Lightkeeper
Well-Known Member
In what ways do you connect to other people?
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Connecting
- Thread starter Lightkeeper
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Fluffy
A fool
Do you mean literally, as in via internet etc or as in what draws us to another person specificly?
For the former I would say by telephone, chat boards, instant messengers, letter and in person. havent yet tried any of the visual ways of connecting to someone such as video phone or webcam but they could be interesting.
To answer the latter it would be a belief, on my part, that I understand something of the another person's situation enough for me to empathise with them. I meet plenty of people who I like to think of as being on a different wavelength to me. Not in a good way or bad way but just different. I don't know what it is that makes me feel that someone is on the same or different wavelength but I find that I can barely connect with someone who is on a different wavelength. These two things are essential for me to establish any sort of connection with somebody.
However, the easiest way I find of connecting with someone is if they are in need of help. Then I find that I can make a very easy and strong connection with any person. However, this connection usually disolves as soon as this person has solved the problem but can reawaken again depending on if they need help again or not.
For the former I would say by telephone, chat boards, instant messengers, letter and in person. havent yet tried any of the visual ways of connecting to someone such as video phone or webcam but they could be interesting.
To answer the latter it would be a belief, on my part, that I understand something of the another person's situation enough for me to empathise with them. I meet plenty of people who I like to think of as being on a different wavelength to me. Not in a good way or bad way but just different. I don't know what it is that makes me feel that someone is on the same or different wavelength but I find that I can barely connect with someone who is on a different wavelength. These two things are essential for me to establish any sort of connection with somebody.
However, the easiest way I find of connecting with someone is if they are in need of help. Then I find that I can make a very easy and strong connection with any person. However, this connection usually disolves as soon as this person has solved the problem but can reawaken again depending on if they need help again or not.
No*s
Captain Obvious
I'm assuming you mean building up a relationship.
I do it in all the old fashioned ways. I like to visit, drink tea, joke, be around them on accident (whether from work, day-to-day cares or whatever), and all those others.
I also learn something about a person by finding out what they believe. I can do this by reading the titles on their bookshelf, discussing with them, and the like. From all these things I learn more about them, and they about me. You can really tell a lot about a person by how (and whether) they "discuss." When the fur gets flying are they kind? Are they hateful? If they are a kind, benevolent person, then the discussion will deepen a relationship.
Another way I do things is with games. You really get to see what's hidden under the surface in a game, those things people normally keep in check. A person who fights the urge to be manipulative may cut lose in a game of Freeciv. A person who keeps aggression in check will play aggressively. The list goes on. You really get to see what's under the hood, because it's a game. There isn't any real worry. I like this means
.
Lastly, I can really connect when I or the other person is hurting. Then, we support one another, and this is the strongest and most efficient way of building a connection for me.
I know much of the above is weird...but so am I.
I do it in all the old fashioned ways. I like to visit, drink tea, joke, be around them on accident (whether from work, day-to-day cares or whatever), and all those others.
I also learn something about a person by finding out what they believe. I can do this by reading the titles on their bookshelf, discussing with them, and the like. From all these things I learn more about them, and they about me. You can really tell a lot about a person by how (and whether) they "discuss." When the fur gets flying are they kind? Are they hateful? If they are a kind, benevolent person, then the discussion will deepen a relationship.
Another way I do things is with games. You really get to see what's hidden under the surface in a game, those things people normally keep in check. A person who fights the urge to be manipulative may cut lose in a game of Freeciv. A person who keeps aggression in check will play aggressively. The list goes on. You really get to see what's under the hood, because it's a game. There isn't any real worry. I like this means
.Lastly, I can really connect when I or the other person is hurting. Then, we support one another, and this is the strongest and most efficient way of building a connection for me.
I know much of the above is weird...but so am I.
Fluffy
A fool
I find this is totally reflective of some of my own experiences. I just find that, after awhile, these connections fail. Perhaps that is all well and good since this happens when either I or the other person is no longer hurting and so no longer needs what has been the basis of our relationship. I do regret having all of these sealed ends to my relationships with people though....I have far too many of them.
