Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal

[Riders]

I unfortunately let it be known that I had problems with men in the past and that there had been some issues of dangerous relationships.

I did say I was taking A break from men. I told them too much but anyways.

1 minute of walking without my walker and two sets of 3 minutes.

I'm doing 10 minutes next time.

I've been watching old reruns of Dallas.
Let me have the whole second season for free. But there's no first season there.

I like it because they don't seem to stereotype Texans.
Yeah I know they got their cowboy hats and their boots.

But wolf wolf goes out to Duffy Patrick Duffy playing Bobby while Bobby and Pam and Lucy were out dancing in the Disco.
Bobby looked hot I'm not sure was no stereotype there whew.

I like watching old Jr scamming up his plots and scams.

I always liked Larry Hagman even when he played on I Dream Of Jeannie.. He was always sexy even when he got older.

 

[Riders]

Bobby and Pam dancing
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/dallas-bobby-and-pam-ewing-dancing-at-a-disco--16114511139945854/

 

[Riders]

Well, it took me long enough but I finally got started on my needlepoint. It's a beginner's kit and I have messed up several times already but I got it going that's the main thing.

I will do my walking tomorrow. If I do that it'll make 3 days of walking this week which for me I good. I am going to try to get it up to 13 minutes or maybe 17 minutes next week. I might try to get my 3-minute sets up to 4 minutes.

I need to start walking for 1 whole minute without the walker so I can work my way up to 2 minutes without the walker.

I don't think a mental illness group is a good way to meet men, now that they know I have been in dangerous relationships with men.

I should keep my mouth shut. Well, I am going to wait a while anyway before I date so I guess it doesn't matter. I would like to meet a nice guy at church. With my past, it's like I wonder who would want me except another freak.

Oh well. Why worry about it now. I will just enjoy looking at men, any cute crazy guys in my group, hey least I can notice them and lust a little. Fat chance there's not too many single guys in my group.

 

[Riders]

Ok, I posted a reply through my cell phone, and it's not showing up on my computer. I will wait a bit and come back and repost it if I have too.

 

[Riders]

Ok enough of being tempted.I have to keep my mind off of addiction issues. I need to think about spirituality you keep my mind on God.

I saw an old TV radio show that had guests talking about cults. It was back in 78 we are talking about the '70s.

They had two men from the Hare Krishna group who were leaders.

And two people on cult specialists.
Hey Krishna has changed a lot since the 70s I don't think it's fair to compare them to that.

But only enough there's some stuff that even back then I agreed with on them with them.

The cult specialist said that the guy next to him was chanting Hare Krishna because he has to do that all the time to be brainwashed. He said it was mind control.

The Hare Krishnas said that The Bible says you should be praying all the time.

The cult deprogrammers says the bible warns against using idol prayers chanting over and over I forget the scripture but idol tongues were in there somewhere. Meaningless prayers.

The Krishnas said they chant the name of God and it's not meaningless.

To be honest I think it's good for me to keep my mind on prayer all day.It is because I'm liable to let it get in the trash like lusting over men and that type of thing.

That's why I'm praying all day long: it's good keeping my mind on God all day is good.

So although this was made in the 70s really I could defend some of the points of Hare Krishna even then.

However, their lifestyle is still too strict for me but I can see some things that they believe in being reasonable.

I don't have to go out and join the temple in order to pray to God all day at home or chant all day though I think it's good.

I'm going to do maybe some studies on the Baghavad Gita this year.

I haven't walked today my stomach has been upset but I might try later tonight if not tonight early morning.

#2

 

[Riders]

So my sister just came by and talked me into walking to the door and looking out of my apartment and at the slant that goes next to my door it is a little slant tiny hill but I go to the edge of it. So I am trying and I think maybe next time I will be able to push my walker over it.

I'm glad I got some walking in and finally went to the door and looked outside and pushed myself to the slant. WOOHOO.

 

[Riders]

Heres the video I was speaking of.

 

[Riders]

Well, I do not agree with the video in the last post. That was made in the '70s. The Hare Krishna's were a different group back then. Today they don't have to wear traditional clothing and they don't have to live inside the temple nor hold down a job inside the temple or just sell literature on the street.

For that matter, 15 years ago when I visited, I worked part-time for The Shriners fundraising on the phone. Some folks wore traditional Indian dress some did not. I sure did not.

So I assure you they have come a long way. But they are still strict about their lifestyle. But nothing like the '70s represented in that video.

 

[Riders]

On the other hand, I still plan on attending a Christian liberal accepting church, like the Lutheran church and maybe going to the Zen Temple in person eventually or on zoom groups.

I am not committing to just one religion. So if I add a little Hinduism at home, it will be among these other groups.

 

[Riders]

So anyways my cat Cali went a couple of days this week without cuddling or sitting on my lap which is unusual. So I did research on why cats could change their behavior when it comes to petting and touching their owners.

It says sometimes they need mental stimulation so it is good to get cat toys for them. She had a few balls and toys for a while but because they got under my feet we got rid of them and she plays with whatever she can find.

So I ordered a toy for her from amazon with 6 balls in a plastic tower that she can push the balls around in and play with without getting them on the floor.

