cfer
Active Member
It's more of a 'gut' instinct than anything else. I don't know how to describe it. I can't get my heart and my head to agree, and that constant clash between the two is causing me considerable grief and stress.michel said:Just out of interest, is this a 'gut' instinct that makes you feel this way ? - or is there something deeper ? (just out of interest)
It's weird. It's Christmas time now and when I listen to Christmas carols and hymns, I often get choked up. Same with attending a church service and hearing of the love Jesus had for us and the sacrifice he made. That really gets to me. But it's a fleeting thing. Any good story, when told with solemnity and emotion, can do that.
But the miracles, the turning of water into wine, the healing of lepers, making a blind man see....I just can't believe that stuff actually happened. It's not logical and consistent with what I've observed and experienced in my 31 years on Earth.
I want to believe. I just can't. I don't feel it truly deep down inside. Everytime I try, there's always that skeptical voice inside me that raises doubt and won't go away. I can't ignore that voice.
I think it's partly because I've always been wanting to experience the mystical, but have never seen any proof of it -- if that makes any sense. I want to experience the miracles, the magic -- not the parlor tricks but the real deal.
I get the feeling that this is just something I'll be debating and going back and forth on for my whole life.
Thanks for all your responses and suggestions!