Are you a loser? A failure? A drop out? Have no self esteem? If yes, talk to. We will listen.

[Smart_Guy]

Come on losers, show up

Okay, as I'm presenting this thread in an easy going comic way, the purpose is to help pumping confidence.

I think I'm a loser for being a single for a 32-year-old. I think I'm a loser for staying in the same job position for 8 years. I think I'm a loser for not having friends in real life. I think I'm a loser because don't go out and only spend my time on front of my computer...

Am I really a loser? Let's see...

There are people older than me that never got married, other don't have jobs, some friends are bad and we wish we could get rid of them, some trips caused misfortune and wished to not be taken and stayed home instead...

The above make the reasons I used to call myself a loser look really nice, don't they? Or at least not a bad thing.

Do you think you are a loser? A failure? A drop out? If so, tell us why. We are all here to listen to each other, to support each other, to make each other feel good... erm, in a good way I mean

Note: the above example is real for me.

 

[chinu]

Well, now who is going to be the head-man of losers here ?

 

[Smart_Guy]

I am, no doubt about it

 

[illykitty]

I don't have any close friends to confide in, I dropped out of school and I don't have a job at the moment. I also have depression, social phobia, esteem and confidence issues.

Things could be worse, I have a loving husband and cute cuddly cat. I have some friends but no one to really talk to. I hope someday to find someone like that.

I am smart despite dropping out, which is because of mental illness... I have learned a lot outside of school, things they don't teach you. It gave me an opportunity to reflect on life, society and change to the person I am now. I am no longer obsessed with material things as I was in my teens.

And as for the job... Well I'll get an opportunity someday, I have to concentrate on getting better. My husband makes enough for us to live fine, it would only be surplus if I work.

As for all the mental issues, well it's a work in progress. You can't undo years of suffering in a blink of an eye. If it was possible, it would be long gone. It's not a happy state to be stuck like this, some people see it as me having it easy but really it's not. Living in isolation, having guilt over many things, not having a normal life... Year going by like this, no one would want that. Well, I sure don't. One day though, I'll be ok, just need to keep going but it sure is a steep hill!

Don't need anyone to cheer me up, though perhaps an encouragement would be appreciated. It's really hard sometimes.

 

[Smart_Guy]

I don't have any close friends to confide in, I dropped out of school and I don't have a job at the moment. I also have depression, social phobia, esteem and confidence issues.

Things could be worse, I have a loving husband and cute cuddly cat. I have some friends but no one to really talk to. I hope someday to find someone like that.

I am smart despite dropping out, which is because of mental illness... I have learned a lot outside of school, things they don't teach you. It gave me an opportunity to reflect on life, society and change to the person I am now. I am no longer obsessed with material things as I was in my teens.

And as for the job... Well I'll get an opportunity someday, I have to concentrate on getting better. My husband makes enough for us to live fine, it would only be surplus if I work.

As for all the mental issues, well it's a work in progress. You can't undo years of suffering in a blink of an eye. If it was possible, it would be long gone. It's not a happy state to be stuck like this, some people see it as me having it easy but really it's not. Living in isolation, having guilt over many things, not having a normal life... Year going by like this, no one would want that. Well, I sure don't. One day though, I'll be ok, just need to keep going but it sure is a steep hill!

Don't need anyone to cheer me up, though perhaps an encouragement would be appreciated. It's really hard sometimes.

In this thread it is not a matter of cheering up as much as it is a matter of listening to what others want to say. To let it go. When people talk to each other they feel better by simply saying what's in there hearts. The only problem is finding who would listen and care. Here we do

I have a great fear of getting away from my family. I still live with them. Even at this age my father and two brothers take care of the house and all I do is take the girls to schools and sometimes take them out only to places I'm familiar with. I can't even take them to new places they describe for me. In special occasions like funeral, weddings, family gatherings, receiving guests, etc. all I do is standing there like a statue looking down. I don't even know how to do my duties there. My father and brothers do all the work. I feel like I'm a hindrance to them that stands in there way. Luckily family bonds are strong here where I live so they understand that and my cousins cover me up too. Dunno how am I gonna get married

 

[illykitty]

Dunno how am I gonna get married

Find a woman who likes to take charge, maybe?

 

[Smart_Guy]

Find a woman who likes to take charge, maybe?

You know, that's a good idea

I'm really bad at taking decisions, changing, planing, lead...

