Disabled folk and discomfort

[VoidCat]

Imma tell y'all a story from my childhood. Once I was at an event at a special needs school. It was a field trip. I never had met a person with cerebral palsy. Or seen a child in a wheelchair. I was around 10 years old. That day i met several. During this time the adults wanted me to put a ball in a kids hand and help them throw it. To me I could not tell if the kid wanted this and it made me uncomfortable. I had no idea what to do in the situation and it felt she wasn't really playing. Since i was doing for her and I did not know if she wanted that. Her disability made me uncomfortable as a result. I did not want to really interact with her because i did not know how. I did as i was asked and hope she had enjoyed. However later we were doing an activity elsewhere with water. And a girl in a wheelchair came up. I was told by an adult she wanted to play in the water bucket where there was rubber ducks. I set it on her lap and was fine with that as she was enjoying herself and I could tell that.

Now to paint another picture...i know many folk who stare at a family member when she is tube fed in public by her parent. I know many folk find such a sight unusual. And may feel uncomfortable with it as a result. Ive also known many of folk who are uncomfortable with disability or are grossed out by it. Why? Because they never seen it or they just dont know how to respond to it. Its ok really. I get it if you not used to something you may not know how to respond to it. Just like how i was uncomfortable with the girl with celebral palsy.

This discomfort can even manifest with disabilities that arent visible. As yall know im autistic. Folk usually dont notice it. But ive been in situations where I've done something or acted in a disabled way and folk have no clue how to respond due to discomfort. Like sometimes I use my aac app. Folk often dont know how to respond to it. One guy looked at me confused had a panicked look like oh **** they cant talk then started using sign language. I ended up having to type im not Deaf im autistic. Only i accidently misspelled autistic and it said Auitistic and I burst out laughing. That cleared up tension.

My question to y'all is how many of y'all have been in such situations? This may be uncomfortable to talk about. But i feel talking about it can help with examining biases against disabled folk. How many of y'all are friends with disabled folk? How many are visibly disabled? If yall in such a situation how do yall deal with it? If you are disabled how do you deal when others seem to just be uncomfortable due to not knowing how to respond to your disability? How do you feel about it?

 

[sun rise]

I have a friend who had a horrible accident and is disabled; wheelhair bound, problems speaking but I've never had any issue relating to him.

And I have had no issue relating to a very young child with Down's but older children and adults I'm unsure around.

To me, being unsure but willing is how many of us are and to me that's fine.

 

[VoidCat]

.

To me, being unsure but willing is how many of us are and to me that's fine.

That i think is the key. A lot of folk I have came across if they are uncomfortable they just won't interact or acknowledge it. Like a child asking a mom hey why's that person in a wheelchair and the mom freaking out and saying it's rude to stare and dragging their kid away refusing to acknowledge the disability or explaining to them why someone may need a wheelchair. This causes there to be shame surrounding disability a stigma.


But...being willing to acknowledge disability thats a different story. And interacting with folk regardless of any discomfort related to their disability? That normalizes it.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

I often work with disabled folks in a public school setting, and that does help me manage any initial discomfort since, like anything else with humans, I get to know folks as individuals and not just an appearance I may not be used to.

I also have and have had friends with various disabilities. I dated a girl at one point who was both blind and autistic. I've learned to just go with the flow with people, and understand I may make mistakes (like feeling the need to always lead the blind girlfriend around) but mistakes are okay if I am open to change.

 

[VoidCat]

I often work with disabled folks in a public school setting, and that does help me manage any initial discomfort since, like anything else with humans, I get to know folks as individuals and not just an appearance I may not be used to.

I also have and have had friends with various disabilities. I dated a girl at one point who was both blind and autistic. I've learned to just go with the flow with people, and understand I may make mistakes (like feeling the need to always lead the blind girlfriend around) but mistakes are okay if I am open to change.

I think this shows the importance of inclusion. My life shows the same. I grew up around numerous disabilities and am disabled myself and so to me disability is normal. Inclusion in schools and outside of them normalized it. Someone asked me why cant all disabled kids just do special ed and why they got to be in mainstream classes when possible?

Because it normalized it. Makes folk more accepting to be around disability

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

I think this shows the importance of inclusion. My life shows the same. I grew up around numerous disabilities and am disabled myself and so to me disability is normal. Inclusion in schools and outside of them normalized it. Someone asked me why cant all disabled kids just do special ed and why they got to be in mainstream classes when possible?

Because it normalized it. Makes folk more accepting to be around disability

It was always a wonder when we'd be out with my handicapped son Jose--at the mall, at a restaurant, wherever--And someone would come up to say hello to Jose...students from his school...it was like he was having a life of his own, with people we didn't know...

Unfortunately, it doesn't happen much anymore...besides us, Jose really only sees the couple of dozen people associated with the shelter workshop where he goes during the day...

 

[☆Dreamwind☆]

Yes it can be uncomfortable for people who don't understand how to care for, or include them, particularly if they are physically fragile. It's a mix of sympathy and unsureness.

I remember when I was a kid, there was a new student, and he was blind. The teacher decided that it would be a good idea to pick another student to accompany him on the playground. And she picked me even though I hadn't volunteered. Now I'm sure there's nothing inherently wrong with the idea for older, stronger kids. But two kindergarten aged kids? Yeah, sorry but they should have had an adult help him out. He dragged me down on the field several times and would laugh loudly in my ear. I was pretty uncomfortable.

I did however learn to help my step-dad out in multiple little ways, that was more age appropriate when I went to live with him and my mom. I would get things from shelves, help strap him into this device that let him stand for a while, accompany him shopping, was instructed to go get an adult if he ever fell from his wheelchair while we were out, clear shopping carts so he could use his ramp, open doors, and find handicapped appropriate seating at restararaunts.

 

[ChristineM]

We had a girl with Downs in our class at school from age 5 to 11 and a wheelchair bound lad with cerebral palsy attended the church i left when I was 14 so it's like I've grown up with disability.

I was hit by the bosses son at my first job. He had cerebral palsy with very little muscle control. Me being me i went up to talk to him and got cracked across the face. I didn't know how to respond and ended up doing exactly the right thing by accident. I flopped onto my arse rubbing my face, looked up at him and smiled. We both burst out laughing. And i learned to avoid flying arms.

I'm a sort of unofficial, long distance carer for a schizophrenic. Mostly just talking on the phone seems to help him. I'm off to England next month for a few days to meet his health team and report on my interaction with him

Finally, I have a few disabilities, i have sight problems and a spina bifida that i was born with so never really notice them. Arthritis in my left thumb since getting shrapnel lodged in the joint some days it's close on impossible to use that hand because the thumb makes it impossible.
Stomach problems since a botched operation and back muscle problems caused by the weakened stomach muscles.

Disability is just a fact of life that we live with. But I see that its uncomfortable for some people to interact normally with disabilities, i think it's down to familiarity, when you've no experience of disability you don't know how to react.