Deidre's Journey

[RoaringSilence]

Yes...when my grandmother died, I literally became overwhelmed with grief ...she had a strong place in my life and as an atheist, I felt like a fish out of water. Who or what can I turn to? When you are indoctrinated into religion as a child, the residue sticks into your adulthood and it's hard to really think of any other type of reality but a faith based one. I think our whole culture is permeated with faith so even atheists struggle from time to time.

One of dharmic ritual for final goodbye ..after cremation is to go to a river and cup the river water in your palms and letting the water merge back in ..by slowly respectfully removing your palms ..and then fold hands in respect for the departed . you can try that if it helps you heal , don't have to believe in anything .. some people release some captive birds or a balloon.

 

[Quintessence]

But, it isn't so much death that we struggle with, as much as the huge void of where the loved one was, that we desperately try to fill?

That's true. I wonder what things would look like if ancestor worship wasn't driven out in most of Western culture. In cultures with ancestor worship, death really isn't a "the end" and you continue to have a relationship with those who have passed. Honestly, we continue to have that relationship whether we acknowledge it in or not - each and every one of us is a product of that which came before. Instead of seeing a void, you start seeing continuity.

Still, it's tough. It's one thing for our ancestors to be there in spirit and another for them to be here in a physical, walking about form. Perhaps another hangover from Western culture, that focuses strongly on the apparent/physical world and does not place much stock in other worlds. Something being there "in spirit" is inadequate for most of us; we feel it is "less real" as we were trained and taught to see things that way. I think it's really cool you had such a strong connection with your grandmother. It means you can have strong and compelling ways to honor that legacy compared to those of us who never really knew our grandparents. Is there something you do today to honor that relationship? Or is it more of an "I honor it through living my life and flourishing" sort of thing?

 

[Thief]

Do what makes you happy. As I will. The blessings and happiness come from within not from without. Buddha might have uttered that before lol Idk

I'm getting old......
self discovery has a limit when your focus is turned inward

and I seem to be better when hanging out with family

but I am getting old
I am now the patriarch of the family

I prefer to think self discovery never ends

 

[Deidre]

I feel so good today. Ever since having my new epiphany this week, I've been feeling more in control, and less afraid. I've spent a lot of my life...afraid. Religion tends to prey on that, and also breed it, in my opinion.

 

[Deidre]

I'm having a great week so far, and I think that I had to go through all of this...faith...leaving faith...returning back...now most likely departing it again. It feels differently now, like I don't wish to believe anymore. I don't just disbelieve logically, but, I'm letting go of that need for my heart to be satisfied by something not provable. Something that may or may not exist. God may exist, and I'm good with that idea. But, I think where I'm at is worshipping this fantasy, and giving it so much room in my heart and mind, to where I stop seeing life as more than that. Anyways, here's to sophrosyne, and learning new words!

 

[Desert Snake]

I feel so good today. Ever since having my new epiphany this week, I've been feeling more in control, and less afraid. I've spent a lot of my life...afraid. Religion tends to prey on that, and also breed it, in my opinion.

Intense stuff. I am a "-theist", but its still interesting

 

[Deidre]

Intense stuff. I am a "-theist", but its still interesting

I'm glad you guys are here to share in this with me, in a way. I've done a lot of exploring right here on this forum, so it's nice to share in these moments.

 

[Deidre]

So this week, I'm feeling really good. I remember when I went through this the first time five years ago, and it was much harder. Probably because all of those feelings were relatively new. But, these aren't new feelings, and I think it's more than I'm choosing to not be afraid now. I feel that it's important to face reality without a veil over it, and maybe in some ways, that's what faith gave to me...a veil to shield my from reality, but the thing is, reality is always there, staring at us, you know? It's important to find ways to deal with the good and bad of life, instead of escaping.

 

[Deidre]

It's so interesting when I've shared this with my friends who are atheists, offline, how they've opened up! A few of them have admitted that they wrestle with their emotions all the time, but that it's a part of being human, and that the desire to believe in something beyond ourselves, doesn't make a person weak. But, where the weakness might come in is refusing to assess where those actual feelings are coming from, and rug sweeping...and continuing to believe all kinds of religious tales to make ourselves feel better. I can't express to you all how awesome it feels to know why i've felt this angst for a while, it just feels like I'm being set free. Set free from my own prison that I created, which is weird, but true.