It is also said it could be anxiety especially if there has been a move recently. So I can get her some calming cat snacks if I need to and I might next month.

However the last couple of days she seems to spend a lot of time in my lap so she doesn't seem to be having the issue now.

 

[Riders]

Well I've been sick the past few days. I still am I'm going to make an appointment with my home based doctor.

So I was listening to the John Denver story again on my audible from Amazon.

When I was telling my sister happy about John Denver on the road getting drunk and sleeping with people she had this to say:

She is a musician herself , he used to play the piano for the high school choirs in the school district, he gets paid to play for weddings and church goes to churches ,

I said John Denver said that he had to go out and travel alone while he was on tour and on the road and he got lonely and that's why he got weak.

She said that's right he did go out alone and it was self-centered, anytime a musician who is very chooses to go out alone on the road to tour, they're just doing it for themselves and they're being completely self-centered.

It never works out very few of them keep their marriage.

But as I said before there are a few couples who kept their relationship long term like kisses Gene Simmons.

But I do see what she means.
I watched the show about Van Halen and Eddie Van Halen and Valerie bertinelli. She says the reason she divorced him in the end was because of his cocaine addiction.

He never said anything about having problems with him and women. But he did have a lot of groupies but it's possible that they may have had a deal they may have made a deal where he could sleep with women only when he was touring and she would make it okay.Some couples do that.

She what's also traveling with him a lot so he may have quit having sex with all his groupies when she started traveling with him.

I think that's the best situation, if a rocker or any kind of performer goes out on the road and he takes his wife for his her husband with them then they stand a good chance of staying married.

Anyways I'm going back to my John Denver story.

 

[Riders]

So I have been sick. I finally did a home-based doctor's visit today. Sometimes o put off seeing the Dr. because I feel like he might say I just have allergies and give me allergy meds and send me on my way.

It has happened in the past. But not today thank God! I have a terrible earache and a bad sore throat. So I got some antibiotics and cough medicine.

I hope the antibiotics start working soon.
I don't have a voice to work with this week. I got another job. I bought some arts and crafts and decided to forget all about work.

Telemarketing at home and trying to do it for the past 5 years has all sorts of problems.

Some places want me to call people at home, I do not call people at home, it is rude. I only call businesses. Some want me to have a strong high-speed computer with headphones so I can use an automatic dialer.

My cheap computer can not handle it. Some want me to have computer skills I do not have.

So are places that are boring and just hard unlikable jobs. Some expect me to work 5 or 6 or 7 hours a day or more which I can not..

Many want me to meet a quota. Many home-based
telesales jobs are with insurance companies or roofing companies. They are good companies but call people are home at night and are boring.

So also there's the pay thing, I only want to be paid through PayPal.

But I ran into an email from an old place I worked at 2 years ago setting appointments for my manager to take over and get the sales.

It was actually pretty easy and meets my requirements for a job, does not require a lot of technical difficulties or high powered computer. They pay the way I want and believe it or not they are into sales of fitness and health products.

The only issue last time I worked for him he did not turn a whole of my appointments into sales. So he said he thought I could do well in this program. But we shall see. If I can make a go of it I will but a couple of months from now I will give check-in for how I am doing with it. It is a lot more fun to talk about fitness, even though I am fat and unfit than to talk about insurance!

 

[Riders]

But if I get tired easily of y job or don't get the results I want I may quit. I am not sure I am ready to work but I will give it a shot. If I make 150 dollars or less a month I don't have to report it.

If I do report it they won't start considering whether or not I can become independent of being on disability, they don't start watching my income to evaluate it until I make 880 a month or more,

I barely have the energy to work part-time let alone make 900 a month. So I am not worried about my money being taken away.

I just don't know if I have the energy, I will give it a shot.

 

[Riders]

Well I'm supposed to start my job tomorrow we'll see if I can set any appointments for my boss.

So they took my blood sugar today and it was up over 300. That's really dangerous I have to get back on my food plan tomorrow so I can get my sugar back down.

I probably put on another 5 or 10 lb the last week. I've been sick with this infection and when I get sick sometimes my ears hurt and it's like I use the addiction to food to get rid of my pain.

But that's not good they say that's like trying to self-medicate.

But I did finally get my CBD with sleep aid in it and it's working well.
I wish I had gotten it a week ago though. It's getting rid of my pain so that's good.

 

[Riders]

I am about to start eating chicken fish and turkey only for meat.I need to switch out to all low-fat.

I did not start work today because I was still sick. I have enough antibiotics to last till Monday. So I think I will be on the phone by Monday.

I may switch out to all whole wheat from white bread too. I know there are low-carb folks who think it's a mistake to eat any bread. But my wound came back and I can not eat too strictly.

Well, I am going back to my mental health group tonight. I talked to a guy last night I know from both sex addicts anonymous and over-eaters. He is in both groups. But I do not speak to many men from SAA anymore.
However, he has several years of recovery on Saa. If it is a guy who has several years of sobriety it is ok to talk to him. He is safe and he was nice to talk to.

