Bad habits.

[Lorgar-Aurelian]

I don't take very good care of myself these days. Lack of motivation being a large part of it and lack of energy being the other.

My diet is pretty bad. It's not the worst mind you but sine I am a type 1 diabetic and have been since I was 3 you would think I would try harder to take care of it. I'd eat less carbs and get a more balanced diet. I just don't seem to care that much about it though, not as much as I should.

Lack of exercise doesn't help. I am simply put usually too tired to go out and exercise. The funny part to that is I would more than likely be less tired if I actually got out and did something. Without the starting motivation though it's neigh unto impossible to start.

Smoking is maybe my worst psychical habit. I go for awhile without any smoking but usually end up coming back after awhile. Truth is it seems to help with anxiety and the depression. Could that just be addiction ? Maybe, then again I was able to stay away for almost 2 years before starting again fairly recently.

I was doing well then I just started having one episode of anxiety after another and the depression was in full force. I was thinking about suicide almost every day and my school wasn't helping. One day I broke down and had a Nate's natural. Felt better afterwards.

It's hard to talk about this with most people too. Partially because of the education people get on smoking. Tell someone a cigarette break may of saved you from doing something you'd really regret and sometimes they just think it's an excuse. It's hard enough to communicate with people as it is then when they just constantly talk to you like a filthy addict it pushes you away from communicating at all.

Now don't get me wrong I can and do speak with people in public. From what I've noticed if there is no expectation there then the whole thing will be good. It's in things like a job or a social situation where I have a problem. Hell working a fast food place almost gave me a heart attack for various reasons.

I throw all this out there because I think maybe just maybe it's why I keep looking into religion. Maybe it's just looking for peace. Maybe it's the search for meaning in a meaningless existence. I couldn't tell you.

All I know is sometimes it's nice to just share and not feel quite so alone when you feel alone.

 

[crowfeather]

Honesty? Some people still can do it.
Well... There is meaning, there is purpose, there is God. But believing or having faith is a total waste of time. No substance.
The experience is there, waiting to be experienced. Or not. It's real. The question is: are you?

 

[danieldemol]

I wouldn't judge a person for smoking.

Depression can come from bad brain chemistry and admitting you are depressed to a doctor may get you prescribed antidepressants which correct the brain chemistry.

I know it is hard to get motivated when you are diabetic so good luck with that, remember it's not just blood sugar levels but also iron content that counts to tiredness.

Sometimes a morning hit of caffeine can help motivation too.

Anyway you're not alone, our thoughts are with you

 

[Eliab ben Benjamin]

My life could be described similarly.
however each small happy smile,
notice and appreciate the butterfly
the babbling brook or the gentle clouds
seek and take the joy make life a blessing.

 

[A Vestigial Mote]

I think you can get a hold on this. I really do. Reading your posts throughout various threads I can tell you're extremely intelligent, proven time and again to be fun-loving, and you seem to chum up to people really quickly and feel at ease or comfortable bantering back and forth. Everyone has their days... and some have more days than others and for as many reasons as there are people. I don't know exactly what my advice would be, or what I think the best tack is. "Believe in yourself" is such an over-used phrase - a dead horse beaten so many times you can't even recognize it as equine anymore. So don't do that. Haha.

I guess I would say it sounds like you need to bolster your resolve. Remember the activities you won't regret. They are important. And remember also that any "negative" effects they bring are temporary. For instance, getting out and exercising - or even just pounding out some sets of something at your house (push-ups, sit-ups/crunches, squats, etc.). Starting a set seems like such a chore, but getting through one is stupid-easy once you've started. I've been doing (or at least trying to do) 3 sets of 3 separate exercises per day for the past 3 years. I've been pretty darn faithful, and you would not believe the increase in stamina even just that affords. The other day I jogged/ran (because it was raining, running is NOT something I do - because I hate it) and I was completely shocked how far I was able to go without tiring - all because I do other, unrelated crap - push-ups, curls, crunches, squats, blah blah blah.

As @Alison Wonderland pointed out, if you're feeling like nothing matters, then turn that into a positive and realize "Hey - if nothing matters then what the hell does it matter if I go out and ________ ?!" Where you can insert into the blank anything at all. Roller skating, Sky diving, buy some kind of board game and a bunch of liquor - entice a bunch of people over with promise of free booze and all have a blast playing. Whatever it is - it doesn't matter, right? So why not do it?

 

[Vinayaka]

Everyone has some degree of anxiety. If not, you're not human.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't look back 20, 30, or 40 years from now and regret that you missed a huge chunk of your life. It will come far faster than you can imagine at this point.

You know what to do. There's nothing to do but do it. Get off your *** - life is finite.

 

[viole]

I don't take very good care of myself these days. Lack of motivation being a large part of it and lack of energy being the other.

