Are you different?

[Nessa Nenharma]

I was wondering if anyone else here can identify with a split in religious beliefs within their family? I am a Witch (Pagan if you prefer) and everyone else in my family is Baptist (including my husband ).

My mother and father-in-law are hard core Baptists and thought that my husband marrying me was the greatest thing ever because I was Baptists too (only I didn't attend church or do anything with my religion, I guess you could say I was on Auto-pilot). I have not told them yet that I am not Baptists anymore, so they assume I haven't changed. So in reality I am living a double life.

I guess I have this fear that they won't want anything to do with my children anymore if they knew and or try to cause a split between my husband and myself.(yes they are that pig-headed:yes: ).

Is there anyone else that has a difference in religion within their family, be it with your Spouse, Parents, In-laws, or other family members? And how much, if any, does it affect your life and the relationship you have with said relative?

 

[Gentoo]

I'm Pagan coming from a lapsed-Catholic family, I've only mentioned it to my mom. She wasn't thrilled, and I think there's some selective-memory loss going on there, but nothing bad.

What bothers me more is GC's family, they're church-going Presbyterians. They also talk a bit about religious subjects and I have to catch myself from saying something. He hasn't come out about his dabblings and such, and I haven't either, but we're also not in the broom-closet either. I keep my books out when his family comes to visit, I wear my pentacle around most of his family and my own.

Hehe, last Halloween, his folks sent us a card that said "Happy Halloween, you Hell-bound pagan!" Jokingly, of course... at least, we think it was... it got a laugh out of us, at least.

 

[Dunemeister]

Interfaith marriages, when the extended family is deeply committed to rival religions, can be very tricky. You can bet that your husband's family have noticed your pentacle and occult books kicking around, but they haven't said anything, probably because they don't think you're seriously taking the wiccan path. If they did, they may indeed cut you off. BTW, does your husband know about and support your new faith? How serious is he about his own religion?

When I became a Christian, it caused a great deal of trouble with my friends, but not my family. My new desire to go to church, study the bible, and pray didn't sit well with my more secularly-minded roommate. He and I had to get separate apartments. My larger circle of friends still wanted to go boozing and trolling, niether of which tickled my fancy anymore, so I eventually stopped hanging out with them. They all thought that my conversion was a phase because I had a habit of trying out different spiritualities. I tried taijichuan, through which I was exposed to the Tao Te Ching and the Yi Ching, and thus Taoism. I dabbled in occultism, specifically spellcasting and demonism. My dabbling never really got to the actual spell-casting phase. After all, I thought at the time, what if I really can't control this demon, and what makes me think my mumbling a few words, lighting a few candles, and drawing some lines with chalk is really going to hold back a demon if he's seriously intent on ripping me to shreds? There were a couple of other things, too, including scientology. I didn't get too far with that, though, because of the expense. So when I converted to Christianity, they thought it was a phase, so we continued to associate. But as it became clear that this conversion wasn't a phase, my friends were less and less interested in being around me. In all honesty, the sentiment was mutual, although a part of me still longs for my old friends, and I still occasionally pray for them.

 

[3.14]

can't make nock nock jokes about god anymore to my niece who became christian

 

[Nessa Nenharma]

Interfaith marriages, when the extended family is deeply committed to rival religions, can be very tricky. You can bet that your husband's family have noticed your pentacle and occult books kicking around, but they haven't said anything, probably because they don't think you're seriously taking the wiccan path. If they did, they may indeed cut you off. BTW, does your husband know about and support your new faith? How serious is he about his own religion?

When I became a Christian, it caused a great deal of trouble with my friends, but not my family. My new desire to go to church, study the bible, and pray didn't sit well with my more secularly-minded roommate. He and I had to get separate apartments. My larger circle of friends still wanted to go boozing and trolling, niether of which tickled my fancy anymore, so I eventually stopped hanging out with them. They all thought that my conversion was a phase because I had a habit of trying out different spiritualities. I tried taijichuan, through which I was exposed to the Tao Te Ching and the Yi Ching, and thus Taoism. I dabbled in occultism, specifically spellcasting and demonism. My dabbling never really got to the actual spell-casting phase. After all, I thought at the time, what if I really can't control this demon, and what makes me think my mumbling a few words, lighting a few candles, and drawing some lines with chalk is really going to hold back a demon if he's seriously intent on ripping me to shreds? There were a couple of other things, too, including scientology. I didn't get too far with that, though, because of the expense. So when I converted to Christianity, they thought it was a phase, so we continued to associate. But as it became clear that this conversion wasn't a phase, my friends were less and less interested in being around me. In all honesty, the sentiment was mutual, although a part of me still longs for my old friends, and I still occasionally pray for them.

My husband does know about and supports my new faith. He actively helps me when I am searching for certain candles and scents and herbs for new potions and spells. I was worried about telling him at first for fear of rejection, but I realized that neither one of us would change the other. Neither would we try to convert and or "save" the other.

