Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal

[Riders]

Again I'm sorry for the flubbed up entry.
I had a bunch of leg pain earlier this week plus the restless leg syndrome which kind of drove me mad.

I hope I didn't offend anybody as far as religion goes.

What I was trying to say about the Hare krishnas was that you hear really good reports of them that they've come a long way since the 1970s. You don't see them with the shaved heads as much in the uniforms out on the streets.

On the other hand when I was at Kalachandjis 15 years ago they did sell me a book and I believe they were still going out on the street selling literature.

I don't think it's a requirement now though some of them do it but I don't think it's a requirement to be there. You don't have to live in the ashram.

But in 2015-2016-2017 there was a woman who put up some videos about why she left the Hare Krishna's and she did say that women were still expected to live in the ashram or get married.

They were working don't get me wrong I mean they had careers but they lived in the ashram they got married.

But that was in England so it could be different over there I don't know.

Their customs and rules May differ from Temple to Temple too so who knows.

But anyways I had a lot of leg pain earlier this week and I did some walking to try to get rid of some of the pain today.

My sister finally brought me my acetaminophen p.m. which should help.

But dealing with pain is hard and I need to start walking it out and walking a lot more because I think that'll help me out with the pain I did do some walking today.

Eventually hopefully I can get out of this apartment.

 

[Riders]

My parents raised poor farmers' kids in the 30s, They were born in 921 and 926 My Mom died 7 years ago, and my Dad was 8 so they were really old when they died.

They did not have the money to go out and buy albums and go to the movies, so outside of Hank Williams my Mom and Dad did not keep up with what was in style in the 30s and 40s.

But when we were young they did show us on tv movies that were great hits from the 40s and 50s.
They wanted us to see good movies with good taste.

I also remember watching a lot of movies from the '60s and '70s. Psych out Easy Rider The graduate all the good ones.

But anyway I watched the biography Judy tonight. The biography of Judy Garland from 2019.

Well I think that they put a lot of emphasis on the fact that her producers used to scare her about her weight. They wouldn't let her eat very much it kept on a very strict diet all the time gave her pet pills all of that jazz.

I really just think that she was a drink of which was a combination of anorexic and
Alcoholic. That's just my opinion I don't have any proof.

But she had to be traumatized by all the strictness and them scaring her about her food and her weight. She was probably terrorized but.
It's sad but that was a lot how Hollywood ran back in the 1950s and 40s.

But anyway that's just my two cents I thought I'd put that in there. I'll try to get some more good videos up in the next few days.

alcoholic

 

[Riders]

I don't want to give the wrong impression here. I like Christianity, Zen, and Hinduism but only at home. That is if I decide to be Christian or maybe just go to the church and be quite non-Christian at church.

But I get creeped out by Baptist Nondenominational and Community church's culture and music it reminds me of my past. But I may come off as ewee, .yuck creepy gross! It is like I am freaked out about Christianity no.

No, I like 1 brand of Christianity, the music and culture, and art. I appreciate and like and am drawn to Catholic art and music. I get a taste of it in Lutheran and United Methodist churches that have communion every week and similar music.

I like the rituals, music, prayers, prayer beads all that. But I will not join a Catholic church in part because of the relationship with the Pope, which I have heard things about this year.

Also, I know it's hard to join you got to go to class and learn a lot, the big book they use, yea it's hard. The Eucharist is that it?

But I am sorry if I come off as someone who is so interested in other religions from other countries, that I am just ticked off and turned off by the church here. No, I am not. I have also been to Orthodox churches in the past I appreciate it.

Here's a video of the Prayer of St. Francis song and it's in the season scene of Buffy.

 

[Riders]

Well, I've been watching Escaping Polygamy a reality TV show dedicated to getting people who are between 18 and 21 :

Out of the Polygamy group The FLDS. Not everyone wants to be rescued but some do.

Some of them have gone from wearing long dresses to wearing more regular clothes now.

This is what bothers me about the Hare Krishna group. They may have changed some of their appearances from the outside and they may have some privileges they didn't use to have :

But they still could be very legalistic and into cultish mentality.

