Discussion thoughts

[Unveiled Artist]

I saw this question on quora and thought it made sense.

Why is it when you ask questions to truly understand what's being told to you you are thought of as being a competitive person?

Personally, I can't show people I'm eating a pizza, laughing at a movie, and chatting on RF (not taking convos seriously), but some people tend to think I do, play games, etc just because I want to know more.

Anyway.

Why is it when you ask questions to truly understand what's being told to you you are thought of as being a competitive person?

Do you have similar experiences?

How can we improve on clarification asking and/or should we assume others know what we're talking about on first reply?

 

[Onoma]

I'm unclear how that is competitive

Did you mean " argumentative " ?

 

[Heyo]

I saw this question on quora and thought it made sense.

Why is it when you ask questions to truly understand what's being told to you you are thought of as being a competitive person?

Personally, I can't show people I'm eating a pizza, laughing at a movie, and chatting on RF (not taking combos seriously), but some people tend to think I do, play games, etc just because I want to know more.

Anyway.

Why is it when you ask questions to truly understand what's being told to you you are thought of as being a competitive person?

Do you have similar experiences?

How can we improve on clarification asking and/or should we assume others know what we're talking about on first reply?

People may think you are asking "gotcha" questions. I.e. you know the answer and you know that your interlocutor can't answer without getting into a contradiction. (And when I'm the questioner and the topic is religion, they might be right.)
I have fallen into that trap myself, thinking that the questioner must know the answer and s/he is going to attack my position or, more often, is making a joke.
Don't do that. Instead remember Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice what can be equally explained by stupidity/ignorance.

 

[Thief]

I saw this question on quora and thought it made sense.

Why is it when you ask questions to truly understand what's being told to you you are thought of as being a competitive person?

Personally, I can't show people I'm eating a pizza, laughing at a movie, and chatting on RF (not taking combos seriously), but some people tend to think I do, play games, etc just because I want to know more.

Anyway.

Why is it when you ask questions to truly understand what's being told to you you are thought of as being a competitive person?

Do you have similar experiences?

How can we improve on clarification asking and/or should we assume others know what we're talking about on first reply?

likely comes from a discussion wherein the question threw doubt to a statement offered as true

a challenge to the status quo
a slap in the face of authority

 

[Unveiled Artist]

I'm unclear how that is competitive

Did you mean " argumentative " ?

That could be. The quora question could have used that. The context seems pretty much the same. That or maybe debate.

 

[stvdv]

How can we improve on clarification asking and/or should we assume others know what we're talking about on first reply?

Communication is not easy, and when Ego raises its hood, things easily complicate even more

Easy to avoid though:
* IF you want clarification on something make sure to phrase it as such, and do NOT start with "I disagree with this" etc.
* Instead phrase it as: "I don't understand this, could you help me out (before I misinterpret your words)?"

Note: Asking for "Help" is the magic word here, to avoid these "competitive problems" (dogs roll over on their back to show they surrender)

 

[Onoma]

That could be. The quora question could have used that. The context seems prettyich the same. That oraybe debate.

Welp,...in that case.....there are only 2 reasons why I ask questions

1. I'm genuinely interested in being taught something new
2. I'm interested in poking holes in what you claim, and seeding dissent

I feel like when someone gets upset at being questioned, they know already they're on shaky ground, and when I see that, I usually go for the death blow

 

[Quintessence]

Competitive? That's bizarre. I've never run across such an assessment, and if I did, I'd say it reflected on the worldview of the person making that judgement alone. That is, for some reason that person would view everything as some sort of competition. I've heard such people exist. I don't understand them, or that perspective.

 

[Revoltingest]

Do you have similar experiences?

All the time.
People uncomfortable with the question,
prejudging one's motives, or just plain
argumentative themselves....they're the ones.

 

[Revoltingest]

Competitive? That's bizarre. I've never run across such an assessment, and if I did, I'd say it reflected on the worldview of the person making that judgement alone.

A friend is that way. When I look at both sides of an issue,
he bristles at the idea that any side but the truth should
be considered. He (a devout Xian fundie) knows what's
true, & thinks any other views are pure mischief, eg, game
playing, competitive argument for argument's sake.

I think your problem is that you run with a more intellectual
crowd than I do. My friends are.....at best, "diverse".

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Competitive? That's bizarre. I've never run across such an assessment, and if I did, I'd say it reflected on the worldview of the person making that judgement alone. That is, for some reason that person would view everything as some sort of competition. I've heard such people exist. I don't understand them, or that perspective.