My husband is religious in that he reads his Bible everyday and he prays. As far as going to church, when he was younger his parents kind of ran that into the ground for him. So the occassional trip to the church where he is a member is enough for him.

I don't think my in-laws have seen my pentacles and books, I keep them all in a locked trunk and try to keep it hidden for now (wonder how long that will last). I just try not to flaunt it in their face, nor do I want them to know right now. They are judgemental. I don't mind telling everyone else, except them.

:bb:

Nessa

 

[cardero]

I was raised Catholic but my mother lost her faith in my teens (no one helped her to find it). Growing up in the same house hold my mother witnessed me go through several belief systems and was very supportive in each one. When I got married my wife Rizza (mrscardero) was very understanding of my new belief system and she would eventually adopt and follow Patrickism.

 

[UnTheist]

Yes, my entire family is Christian, and I am a Nihilist. Only my immediate family knows I am an Atheist, and nothing as changed much. At first, my mother tried to make me go to church, regardless of my beliefs, "Because that's what families do". Eventually she gave up. But she still can't understand why I am an Atheist, or how I can live being an Atheist.

The rest of my family don't know anything about my beliefs, and my friends rarely discuss beliefs or religion, so that's not a problem.

 

[Father Heathen]

Years ago, my "coming out" with my atheism didn't sit well with my mom (but she got over it. My dad who believes in a god but hates organized religion didn't really seem to care too much), and lost me a lot of friendships. I was pretty close with a lot of them and thought of most of them as rather intelligent, so I figured they would at least be somewhat understanding and accepting. Nope. Hell, they didn't try to preach and save my soul. Just an abrupt severance of ties. In the long run you're better off knowing who your true friends are, anyway.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Quite different, actually. I'm the lone definitive non-Christian in the family. I can't think of others who display a distinct tone of "no, I am not a Christian."

It doesn't cause problems, I guess, but then I don't have to deal with extended family every day. I've been approached a few times in some inappropriate situations about the fate of my soul, but none for me to be bitter about.

Most of the time, family members wind up courteously asking me questions out of sheer curiosity. I took a very VERY vocal protestant Christian (my husband's aunt) with me to the Vesak Day celebration last year, and she did talk about Jesus quite a bit (but that's what I expect out of her anyway). Afterward, she only said that Buddhism isn't for her, and yet thanked me greatly for introducing her to what I practice.

Can't say if there's anything that I can offer for advice. It could be that I'm just fortunate to be a part of a good family.

 

[spiritually inclined]

I was wondering if anyone else here can identify with a split in religious beliefs within their family? I am a Witch (Pagan if you prefer) and everyone else in my family is Baptist (including my husband ).

I can relate to this from several angles. I have pretty much always been opposed to some part of my family on religious issues. When I was really young and didn't know much about religion -- I had not been raised in a religious household -- I only knew that I didn't believe in Pentecostalism, the religion of my father's family. I most specifically rejected their notion that people must dress a certain way and follow their version of religion to be saved.

Becoming more interested in religion at age 10 -- I had always shown some interest -- I began to attend my grandfather's Pentecostal church and converted. Then I was opposed to my mother's beliefs and the beliefs of my non-Pentecostal family. I was often very judgmental and regret it deeply.

I left Pentecostalism and Christianity at age 14. At that point I was opposed to nearly all of my family's beliefs. I dabbled in lots of supernatural beliefs and the New Age movement. My ideas continued to be refined until I became essentially an agnostic naturalist. At one point I even defined myself as an atheist. However, throughout this time period, I continued to place emphasis on reason, science, and rationality as well as morality, even before I became more skeptical. I WAS skeptical of organized religion, especially the kind that supports what I perceive to be immoral beliefs and practices.

I am now an Episcopalian, though I haven't been one for long. The religious side of me just never went away. I felt a need for a community and spiritual practices such as prayer and meditation. I like to have both public worship and community with others as well as a private aspect to my practice of spirituality, meaning that I look for sources of truth both inside of and outside of my tradition, including Christianity.

Still, I am a heretical Christian, and most people in my family would still consider me an atheist and non-Christian. I have been told by family members on a number of occasions that I am going to hell, especially for being gay. That hurts, but I had the same type of beliefs about them as a Pentecostal. The difference is that I had the maturity and courage to challenge those beliefs at a young age. I wish some of these judgmental people would do the same.

Not all of my friends know I joined the Episcopal Church. Some of them would be shocked and wonder why I would do it. That creates yet another conflict. But it really isn't something I think I am obliged to tell everyone. I like to discuss philosophical and spiritual matters with certain people and online. Otherwise, my faith is very private to me. I don't go into a lot of detail with even some of my more religiously or philosophically inclined friends. Most of the detail goes online to people I will probably never meet, so it's different. I still like hanging out with my secular friends or equally eccentric and religious friends who are into things like paganism. Some of them are very moral and insightful people with whom I have a lot in common, spiritually and otherwise. I see no need to convert anyone.

