Deidre's Journey

[Deidre]

Dear journal,

It's Wednesday, and I'm feeling really good, yet there are times when I feel like the odd girl out. Five years ago when I left Christianity the first time, I was the odd girl out with my Christian friends. Then, when I came back to faith almost two years ago, I felt like my atheist friends were confused. Now, I've left Christianity again, lean towards atheism...but feel this incredible pull towards Luciferianism (which I thought was synonymous with Satanism, lol but it's not) and feel like that odd girl out, all over again. You know, we're not one dimensional, we have many layers as humans. But, I'm reminded that many religious people and even some atheists, don't like to get out of their comfort zone, and so they might not understand someone who is growing and wishing to learn past the norms that they've always believed in.

Luciferianism is comforting, enlightening, and it allows me to be completely me. I've never really been an entirely empowered individual before, because Christianity always harnessed my uniqueness, and made me feel that every part of me was for the glory of God. Which as a believer then, wasn't so bad. But, now, I feel I've outgrown the Bible and its stories that just don't seem realistic. I'm realizing that all religions are really just ordinary people trying to make sense of an extraordinary world around them. Where that becomes a problem, is when those civilizations try to pass those beliefs off as dogma for the rest of us to follow. The Bible could be a relevant book, so could the Torah and any other ancient text but it seems rather limited to put God, should he exist, in a box.

It's interesting when you talk about Luciferianism or Satanism with people, they really have a look of shock on their faces, subtle shock. They try to hide it. I wonder if I'll ever not be the odd girl out when it comes to my beliefs. Hmmm.

 

[illykitty]

Come to a site I recently joined: orderoftheserpent.org

You know Adramalek from here? He is one of the co-founders. There's a forum there and a library of books etc. Check it out when you can

Yeah I've seen him around. Maybe I'll properly drop by, just lurking for now though. I'm just curious at the moment but I've always been attracted to self-focused spirituality that aims to improve the self. I think that sometimes this sort of thing is misunderstood as being too selfish. I think it's untrue, since if one becomes a higher self, then they can better help others. Also if one leads by example, rather than trying to be forceful, you can make others curious to ask questions and inspire others to do some changes and work on themselves too.

 

[Curious George]

Dear journal,

It's Wednesday, and I'm feeling really good, yet there are times when I feel like the odd girl out. Five years ago when I left Christianity the first time, I was the odd girl out with my Christian friends. Then, when I came back to faith almost two years ago, I felt like my atheist friends were confused. Now, I've left Christianity again, lean towards atheism...but feel this incredible pull towards Luciferianism (which I thought was synonymous with Satanism, lol but it's not) and feel like that odd girl out, all over again. You know, we're not one dimensional, we have many layers as humans. But, I'm reminded that many religious people and even some atheists, don't like to get out of their comfort zone, and so they might not understand someone who is growing and wishing to learn past the norms that they've always believed in.

Luciferianism is comforting, enlightening, and it allows me to be completely me. I've never really been an entirely empowered individual before, because Christianity always harnessed my uniqueness, and made me feel that every part of me was for the glory of God. Which as a believer then, wasn't so bad. But, now, I feel I've outgrown the Bible and its stories that just don't seem realistic. I'm realizing that all religions are really just ordinary people trying to make sense of an extraordinary world around them. Where that becomes a problem, is when those civilizations try to pass those beliefs off as dogma for the rest of us to follow. The Bible could be a relevant book, so could the Torah and any other ancient text but it seems rather limited to put God, should he exist, in a box.

It's interesting when you talk about Luciferianism or Satanism with people, they really have a look of shock on their faces, subtle shock. They try to hide it. I wonder if I'll ever not be the odd girl out when it comes to my beliefs. Hmmm.

You are certainly different than some but similar to others. Beliefs seem to fall on a spectrum, and it is unlikely that anyone is really an outlier.

It is truly unfortunate that you find yourself pushed away, put down or shunned for your beliefs. (I would argue, they are not yours to choose). I am curious and I can understand other atheists confusion regarding beliefs. In fact, I should imagine that all people with differing beliefs would be curious (and possibly confused) at others beliefs. Unfortunately, this isn't so. We too often find ourselves around spiteful or angry individuals who somehow see your personal beliefs into cr@pping on their brand new white sofa.

I hope wherever you settle, you find that regarding public affairs specifically education, that secular is the way to go, if for no other reason than what you have described as peoples reactions toward your personal beliefs in the various stages of your journey.

Cheers.

 

[Deidre]

Yeah I've seen him around. Maybe I'll properly drop by, just lurking for now though. I'm just curious at the moment but I've always been attracted to self-focused spirituality that aims to improve the self. I think that sometimes this sort of thing is misunderstood as being too selfish. I think it's untrue, since if one becomes a higher self, then they can better help others. Also if one leads by example, rather than trying to be forceful, you can make others curious to ask questions and inspire others to do some changes and work on themselves too.

