Glaurung
Denizen of Niflheim
Throughout my time on these boards I have posted from a (more or less) Catholic point of view. Nonetheless my actual real life commitment to the Catholic faith has varied greatly throughout the years. From periods of intense belief to periods of deep doubt. What I believe deep down is opaque even to myself. Frankly, I'm tired. Vatican shenanigans are starting to bore me. Religion is starting to bore me.
Since adolescence the fear of Hell has deeply impacted my mental world. I am meant to love God. But can I truly love a god who threatens me with eternal pain? Sometimes I wonder if early Christianity was but a misanthropic doomsday cult that got lucky. It has been two millennia and nothing has eventuated. If Christian faith is so necessary to please God and avoid Hell then its veracity should be far more obvious. The self denial Christianity demands would not be so bad if we had a sure basis for belief. To know for sure that a heavenly rewards awaits us.
This is not to say that I am drifting towards an atheistic position. On the contrary, I am reasonably confident that consciousness survives death. I am reasonably confident that some kind higher power exists. If anything I have become more hopeful about the truth of the above mentioned realities. But the claims and threats of institutional religion have become less credible to me because an utterly benevolent god who threatens his own creatures with eternal conscious torment makes no sense. Which is probably why the modern Church tends to speak from both sides of its mouth on this. Imagine the reaction if Bishop Barron had told Ben Shapiro that as per the teachings of the Council of Florence, all those who die outside the Catholic Church (including the Jews) go at once to the eternal fire prepared for the Devil and his angels.
Perhaps I just need to put religion on a backburner and go outside more. If Catholicism is indeed the truth then I will abandon all doubt and accept that reality. But God, grant me unambiguous sign of that truth. The modern Church does not fill me with confidence. On the other hand, if the Church's claims about itself are false then honestly I won't mourn that fact. If anything it would be a relief to learn that God is bigger than any earthly sect.
Since adolescence the fear of Hell has deeply impacted my mental world. I am meant to love God. But can I truly love a god who threatens me with eternal pain? Sometimes I wonder if early Christianity was but a misanthropic doomsday cult that got lucky. It has been two millennia and nothing has eventuated. If Christian faith is so necessary to please God and avoid Hell then its veracity should be far more obvious. The self denial Christianity demands would not be so bad if we had a sure basis for belief. To know for sure that a heavenly rewards awaits us.
This is not to say that I am drifting towards an atheistic position. On the contrary, I am reasonably confident that consciousness survives death. I am reasonably confident that some kind higher power exists. If anything I have become more hopeful about the truth of the above mentioned realities. But the claims and threats of institutional religion have become less credible to me because an utterly benevolent god who threatens his own creatures with eternal conscious torment makes no sense. Which is probably why the modern Church tends to speak from both sides of its mouth on this. Imagine the reaction if Bishop Barron had told Ben Shapiro that as per the teachings of the Council of Florence, all those who die outside the Catholic Church (including the Jews) go at once to the eternal fire prepared for the Devil and his angels.
Perhaps I just need to put religion on a backburner and go outside more. If Catholicism is indeed the truth then I will abandon all doubt and accept that reality. But God, grant me unambiguous sign of that truth. The modern Church does not fill me with confidence. On the other hand, if the Church's claims about itself are false then honestly I won't mourn that fact. If anything it would be a relief to learn that God is bigger than any earthly sect.