Child rearing and religion

[Ciscokid]

Being an agnostic/Deist I have decided to let my kids figure out whether or not God exists and if so who he/she is. I'll give them my opinion on things, but I don't feel right giving my opinion as if it were fact.

My first thought is that the more religious you are the more you try to steer your child into believing as you do. The more atheistic you are the more you let them decide for themselves.

Am I way off base?

 

[Nanda]

I can only speak for myself. My parents are atheists, and they never pushed us in any direction at all. They always let us figure things out for ourselves, and while they may not have agreed with some of our choices along the way, they were always supportive (for instance, they got dressed up and came to my baptism when I was 12 and going through my Christian phase). I plan on doing the same with my son.

 

[jamaesi]

I'm religious, but I'm very adamant on the fact I will allow my children to decide for themselves.

 

[Booko]

My first thought is that the more religious you are the more you try to steer your child into believing as you do. The more atheistic you are the more you let them decide for themselves.

Am I way off base?

I don't know if you're way off base generally. You may be spot on. I honestly don't know. Great question, though.

We didn't raise the kids that way, but then my husband was an agnostic most of the time, I was formerly an atheist, and my religion has this odd thing about independent investigation of the truth, and I've always assumed that went for the kids as well.

While we taught our kids about the religion we followed, since we believe the other religions are valid also, we taught them what we could of those as well. And we discussed forms of atheism and agnosticism.

We *did* insist they come along to religious events like Holy Days and whatnot, but that's an issue of family unity and not just forcing them into something in particular. They went with my mother to her church too, when we were visiting her.

We believe we're responsible for our children's religious eduction, but that isn't limited to just our religion. We are certainly responsible for their moral and ethical education, but you don't have to be religious to think that's a parent's job.

And the truth is, if the kids are going to decide to do something else anyway -- guess what -- they're going to do it whether you like it or not.

It was my experience that the more I was lectured at and told what I had to believe, the farther I moved away from what my mother wanted me to believe.

So I figure that's not a really good way to approach the subject.

Maybe there's a difference between religions that tend to be more exclusive or those that don't? After all, I don't think my kids are going to fry for Eternity if they happen to choose something different.

As it happens, both our kids have decided to be Baha'is (you have to be at least 15). But that too can change, and someday they might withdraw. There are no guarantees, and they're very young and still have a lot to learn and experience in life.

 

[gmelrod]

My mother is Catholic while my father was raised methodist but has been growing more and more agnostic the older he gets. The most important thing is to teach your childern to think for themselves and always ask questions and to love them no matter what they choose (I am sure you will do that last).

I think that the more you think that your religion is the only way and all others are damned the more you will steer your kids to believe like you do. But I don't think that will be a danger for you.

 

[kadzbiz]

My parents were both raised Roman Catholic. They never pushed me into following any religious study, but when I was at primary (elementary) school, we recieved religious instruction, however, the RC's were separated from the others. I discovered that we were all learning the same thing. Made me think & question. Somehow I got roped into going to Wednesday School (after school). I remember walking to church with a nun who collected us. By the time it was time to go to our "first confession" I had had enough and never went anymore. My parents never said a thing. As a father now, I have had my 3 daughters baptised because I figure it can't hurt. I didn't feel uncomfortable in church, but felt I had to remain mute for some of the readings as I couldn't feel true to my heart. Now that my eldest is 6, she had started going to Girl's-Brigade and loves it. She was invited by our 18 yo neighbour who is a leader. Anyway, I just wanted to say that she's having a great time, she's not picking up bad language and when she decides she's had enough she can just quit. It's her life. She can decide what she wants to believe in.

 

[Ciscokid]

My kids go to various Church activities but they don't go to Church very often. I think I was never against them going to church camps etc because they got to learn good lessons on how to treat other people and how to love others.

I came from a family though that required me to go to church as a child and a family that got after you if they thought you were getting out of line [listening to rock music etc].

I think the only thing that I would get after my kids about is not "thinking" about the meaning of life at all or not caring one way or the other. I think it's worthwhile studying various worldviews.

 

[Mister Emu]

Honestly, I think children are going to be influenced about almost everything by someone, and if I have children I would rather, in regards to religion, it be me and in a way I view as positive.

 

[Phil Osophy]

My parents were both brought up as Anglican Christians, but in my lifetime never revealed and religious inclinations. I think that for different reasons their faith, if they ever really had any, had lapsed. For sure, they never gave me any religious guidance. I was taught in a Christian environment, because that was the way practically all UK schools were in those days (the 1960s). However, like my parents I have no religious inclinations. In the unlikely event that I ever have any children I would certainly not try to influence them one way or the other.

 

[Mercy Not Sacrifice]

Being an agnostic/Deist I have decided to let my kids figure out whether or not God exists and if so who he/she is. I'll give them my opinion on things, but I don't feel right giving my opinion as if it were fact.

My first thought is that the more religious you are the more you try to steer your child into believing as you do. The more atheistic you are the more you let them decide for themselves.

Am I way off base?

My guess is that the general trend would swing this way. Religious conservative families tend to force their religion on their children; agnostic/atheist and more tolerant religious families tend not to.