Scuba Pete
Le plongeur avec attitude...
Usually positive to negative so I can watch the sparks fly!!!
My hobby (now vocation) connects me to all sorts of people. Scuba Diving has introduced me to a HOST of people I would never have met. In fact, I hope to be flying to Hawaii in March to go to a wedding of two people I have never met in person. One is one of my mod squad on www.ScubaBoard.com and even though it is an irksome task, I guess I had best go to Hawaii and maybe even FORCE myself to get some diving in as well!
My hobby (now vocation) connects me to all sorts of people. Scuba Diving has introduced me to a HOST of people I would never have met. In fact, I hope to be flying to Hawaii in March to go to a wedding of two people I have never met in person. One is one of my mod squad on www.ScubaBoard.com and even though it is an irksome task, I guess I had best go to Hawaii and maybe even FORCE myself to get some diving in as well!
Rex
Founder
Sounds like a Perk!! That sounds like fun. I'm actually 10k skymiles away from a flight to hawaii. Hopefully I get there before June.NetDoc said:Usually positive to negative so I can watch the sparks fly!!!
My hobby (now vocation) connects me to all sorts of people. Scuba Diving has introduced me to a HOST of people I would never have met. In fact, I hope to be flying to Hawaii in March to go to a wedding of two people I have never met in person. One is one of my mod squad on www.ScubaBoard.com and even though it is an irksome task, I guess I had best go to Hawaii and maybe even FORCE myself to get some diving in as well!
Master Vigil
Well-Known Member
Since humans are very visually stimulated. The eyes are the best as carderro put it. But since I have photosensitivity, I wear sunglasses alot of the time. So I have to find other ways to connect with people, being that they can't see my eyes. Mostly, all it takes is a bow and a smile and people will open up to you.
No*s
Captain Obvious
Fluffy said:
Difficult, but not impossible. I can understand that, though. I've recently had to start distancing a person myself, because the entire relationship was predicated upon my support for her suffering. I'm not doing her or myself any favors there, and it's one where I haven't been able to build anything much beyond support (the other side isn't willing). I always hate doing that.
Usually, I've found just doing little things both parties enjoy helps to do make the stronger connection, but like I the case I mentioned above, it doesn't always work out
.
FyreBrigidIce
Returning Noob
I connect to people who are in a similar situation as I am or have been. I listen to what they have to say, empathize when appropriate and offer suggestionswhen appropriate. My favorite way to connect is humor. Although I have to admit, I tend to be corny at times but trying to be funny is a great tool for me to know if the person I am talking to will be a long term friend.
People who are interested in the same things I am interested in also helps or anyone that I feel I can learn from.
Most of my friends are online. I have a few offline. Most of the friends I have online right now I met while chatting on Palace (Virtual chat). They are true friends because they helped me during some very rough times I have endured in the past few years and have stuck by me as a friend even when we have a disagreement. These friends also did not desert me when I had to quit chatting in Palace. They are like family to me. In fact, we call each other Sister or Brother.
I love this forum though because I consider many of the members here friends or family already. Even if there are disagreements and I tend to sometimes misinterpret or post out of anger, I still would not trade this experience for anything.
People who are interested in the same things I am interested in also helps or anyone that I feel I can learn from.
Most of my friends are online. I have a few offline. Most of the friends I have online right now I met while chatting on Palace (Virtual chat). They are true friends because they helped me during some very rough times I have endured in the past few years and have stuck by me as a friend even when we have a disagreement. These friends also did not desert me when I had to quit chatting in Palace. They are like family to me. In fact, we call each other Sister or Brother.
I love this forum though because I consider many of the members here friends or family already. Even if there are disagreements and I tend to sometimes misinterpret or post out of anger, I still would not trade this experience for anything.
Fluffy
A fool
Thanks thats a really good idea actually, Ill try and do some of these things in the future and see if I cant turn myself from a crutch to a friend.Usually, I've found just doing little things both parties enjoy helps to do make the stronger connection, but like I the case I mentioned above, it doesn't always work out