Do Bosses Put The Brakes on Compassion, Kindness, etc?

[Sunstone]

Some long time ago, I used to supervise people. Once I began doing that, I quickly became aware that I had to be cautious about my committing any "random acts of kindness, compassion, generosity", etc., etc, etc. Because I discovered that many people would take advantage of such things.

For instance, I learned to carefully weigh someone's request for time off. To consider a person's request, not just in light of whether the business could afford to lose their output during their time off, but also in light of whether that particular person was likely to form a habit of taking time off if I too easily granted them their wishes.

Now, I could give many other examples, many of them not so trivial as that one, but I think you might get my drift. There seemed to be a conflict between my freely expressing some things -- freely expressing compassion, kindness, etc -- and running a productive and profitable business.

But none of that made much difference to me -- it was all par for the course -- until some events occurred to make me acutely dissatisfied with such things. So dissatisfied, in fact, that I eventually swore I'd never again in my life supervise people. And I largely have kept to that promise made to myself.

Perhaps most importantly, because of my own experience, I began to suspect there might be a more general lesson to be drawn. I began to wonder whether all or most all business organizations suffer from similar problems!

It's quite a leap from one person's experiences to seeing those experiences in an universal light, but I think the question of whether they might be at least somewhat universal is a good one.

So, do you think business organizations (or even all hierarchical organizations) have a tendency to limit or constrain the extent to which such things as compassion, kindness, generosity, intimacy, friendship, and so forth are expressed?

And, if that's so, then is it significant? Is it important? And why or why not?

Last, is there some reliable means of ameliorating or eliminating those constraints? A means that would be both effective in dealing with them, and still allow a business to be run profitably?

What do you think?

 

[Willamena]

I don't see any limit to kindness and generosity in my employment, save an awareness of image in terms of spending. No one I know takes advantage of it.

PS, golly I hope that's a typo in the subject line.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I have a general rule in my life, my family, and so far my business, which has offered various levels of success (but success, no less):

My boundaries are very far and very wide. Run, jump, explore, spin, and do whatever it is you want within those parameters. Anything you want. Anything.

However, if you are close to the boundary, I will let you know you're getting close. If you cross that line without regard for my warning nor for the boundary itself, we cannot continue this relationship. It then becomes dysfunctional, and that dysfunction will eventually destroy either you, me, or the space itself.

So as much as it may seem that I look lenient, I am an oak tree when it comes to expectations. In business, when people have applied to work, I have very strict but easily demonstrated requirements...give me your resume, a letter of recommendation, a cover letter, and show up on time if I call you for an interview.

It's amazing how quickly that weeds out a lot of people who cannot commit to my parameters. But those that do commit and get me what I need, I have never had to give any warnings to nor I have never had to terminate their employment. They're hard workers. Nobody is late...ever. They help clean. They volunteer to help at events on their own. But they also know my boundaries, what are strict no-no behaviors, and that within those parameters they are free to choreograph, train, teach, and coach according to their strengths.

I find the same to be true regarding the business' customers. When they enroll or purchase classes, they know what is acceptable and what isn't. They know exactly what will have them excused from class. They know what is not tolerated from the beginning. For some, that turns them off and they don't even enroll themselves or their kids. That's a good thing, because I won't have to deal with trouble-makers.

Only one time have I let go of a family and to take out the revenue the studio was bringing in. I discovered the mother was harassing and bullying one of my staff members behind my back. She would wait until I would run an errand, and she would pull the instructor out of class to harass her about giving her daughter a costume that she just didn't like or a song choice she didn't like.

The staff member tried to take care of it herself, which was the one thing I scolded her for when I found out. But when she told me what she was saying after the mother called a meeting for all of us, and I cleared up what the facts were and discovered the mom yelled at a staff member accusing her of wanting to make her daughter look like a whore, I told the mother that I was discontinuing their tuition payments and that they are free to leave after the month's tuition was used.

They left the very next day and didn't come back.

Word gets out, too. Once people heard that I don't accept bullying and harassing at the studio, more people enrolled. They also repeat to their kids some of the things that I myself say. I then discover that I don't have these kinds of problems that other businesses have, it seems.

I have other dilemmas right now. Time. Space. Infrastructure. Taxes. Insurance. Program research and development. People management is not a mystery, IMO. I'm not tough on people. I just stick to consistency with the boundaries. Productivity comes from following my lead on how I am productive. IOW, people know I would never ask others to do what I would not do myself. In return, all I have to do is sometimes enter a room and dancers, instructors, and parents sit up straighter, look me in the eye more, and push harder with their work. We're known in the area now for a very quick turnaround time with dance skills and performance opportunities. People are seeing students going from no dance experience at all to being performance ready in 6 months. And because of that, we're attracting the local "serious" artists as well as students who are ready to work.