They are really welcoming there, I think you'd like it. It's not as busy as this site, yet. But, I have a feeling it will be. Hope you had a good week.

You are certainly different than some but similar to others. Beliefs seem to fall on a spectrum, and it is unlikely that anyone is really an outlier.

It is truly unfortunate that you find yourself pushed away, put down or shunned for your beliefs. (I would argue, they are not yours to choose). I am curious and I can understand other atheists confusion regarding beliefs. In fact, I should imagine that all people with differing beliefs would be curious (and possibly confused) at others beliefs. Unfortunately, this isn't so. We too often find ourselves around spiteful or angry individuals who somehow see your personal beliefs into cr@pping on their brand new white sofa.

I hope wherever you settle, you find that regarding public affairs specifically education, that secular is the way to go, if for no other reason than what you have described as peoples reactions toward your personal beliefs in the various stages of your journey.

Cheers.

lol So true. I think that much of faith, if we're honest...and not just faith faith, as in deity worship faith, but people's beliefs in general, tap into their egos. This is why people become irate during religious battles, and I'm guilty of it sometimes, too. I haven't always been kind to people who adore Christianity, but I catch myself, and realize that if I don't wish to be judged for my own separate path, I mustn't judge others. Judging others isn't really helping us be our best Selves, and with Luciferianism, that's what it's all about...seeking to be one's best Self. Shining the light on our darkness. Following the darkness to enlightenment.

Thanks for your kind words, George.

 

[Spiderman]

ask God to provide you with proof that he exists. If he refuses to, then it is his fault that you are an atheist and not yours.

 

[Deidre]

ask God to provide you with proof that he exists. If he refuses to, then it is his fault that you are an atheist and not yours.

hahaha!

He may exist. I'm not a dogmatic atheist, I just feel less inclined to worshiping and following a deity, anymore...that's all. I have a feeling religion in a very basic sense, sprung up because of civilizations and cultures trying to make sense of their world...themselves...their surroundings. People have been conjuring up gods for centuries, because it gives us comfort. It provides comfort to believe that there is Someone out there watching over us all, protecting us, and looking out for us. It's comforting to believe that even when things go wrong, God has it under control. It's fine to believe that, if someone wishes to, but it sometimes causes us to avoid reality.

 

[Deidre]

Dearest journal,

I'm fascinated by all the religions, faith beliefs, and spiritual systems out in the world...all bringing us closer together, and yet separating us. It's weird. But, isn't it all just a mere reflection of how we see the world...the universe, and ourselves? I find myself exploring this radical new concept...Luciferianism...well, new to me. lol And it blows my mind that I could view Lucifer in a positive light. It's not my spin, but if you read the ''history'' about Lucifer, before Christianity he was considered a 'light bearer.' How did the light bearer turn into the 'prince of darkness' in the Bible? Hmmm.

I find it all fascinating, and I'm a student of life, and sometimes...miss my Christian faith life. The prayers. The church gatherings. But, I don't believe the Bible anymore, and haven't for a while. My heart wanted me to stay though. Anyways, it's all a mystery, this life...who we are. We change every day...our minds, our hearts. It's not always easy to stay planted, we are easily distracted. But, I find myself feeling this pull towards the LHP, it makes sense to me.

It's not evil. It's not bad. It's really a lesson on human nature, as it is. And what we learn from it.

In other news, it's the weekend ...love the weekend!!

Be free, be love, and be real, my friends.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Dearest journal,

I'm fascinated by all the religions, faith beliefs, and spiritual systems out in the world...all bringing us closer together, and yet separating us. It's weird. But, isn't it all just a mere reflection of how we see the world...the universe, and ourselves? I find myself exploring this radical new concept...Luciferianism...well, new to me. lol And it blows my mind that I could view Lucifer in a positive light. It's not my spin, but if you read the ''history'' about Lucifer, before Christianity he was considered a 'light bearer.' How did the light bearer turn into the 'prince of darkness' in the Bible? Hmmm.

I find it all fascinating, and I'm a student of life, and sometimes...miss my Christian faith life. The prayers. The church gatherings. But, I don't believe the Bible anymore, and haven't for a while. My heart wanted me to stay though. Anyways, it's all a mystery, this life...who we are. We change every day...our minds, our hearts. It's not always easy to stay planted, we are easily distracted. But, I find myself feeling this pull towards the LHP, it makes sense to me.

It's not evil. It's not bad. It's really a lesson on human nature, as it is. And what we learn from it.

In other news, it's the weekend ...love the weekend!!

Be free, be love, and be real, my friends.

Lucifer wasn't equated with Satan until centuries later. Jesus referred to Him as the "bright and morning star" and there are Saints named Lucifer. Lucifer is a title or function and not a name, anyway. It wouldn't have been Satan's Angelic name because those are all Hebrew and end in "-el".

Just something to think about.

 

[Deidre]

Lucifer wasn't equated with Satan until centuries later. Jesus referred to Him as the "bright and morning star" and there are Saints named Lucifer. Lucifer is a title or function and not a name, anyway. It wouldn't have been Satan's Angelic name because those are all Hebrew and end in "-el".

