Breaking up and God.

[an anarchist]

Hello, a little journal posting tonight.
I wanted to talk about breaking up, and God.
So, I’m going through three break ups right now. I’ve been in the process of breaking up with my wife for a couple years at this point, so that’s one. Then my partner broke up with me, cause they found out I was still talking to the wife, so that’s two. Then I broke up with God like 2 weeks ago or something so that’s three.
There have been parallels I have seen in my behavior when it comes to breaking off these relationships.
I always run back to my wife, though we are toxic for each other. I have literal PTSD from the relationship . Most recently, I cut off contact with her because of the rage towards certain people I was consumed by while having her in my life. Yet I’m probably gonna run back to her at some point, if I suspend logic and act on emotion.
My other partner broke up with me, but we are still living together and struggle to keep within the boundaries we set now that we are broken up. We both run back to each other, though it is not a good relationship.
Now with God, I broke up with him because my logic told me I wasn’t lucky enough to be born in the right religion.
I spent over two decades developing my relationship with Him. He saw me through so much, or so I thought. I have so many believed experiences with God. I believed the Bible with 100% literalness and was so awed and starstruck by the mighty stories of my God. The stories of David, and Elijah, and everybody, they were real! How awesome it was, living in that delusion for 20+ years. How much joy it brought me and how much peace it did!
I want it back. I want to suspend my logic and act on emotion. It is not logical for me to go back to God, as I would not be being honest about my true beliefs. I believe I’ve been wrong my whole life as a Christian. But I want to go back. I don’t want to have been in the wrong the whole time. I can allow myself to have faith and suspend my logic, and go back to the comforts of a relationship with God. Yet it is not good for me. I must be stern in my will and actions. I am unsure if I have the capacity to do that. Just like it seems for me I can’t escape my wife, I feel that way about God. The only thing more real than my emotions for my wife was my emotions and love for God. I’ve been numb to breaking up with God, but now as time is passing, I am truly beginning to feel devastated. How much is lost! I miss God, the delusion would be easy to fall back into, my whole family believes as well as a good part of town.
How easy it is to run back, and how hard it is to keep moving forward.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Hello, a little journal posting tonight.
I wanted to talk about breaking up, and God.
So, I’m going through three break ups right now. I’ve been in the process of breaking up with my wife for a couple years at this point, so that’s one. Then my partner broke up with me, cause they found out I was still talking to the wife, so that’s two. Then I broke up with God like 2 weeks ago or something so that’s three.
There have been parallels I have seen in my behavior when it comes to breaking off these relationships.
I always run back to my wife, though we are toxic for each other. I have literal PTSD from the relationship . Most recently, I cut off contact with her because of the rage towards certain people I was consumed by while having her in my life. Yet I’m probably gonna run back to her at some point, if I suspend logic and act on emotion.
My other partner broke up with me, but we are still living together and struggle to keep within the boundaries we set now that we are broken up. We both run back to each other, though it is not a good relationship.
Now with God, I broke up with him because my logic told me I wasn’t lucky enough to be born in the right religion.
I spent over two decades developing my relationship with Him. He saw me through so much, or so I thought. I have so many believed experiences with God. I believed the Bible with 100% literalness and was so awed and starstruck by the mighty stories of my God. The stories of David, and Elijah, and everybody, they were real! How awesome it was, living in that delusion for 20+ years. How much joy it brought me and how much peace it did!
I want it back. I want to suspend my logic and act on emotion. It is not logical for me to go back to God, as I would not be being honest about my true beliefs. I believe I’ve been wrong my whole life as a Christian. But I want to go back. I don’t want to have been in the wrong the whole time. I can allow myself to have faith and suspend my logic, and go back to the comforts of a relationship with God. Yet it is not good for me. I must be stern in my will and actions. I am unsure if I have the capacity to do that. Just like it seems for me I can’t escape my wife, I feel that way about God. The only thing more real than my emotions for my wife was my emotions and love for God. I’ve been numb to breaking up with God, but now as time is passing, I am truly beginning to feel devastated. How much is lost! I miss God, the delusion would be easy to fall back into, my whole family believes as well as a good part of town.
How easy it is to run back, and how hard it is to keep moving forward.

I hope you will be able to sort out your relationships.
When it comes to seeking God again, i am sure He is waiting for you when you are ready to come back.

Wish you all the best in life.