 

[Wirey]

I'm a great boss. It's just a natural thing. I always have a high PF and almost anyone who works for me jumps at the chance to come with me on new jobs.

Man, I am just dripping fabulous today.

 

[Draka]

Thread title...Freudian slip or mere innocent typo...you decide.

 

[Sunstone]

I don't see any limit to kindness and generosity in my employment, save an awareness of image in terms of spending. No one I know takes advantage of it.

That's good to hear!

PS, golly I hope that's a typo in the subject line.

Ooops! How embarrassing! Thanks for catching that, Patty!

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I don't see any limit to kindness and generosity in my employment, save an awareness of image in terms of spending. No one I know takes advantage of it.

PS, golly I hope that's a typo in the subject line.

LOL that's hilarious!

And to address your first statement, I also have no limit to kindness and generosity. I am generous with my time and energy. I have a different definition of kindness, meaning that I empathize with everyone who walks through those doors. But I'm also kind in that I am honest. If I don't see the business relationship being a good fit, I will say so. If a student is looking for something that we don't offer, it's kind to say we don't offer it but will direct them to a studio that does offer what they're looking for.

 

[Sunstone]

Man, I am just dripping fabulous today.

That's more than alright with me! I love hearing people are good bosses, and you said exactly the right thing -- it shows most when people will make the extra effort to work with you.

I'm so enthusiastic about good bosses, Wirey, because a small corporation once employed me to work as a consultant for their clients. I figure that, speaking very roughly, 80% of the productivity problems we discovered our clients had were a direct result of poor management and/or supervision! That is, you could not reasonably expect to resolve the issues without, at the least, re-educating the managers. And re-educating people is god's gift to the devil! So, I learned to dance with joy when I came across good managers and supervisors. And I still do.

In general, Wirey, do you feel you need to be more careful at work than you'd typically be at home when acting towards others out of compassion, kindness, etc?

 

[Caladan]

The organization I work for has pretty much military discipline in many aspects. And indeed many of the managers were officers (some high ranking officers) in the armed forces. The ground rule is very simple. If you are serious, ambitious, reliable, and show talent, you will advance. After a little over a year that I literally slaved myself to prove myself reliable, I am now beginning to reap fruits as in the past few months my reputation and range of responsibilities and activities have greatly expanded.
I can laugh with my boss. But I will never cross the line. And frankly I don't want to. I enjoy constructive working relationships, and I really prefer playing it professionally then slacking around and passing time till pay day.

When I am sent as an archaeologist on field work I get to supervise many workers. In the past 2 and a half months there were times that we were 3 archaeologists in the field supervising about 200 workers.
While I am very respectful and mindful with my workers. And I know when to throw a good word, support, or crack a joke. There are clear lines that I will not and cannot tolerate. A few of those who crossed the line, mainly of slacking around... because lets face it laboring all day in the sun is definitely not for everyone I did kick out. But that happens very rarely. Mostly I quickly built trust with my workers and they know I am not afraid to get dirty and support them with their needs. Usually it brings the best out of them, because they really do want to give you the same support and make 'the team' proud.

 

[Sunstone]

It's amazing how quickly that weeds out a lot of people who cannot commit to my parameters. But those that do commit and get me what I need, I have never had to give any warnings to nor I have never had to terminate their employment. They're hard workers. Nobody is late...ever. They help clean. They volunteer to help at events on their own. But they also know my boundaries, what are strict no-no behaviors, and that within those parameters they are free to choreograph, train, teach, and coach according to their strengths.

I find the same to be true regarding the business' customers. When they enroll or purchase classes, they know what is acceptable and what isn't. They know exactly what will have them excused from class. They know what is not tolerated from the beginning. For some, that turns them off and they don't even enroll themselves or their kids. That's a good thing, because I won't have to deal with trouble-makers.

As I understand you, Heather, it's key that you are in a position to cherry pick potential employees and clients. I think that addresses my last question -- the one about what things can be done to ameliorate or eliminate the possible need to be cautious when exercising compassion, etc. Thanks for that! I think you're onto something there.

I know that not all businesses are in a position to do what you do. I guess ideally they would be, but most businesses in my experience, must take what they can get. Which in some ways is kind of sad, because, as you point out, it might often be better for everyone if they could pick and choose employees and clients who were an excellent fit for them.

