Answering Machine Messages

[Prima]

Try one of THESE on your answering machine!


"My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished."


"A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message."


"Hi. This is Jon: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money."


"Hi. Now you say something."


"Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep."


"Hello. I am Jon's answering machine. What are you?"


(From Japanese friend) He-lo! This is Sato. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave *sexy* message, I call sooner!


"Hi! Jon's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak
very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."



"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken.
If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."


"This is not an answering machine, this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."


"Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."



"Hi, this is Jon. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."


"If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe
to leave us a message."


"Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us."


"Hello, you've reached Jon and Brent. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Brent likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you."


:biglaugh:I've always loved those

 

[Feathers in Hair]

My favorite was

"Hi! Jon's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak
very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

My refrigerator isn't that nice, though. It would probably order the microwave to do it.

 

[Lightkeeper]

Those are good ones.

Sometimes I get other people's messages, even though my message has my name in it. I always call the people and tell them they called the wrong number. Sometimes it's about a medical problem and they are trying to get hold of the doctor. Usually it's a very senior citizen.

Have you every heard a message that was so real you start talking to the machine and then feel el stupido, when the machine doesn't answer back?

 

[Scuba Pete]

Unfortunately, yes!

 

[shesha]

those messages are funny, i might go put one on my phone for fun! and yes i have talked to a message before some people do it on purpose, i know my friends did.

 

[Ceridwen018]

Haha, me too.

Oh goodness, those were great. I'm going to have to steal one for my cell phone, I'm afraid.

 

[mrscardero]

This was from my best friends cell phone.

"Hello?...Hey! What's up? Hello?...I can't hear you. Are you still there? Speak up! You're breaking up. Are you still there? Hello?...Hello? You have reached Jen's cell phone. Leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thought you were actually talking to me huh?"

Funny thing is, I did start talking and answering her questions. That's how she answers her cell when it's not her recording. She got me fooled. I left her a message she will never forget

Here's another one.

"You have reached you know who at the you know what. We are at the you know where for the you know why, so you know what to do. beeeeep!!!"

 

[martha]

Oh baby those were just great. I am still smiling. Thanks so much for the laugh.

As for me, I have opted for a more thought provoking message, and I sing. When you call me you will hear...Hi this is Martha. I'm not available now so why don't you.....Count your blessings, I bet you've got a heap. Count your blessings while you're waiting for the beep......and then leave a message. Bye

There was a time when I had a long tirade of a message inspired by constant telemarketers interrupting my life. I only used it for a few days. It went something like this...Hi I'm not hear so please leave a message. By the way if you are a telemarketer let me say, I am not interested in buying your magazines, taking your survey, buying your time shares, or getting out of debt. And another thing, I think you should consider getting another profession. Your job must be very stressful! The funny thing is one of these telemarketers who was Brittish, left me a message in his beautiful accent. He said "Oh i'ts not all that bad,luv." He made me laugh and so I changed my message. Then I signed up for the do not call list that stopped all of those annoying calls. I guess for a few days I just had to let my frustration out!

 

[standing_on_one_foot]

I always did like the "If you're a salesman, please leave your number and the time you eat dinner and we'll get back to you. Anyone else, leave your name and number and we'll get back to you as soon as we can."

 

[Prima]

That made me laugh, Martha