I bossy woman would be cool

Um, but not a tough one. I can't even protect myself like other men do

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I was bullied alot in elementary school, which is were I really began reading because I had no one to play with during recess so I sat by myself and read Goosebumps. My family is not close by any measure of the term, and the families of two of my friends have been more of a family to me than my own family. My own family never has family reunions, and the few times I have been to one it was the family of friend. I've never had anyone close enough to confide in, and I've never had a support system. I've been stabbed in the back by friends and family. I've only ever had one romantic relationship, and it was pretty rough at times. My mom was also pretty very hard on, micromanaged to the point of knowing details about my day at school, and she made me feel like crap on numerous occasions.
As a result, being social is very difficult for me, I don't like working in groups, and trusting people is something I don't really do anymore. Even when I try to be social and make friends, it's really hard. Conversations aren't really something I can start or keep going.
But, at the same time, the years of isolation has given me enough reading time that it has put me at a tremendous advantage at school. I'm one of the few in my political/social philosophy class that has a grasp on what Marxism really is, and not caught up on what Western thought, especially American, has made it into. I was also ahead the class on the Libertarian section, and was able to contribute alot of stuff in the class discussion that isn't in the book. So at least there is some redeeming value to being an outcast.
I also dress like a bum on most days (which partly comes from wearing my clothes until they are filled with holes and falling apart; a trait I wonder if I picked up from my parents who picked it up from their parents who were in their 20's during the Great Depression. Nothing is "disposable" and it ain't really broke and able to be thrown away unless we can't fix it.), have unruly hair that I'm trying to learn how to get right, which really doesn't bother me. I've always gotten along with other social rejects, such as immigrants, those who are mentally or physically handicapped, gays, transgenders, and other minorities that society at large really doesn't care about. I'm that "nerd *******" that was mentioned in a Million Ways to Die in the West.
What is funny though, I've been in therapy to try and help me with the social part, and the more I try to view people in general in a less negative way, the more people's stupid, dumb *** driving ****** me off. I had my middle finger hanging out the passenger window the other day because some jack *** cut me off and if I couldn't have gotten over it would not have ended well for me.

In this thread it is not a matter of cheering up as much as it is a matter of listening to what others want to say. To let it go. When people talk to each other they feel better by simply saying what's in there hearts. The only problem is finding who would listen and care. Here we do

Really, it does help. It helps to know you aren’t alone, that you aren’t the only one, and when people who are similar come together, it helps. There is definitely a tend on RF of members being socially isolated and outcasts.

I have a great fear of getting away from my family. I still live with them. Even at this age my father and two brothers take care of the house and all I do is take the girls to schools and sometimes take them out only to places I'm familiar with. I can't even take them to new places they describe for me. In special occasions like funeral, weddings, family gatherings, receiving guests, etc. all I do is standing there like a statue looking down. I don't even know how to do my duties there. My father and brothers do all the work. I feel like I'm a hindrance to them that stands in there way. Luckily family bonds are strong here where I live so they understand that and my cousins cover me up too. Dunno how am I gonna get married

You seem like such a nice, funny, charming, and sweet guy. And you look really cute in your pictures. I don’t know why you’d have to question how you are going to get married. And you seem to be rather intelligent with how well you are doing with English (in all reality you are doing much better than many native speakers), and many of your posts. Really, you seem like quit the catch. Don’t blame or question yourself, blame the women who only seem to be loosing out.[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

 

[savagewind]

Well, now who is going to be the head-man of losers here ?

Or head-woman. I am. The opening for head loser man is open.

 

[savagewind]

I think losing is not bad things that happen but means trying for something and not succeeding.

Smart Guy you are handsome and charming. You are the friendliest person on the internet. So maybe you have something called anxiety. It can be treated, I think.

I do not have it but I know people who do and their life sounds like your life.

I am a loser because I believe important parts of the Bible are being seriously misunderstood and I have failed to make it right.

edit: Also I could have been a better person, student, mother, friend and wife.

 

[ShivaFan]

Quote Smart Guy:

" ... I'm a loser for being a single for a 32-year-old. I think I'm a loser for staying in the same job position for 8 years. I think I'm a loser for not having friends in real life. I think I'm a loser because don't go out and only spend my time on front of my computer..."

You no way can be a loser - you have too nice a personality. Some of these items you list actually do not qualify you to be one of the loser lot.

Take the job thing. I have been working in IT for the same company as soon as I came out of my University, literally for 36 plus years. I am not a loser, they just love me for some reason and I am amazed how they pay me so well considering I don't think I really do anything much in my view.

As far as friends, you are lucky. My problem is "old friends" always try to "find me" and I try to avoid them actually because, well... they might not be saints. But basically I sort of am a loner in my heart but folks won't leave me alone and I am too friendly to ever be rude. Actually, I do not believe you when you say you don't have friends because you are a loser, no way, you are too nice and you just like to have quality "your own space" time which is cool.

Not married? No problem. I am telling you there are a lot of girls there for you, all over the world. Just get around more and be very nice to their grandmothers. Make a connection with a nice grandmother and you will get a nice girl no time. You didn't know that? You know something? Turkey has some of the nicest girls you could ever imagine! Fly into Istanbul!