The woman who left the Hare Krishna's, who I saw on YouTube:

Said that her Hare Krishna temple still expected women to either live inside the ashram or get married.

But anyways, I want to start reading the Christian Bible this year and so I'm going back and forth between the Catholic Bible and the Oxford Bible which has the Apocrypha.


We'll see which one I choose. I'm thinking that if I get out this year it'll be there to the Lutheran Church or maybe an Orthodox Church. We shall see.

I am about to watch Witness, the movie about the cop who got stuck on an Amish farm.
.Remember it? Here's my favorite seen.

 

[Riders]

Well I walked for 6 minutes. This is the longest I've done in a while. And man you my shoulders hurt and my knees and my legs are killing me I'm about to take some Tylenol PM.
It was painful hopefully it'll get better tomorrow. I want to do 9 minutes tomorrow or 12:00 Plus 1 minute of walking without the Walker. I have to do this if I'm going to get out of this apartment and live a life.

 

[Riders]

Well I didn't exercise today. I was too sore and my phone has the sound turned off and I can't use it except to message write messages.

So I'm waiting for my sister to get me a new phone and I want to get set up on that.
I over ate today. I've got way too many sweets and I need to throw some of it away.

I hate myself after I've binged. I've been watching My 600-lb Life again.

It always amazes me at how normal the sleep patterns in these people are. They all wear that mask that helps them sleep.

I need one but I've never gotten one I think .
They get inside of bed I'm just close her eyes turn the lights out and go to sleep

Ever since I was in psychiatric wards as a teenager I got used to having people nurses staff walking around the lights on in the other room at night.

So unless I can see and hear people talking I get really scared and I'm afraid of the dark.
So I'll leave the lights on all night plus the TV so I can hear people. And then I usually don't sleep normally. I'll sleep for several hours or a few hours but then I'll get up for a few hours and lay back down and sleep.

So my sleep is very abnormal but I have to sleep in a recliner. Being obese and having back problems I have to recline I can't lay down on the couch I don't know how these people at 700 pounds lay down on a bed.

I can't do it.

Anyways yeah my sleep pattern is really weird.

 

[Riders]

I walked 4 minutes today so far a 3-minute set and 1 minute without the walker.

I may reconsider Catholicism after I get out of this apartment. I like the idea of being able to confess, I think it's good. I appreciate the women's role as far as Mother Mary goes, she's a good role model for women.

I like the art, statues, and music. I think there is something to purgatory. But I may decide on an Orthodox church instead. We shall see.

I would like to go to zen meditation as well. They have no God and whatever religious belief or God you have you just keep it. They don't drag religion into it. I think of it as a science.

 

[Riders]

Since I am not out of the apartment yet it's probably good not to decide on a church for now. I may just go to the Lutheran church and I may not even go with Christianity.

I am still at the one God phase so we shall see. Catholics are certainly interesting though.

My knee is hurting today, I am waiting till tomorrow to walk. Since it is warm out this week, I am going to try to get my sister to help me walk outside this week.

 

[Riders]

Well, I said I would not do this. However I believe I have put on weight, I am going to weigh myself this week.I have been on and off my food plan.

I still have a problem binging on sweets. So I may double up ad use my Over Eaters Anonymous program for the spiritual part but also rejoin Weight Watchers. I will see how I feel about it next month.

 

[Riders]

Well my stomach was grumbling and rolling over I got sick tonight sick at my stomach.

Got a Cubic exercise machine but I just have not used it. I think I'm going to start trying to use that instead of walking for right now just because I've been sick and I can still exercise my legs that way my.

But I have to get up and start taking at least 1 minute walks without my Walker so I can start getting used to walking without my Walker.

I'm going to try to take a walk outside this week with my sister we'll see how it goes.

 

[Riders]

I do get really lonely for romance. But I've been so lazy lately because of my back issues and my stomach problems.

I just need to get up and start doing some walking which I plan on doing tomorrow.