Just something to think about.

I did know that about Lucifer not being equated with Satan until some time after, but...didn't know that Jesus referred to him as the bright morning star...wow, that's interesting!

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I did know that about Lucifer not being equated with Satan until some time after, but...didn't know that Jesus referred to him as the bright morning star...wow, that's interesting!

Revelation 22:16

Christians might as well as been some of the first Luciferians. The candle bearers at Mass are also called "lucifers" in Latin.

 

[Astravalon]

So, I'm not great with keeping up with journals but this one, I would really like to keep it going as to keep up with my experiences now. I think after leaving faith five years ago, and eventually identifying as an atheist, I didn't realize how empty I would feel after being tested with something like my grandmother's death. Fast forward to now, and after returning to faith a little over a year ago, I realize that much of my belief system is really little more than a security blanket and wishful thinking.

I'm tired of my mind logically identifying as an atheist but my heart afraid to leave the pseudo-comforts of faith. I convinced myself that I had a spiritual experience in order to feel that comfort, again.

Time to get real and if I'm going to identify as an atheist, then I'll have to find ways to cope with the stresses of everyday life as one.

Back on the path to self discovery.

I hear ya. I still believe in God, even if I feel "agnosticated" at times.

 

[Deidre]

Revelation 22:16

Christians might as well as been some of the first Luciferians. The candle bearers at Mass are also called "lucifers" in Latin.

I don't know when the Christian faith has become or maybe it always was, and my eyes just opened ...convoluted.

 

[Deidre]

I hear ya. I still believe in God, even if I feel "agnosticated" at times.

Hey

It's a journey, right? I just saw your journal, and I was like...yep. Nodding.

 

[Deidre]

Dear journal,

Sadly, I don't think there is any path out there, including an atheistic position, that won't involve debate and dispute. I've been a Christian,atheist, agnostic, explored Islam and Buddhism, and now the Left Hand Path, and all have their positives, but sadly...the main problem is this need people have to make up rules and dogma, to control what others think about said religion. I'm feeling down today, maybe I have the wrong expectations of a belief system. I half hope it can serve as a refuge from the mundane and everyday world. But, what I've learned, is that there is a whole new set of issues in every belief system.

The path with the least conflict between its followers has been Buddhism and Islam, interestingly.

Maybe it's time for me to just take all I've learned in the past five or so years, and just sew together my own path.

 

[Astravalon]

I was just going to suggest creating your own unique path!
Even giving it a unique name, so that you can honestly say
that your [unique religion's title here] has a history untainted
by [all the negativity that can be a real turn-off in other religions].

 

[Deidre]

Thank you @Sunstone for changing the title of this thread!

The journey of a million steps..........................to nowhere.

Every day, leads us to better understanding of the Unknown, and to ourselves.

 

[Curious George]

Maybe it's time for me to just take all I've learned in the past five or so years, and just sew together my own path.

You know, for what it is worth, I do not think that one chooses what they believe. Maybe this is what you should have been doing all along. It is not so much a discovery of which path fits what you believe as it is a reflection on what you believe. I imagine if you understand this, you will have found your path, whatever it may be.

Cheers

 

[Deidre]

You know, for what it is worth, I do not think that one chooses what they believe. Maybe this is what you should have been doing all along.

Now, you tell me lol

It is not so much a discovery of which path fits what you believe as it is a reflection on what you believe. I imagine if you understand this, you will have found your path, whatever it may be.

Cheers

I finally understand. It all clicked this weekend, and I have to say, the struggle has been real, but without the struggle, I wouldn't have arrived here. I didn't always struggle with this, there was a time when I never questioned Christianity, but it all changed when I did.

 

[Deidre]

Dear journal;

Today's been a really great day, in many ways. Spiritually, I'm feeling grounded. I find myself looking to Jesus, and his teachings. I don't believe the Bible to be literal, but it's been a while since I've really read it through. I haven't read the Bible ...in an active way...in probably five years? So, I'm going to read it again.

 

[Deidre]

Dear journal;

I've begun reading the Bible, again. In other times, I read it with a Christian mindset, blindly reading it, I guess. Obligatory reading, perhaps. But, now I wish to read it with an objective, open mind. I've found the Lucifer/Satan story quite interesting, and perhaps there was a spirit world before this world. I don't know. I don't think we'll ever fully know what we don't know, it's hard to fathom some things. It's hard to fathom a time...before Time. A beginning before a beginning. It's hard to fathom eternity. I find myself over the past few weeks, vacillating between not wanting to need faith, and wishing for it back. Maybe I'll always feel this way, and I don't feel bad about it, really. I don't feel confused. I think that one can honestly glean many good things from various faiths, but the Bible. I'll read it again. I've always liked the Book of Job, for he seemed so steadfast in his faith.
Could the Bible be sheer metaphor, or could it all have really happened?