My diet is pretty bad. It's not the worst mind you but sine I am a type 1 diabetic and have been since I was 3 you would think I would try harder to take care of it. I'd eat less carbs and get a more balanced diet. I just don't seem to care that much about it though, not as much as I should.

Lack of exercise doesn't help. I am simply put usually too tired to go out and exercise. The funny part to that is I would more than likely be less tired if I actually got out and did something. Without the starting motivation though it's neigh unto impossible to start.

Smoking is maybe my worst psychical habit. I go for awhile without any smoking but usually end up coming back after awhile. Truth is it seems to help with anxiety and the depression. Could that just be addiction ? Maybe, then again I was able to stay away for almost 2 years before starting again fairly recently.

I was doing well then I just started having one episode of anxiety after another and the depression was in full force. I was thinking about suicide almost every day and my school wasn't helping. One day I broke down and had a Nate's natural. Felt better afterwards.

It's hard to talk about this with most people too. Partially because of the education people get on smoking. Tell someone a cigarette break may of saved you from doing something you'd really regret and sometimes they just think it's an excuse. It's hard enough to communicate with people as it is then when they just constantly talk to you like a filthy addict it pushes you away from communicating at all.

Now don't get me wrong I can and do speak with people in public. From what I've noticed if there is no expectation there then the whole thing will be good. It's in things like a job or a social situation where I have a problem. Hell working a fast food place almost gave me a heart attack for various reasons.

I throw all this out there because I think maybe just maybe it's why I keep looking into religion. Maybe it's just looking for peace. Maybe it's the search for meaning in a meaningless existence. I couldn't tell you.

All I know is sometimes it's nice to just share and not feel quite so alone when you feel alone.

Something to cheer you up.

"We all agree that pessimism is a mark of superior intellect" (J.K. Galbraith).

Ciao

- viole

 

[Nakosis]

All I know is sometimes it's nice to just share and not feel quite so alone when you feel alone.

I find writing your thoughts down, finding a way to express them in an intelligible manner, like you did here helps.

My next line of defense against depression is watching the latest drama on Amazon Prime or Netflix. The pain and loss in life, I don't think about. Stuff you can't fix or make better focusing on it just makes things worse.

Not so hard for me to do that now. Maybe it gets easier with practice. I always think about the Buddhist ideas of right thought, right action lead to enlightenment. Just let go of all the bad stuff.

 

[sun rise]

Maybe you've written about this in other threads, but are you seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist? Many if not all have bad habits of one sort or another and down days, but I read your condition as worse needing a professional involved.

 

[crowfeather]

"We all agree that pessimism is a mark of superior intellect" (J.K. Galbraith).

A popular error. I am an inveterate optimist, in spite of my annoyingly sharp intellect. Sometimes I feel that pessimism would serve far better than my default state, but even so, I'd rather be an optimist.
That said, I'd say I'm what I call an optimalist, rather than an optimist. I expect things to go as well as could be reasonably expected, as opposed to unrealistically wonderfully.

As far as depression goes, I recently read a lot of material pertaining to the effects of dehydration on the mind. It can be a major factor, and one you never hear about, especially from doctors. Try Googling 'antihistamine+dehydration'. Very interesting results. Some 95% of Westerners are chronically dehydrated, without ever suspecting it.

I used to be clinically depressed, many years ago. It felt terminal, with no way out. But that's the nature of depression, isn't it? It's not remotely true.
I haven't been even a bit depressed in probably 12 years, in spite of serious health issues, one of which was the closest thing to fatal that you could get.

Life is a wonder, but often that wonder is effectively camouflaged. It takes serious delving to uncover the secret. A genuine spirituality is a big part of that secret.

 

[viole]

A popular error. I am an inveterate optimist, in spite of my annoyingly sharp intellect.

Relax. The laws of logic dictate that if pessimism is a mark of superior intellect, that fact does NOT entail that optimism is a mark for the ABSENCE of superior intellect. So, you can still be an optimist while having a superior intellect. Therefore, Galbraith claim is that pessimists have superior intellect, while we cannot draw any conclusion about people on the basis of their optimism only.

You know, modus ponens/tollens and stuff....

I hope you are not too optimist to not see that

Ciao

- viole

 

[SomeRandom]

I probably have the worst diet ever. Nothing but junk food, hardly exercise and drink every weekend. Though I'm lucky in that my metabolism seems to be still going strong, so I'm nothing but skin and bones. I'm at the age where all of my peers are starting to think healthy and adult properly. And I'm just not. I often feel like I'm in a rut, that I have stagnated. But the years keep rolling by.
I wouldn't judge you for smoking. I work in retail, if someone at work isn't smoking they're drinking. That's not an excuse, it's just a consequence of the chemical reaction one gets.