 

[Heyo]

Hello, a little journal posting tonight.
I wanted to talk about breaking up, and God.
So, I’m going through three break ups right now. I’ve been in the process of breaking up with my wife for a couple years at this point, so that’s one. Then my partner broke up with me, cause they found out I was still talking to the wife, so that’s two. Then I broke up with God like 2 weeks ago or something so that’s three.
There have been parallels I have seen in my behavior when it comes to breaking off these relationships.
I always run back to my wife, though we are toxic for each other. I have literal PTSD from the relationship . Most recently, I cut off contact with her because of the rage towards certain people I was consumed by while having her in my life. Yet I’m probably gonna run back to her at some point, if I suspend logic and act on emotion.
My other partner broke up with me, but we are still living together and struggle to keep within the boundaries we set now that we are broken up. We both run back to each other, though it is not a good relationship.
Now with God, I broke up with him because my logic told me I wasn’t lucky enough to be born in the right religion.
I spent over two decades developing my relationship with Him. He saw me through so much, or so I thought. I have so many believed experiences with God. I believed the Bible with 100% literalness and was so awed and starstruck by the mighty stories of my God. The stories of David, and Elijah, and everybody, they were real! How awesome it was, living in that delusion for 20+ years. How much joy it brought me and how much peace it did!
I want it back. I want to suspend my logic and act on emotion. It is not logical for me to go back to God, as I would not be being honest about my true beliefs. I believe I’ve been wrong my whole life as a Christian. But I want to go back. I don’t want to have been in the wrong the whole time. I can allow myself to have faith and suspend my logic, and go back to the comforts of a relationship with God. Yet it is not good for me. I must be stern in my will and actions. I am unsure if I have the capacity to do that. Just like it seems for me I can’t escape my wife, I feel that way about God. The only thing more real than my emotions for my wife was my emotions and love for God. I’ve been numb to breaking up with God, but now as time is passing, I am truly beginning to feel devastated. How much is lost! I miss God, the delusion would be easy to fall back into, my whole family believes as well as a good part of town.
How easy it is to run back, and how hard it is to keep moving forward.

There is no rational way back.
I've seen relationships mended. Some by breaking up and staying friends (sometimes with benefits). Once people feel no obligation to put up with what they don't like in the other, they remember what it was that drew them together and focus on that.
But I have never seen someone going back to theism by rational means. Many theists claim to have been atheists but either they weren't educated atheists (i.e. knew the arguments for and against god) or they cut out thinking (i.e. couldn't explain on what rational grounds they now believe in god again).

 

[Brickjectivity]

I can't feel sorry for such a successful man who keeps two women. I don't know whether I feel jealousy or righteous indignation. Anyways, best of luck.

I think rather than losing God you have grown. That hurts, but all those feelings you had about God can be gotten back. They are human feelings, and you can have those about yourself. You should. Its perfectly normal to love yourself, to like yourself, to admire yourself. Then you can spread that love around, and it can ooze out of you towards the world in general. I could be wrong of course, but I think you should keep feeling those great feelings and hold onto them even.

 

[Hermit Philosopher]

Dear @Xavier Graham,

I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling and I hope things settle for you soon.

I do feel that I have some questions and I hope that they do not come across as criticism, but rather as useful reflections to what may be going on.


You speak of logic vs. emotion and say that you want to follow the latter, which to me suggests you feel that you are currently following logic. But if you are constantly going back to toxic relationships with ex wife and co-habiting ex girlfriend, are you perhaps not truthfully mainly following emotion?

You mention that you have spent almost two decades working on your relationship with God. What, in your view, has this involved doing?


In my experience, we remain closest to God when we try to live by God’s Will (as opposed to by Man’s and that of our own person).

A Christian life is a life of servitude, one may say. When we focus on how our personal strengths can be put to use for the good (and strengthening) of those whom we encounter, we live by divine will. When we focus on how our own strengths and that of others can serve our own needs, desires, incentives, etc; we live by the will of man and self.
The more we do the latter, the further away from God we both feel and are - and oftentimes, we may come to lose the strengths we once were blessed with.

Forming a close bond to God, is done through our actions for and towards others and requires the use of both logic and emotion. Just like emotions tell you what you want and logic tells you how to get it, so do they tell you how to best serve the wellbeing of your fellow man.

When we align our will, logic and emotions with divine will (to serve), we live/dwell in God (that is as close a relationship to God as we can get); our strengths grow and our weaknesses -most of them related to personal wants- diminish in their significance and grip over our being.


I suppose, I wonder how your situation and relation to God would change if you instead of attempting to replace emotion with logic, found a way to align them both with a life of servitude to those whom you encounter?


Humbly
Hermit

 

[blü 2]