 

[Riders]

So I finally ate better today but I still had 4 cans of cokes, my sugar is high but my fat grams and calories were low. I had 2 lean cuisine tv dinners that was it for food.

I got groceries from Amazon, not all my groceries but most. I switched off white bread to brown and whole wheat. I got several cups of heat and eat brown rice to eat with the bags of already-cooked chicken I got. If I add sala it should be pretty good chicken and rice.

I also got a ground turkey to make burgers out of. I got whole wheat buns and mustard and cheddar cheese to go with them.

I know there is a lot of yall which is all junk, bad for me, I need to eat mostly fruit and vegetables, although I will try to add some veggies this week.

Some say I need to eat only foods I have to cook like a whole chicken etc. But when I watch reality food documentaries, telling us all about the junk we eat.

The truth is some of them say everything we eat is junk
unless we have a farm or are buying organic vegetables
and fruits and organic grass-fed meat only. I don't have the money to buy organic and I don't have a farm.

There is a farm not too far from me that has a reputation for treating its chickens and animals well. I can not get out there and it's expensive.

But if I switch out to turkey chicken and fish only for meat and whole wheat for bread, and stay off of sugar it is at least an imrovement over my other lifestyle.

 

[Riders]

Is anyone here watching the new season of My 600 Lb? Life?

The woman Latonya in the last episode failed. She went into the hospital for heart issues, and Dr. Now put her on the diet for the obesity surgery plan.

It is essentially low-fat proteins and vegetables only, some have eaten milk with it, and some say milk is not allowed so I am not sure about that. But mostly it is low-fat proteins and veggies.

The hospital served her something that she said looked like dog food. It also had beans, probably green beans. She would not eat it and argued with Dr, Now about it.

I wonder what kind of protein it was that she said looked like dog food. Does anyone know?

I will not do a diet that strict, I would hate it. The vegetables I eat are mushrooms, celery if it's cooked, onions and peppers.

If I were in her shoes and had to stay on that horrible
diet this is what I would do.

Turkey bacon and chicken sausage for breakfast, they are allowed to eat low-fat ham, so low-fat ham with mustard which has no carbs in it, and some Krogers baked chicken at night. They also have a cooked roast beef by Armour I think at Kroger.

That's all I would eat nothing else. There is a lot of stuff I won't eat either. But at least I would get it into what I did like on the menu and just eat that and nothing else.

 

[Riders]

So I woke up at 4 am with a bad restless leg syndrome. my knees and legs would squeeze up then my knee would jerk in pain.

I had my CBD this time. It does make me sleepy but sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I took to pills the Dr. prescribed me for restless leg syndrome.

It finally started working around 1 pm. I was so tired exhausted and out of it, I could not work. I told my boss I would be ready to work tomorrow.
He did not reply back. I hope that means he is not firing me. My sister said that since I am working at home for myself he can not fire me.

I don't punch a clock so I don't have a salary, I only get paid what I worked for, my commissions.

We shall see, I hope I am ok with my boss. In my insanity I got my home health aid to get me junk food at the grocery store. I will be through with it by tomorrow.

This is what I meant earlier when I said I don't know if I am able to keep a job, just because I have had so many physical
issues. But I don't we shall see.

 

[Riders]

So I watched part of a video on YouTube called The Joy of Devotion. They were explaining how the high Christmas have become different now and that women had jobs and etc etc.

I don't know if I believe everything they said.
I think some temples have become more modern.

But I saw one woman who left the temples like in 15 16 and 17 the years I mean so that wasn't so long ago.

And she said they preferred women to either live in the ashram with other women or be married.

So I'm sure there are good and bad tales from different temples .
However I wanted to say something about this video because I know people want to say how can you be drawn in by the Harry Christmas when he used to be in a Pentecostal cult and you know that they're strict and everything else.

I get drawn in by music a lot. This one had some simple folk music from India but they also had musicians that had gotten a degree in music that were Harre krishna's who were performing contemporary in rock versions of the Indian Christmas folk type songs with the tanning in it.

I have always been interested in the chanting and the music of the hard Christmas I am just thrown in by that.

Although I never really got very much of the musical abilities that my sister's did I can sing a little but not well enough to do it in public.
My oldest sister whom I live with teaches piano lessons to kids she has played piano for the school district in choir classes and plays at weddings and churches.

I grew up hearing my sister playing seeing and my other sister singing in choir.
So even though I don't have the talent that they do I still love my music especially my spiritual music.

My sister's used to sing Christian contemporary music at the church.

And I I love the fact that there is some contemporary Hindu contemporary Indian music out there that's pretty neat.

It's definitely a spiritual draw for me the music.

 

[Riders]

LMAO at all the spelling mistakes on my last entry. I am sorry. I have been feeling bad. I had restless leg syndrome very painful keep me up Monday and Tuesday: I think I was so tired the past couple of days I was a little out of my mind when I posted that.

Anyways I went to work yesterday finally and made some money I am planning on going tomorrow too. I am doing ok with it.


I would like to get back to my needlepoint this week too. Staying busy is healthy. I finally got back on my food plan today. I need to be up walking. I have just had so much leg pain this week.