Alternative to dating sites

[PoetPhilosopher]

I cancelled my subscription to a dating site, and I found a better alternative.

I was on dating sites with 1000s of members, and I could have been on the site all day (sometimes I spent a bit of my weekend on them), and only had a couple of people of my preferred gender contact me for a bit of conversation.

But it seems I may have found an alternative, it's:

Maybe find a small, niche, fun, workshop like group of maybe 30+ people, where an activity is done like sewing, crafts, fantasy football, or a host of other things, that encourages conversation. As an expansion to other things you normally do.

I'm trying an online workshop group right now. There are a lot of single people in the group that seem to be looking for someone, and the group isn't bad on the fun scale really, and that seems to be putting the other members in a pretty good mood, doing things they enjoy, and sometimes when a person is in a comfortable mood, it does seem that they're much more prone to be thinking about people in a more than platonic way, as a possibility.

So I admit it, I had failed at the numbers game before. I figured that I needed to approach groups with 1000+ people to have my best chances of finding interesting people to talk to. But I actually needed to scale things down to places with 30-40.

Anyway, I've kind of been talking off and on with 4 people right now, getting to know them privately on the workshop. But I haven't set up any dates or commited to anything. But it's still pretty fun talking to them. And they seem like high quality people.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Also, this is just my personal opinion but dating sites just seem to have that "May accidentally end up with my fifth cousin" feel to them.

 

[exchemist]

I cancelled my subscription to a dating site, and I found a better alternative.

I was on dating sites with 1000s of members, and I could have been on the site all day (sometimes I spent a bit of my weekend on them), and only had a couple of people of my preferred gender contact me for a bit of conversation.

But it seems I may have found an alternative, it's:

Maybe find a small, niche, fun, workshop like group of maybe 30+ people, where an activity is done like sewing, crafts, fantasy football, or a host of other things, that encourages conversation. As an expansion to other things you normally do.

I'm trying an online workshop group right now. There are a lot of single people in the group that seem to be looking for someone, and the group isn't bad on the fun scale really, and that seems to be putting the other members in a pretty good mood, doing things they enjoy, and sometimes when a person is in a comfortable mood, it does seem that they're much more prone to be thinking about people in a more than platonic way, as a possibility.

So I admit it, I had failed at the numbers game before. I figured that I needed to approach groups with 1000+ people to have my best chances of finding interesting people to talk to. But I actually needed to scale things down to places with 30-40.

Anyway, I've kind of been talking off and on with 4 people right now, getting to know them privately on the workshop. But I haven't set up any dates or commited to anything. But it's still pretty fun talking to them. And they seem like high quality people.

That's what people did before the internet. I once joined a geology evening class where half the people seemed to be on the lookout for like-minded potential partners and in fact at least 2 relationships developed while I was there. And later I joined another on astronomy, where 2 girls were definitely after me, one of whom was rather nice, though she was forbidden by my selection rules (smoker, veggie).

The advantages are you have a common interest as a point of discussion and you can quietly size people up - and show a bit more of yourself to them, too - before asking them out.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

That's what people did before the internet. I once joined a geology evening class where half the people seemed to be on the lookout for like-minded potential partners and in fact at least 2 relationships developed while I was there. And later I joined another on astronomy, where 2 girls were definitely after me, one of whom was rather nice, though she was forbidden by my selection rules (smoker, veggie).

The advantages are you have a common interest as a point of discussion and you can quietly size people up - and show a bit more of yourself to them, too - before asking them out.

Cool. I think there is some merit to going back to a simpler time.

 

[exchemist]

Cool. I think there is some merit to going back to a simpler time.

In fact you've reminded me that I'd be quite interested in joining classes on the local botany of the south of England. I go walking regularly and it would add interest to be able to recognise and name the trees and wild plants en route. My grandfather taught my mother to do that and she taught us a bit, but my recollection is very sketchy. I've tried to teach myself but it doesn't work very well. I've managed to recognise bird's foot trefoil, vetch, knapweed and horsetails, but it's very hit and miss. A project for the New Year perhaps.

By the way, I recently discovered that relationships have even been started as a result of membership of this forum. Again, the advantage will be to be able to size a person up quietly before any approach is made.

 

[PureX]

Back in the "olden days" there used to be a lot of social groups and clubs that one could join to meet and make friends with other adults. Nearly every community, even small ones, had several of them, usually aimed at some form of community service, but mostly they were about providing a way for adults to socialize with other adults.

My dad was a very social guy that really enjoyed being around other people. Not for a 'date' or anything, but just for the joy of comradery. In the tiny village he lived in his later years, they had an Usher's Club that many of the locals belonged to, open to adults of all ages. And from there he'd join bolling leagues, and other groups, and so always had access to folks to do things with.

Some of those kinds of social clubs are still around. My dad has passed away, but his club is still very active, as younger generations join up. They live in the 'country' and except for church (if they go) they'd have no other way of getting together and having fun.