After I start walking more then I can go out.
But I'm not looking to have a romantic partner.
I've still got too many issues for that.

But I would like to have a friendship with someone who could go out and date me and have some fun with me.

But I had that with Robert a long time ago and I just don't think it's going to happen again.

It does help to be able to go into the chat rooms where I'm not being bothered by men hitting on me.

I have a religious chat room and also a Catholic chat room that I go to and it's pretty nice actually.

I've been able to ask some questions about Catholicism and it's really interesting.

But if I could get out and go to church that would help out a whole lot with my loneliness.

To go to the date dating websites dating apps to look through the profiles to see if anybody's interesting up there.

But I won't do that.

I might look at Craigslist though under activity partners to see if anybody's put up a thread to find a cat buddy.

It doesn't happen very often though.

Instead of doing that I might put up a thread for religious and political chat only a cat buddy to talk about religion and politics that might be interesting and it would keep me from being lonely too.

Well we'll see I may or not may not. I like looking at Craigslist though the community part even if I don't respond to any of the threads it's interesting to look at it.

I like looking at the groups too.
The groups have religious groups under them and one time I ran into the Scientology group Scientology church that was quite scary and interesting.

Since then I don't ever call any of the phone numbers that they list under the groups. I don't want to take a chance.

Still there are some interesting threads under community so I might do that tonight to keep me from being so lonely.

 

[Riders]

So so one of the things that I like about the Catholic church is that there seems to be this worldliness and toughness about them.

By worldliness I mean all of the charities and the world around them that they get involved in trying to improve.

Anyways so I like that movie called Daughter Of The Streets. It's based on a true story and the Mother's Catholic. She's kind of a tough cookie kind of mother who fights to get her daughter out of prostitution..

THat's pretty good. But that's what I mean about Catholicism there's like just a toughness about them which I I like a lot.

 

[Riders]

So I'm stiill planning on joining with weight watchers next month

I LIKE WEIRD QUIRKY MOVIES from the r
60s and 70s. I watched Ted Bob a lice
and Carol today. ITS FUN AND ABOUT TWO VOUPLES EXPERIMENTING WITH sw ing
ng.its Hillarius.

 

[Riders]

So I have been sick with allergies and or infection. Sore throat earache and this time got watery itchy eyes I have been rubbing too much so they are very red. The nurse should call me tomorrow to let me know if they're sending an antibiotic.

Anyhow. With my sex addiction that I have been in recovery from, I still have issues with talking too much about sex sometimes on the internet though not as much face to face. I do watch these true-to-life-lifetime movies about teen girls who were seduced into prostitution.

I care about the fact that it still seems to be a problem in America and I would like to financially give a little support to shelters that take in teen runaways. I would also like to find out where America stands on the issue of legalizing prostitution.

Anyways, I put 2 of my favorite movies up in the past 4 months and no one responded. My sister said "no one wants to think about or talk about an underage teen who is taken to be a prostitute, it's embarrassing to most of us. It makes us feel like people are gonna think we are child molesters for watching it. She also said We realize you just watch them because you were abused in your youth and stuff, so we aren't judging you.

My thoughts are if we never talk about it how is anything going to get done about it, it is a big problem.


Anyhow I will probably take those threads down so no one will be embarrassed. But there is one issue I have with her on this.

We talked about John Stamos playing the pimp role in Daughter Of The Stree true to life movie about a pimp who seduced a teen into life. We also talked about Ted Danson from Cheers who played a child molester in Something About Amelia. She said I can't believe John Stamos from Full House played that bad guy or that Ted Danson would play that role.
So now actors are only supposed to play good guy roles? John Stamos played the pimp role so we could open our eyes and see what's being done to many teen girls, he didn't play the role because he enjoyed it. He's making a statement that we should know this is going on.

Ted Danson was the same way, he was brave to play the role of a child molester it was a breakthrough role so families could talk about this stuff. He did a good thing! Anyways that's my 2 cents. I am going to pull my posts though.