Hello, a little journal posting tonight.
I wanted to talk about breaking up, and God.
So, I’m going through three break ups right now. I’ve been in the process of breaking up with my wife for a couple years at this point, so that’s one. Then my partner broke up with me, cause they found out I was still talking to the wife, so that’s two. Then I broke up with God like 2 weeks ago or something so that’s three.
There have been parallels I have seen in my behavior when it comes to breaking off these relationships.
I always run back to my wife, though we are toxic for each other. I have literal PTSD from the relationship . Most recently, I cut off contact with her because of the rage towards certain people I was consumed by while having her in my life. Yet I’m probably gonna run back to her at some point, if I suspend logic and act on emotion.
My other partner broke up with me, but we are still living together and struggle to keep within the boundaries we set now that we are broken up. We both run back to each other, though it is not a good relationship.
Now with God, I broke up with him because my logic told me I wasn’t lucky enough to be born in the right religion.
I spent over two decades developing my relationship with Him. He saw me through so much, or so I thought. I have so many believed experiences with God. I believed the Bible with 100% literalness and was so awed and starstruck by the mighty stories of my God. The stories of David, and Elijah, and everybody, they were real! How awesome it was, living in that delusion for 20+ years. How much joy it brought me and how much peace it did!
I want it back. I want to suspend my logic and act on emotion. It is not logical for me to go back to God, as I would not be being honest about my true beliefs. I believe I’ve been wrong my whole life as a Christian. But I want to go back. I don’t want to have been in the wrong the whole time. I can allow myself to have faith and suspend my logic, and go back to the comforts of a relationship with God. Yet it is not good for me. I must be stern in my will and actions. I am unsure if I have the capacity to do that. Just like it seems for me I can’t escape my wife, I feel that way about God. The only thing more real than my emotions for my wife was my emotions and love for God. I’ve been numb to breaking up with God, but now as time is passing, I am truly beginning to feel devastated. How much is lost! I miss God, the delusion would be easy to fall back into, my whole family believes as well as a good part of town.
How easy it is to run back, and how hard it is to keep moving forward.

I have no advice to give you, sorry.

But I wish you all the best of luck ─ all three of you.

 

[Vee]

Hello, a little journal posting tonight.
I wanted to talk about breaking up, and God.
So, I’m going through three break ups right now. I’ve been in the process of breaking up with my wife for a couple years at this point, so that’s one. Then my partner broke up with me, cause they found out I was still talking to the wife, so that’s two. Then I broke up with God like 2 weeks ago or something so that’s three.
There have been parallels I have seen in my behavior when it comes to breaking off these relationships.
I always run back to my wife, though we are toxic for each other. I have literal PTSD from the relationship . Most recently, I cut off contact with her because of the rage towards certain people I was consumed by while having her in my life. Yet I’m probably gonna run back to her at some point, if I suspend logic and act on emotion.
My other partner broke up with me, but we are still living together and struggle to keep within the boundaries we set now that we are broken up. We both run back to each other, though it is not a good relationship.
Now with God, I broke up with him because my logic told me I wasn’t lucky enough to be born in the right religion.
I spent over two decades developing my relationship with Him. He saw me through so much, or so I thought. I have so many believed experiences with God. I believed the Bible with 100% literalness and was so awed and starstruck by the mighty stories of my God. The stories of David, and Elijah, and everybody, they were real! How awesome it was, living in that delusion for 20+ years. How much joy it brought me and how much peace it did!
I want it back. I want to suspend my logic and act on emotion. It is not logical for me to go back to God, as I would not be being honest about my true beliefs. I believe I’ve been wrong my whole life as a Christian. But I want to go back. I don’t want to have been in the wrong the whole time. I can allow myself to have faith and suspend my logic, and go back to the comforts of a relationship with God. Yet it is not good for me. I must be stern in my will and actions. I am unsure if I have the capacity to do that. Just like it seems for me I can’t escape my wife, I feel that way about God. The only thing more real than my emotions for my wife was my emotions and love for God. I’ve been numb to breaking up with God, but now as time is passing, I am truly beginning to feel devastated. How much is lost! I miss God, the delusion would be easy to fall back into, my whole family believes as well as a good part of town.
How easy it is to run back, and how hard it is to keep moving forward.

There seems to be a lot going on in your life at the same time and dealing with that can be overwhelming.
My suggestion to you would be to deal with one issue at the time, but do it properly. Don't move on to the next thing until the previous one has been taken care of for good, period, the end.
Multitasking is ineffective and overacted.
PS - If you got PTSD from a relationship, you might need professional help with that.

 

[Heyo]

I can't feel sorry for such a successful man who keeps two women.

Why do you (and others) assume his current partner to be a woman? He didn't reveal the gender (on purpose?). Some people really need to work on their reading comprehension. (Not you, you usually understand what is going on, just not here.)

 

[Hermit Philosopher]

Why do you (and others) assume his current partner to be a woman? He didn't reveal the gender (on purpose?). Some people really need to work on their reading comprehension. (Not you, you usually understand what is going on, just not here.)

Although… I’m sure I thought they said “wife”. And possibly “girlfriend” too…?

 

[Heyo]

Although… I’m sure I thought they said “wife”. And possibly “girlfriend” too…?

The OP is still there, you can check. Ex-wife is correct but then there is only "partner" and "they".

 

[an anarchist]

The OP is still there, you can check. Ex-wife is correct but then there is only "partner" and "they".

Although… I’m sure I thought they said “wife”. And possibly “girlfriend” too…?

Just to clear up any confusion, the partner I was referring to is trans and androgynous (they/them)

 

[Brickjectivity]

Why do you (and others) assume his current partner to be a woman? He didn't reveal the gender (on purpose?). Some people really need to work on their reading comprehension. (Not you, you usually understand what is going on, just not here.)

That was just how it came across to me at the time and was to me only a detail on black and white, and I keep forgetting details about other users. I don't have great recall of who is what. Sometimes I remember, but often I do not remember. There are lots of users whose gender I am not aware of, too.