children on other peoples social media

[Curious George]

Imagine you are having a birthday party for your child. You have called in favors, made orders, and have been prepping and planning for some time. You are sure that this will be the party they remember for the rest of their lives and you will possibly be an invited guest on Oprah to accept the parent of the year award...But in all likelihood, your kid is likely to only remember that some random details like the wrapping paper, and you will be lucky if you receive even a handful of thank yous. Nevertheless, you are determined. With all this work, and the subsequent laughs, smiles, and general cuteness you will of course capture these Kodak moments with a smartphone or digital camera. Now, several parents approach you and say that they do not want pics of their child on social media, and please do not post any of the pictures of their child.

Now question time:

Is this a reasonable want from a parent? Should we frontload birthday party invitations with fair notice that pics are or will not be posted on the internet. Is there a problem with posting pics from your child's birthday on social media? For those members of the forum that disregard all things pc and social etiquette in general, should we tell them to pound sand? Should we respect such requests? If you are or will be the type of parent that might make such a request, is it fair to expect your child's picture to not find its way to someone's modern equivalent to a photo album? If you are or will be the social media parent, why do you feel it is appropriate to make this choice for other parents? And lastly, if you post pics of your children on social media, is it then inappropriate for you to ask other parents not to post group pictures with your child?

 

[George-ananda]

What's the reason some people don't like their kids pictures on social media?

 

[Draka]

Some parents may be in custody issues, may be avoiding an abusive ex, may have issues with people who have threatened their child, may have a foster child and dont want the biological parents to know where they are. Numerous reasons are out there. This is why organizations/clubs/schools always have parents read and sign a waiver to give permission to post/publish photos.

If some parents have issues with their child being posted on social media then the respectful thing to do is do a simple edit on the photos that child is in and blur their face.

I would have to wonder though if the requesting parent already posts pics themselves. That doesn't sound right. I would have to question why you couldn't. Especially if you tag them in the pic so they get it too.

 

[Curious George]

What's the reason some people don't like their kids pictures on social media?

I think it can vary. Stranger danger is probably high on the list. Some parents want to control the interactions their children have with the world. Some might have relatives whom they have cut off from their children for any number of reasons, some might be adopted and worried about birth parents, some might be worried about stalkers, some might just only want pretty pictures of their children on the internet... I can't say for certain what people's motivation is. Just asking what rf thought about it.

 

[George-ananda]

I think it can vary. Stranger danger is probably high on the list. Some parents want to control the interactions their children have with the world. Some might have relatives whom they have cut off from their children for any number of reasons, some might be adopted and worried about birth parents, some might be worried about stalkers, some might just only want pretty pictures of their children on the internet... I can't say for certain what people's motivation is. Just asking what rf thought about it.

OK, I would just post the pictures and would probably have no backlash. If I did, I would address the concern. But I think it is overdoing it to raise the question in advance.

 

[Deidre]

If I have kids someday, after reading this, it might be beneficial to 'warn' parents in the invitation beforehand, because then they can tell their kid to not be in any group pics at the party.

 

[Quintessence]

Is this a reasonable want from a parent?

Yes.

And it is reasonable for anyone for any reason under any circumstance to tell others they don't want images of themselves posted on a global information distribution network. Furthermore, such requests should always be granted.

 

[Curious George]

Yes.

And it is reasonable for anyone for any reason under any circumstance to tell others they don't want images of themselves posted on a global information distribution network. Furthermore, such requests should always be granted.

Hmm, why?

 

[Quintessence]

Hmm, why?

Four words: global information distribution network. Emphasis on the word global. If someone can't figure out from there why a person might not want their private life plastered all over the planet, well... I really can't help explain this to them. As much as I enjoy the information age, I absolutely despise how it demolishes personal privacy.

 

[Curious George]

Four words: global information distribution network. Emphasis on the word global. If someone can't figure out from there why a person might not want their private life plastered all over the planet, well... I really can't help explain this to them. As much as I enjoy the information age, I absolutely despise how it demolishes personal privacy.

Hmm, but the question is to how much privacy is one entitled, in what places is one entitled to privacy, and on what basis is such a notion of privacy grounded.

Would you suggest it is reasonable for someone to ask not to use a person's name on the internet? What about tweeting I had fun with so-and-so at such-and-such place? Does this right to privacy outweigh another's right to share?