The computer? Heck - make your own website to advertise you are looking for a nice girl!

As far as going out, don't go to some stupid bar. That is loser. Go join some club, like health club, bird watching, car club, go to some mosque a lot, join some adventure thing, you will go out and find what you want.

Don't put yourself down, everyone can see you are a great guy.

 

[ShivaFan]

Check THIS out Smart Guy! Oh that I could be the Maharaja and 32 years old again! 10, no 12 wives!

 

[Nada]

At times we might feel like losers because of the circumstances at hand but we are all only human after all

This song is dedicated to all who feel this way.......

[youtube]YgSPaXgAdzE[/youtube]

 

[StarryNightshade]

I don't know about "loser", but there are some things about myself that are less than satisfactory.

I feel like I'm losing closeness with my family. I don't think we were ever that close to begin with, but something is better than nothing. It often feels like when I go to my mom for advice or to talk about something that happened to me, she kinda brushes it off like it's not important.

I only have a few real life friends and have a hard time making new ones.

I hate my job and am trying my hardest to get another one. But those are just hard to come by.

Although I've said to the contrary before, I sometimes feel regret for going for the degree that I'm literally 1 1/2 months away from getting.

On the plus side, I love the friends that I do have (both in real life and online), I love my religious community, and I'm currently planning on some (hopefully) big changes to come my way.

 

[Smart_Guy]

We have a saying here that roughly translates to "if you see the troubles other are having, your own troubles feel easier". Thank you all for sharing and for your support.

At some point we advise others to help them. If we listen to ourselves saying those, we might just find something that helps us in person. Sharing is caring, and I guess even sharing experiences and troubles kinda fit in it too.

You seem like such a nice, funny, charming, and sweet guy. And you look really cute in your pictures.

Smart Guy you are handsome and charming. You are the friendliest person on the internet. So maybe you have something called anxiety. It can be treated, I think.

Don't put yourself down, everyone can see you are a great guy.

You guys are so sweet

The problem is not in finding someone or getting accepted by them, my parent know of good people and that all they care about is having a man that loves their daughter and takes care of her. Okay, the latter is the problem, as I'm raised in a community that values family bonds including marriage to have the former covered. I'm weak and closed to myself that I fear I'd be unfair to my wife accidentally/unintentionally. I'm not settled financially to take care of the wedding expenses. My father had to sell a land he had to help with the expenses of my brother's wedding events and requirements (2 events, the dowry, wedding preparations, housing expenses, etc) and I don't want that. Housing and marriage are expensive here. My parents already did so much for me raising me up to impose on them more

Well, expenses could be solved soon as I'm improving in my job, but my weak personality, social withdrawal and cowardice are a biiig problem for me. As much as I'm trying to take care of them, too little has changed.

I was bullied alot in elementary school, which is were I really began reading because I had no one to play with during recess so I sat by myself and read Goosebumps. My family is not close by any measure of the term, and the families of two of my friends have been more of a family to me than my own family. My own family never has family reunions, and the few times I have been to one it was the family of friend. I've never had anyone close enough to confide in, and I've never had a support system. I've been stabbed in the back by friends and family. I've only ever had one romantic relationship, and it was pretty rough at times. My mom was also pretty very hard on, micromanaged to the point of knowing details about my day at school, and she made me feel like crap on numerous occasions.
As a result, being social is very difficult for me, I don't like working in groups, and trusting people is something I don't really do anymore. Even when I try to be social and make friends, it's really hard. Conversations aren't really something I can start or keep going.
But, at the same time, the years of isolation has given me enough reading time that it has put me at a tremendous advantage at school. I'm one of the few in my political/social philosophy class that has a grasp on what Marxism really is, and not caught up on what Western thought, especially American, has made it into. I was also ahead the class on the Libertarian section, and was able to contribute alot of stuff in the class discussion that isn't in the book. So at least there is some redeeming value to being an outcast.
I also dress like a bum on most days (which partly comes from wearing my clothes until they are filled with holes and falling apart; a trait I wonder if I picked up from my parents who picked it up from their parents who were in their 20's during the Great Depression. Nothing is "disposable" and it ain't really broke and able to be thrown away unless we can't fix it.), have unruly hair that I'm trying to learn how to get right, which really doesn't bother me. I've always gotten along with other social rejects, such as immigrants, those who are mentally or physically handicapped, gays, transgenders, and other minorities that society at large really doesn't care about. I'm that "nerd *******" that was mentioned in a Million Ways to Die in the West.
What is funny though, I've been in therapy to try and help me with the social part, and the more I try to view people in general in a less negative way, the more people's stupid, dumb *** driving ****** me off. I had my middle finger hanging out the passenger window the other day because some jack *** cut me off and if I couldn't have gotten over it would not have ended well for me.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. At least you had it in you to speak your heart and give the finger gesture . I would never do it. No sure if it is because of my teachings/education/upbringing or because of my cowardice, but I'm sure all of the above are involved at least in small percentages.