 

[Riders]

My walking and everything has been off because I have had an allergy attack and maybe an infection all week. bad sore throat, ear aches coughing, and this time I have had itchy watery eyes. I have rubbed them so much they have become too red. The last time they did that was 6 years ago when I was in the old folks home getting over my infected reoccurring wound. I need some eye drops and also antibiotics.

Anyways, I plan on getting back into walking next week. Last I weighed a week ago I had gained 7 pounds, up to 302 and I may be heavier now. So I am going to call Weight Watchers this week. Some folks at Over Eaters anonymous are ok with that but some will tell you OA is the only thing that works. It is like some in AA say AA is the only thing that works for sobriety from drinking.

I do not agree with that, it is a very black-and-white all-or-nothing type of thinking. It is close-minded. I have every intention of working on both programs.OA is for the spiritual and WW is the structure for eating.

Here is a recommendation for the movie, Ben, And Ara, it is free at Amazon. It is about an agnostic man who is getting a doctorate in theology or maybe it's the philosophy and he gets involved with a Muslim woman. They have some very interesting religious dialogue in it.

 

[Riders]

So anyways back in my 30s after I got out of the United Pentecostal church and I was in my big Doors obsession days, my sister wanted me to go to her Baptist church so she could fix me up with a man and get me married off. I said no way not unless I can wear my Doors t-shirt. It had a big picture of Jim Morrison shirtless with his beads remember that? My Mom said you can't wear that your man friend will think you worship Jim Morrison! He might think you are a devil worshipper!

I went with the shirt on anyways, one person laughed at me and I ran into him, my nieces introduced me to him and I did not like him at all. My Mom back home was telling someone on the phone she met a man tonight we are gonna get her married off! Bleh no I said no. This is one reason I am so paranoid about Christians who want me to get married. There are too many who think marriage is the only way.

Here's a piece of my past, You know that I would be untrue, you know that I would be a liar if I was to say to you, girl we couldn't get much higher. c'mon baby light my fire

 

[Riders]

Well, I am still feeling bad Dr sent me antibiotics and hydro something or another pharmacist says they get in the way of each other so I can't take both of them. So I opted out for z pack. I looked up the name of the other it says it's used to treat coronavirus! I don't think I have it so I am just taking the z pack for now. I am resting a lot. I am going to try and walk some tomorrow. The job is going ok, I got 63 dollars last week.

 

[Riders]

Well I think I'm starting to finally get over my infection the antibiotics are starting to work the Z pack is Is. I'm gonna get up and start walking tomorrow Is. I want to get out of this apartment as soon as possible. I'm still having restless legs syndrome but I think I'm gonna go ahead and buy some more paint or labors with the PM andit from But CBD place .

 

[Riders]

I also watch A new 3 part series that came out. It's 3 parts about Jared from Subway. It told all about how he was able to use the media to Manipulate kids and become a pedophile. When he could not find children to attract to him would go to the streets of Las Vegas or somewhere else in America and go to the prostitution rings on the street with pimps and he would ask for underage teenage prostitutes.

It makes me sick. Our country really needs to do something about underage sex trafficking. Even if it takes legalizing it o women who are old enough will enter the profession.

 

[Riders]

I am probably quitting my job due to restless leg syndrome. I have had so much of it could not wake up to work this week in the daytime. I called the place that sells db is it bdm no it is CBD. I told them the ones with sleep I had last time did not work much, so they referred me to a stronger different pill. I am hoping it will work. I also plan n walking a lot tomorrow.
Hopefully with a lot of exercises maybe that will make a difference. But I need to concentrate on my food plan working Oa and exercise So I don't have much time for a job anyways.

I would rather get out of this apartment and do stuff than work anyways. I know I have talked a lot about the Catholic church and I sometimes go into their chat rooms. However, the conservatives of the church do not like the liberal Pope and some would rather not have liberals at their church. That leaves me out. But I did go to a Lutheran church to visit 15 years ago that was pretty accepting of all, I also visited an Orthodox church which I close to Catholicism and
they were pretty laid back too. So we shall see.