To be honest, I have yet to hear of a case of atheistic parents forcing their kids *not* to believe.

I'm religious, but I'm very adamant on the fact I will allow my children to decide for themselves.

Good for you. Trust me, your kids are gonna be better off this way.

 

[Nanda]

Honestly, I think children are going to be influenced about almost everything by someone, and if I have children I would rather, in regards to religion, it be me and in a way I view as positive.

Influence is one thing - you can influence by example. Forcing it down their throats, however, is something else.

 

[Nanda]

Wonky posting...

 

[Mike182]

Being an agnostic/Deist I have decided to let my kids figure out whether or not God exists and if so who he/she is. I'll give them my opinion on things, but I don't feel right giving my opinion as if it were fact.

My first thought is that the more religious you are the more you try to steer your child into believing as you do. The more atheistic you are the more you let them decide for themselves.

Am I way off base?

being of a very liberal religion, if i had children, my natural position would be to discuss how i see God and spirituality, and then teach my kids "but this religion teaches this.. and that religion believes that..."

i believe that religion and belief and spirituality is a personal journey, which is why i do not like proselytising. i would certainly not proselytise my children

 

[jacquie4000]

My son goes to various youth groups at different churches and so does alot of his friends. They tend to have varying belief systems and share many questions about religion and life in general together. I love to just sit and listen to them and every now and then pop a question or two at them. Then they can think about it and discuss it.

 

[ChristineES]

I can't decide for my children what they believe as they have their own minds to think with, but I do teach them what I believe. As for now, they believe in God.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I agree with Booko that children will wind up believing what they believe whether you like it or not, so my husband and I take that to heart and are there to assist and support them in their own paths.

I think for us right now the problems are simply pragmatic........our daughter - age 8 - has deeply held beliefs of God that we want her to explore and celebrate.

She believes practically nothing I do, and that's OK.




Peace,
Mystic

 

[MaddLlama]

To be honest, I have yet to hear of a case of atheistic parents forcing their kids *not* to believe.

I guess I get to be the first then.

My husband's parents are atheists, however it sort of goes against the grain here to say that they really didn't encourage his interest in religion. Really, they were very discouraging of any interest in religion (aside from studying it for the sake of knowledge), to the point where they dubbed his interest in Paganism as "stupid". They really weren't happy unless he was an atheist.
But, also, that's just the sort of people they are - for them, as I've had the pleasure of experiencing, there is no opinion because they're just always right.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

My wife and I once had the wonderful opportunity to have dinner with the Rev. Antje Jackelén and her husband Heinz. This was just prior to her returning to Europe to be consecrated Bishop of Lund, Sweden. She's one of those marvelous theists with a rich understanding of and respect for science. We talked about a number of things, but I was perhaps most impressed with her as a strong advocate for religious literacy as both a source of wisdom and the most effective anecdote to dogmatism and intolerance.

I was very conscious of the importance of not imposing atheism on my children, but I wish I had done more to encourage religious literacy along the way. Luckily, they turned out just great in spite of this oversight ...

 

[Truth_Faith13]

Being an agnostic/Deist I have decided to let my kids figure out whether or not God exists and if so who he/she is. I'll give them my opinion on things, but I don't feel right giving my opinion as if it were fact.

My first thought is that the more religious you are the more you try to steer your child into believing as you do. The more atheistic you are the more you let them decide for themselves.

Am I way off base?

The way I look at it, is a child isnt a child for ever - that you can wrap in cotton wool - I know we all would love to do that! Many will eventually have school/uni friends who come from different backgrounds, believe in different things, and they will start to build their own opinions, form their own beliefs. I dont think you should push them into anything. I believe in teaching them your ideas, and showing them how to behave and what you believe to be correct. When my brother asks me a question I tend to answer as "I believe this..... but some people many believe this...." - there is always the gentle hint to believe in what I believe, but I like to give him both sides of the story otherwise when they do come against different ways they will rebel

As for your question, I dont know, everyone wants their child to believe how they do deep down. Athiests may not be as pushy (I dont know), BUT in a way they are, because I dont know man athiests that teach their kids the bible and about God and in away thats keeping them away from making their own decision. You cant fully make a decision for yourself unless you have both sides!

I say as long as the child is happy and on the right side of the law. They will find their own path.

(with a little push here and there )

 

[ChristineES]

My mother was an atheist when I was a child, and she never taught me about religion. She would say things like "Jesus was just a good man". I managed to become a Christian despite it all at age 17.

Side note-She became religious later, she found out that her grandparents were Jews, thus making her mother a Jew and making her a Jew. She calls herself a Messianic Jew (a Jew who believes that Jesus is Messiah). She was raised Catholic (her father was Italian, therefore a Catholic). My father, who is Navajo, was also raised Catholic. Although I am a Christian, a Rabbi told me once that I am considered Jew, too. It makes me wonder if I can be both a Christian(Baptist) and a Jew. This is further complicated by the fact that I was baptized as an infant as a Catholic.
The above story is true, but I wrote it for humor's sake. I find it all very amusing at times.