I think you're a nice person. I like you

I don't know about "loser", but there are some things about myself that are less than satisfactory.

I feel like I'm losing closeness with my family. I don't think we were ever that close to begin with, but something is better than nothing. It often feels like when I go to my mom for advice or to talk about something that happened to me, she kinda brushes it off like it's not important.

I only have a few real life friends and have a hard time making new ones.

I hate my job and am trying my hardest to get another one. But those are just hard to come by.

Although I've said to the contrary before, I sometimes feel regret for going for the degree that I'm literally 1 1/2 months away from getting.

On the plus side, I love the friends that I do have (both in real life and online), I love my religious community, and I'm currently planning on some (hopefully) big changes to come my way.

I love you too man

Thank you for sharing with us.

We believe that sometimes you hate something but find out later that you got out of it with something good. I believe that if you do anything useful in itself, you should not regret. You do not know if maybe it will be of use in the future.

I am a loser because I believe important parts of the Bible are being seriously misunderstood and I have failed to make it right.

edit: Also I could have been a better person, student, mother, friend and wife.

You probably mean that you "think" you are a loser, not that you are for sure

Religion is complicated, there is no shame in not understanding it fully. Try to utilize what you know of it for the good of humanity and leave the rest for once you figure it out.

I believe if you have it in you to feel that you could have been a better person, student, friend and wife, you probably always had the intention and also you can still become so. It is not too late as I see it.

Don't lose hope

 

[savagewind]

You must stop saying "my cowardice". I think you are not a coward. What you call cowardice is wisdom. "I don't want to impose on my family for a wedding". "I think I might not be all right as a husband" (who is? nobody!) "I am not financially ready to support a family". Those are all signs of WISDOM. Not cowardice. God bless you by Allah.

 

[Smart_Guy]

You must stop saying "my cowardice". I think you are not a coward. What you call cowardice is wisdom. "I don't want to impose on my family for a wedding". "I think I might not be all right as a husband" (who is? nobody!) "I am not financially ready to support a family". Those are all signs of WISDOM. Not cowardice.

Um, I meant "cowardice" for my everyday acts, not just special occasions like weddings. For example I take forgiveness overboard that I even neglect my rights. When I cover up my petty cash at work with bills, I care to return more than I spend (so paying from my own pocket) fearing that It would happen the other way around therefor betraying my entrust. I don't mind having people cutting inline in front of me. I keep too cool against offensive behavior. Now, I'm okay with it as I'm a man and such things don't really kill me, but with a wife with me having them, I think it could bring misfortune to her. Women are typically more sensitive and kind by nature and I can't take it when they are bothered by the outside world.

I wonder if I'm the one being sensitive here

God bless you by Allah.

Thank you ma'am. You're too kind

 

[Draupadi]

Come on losers, show up

Okay, as I'm presenting this thread in an easy going comic way, the purpose is to help pumping confidence.

I think I'm a loser for being a single for a 32-year-old. I think I'm a loser for staying in the same job position for 8 years. I think I'm a loser for not having friends in real life. I think I'm a loser because don't go out and only spend my time on front of my computer...

Am I really a loser? Let's see...

There are people older than me that never got married, other don't have jobs, some friends are bad and we wish we could get rid of them, some trips caused misfortune and wished to not be taken and stayed home instead...

The above make the reasons I used to call myself a loser look really nice, don't they? Or at least not a bad thing.

Do you think you are a loser? A failure? A drop out? If so, tell us why. We are all here to listen to each other, to support each other, to make each other feel good... erm, in a good way I mean

Note: the above example is real for me.

*Hugs* (can't find out the emoticon). And count me in. I am single and jobless (now smile).

 

[Renji]

Well I had some arguments with my mom last night. She's saying that I don't act professionally and stuff like that. I've received a lot of negative declarations from her. At least, if there's something positive in me, I know that I am quite handsome.

 

[Smart_Guy]

*Hugs* (can't find out the emoticon). And count me in. I am single and jobless (now smile).

Thank you

I hope that one day you find the right man for you. You're a nice person and deserve a nice man

Well I had some arguments with my mom last night. She's saying that I don't act professionally and stuff like that. I've received a lot of negative declarations from her. At least, if there's something positive in me, I know that I am quite handsome.

That's probably her way in telling you to try and act more professionally... and stuff that that

As for that last part, I know how exactly it feels