 

[Deidre]

So, when I left faith the first time about 5 years ago, I was shunned by some of my Christian friends. Then, when I came back to faith, some of my atheist friends were surprised but I wasn't shunned. Fast forward to this past week, and I'm opening up about all of this again, and my believer friends are shunning me again. lol How hilarious that as long as I believe what they do, then we're friends?

I think this is to be expected for many of us who are on these paths, and finding that the rightful conclusion for us comes in the form of atheism. Or at the very least anti-theism. But, you have to stay true to yourself, and your own values. People who are your true friends will want to celebrate you, and be supportive. Even if they don't understand.

I'm grateful for you guys because you've been with me on my journeys and for the most part, have been so encouraging and supportive.

 

[illykitty]

Yeah, I feel like one could call this conditional friendship. I obviously cannot know why your acquaintances behave this way but I've known people who grew up being told by their parents to not befriend people outside of the faith. Fortunately they didn't listen but that doesn't always happen.

Regardless of where life takes you Deidre, as long as you're a decent person (which I think you seem like), you've got my virtual support!

 

[Desert Snake]

You actually shouldn't be religious, if it'detrimental.

Take a break, I don't mind.

 

[Desert Snake]

So, when I left faith the first time about 5 years ago, I was shunned by some of my Christian friends. Then, when I came back to faith, some of my atheist friends were surprised but I wasn't shunned. Fast forward to this past week, and I'm opening up about all of this again, and my believer friends are shunning me again. lol How hilarious that as long as I believe what they do, then we're friends?

I think this is to be expected for many of us who are on these paths, and finding that the rightful conclusion for us comes in the form of atheism. Or at the very least anti-theism. But, you have to stay true to yourself, and your own values. People who are your true friends will want to celebrate you, and be supportive. Even if they don't understand.

I'm grateful for you guys because you've been with me on my journeys and for the most part, have been so encouraging and supportive.

You're in the right place to make informed decisions. Regardless of whether you choose atheism, etc.

 

[Deidre]

Yeah, I feel like one could call this conditional friendship. I obviously cannot know why your acquaintances behave this way but I've known people who grew up being told by their parents to not befriend people outside of the faith. Fortunately they didn't listen but that doesn't always happen.

Regardless of where life takes you Deidre, as long as you're a decent person (which I think you seem like), you've got my virtual support!

Yea, you're right, ''conditional friendships.'' I guess in some ways, we place conditions on certain relationships. If my husband (I got married in May y'all ) were to cheat on me, that's a deal breaker, but that's a just deal breaker, me thinks. lol Not I need to remain a Christian, or my friends will dump me. It's okay though, I'll make it through this. Thanks for your support!

You're in the right place to make informed decisions. Regardless of whether you choose atheism, etc.

Very much agree!

 

[Deidre]

It's on now!

 

[Deidre]

I hate Mondays. That is all.

 

[Deidre]

You know what's weird? A day without God, when you're going through what I am right now, is really nothing more than a day without imagining a god.

So many light bulb moments recently lol

 

[Corvus]

I feel so good today. Ever since having my new epiphany this week, I've been feeling more in control, and less afraid. I've spent a lot of my life...afraid. Religion tends to prey on that, and also breed it, in my opinion.

Fear is a huge driver in the Abrahamic traditions of Islam and Christianity and many of their sects. Fear of hell for one. This fear drove my mother in her quest to convert me, she was/is afraid I would/will burn in hell for not believing in Jesus. This I find is one my biggest personal grievances I have with her religion, I feel it has caused us all unnecessary anguish and discord. So yes fear mongering...and telling you that you are inherently sinful and so worthless that God had to sacrifice himself in human form to himself, in order to repudiate your innate evil. That toxic dogma when forced down the throats of pliable young minds and vulnerable people at their lowest, is hard to accept. Then there is the sexual repression...it again boils down to fear, fear of disobeying God, fear of being sent to hell or your loved ones sent to hell, fear of your own sexual identity, fearful praying to God to sort out life's messes and agonies.
''Fear is the mind killer, the little death....''

 

[Corvus]

Time to get real and if I'm going to identify as an atheist, then I'll have to find ways to cope with the stresses of everyday life as one.

The path of truth is not necessarily an easy one. I have my crutches and distractions.

 

[Corvus]

People can share comments, as long as they’re not insulting…that’s cool with me.

Positive thinking I have found, is indeed the key. Not always easy, granted. It works though.