Defense Lawyer Challenge!

[Evangelicalhumanist]

Pretend you're a lawyer, defending a fellow who declares in an online debate that "I never had sex with a porn star" who has, in fact, had sex with a porn star.

Remember Clinton's "it depends what the defintion of 'is' is." So you can consider redefining such things as "I" (referring to Trump) by claiming that he only uses the "royal we." Like Queen Victoria, "we are not amused!"

You might question whether "having sex" necessarily involves pleasure, and if so, would it really be "sex" if one party was having dry heaves.

Oh, perhaps you could argue whether or not the "porn star" was actually a porn star at all, instead of really a bit player or extra!

A harder analysis might wonder what the word "never" means. Some people will suggest it means "not even once," but then would "twice" qualify?

Look, I only want competent legal arguments, so try to get your man off!

 

[Stevicus]

"My client didn't have sex with a porn star. She was in between jobs and working as a waitress at Waffle House at the time he had sex with her. She wasn't a porn star at that time."

 

[Revoltingest]

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

I need an "iffy" frube.

 

[dybmh]

My client didn't have sex with a pornstar. He made whoopie. Exhibit A: ( Points to the video monitor at the front of the courtroom ) Here you will clearly see that my client, literally does not have anything. Not even a shirt, shoes, or a stich of clothing at the time of the encounter in question. He very clearly cannot have sex if he doesn't have anything. This is simple logic even children can understand.

Now... if you listen closely.... wait for it, wait for it, almost there.... and...... There! "( the defendant exclaims "whoopie!" on the monitor ) Hear that? See that? My client is clearly innocent. He is making "whoopie". He is not having sex.





The defense rests.

( yes, that's a very happy whoopie cushion )

 

[Augustus]

Oh, perhaps you could argue whether or not the "porn star" was actually a porn star at all, instead of really a bit player or extra

I would take the moral high ground and claim the description is sexist and dehumanising.

Describing a woman acting on her own free will in her own time in such a disparaging manner is misogynistic.

Women are not defined by their role in society, but by their individual humanity. She is a person with a name. My client had sex with Stormy Daniels and refuses to disrespect her based on your personal contempt for some of her career choices.

You may want to stigmatise women based on outdated moral Puritanism, but my client has moved beyond such primitive prejudice and bigotry.

It is the 21st c and women have the right to be whatever they want to be without being sneered at by chauvinistic prides for their own titillation.

etc etc

 

[Alien826]

What is another word for "having sex"? "Intercourse"!

Intercourse is essentially communication. Communication is a form of speech, and so protected by the 1st Amendment.

I ask your honor to dismiss this case based on my client's Constitutional right to intercourse.

 

[We Never Know]

Pretend you're a lawyer, defending a fellow who declares in an online debate that "I never had sex with a porn star" who has, in fact, had sex with a porn star.

Remember Clinton's "it depends what the defintion of 'is' is." So you can consider redefining such things as "I" (referring to Trump) by claiming that he only uses the "royal we." Like Queen Victoria, "we are not amused!"

You might question whether "having sex" necessarily involves pleasure, and if so, would it really be "sex" if one party was having dry heaves.

Oh, perhaps you could argue whether or not the "porn star" was actually a porn star at all, instead of really a bit player or extra!

A harder analysis might wonder what the word "never" means. Some people will suggest it means "not even once," but then would "twice" qualify?

Look, I only want competent legal arguments, so try to get your man off!

Are we to believe that a supposed year long affair with a porn star allegedly came to having sex only one time?

She isn't shy being having sex is what she did as a job. So why did they allegedly only have sex once in a supposed year relationship?

The whole fabricated story is all part of a plan.

The female fabricated the whole year long affair and one time sex story about my rich and popular client trying to get leverage over him and to gain financially.

A false story like this can ruin a person's career and family. Swatting her with a small payment to pay her off was the best option considering the damage it would cause.

Its all a racket to extort money and try to ruin my client and for publicity to be back in the spot light.

Exhibit A.

In Jan 2018 In Touch Weekly magazine published a transcript from 2011 of an interview in which she described her year-long relationship with my client.

Exhibit B.

In Jan 2018 she issued a statement saying the affair "never happened".

Exhibit C.

She changed her story In a March 25, 2018, interview with 60 Minutes, she said that she and my client had sex once.

Exhibit D.

She used the publicity and manipulated my clients tag line to tour strip clubs as part of a 2018 "Make America Horny Again" tour. She was given the key to the city of West Hollywood, California, and May 23, 2018 was declared her day.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Pretend you're a lawyer, defending a fellow who declares in an online debate that "I never had sex with a porn star" who has, in fact, had sex with a porn star.

Remember Clinton's "it depends what the defintion of 'is' is." So you can consider redefining such things as "I" (referring to Trump) by claiming that he only uses the "royal we." Like Queen Victoria, "we are not amused!"

You might question whether "having sex" necessarily involves pleasure, and if so, would it really be "sex" if one party was having dry heaves.

Oh, perhaps you could argue whether or not the "porn star" was actually a porn star at all, instead of really a bit player or extra!

A harder analysis might wonder what the word "never" means. Some people will suggest it means "not even once," but then would "twice" qualify?

Look, I only want competent legal arguments, so try to get your man off!

Sex? My.client paid to have a show put on for him. It was financial transaction to hire an actor.
Now excuse me as I go die from laughter.

 

[ChristineM]

My client denies everything and will visit you all with your promised payment in due course.