Believe it or not, people actually met and dated and fell in love and got married before computers.

 

[Trailblazer]

Maybe find a small, niche, fun, workshop like group of maybe 30+ people, where an activity is done like sewing, crafts, fantasy football, or a host of other things, that encourages conversation. As an expansion to other things you normally do.

I'm trying an online workshop group right now. There are a lot of single people in the group that seem to be looking for someone, and the group isn't bad on the fun scale really, and that seems to be putting the other members in a pretty good mood, doing things they enjoy, and sometimes when a person is in a comfortable mood, it does seem that they're much more prone to be thinking about people in a more than platonic way, as a possibility.

Thanks for posting this thread. As you know, dating has been on my mind a lot lately.

It would make sense for me to be in a group where people at least shared one of my passions. Admittedly, my two passions are cats and the Baha'i Faith, but the chances of me finding men with those interests on a dating site (unless it is a Baha'i dating site) are slim to NONE! Unfortunately, no men in my chosen age range ever respond to me on the only two Baha'i dating sites I know of, and those men are not even active on those sites so it is not necessarily that they do not like me -- they just never see my messages. As for the cats, a lot of RF men like cats but I have only found two men of the hundreds of men I see on four dating sites I have been on who liked cats. Most men have dogs, if they have a pet.

I finally found one man who loves cats and he is retired and he volunteers in a no-kill cat shelter. He is only one state away from me, I am in Washington, he lives in Oregon, so it would be doable. He is also interested in the Baha'i Faith and he is going to read about it. He is close to my age, a year or two younger. I don't know if I would be physically attracted to him, I would have to meet him in order to know that, but the good news is that in his profile he said sex is 'Somewhat Important,' not Important of Extremely Important, as the other men all say.

I have a thing going with another man who I have been talking to extensively on the phone, since December 10, but I don't know where it will lead. I cannot move, so he would have to move here. He has 'issues' moving to where I live because he thinks he could never tolerate the air quality, since he has MCS, although I don't know if this is the case and he could never find out unless he comes here for a visit. He also does not like the 'idea of cats'; although he has nothing against the cats themselves, he does not think they should be kept as pets and he thinks that he would have to compete with the cats for my affection. Again, the only way he could find out this would not be the case is by coming for an extended visit.

He says he really likes me, and I really like him, but I would have to meet him to find out if it would work out. I think I will know shortly after I meet him, as I knew when I met my late husband. I like his beliefs about God. He is not a Christian of any denomination, but that is his background from childhood is Catholicism. He definitely believes in God and has Christian values, valuing love above all else, and I think he is honest and sincere. He seems very strong and emotionally stable, which is good since I sometimes need emotional support, since I have a propensity to anxiety and depression. He takes no issue with the Baha'i law of no sex until marriage, in fact, he believes sex is only for a committed loving relationship, and he wants to get married. He was married once 45 years ago for two years but his wife left him for frivolous reasons, and he has not had a relationship with a woman since that time.

I don't want to get my hopes up again, after what happened with the con-man I thought I was in love with, the man who lied to me and led me on for almost three months beginning last August, but I know this man is not a con-man as I have verified his identity. The way I look at it, the worst that can happen is that I will find out he is not the man for me, and then I will either find another man or remain single. I have reached the point of accepting that I might remain single, as I said on that other thread I started. I'd rather be married, but only if the man shared my values, he could fit in with my lifestyle, and if I was in love with him. I believe in fate, so if this happens it will be my fate, and his fate, that we came together. I also believe it is better to have hope than to give up hope, and even if those hopes are not fulfilled, at least I will know I tried.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Maybe find a small, niche, fun, workshop like group of maybe 30+ people, where an activity is done like sewing, crafts, fantasy football, or a host of other things, that encourages conversation. As an expansion to other things you normally do..

You're not suggesting that people actually socialize with one another, are you? That is so old school!

 

[Yerda]

Dating stresses me out and I've never done it. So I've informed my partner that if she ever leaves me I'm going with her. I'd rather have my toes shaved off with a cheese grater than go out to meet a stranger.

I mean, good luck.

 

[Trailblazer]

Dating stresses me out and I've never done it. So I've informed my partner that if she ever leaves me I'm going with her. I'd rather have my toes shaved off with a cheese grater than go out to meet a stranger.

I mean, good luck.

I feel exactly the same way about dating, and I never dated. I met my late husband because my sister and mother knew him and they told him about me. Then I met him and three weeks after we met we got married, and were married for 37 years. Now I find myself widowed, and I do not want to go out on dates. I would rather meet a man on a dating site and get to know him by writing and talking on the phone, and then meet him and find out if we feel emotionally connected and physically attracted to each other.

To be honest, I would rather have gone with my late husband, but I am not suicidal so I still have to deal with the rest of my life on earth, till we meet again in the spiritual world.