Dad jokes!

[Wirey]

I'll start:

Why did the Texan buy a dachshund?

He wanted to get a long little doggie.

Next?

 

[Altfish]

This needs to be said in a South African accent ...

Q. What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

A. You can't wash your hands in a buffalo

 

[Stevicus]

 

[ChristineM]

You can tell a dogwood tree by its bark.

What's pink and steams up windows.. condomsation.

Whats brown and sticky... A stick.


It's ok, ive sent him for a shower to cool down

 

[Gargovic Malkav]

What is yellow, curved and grows on plants, but is NOT a banana....?


It's secretly a banana after all.

 

[Exaltist Ethan]

I'm going to start a bisexual boy band... we're going to call ourselves Two Directions.
Why did the dog go to school?... Because it was K-9.

 

[ImmortalFlame]

Two sausages are in a pan. One turns to the other and says;
"Boy, sure is hot in here!"
To which the other replies,
"Ahh! A talking sausage!"

 

[It Aint Necessarily So]

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

 

[Revoltingest]

What's black & white & red all over, & can't get thru a revolving door?

Spoiler: Old joke in bad taste.

A nun with a javelin thru her head.

 

[Gargovic Malkav]

Two flies sit on a turd.
One says to the other: "Hey, I know a joke."
The other replies: "As long as it's not a dirty one, because I'm eating."

 

[It Aint Necessarily So]

Two flies sit on a turd.
One says to the other: "Hey, I know a joke."
The other replies: "As long as it's not a dirty one, because I'm eating."

Here's how I heard that one:

Two flies sit on a turd.
One says to the other: "Is this stool taken?"

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you?
Kid: Homework!

 

[Mock Turtle]

Two cats watching tennis. One says to the other: 'I didn't know you were interested in tennis.' The other cat replies 'I'm not, really, but my father's in the racquet'.

A man was found shot with a starting pistol. Police believe it's race related.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

 

[Wirey]

What's red and smell like blue paint?

Red paint.

 

[Stevicus]

 

[dybmh]

I'm teaching my son to drive. This one is on "speed-dial". He hates it. I love that.

Spoiler

... what happened in that intersection ...
... stays at that intersection ...

 

[VoidCat]

My dad got one eye. He always says that there's few he can see eye to eye with. He also constantly says if you don't like what he has to say shoot him between the eyes...

 

[England my lionheart]

The people of Dubai don’t like the Flinstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.

 

[dybmh]

The people of Dubai don’t like the Flinstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.

... it took two tries. Then I got it. I can use that, right?

( this is going to be the best thanksgiving ever )

 

[England my lionheart]

... it took two tries. Then I got it.

A real dad joke lol