 

[psychoslice]

We are all becoming so paranoid its not funny, we all may as well start wearing a veil to cover our children and ourselves so no body can ever know who we are lol.

 

[Quintessence]

Hmm, but the question is to how much privacy is one entitled, in what places is one entitled to privacy, and on what basis is such a notion of privacy grounded.

By law? I couldn't tell you, but from what little I understand of such laws, they have not caught up with technology and are largely nonexistent, meaning one isn't entitled by law to much if any protection. I recall a story on NPR a while back about Europe understanding how serious of an issue this is... something about websites being required by law to purge personal information if anybody requests it. Far as I know, the United States hasn't bothered to create something similar. Considering how much corporations are allowed to data rape people left and right, it's going to be a real fight to attempt to enact any serious privacy laws in the United States.

By honor and virtue? Depends on your standards, but by this one's standards, I'd grant anyone absolute privacy with respect to having their personal lives posted on a global information distribution network. Especially considering that anything that gets posted on the internet is basically there forever.

Would you suggest it is reasonable for someone to ask not to use a person's name on the internet? What about tweeting I had fun with so-and-so at such-and-such place? Does this right to privacy outweigh another's right to share?

I think I already answered this question.

 

[Curious George]

By law? I couldn't tell you, but from what little I understand of such laws, they have not caught up with technology and are largely nonexistent, meaning one isn't entitled by law to much if any protection. I recall a story on NPR a while back about Europe understanding how serious of an issue this is... something about websites being required by law to purge personal information if anybody requests it. Far as I know, the United States hasn't bothered to create something similar. Considering how much corporations are allowed to data rape people left and right, it's going to be a real fight to attempt to enact any serious privacy laws in the United States.

By honor and virtue? Depends on your standards, but by this one's standards, I'd grant anyone absolute privacy with respect to having their personal lives posted on a global information distribution network. Especially considering that anything that gets posted on the internet is basically there forever.



I think I already answered this question.

Why stop with the internet?

Absolute privacy is not feasible. But sure, on what grounds does such a notion rest?
You have yet to relate "honesty and virtue" in any meaningful way to this level of privacy. I understand you feel it is right, or just, or proper, but why?

 

[Curious George]

We are all becoming so paranoid its not funny, we all may as well start wearing a veil to cover our children and ourselves so no body can ever know who we are lol.

But what of people who have good reason? Do we write them off as paranoid as well?

 

[Koldo]

Imagine you are having a birthday party for your child. You have called in favors, made orders, and have been prepping and planning for some time. You are sure that this will be the party they remember for the rest of their lives and you will possibly be an invited guest on Oprah to accept the parent of the year award...But in all likelihood, your kid is likely to only remember that some random details like the wrapping paper, and you will be lucky if you receive even a handful of thank yous. Nevertheless, you are determined. With all this work, and the subsequent laughs, smiles, and general cuteness you will of course capture these Kodak moments with a smartphone or digital camera. Now, several parents approach you and say that they do not want pics of their child on social media, and please do not post any of the pictures of their child.

Now question time:

Is this a reasonable want from a parent? Should we frontload birthday party invitations with fair notice that pics are or will not be posted on the internet. Is there a problem with posting pics from your child's birthday on social media? For those members of the forum that disregard all things pc and social etiquette in general, should we tell them to pound sand? Should we respect such requests? If you are or will be the type of parent that might make such a request, is it fair to expect your child's picture to not find its way to someone's modern equivalent to a photo album? If you are or will be the social media parent, why do you feel it is appropriate to make this choice for other parents? And lastly, if you post pics of your children on social media, is it then inappropriate for you to ask other parents not to post group pictures with your child?

If you don't want a photo of your child at a birthday party posted somewhere in the internet, you should simply request so in advance.
And people should respect your wish since you may have multiple legitimate reasons for this.

 

[Koldo]

If I have kids someday, after reading this, it might be beneficial to 'warn' parents in the invitation beforehand, because then they can tell their kid to not be in any group pics at the party.

This should be fairly simple to solve if the photographers are warned in advance.

