, we're all in this together, madam. You would do well to learn that.
(Pause.)
Laura: You're an idiot.
Officer: Hey!
(The sound of footsteps approaching. Laura, fearfully, runs off back into the darkness. Moments later, a man emerges from the same direction Laura came, brandishing a large metal rod and speckled with blood.)
Man: Good evening, officer.
Officer: Good evening, sir. How can I help you?
Man: I was just looking for a woman. About five foot six, dark hair, clothes a little torn. Have you seen her?
Officer: I think so, yes. She ran off in that direction.
(Officer Stane points in the direction Laura ran.)
Man: Thank you very much, officer. You're doing a great job.
(The Man heads off in the direction Officer Stane pointed.
The street is silent again as Officer Stane gets back into his car, closes the door, and lies back in his chair. He takes a sip of coffee.)
Officer: Ugh, cold. What a selfish woman...