Debate or argumentative would have been a better word. We see that here on RF. Quora doesn't give many context.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Welp,...in that case.....there are only 2 reasons why I ask questions

1. I'm genuinely interested in being taught something new
2. I'm interested in poking holes in what you claim, and seeding dissent

I feel like when someone gets upset at being questioned, they know already they're on shaky ground, and when I see that, I usually go for the death blow

Yeah. Some people I'm genuinely want to know more but after while I kick myself realizing maybe they read me wrong genuinely or read debate because the question requires more thought and knowledge of the topic.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Communication is not easy, and when Ego raises its hood, things easily complicate even more

Easy to avoid though:
* IF you want clarification on something make sure to phrase it as such, and do NOT start with "I disagree with this" etc.
* Instead phrase it as: "I don't understand this, could you help me out (before I misinterpret your words)?"

Note: Asking for "Help" is the magic word here, to avoid these "competitive problems" (dogs roll over on their back to show they surrender)

Forgot. Tone of voice is absent. I'm always confused.

 

[Quintessence]

Debate or argumentative would have been a better word. We see that here on RF. Quora doesn't give many context.

Argumentative I can understand.

In written text, there is no way to reasonably discern asking questions to learn versus asking questions to be argumentative. There's no voice tone to give those cues. It is one of the drawbacks of written communication. Those with more finesse in writing can compensate for it, but many lack that finesse.

Just as an example, there's a difference between:

"You don't actually believe that do you?" (challenging tone, suggests incredulity or disbelief, combativeness)

vs

"Could you tell me more about why you believe that? (not challenging, suggests desire to understand)

 

[joe1776]

It has been my experience that many posters offer argumentative responses to my arguments, as opposed to respectful debate. I think that's the nature of the Internet beast. But generally, when they ask for clarification respectfully, I get a favorable impression of a poster trying to make sure they understand before challenging the argument.

 

[LightofTruth]

I saw this question on quora and thought it made sense.

Why is it when you ask questions to truly understand what's being told to you you are thought of as being a competitive person?

Personally, I can't show people I'm eating a pizza, laughing at a movie, and chatting on RF (not taking comvos seriously), but some people tend to think I do, play games, etc just because I want to know more.

Anyway.

Why is it when you ask questions to truly understand what's being told to you you are thought of as being a competitive person?

Do you have similar experiences?

How can we improve on clarification asking and/or should we assume others know what we're talking about on first reply?

The mark of an intelligent person is the ability to question ideas.
People who don't like being questioned don't like being corrected.

 

[stvdv]

The mark of an intelligent person is the ability to question ideas.
People who don't like being questioned don't like being corrected.

People who don't like being corrected don't like admitting mistakes AND don't like saying "I am sorry" or more difficult "forgive me"

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Argumentative I can understand.

In written text, there is no way to reasonably discern asking questions to learn versus asking questions to be argumentative. There's no voice tone to give those cues. It is one of the drawbacks of written communication. Those with more finesse in writing can compensate for it, but many lack that finesse.

Just as an example, there's a difference between:

"You don't actually believe that do you?" (challenging tone, suggests incredulity or disbelief, combativeness)

vs

"Could you tell me more about why you believe that? (not challenging, suggests desire to understand)

True. With a title of the head and questioning look the former could be a look of curiousity rather than challenge.

I love poetry and novels cause it can weave emotions were plain words does no justice.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

People who don't like being corrected don't like admitting mistakes AND don't like saying "I am sorry" or more difficult "forgive me"

The key is to admit this, as well as or rather than accept it as a philisophical statement. For example, many say actions are stronger than words but when one is offended words tend to hit more and remembered than actions (outside trauma provoked actions)

 

[Samael_Khan]

I saw this question on quora and thought it made sense.

Why is it when you ask questions to truly understand what's being told to you you are thought of as being a competitive person?

Personally, I can't show people I'm eating a pizza, laughing at a movie, and chatting on RF (not taking comvos seriously), but some people tend to think I do, play games, etc just because I want to know more.

Anyway.

Why is it when you ask questions to truly understand what's being told to you you are thought of as being a competitive person?

Do you have similar experiences?

How can we improve on clarification asking and/or should we assume others know what we're talking about on first reply?

Yep! When I was a JW I was always considered an argumentative person just because I asked questions. It is because I can't understand something unless I know the underlying reasoning behind it. Eventually I found a lot of what I needed in the Insight into the Scriptures book. Then when relaying that information to others, many people got intimidated because they aren't prone to analysis. But then I became the guy who was relied on to answer all the questions in the Watchtower study.

Do you think that people actually become intimidated when they meet people who are inquisitive and skeptical because they either do not like thinking or are not knowledgeable people?

I think that the best way to engage in questioning is to question the right people about the right things. Some people are just not analytical types.