 

[4consideration]

I can understand parents not wanting their child's picture on the internet. I think if a person is intending to post pics of someone else's children, the duty lies with the person intending to take action -- meaning the parents should be notified of this intention, in advance. I don't think a person should have to intuit someone's intention to post pictures on the internet.

I don't think attending a party ought to be considered as implied permission to post one's child's pictures publicly. I wouldn't expect my child's photo to appear on a billboard, and I'd object to it.

Perhaps I'm paranoid, but I'm pretty sure it was on RF (but maybe not) where several years ago I saw a clip of a TV news story, and how they reported that with a photograph taken with a phone in the child's bedroom (with the location feature turned on) a person who was tech-savvy, with some programs available on-line, was able to locate not only the child's location, but actually the child's bedroom, school, and all kinds of personal information, within just a few minutes. That has influenced my inclinations on the matter.

 

[Quintessence]

Why stop with the internet?

Your thread is specifically about the internet. I am addressing that and that alone. I'm not following you down this rabbit hole.

Absolute privacy is not feasible.

Never said it was. I'm talking specifically about the internet, and specifically about always granting someone's request for such privacy when they make such a request. If it isn't feasible, it needs to be. That it's so difficult to grant such requests is part of the problem.

But sure, on what grounds does such a notion rest? You have yet to relate "honesty and virtue" in any meaningful way to this level of privacy. I understand you feel it is right, or just, or proper, but why?

Common sense. As I said before, if someone is incapable of understanding why a person might not want their private life plastered all over the planet on an uncontrolled medium that is pretty much forever where it can be gossiped about, scrutinized, critiqued, mocked, harassed, and even slandered, no amount of me explaining it to them is going to get them to understand.

 

[Koldo]

I can understand parents not wanting their child's picture on the internet. I think if a person is intending to post pics of someone else's children, the duty lies with the person intending to take action -- meaning the parents should be notified of this intention, in advance. I don't think a person should have to intuit someone's intention to post pictures on the internet.

I don't think attending a party ought to be considered as implied permission to post one's child's pictures publicly. I wouldn't expect my child's photo to appear on a billboard, and I'd object to it.

Perhaps I'm paranoid, but I'm pretty sure it was on RF (but maybe not) where several years ago I saw a clip of a TV news story, and how they reported that with a photograph taken with a phone in the child's bedroom (with the location feature turned on) a person who was tech-savvy, with some programs available on-line, was able to locate not only the child's location, but actually the child's bedroom, school, and all kinds of personal information, within just a few minutes. That has influenced my inclinations on the matter.

You can't really compare a billboard to a post in a social network this way. How many times have you seen casual photos on billboards ?

Like it or not, posting photos from birthday parties is fairly standard at this day and age. Particularly if it is a big party like the OP mentioned.
And since it is fairly standard, it is up to you to say in advance that you don't want your children getting this kind of exposure.

 

[4consideration]

You can't really compare a billboard to a post in a social network this way. How many times have you seen casual photos on billboards ?

Like it or not, posting photos from birthday parties is fairly standard at this day and age. Particularly if it is a big party like the OP mentioned.
And since it is fairly standard, it is up to you to say in advance that you don't want your children getting this kind of exposure.

Actually I can compare it to a billboard if I want to.

(edit: Lots of people can see a social media photo, and over a very long period of time. I think an online photo can be more dangerous than a billboard. I've observed some people do what I think is really dumb things with photos of children/party photos -- like post photographs online, in real time, basically announcing..."aren't these really cute kids? They are right here at XYZ place right now, and later we'll be going to ______ place." I think people are nuts sometimes.)

I haven't made an issue of it with anyone in my personal life. The whole point I was making was that I think it is the duty of the people taking pictures to let people know IN ADVANCE if they know they plan to make those pictures public.

I don't think it's something everyone should take for granted that just because they have the ability to snap pictures and post them on the internet, that it somehow gives them the right to assume other people should want them to do it -- without simply checking with the parents.

If you want to take a position that a parent ought to practice mental telepathy and read someone's mind, in order to say in advance they don't want their child's photo made public, when they may note have thought about, since it's something they would not do -- OK. I'm just saying I think the person that is going to post the pics has the duty to let people know, so a parent could remove their child from being photographed if they wanted to. I don't think parents should have to assume they are giving someone the right to publically post their pics for simply attending a party.