Some members of my Pentecostal family never knew that I left their faith to begin with, and none of them know that I have joined another church. (That would be anathema to them.) I see no reason to inform them of my religious affiliation, but I have become honest with the pastor because I felt I had to challenge the corruption I have witnessed and the pain that has been caused for innocent people. I also admitted to some Pentecostal relatives that I am gay after they asked me. One of them no longer speaks to me. There are two that are probably still in some degree of denial about my homosexuality and beliefs, my great grandparents. Unless they bring it up, I won't mention it. After all, they're old and I don't see them much anyway. But I wouldn't lie if they asked. It has been important for me to become honest with some of the Pentecostals not because I need to confront their beliefs, but because I must not ever allow anyone to control me to the extent that they did, ever again.

On some things I try to be honest with everyone. I attempt to be honest with myself about my own morals and beliefs. I try to be honest about my morals and who I am with everyone. I don't try to hide that I am gay.

But none of this means that I must discuss intimate details about my faith with others should I not wish to. That is a very private thing. I usually will not try to talk about homophobic people about my homosexuality, either, unless a person is genuinely interested in that part of my experiences and what I think about the matter, both from a scientific, moral, and religious point of view.

James

 

[Riverwolf]

Well, each member of my family has a different set of beliefs. My mom is an agnostic, though I think she'd make a wonderful Christian. My dad's a Buddhist. I'm not sure what my brother is. It causes no problems whatsoever. But I have experienced the loss of friends because of difference in beliefs. But they were friends I probably would have stopped hanging out with anyway. That was back in Junior High.

Another friend is a stubborn atheist, one is a baptist, one is agnostic, my girlfriend shares a similar belief system to mine but not quite the same, and one friend is.... well... whatever-he-feels-like-at-the-moment.

 

[MoonWater]

Everyone in my immediate family has differing beliefs though mine differ more so from theirs then any of them do from eachother. My dad is agnostic though he's still very much influenced by his Christian upbringing, my mom is a practicing methodist, I'm not sure what brother is though I believe he's atheist. My dad's side isn't nearly as big as my mom's side and while my dad's side holds similar beliefs to that of my father my mom's side, while of the same religion, are of different denominations, mostly catholic I believe, and their much more stringent in their beliefs. While my immediate family is very accepting of my faith as are a few close friends from church no other family members know about my faith as far as I know. My dad's side isn't big on religion so I doubt it would make much difference to them but it would deffinitley affect my relationship with my mom's side of the family. Despite the fact that I still follow many of Christ's teachings and hold beliefs from other more readily accepted faiths(like buddhism) the bulk of my beliefs, most of what I am and follow, and the answer I would give if someone just asked me what religion I follow is Pagan and it is the Pagan part of me that my mom's side would have a very hard time accepting. Though I don't feel any need to tell them I think it'll end up being quit obvious once I have a husband, a house if my own, and especially kids. When they come over to visit they'll see my occult books sitting right next to my bibles, they'll see my pentagrams, my incence, possibly my alter, paintings of artistic nude right where the kids can see them, etc. etc. But as I said the biggest hint will come from how I raise my kids... they'll think that my house has no rules and that my kids just ran rampant doing whatever they like, but they'll have no idea that it's really quite the opposite.

 

[logician]

I am an atheist in a family of almost all Christians, (1 Jewish), although 1 of my sons leans towards atheism. Most are pretty hard-core Christians. Except for most of my immediate family, none know I am atheist, as I know it would not sit well with them. As I think religious beliefs are a private affair anyway, I see no reason to "come out of the closet" so to speak, as it would serve no good purpose.

 

[Theocan]

I am currently a Catholic... my whole family are a bunch of Catholics (my mom side) my dad's side there are some Methodist, but the primary religion is Catholicism.

But my parents are very supportive of me exploring different religions and beliefs. And I'm pretty sure they will be supportive of me when I find the religion that fits the "mold."

 

[spiritually inclined]

But my parents are very supportive of me exploring different religions and beliefs. And I'm pretty sure they will be supportive of me when I find the religion that fits the "mold."

Is it your intention, then, to leave Catholicism or Christianity?

James

 

[whereismynotecard]

My parents are some kind of Christain kind of thing. They don't really know what they are, but they both believe in god. I'm teaching my 10-year old sister to be an atheist, and I think my older sister is an atheist, but you can never tell...

 

[zenzero]

Friend Nessa Nenharma,
In life everything is unique.
No two leaves are the same.
How can two humans be the same?
On the otherhand.
everything comes from the same source.
It is the same life energy in every thing we see and do not see.
Energy is neither created nor destroyed. Energy changes from one form to another.
Love & rgds

 

[whereismynotecard]

Indeed. You are unique. Just like everyone else.