Children, Parents, and Religion

[Runt]

Is it right for children to be forced to adhere to the religious beliefs of their parents?

 

[Rex]

Well I think their is a traditional obligation but the parents should know enough to make it the child's choice, not forced

 

[Alaric]

Certainly not forced, just educated. The most important thing of all is to allow the children to ask as many questions about it as they want, with no emotional blackmail or accusations.

 

[Green Gaia]

Education of not only the parents beliefs and religion, but other beliefs as well, I think is very important.

 

[Ernestine]

All of us, including children are incomplete with spirituality in our lives. I would think that's why most of us are participants on this web site. The need to worship, believe in a God greater than us, and talk about him is in-bred. As parents we do well to provide our children with a spiritual foundation. Once they reach adulthood the choice becomes theirs. Parents direct their children in other facets of their lives, why not religion?

 

[Ceridwen018]

Alaric?! Are you back?

I think that children need to grow up being taught something. If a seven year old asks a question, the best thing to do is give him an answer, as opposed to "Well, I don't want to force my opinion on you". Sometimes little kids need to be told things from a black and white perspective to keep their lives simple and stable. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to give a kid a good solid base of belief from whatever religion or lack thereof of the parent, and to then encourage them to explore and ask questions as they grow.

 

[Simon the Cat]

I would agree. What one can do, if you yourself have questions about religion is to answer the question as best you can in accord with your current beliefs and then - slowly when the kids get older or at another time talk about how people believe in different things and that how one day if the religion you are does suit and you are an adult you can join a different religion. You can't force anyone to do anything (although you can drag them to the church of your choice). As a person whose religion is a distinct minority, I am constantly having to explain to my kids why we don't celebrate certain holidays or hold to certain traditions in our home but can celebrate them in the homes of our friends and family. On the other hand, you try explaining to a four year old that Santa doesn't exist (or if he does, he won't visit him). I really botched that one up. Now we just all agree that Santa visits all the Jewish kids on the first night of Channukah.

 

[huajiro]

I think it is a parent's obligation to allow their child to decide, and present them with all options possible. Who am I to decide who my child will be? "God" willing he will not be like me

 

[Simon the Cat]

Yes and no. Children - especially small ones are pretty incapable of exercising religious choice (trust me I've tried to have this conversation). Yet at the same time, they do ask questions about spirituality hence you end up saying something.... Hopefully later you can present the options but at the same you've already told them to believe in something many years ago - is that really fair?

I will say, it was more difficult that I thought to be even handed and tolerant about religion when my son (who is six) after going to Baptist sunday school with a friend came home and wanted to know why we didn't worship Jesus in the same way (or really at all).

 

[Mystic]

I think we should guide them the best we can...let them know that there is at least a GOD who loves them....then as they get older let them decide which Church to follow.

We talk about God and Jesus alot..even though we aren't going to a church right now.

 

[linwood]

I think we should guide them the best we can...let them know that there is at least a GOD who loves them....then as they get older let them decide which Church to follow.

I would consider that lying to my child.
That I won`t do about an issue as important as spirituality.

What if your child decided not to follow any church?
What if he/she became an Satanist?

Would his/her beliefs be valid in your eyes?

 

[Dadball]

My wife and I are Christians and we home school our children. We have given them a foundation of our faith, and we have let them have the opportunity see others. Our cirle of friends are eclectic in thier beliefs. From UU to Wiccken to Christian (Catholic & Protestent), American Indian and family that follows Sylvia Brown. When my daughter turned 13 or 14, she wanted to go to a different church. When she turned 15 she did not believe in God. We thought hard about what to do as parents, and we decided to support her. We still have our belief, and we ask that she respects that. She has hers and we respect that. It wasn't till I hit 30 before I believed in God. We are confident that she has a soid foundation of right and wrong, and we try to be examples of how people of religious beliefs function in an open society.

 

[Lintu]

My fiance and I have decided that when we have children, we want to raise them in the UU church. This could be interesting, since from what I know, UU doesn't claim to know all the answers, and uses all sorts of different spiritual traditions. So if my kiddo came out of Sunday school asking "so who is God?" or "Is Jesus real?" I guess I wouldn't know what to say.

 

[Simon the Cat]

You just tell them the truth in a way they can understand it. There is no harm in saying I don't know to your kid - especially if you really don't know. I had to have the "santa talk" with my four year old this past weekend. It went better than it did when I told her older brother - but I still put it up there with the "where babies come from talk" in terms of jobs/conversations I have not exactly relished. Who is Sylvia Brown and what does she believe?

 

[robtex]

Alaric?! Are you back?

I think that children need to grow up being taught something. If a seven year old asks a question, the best thing to do is give him an answer, as opposed to "Well, I don't want to force my opinion on you". Sometimes little kids need to be told things from a black and white perspective to keep their lives simple and stable. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to give a kid a good solid base of belief from whatever religion or lack thereof of the parent, and to then encourage them to explore and ask questions as they grow.

wow good point. About the black and white comment. I see that to be very true in many cases but it also extends well in adulthood.

 

[linwood]

I had to have the "santa talk" with my four year old this past weekend.

With a 4 year old?

Did he/she ask about the reality of Santa?

 

[Simon the Cat]

No, but since we are Jewish and don't really do Santa, I think it was important that she know where Santa comes from and why he isn't incorporated in Channukah (which we celebrate at home). She drew a picture for Santa this year that she wanted to mail which I was a little surprised about until she reminded me she saw him in a restaurant last year (true).

It is tricky to talk about Santa, not kill their belief in all the wonderful things Santa represents and not completely depress them to then mention that Santa is not really for them - or at least not part of their religious tradition.

I have gotten it down to the following basic facts (which I have not exactly fact checked):

A long time ago there was a man named Nicholas. He lived in a town in Russia and he loved Jesus so much he would celebrate Jesus's birthday every year by giving all the children in his town presents on Jesus's birthday (Christmas). He was the first Santa Claus. Unfortunately, he died. However, this was such a great idea, lots of other people started doing it too - and that is why you can see Santas all over the place. So there isn't really just one Santa (although you can believe that if you want to). We celebrate Christmas with your grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins on Daddy's family. However, since we are (mostly) Jewish, we don't really do Santa. If she was like her brother and accused me of lying about Santa, we then make an agreement that Santa comes to all the Jewish children on the first night of Channukah. Her brother (who is six) told me this year that Santa was not a religious thing but an American thing.