I'm curious, though. You've mentioned just one incidence in which you had to tell a client you'd already taken on to leave. But if anything else comes up where there is a conflict between the needs of a client or employee and the needs of your business, please post it, if you don't mind.

I have other dilemmas right now. Time. Space. Infrastructure. Taxes. Insurance. Program research and development.

The work never ends, does it!

 

[Sunstone]

I can laugh with my boss. But I will never cross the line. And frankly I don't want to. I enjoy constructive working relationships, and I really prefer playing it professionally then slacking around and passing time till pay day.

Frankly, Dan, you're making it way too easy on your boss! You need to come up with ways to make him or her stay up at nights wondering how to supervise you in ways that maintain and increase your productivity. At the very least, man, do your duty to worry him or her sick over how to best encourage you to grow both professionally and personally!

Just teasing! You sound like the best of employees!

In the past 2 and a half months there were times that we were 3 archaeologists in the field supervising about 200 workers.

Just as an aside, that's a hell of a ratio! You must work tirelessly!

While I am very respectful and mindful with my workers. And I know when to throw a good word, support, or crack a joke. There are clear lines that I will not and cannot tolerate. A few of those who crossed the line, mainly of slacking around... because lets face it laboring all day in the sun is definitely not for everyone I did kick out. But that happens very rarely. Mostly I quickly built trust with my workers and they know I am not afraid to get dirty and support them with their needs. Usually it brings the best out of them, because they really do want to give you the same support and make 'the team' proud.

Sounds solid! But have you ever run into conflicts between a worker's personal needs and the needs of your organization? I mean a conflict you'd deem especially serious or challenging? If so, how did you handle it?

 

[Caladan]

Frankly, Dan, you're making it way too easy on your boss! You need to come up with ways to make him or her stay up at nights wondering how to supervise you in ways that maintain and increase your productivity. At the very least, man, do your duty to worry him or her sick over how to best encourage you to grow both professionally and personally!

Oh trust me, I have many demands from my boss. Both professionally, and for leisure when needed.

Just as an aside, that's a hell of a ratio! You must work tirelessly!

I'll say it frankly, our field is not for everyone. You really have to deal with a myriad of situations that if you're not wired for the outdoors, pressure, and challenging physical conditions you're gonna burn out quickly.
I've seen plenty of students of archaeology arriving to the field for the first time and breaking mentally as their dreams about archaeology deteriorate before their eyes once they realize they painstaking job that is archaeology.

Sounds solid! But have you ever run into conflicts between a worker's personal needs and the needs of your organization? I mean a conflict you'd deem especially serious or challenging? If so, how did you handle it?

Hmm I have a slightly different example. Most of our workers in the last excavation I've been on were members of the same Arab 'clan'. They all have family ties on various levels, and there is a clear tribal hierarchy. Our head of excavation respects their hierarchy so much (after working with them for so many years) that he lets them have free reign with it pretty much and he doesn't get involved. To cut long story short, I had an elderly worker in my area who was working with me for a month. And I found him very hard working. Somehow he crossed one of the 'Sheikh's of the clan which decided to kick him off my area and the excavation altogether. What I did was basically break the Sheikh's word and infront of all the workers in my area (remember they are all from the same clan/family) restored my worker to his place.
By doing that I also went over the head of the excavation manager. But I was pretty vexed by the fact that arbitrary tribal mentality should override the final word and needs of the archaeologists.
What I did turned out to be amazing. As my workers never encountered an archaeologist who did something like that apparently, and it simply bought them. Even the Sheikh (whom I do respect a lot), respected my word and accepted my decision to bring back the worker to my area.

 

[Sunstone]

Hmm I have a slightly different example. Most of our workers in the last excavation I've been on were members of the same Arab 'clan'. They all have family ties on various levels, and there is a clear tribal hierarchy. Our head of excavation respects their hierarchy so much (after working with them for so many years) that he lets them have free reign with it pretty much and he doesn't get involved. To cut long story short, I had an elderly worker in my area who was working with me for a month. And I found him very hard working. Somehow he crossed one of the 'Sheikh's of the clan which decided to kick him off my area and the excavation altogether. What I did was basically break the Sheikh's word and infront of all the workers in my area (remember they are all from the same clan/family) restored my worker to his place.
By doing that I also went over the head of the excavation manager. But I was pretty vexed by the fact that arbitrary tribal mentality should override the final word and needs of the archaeologists.
What I did turned out to be amazing. As my workers never encountered an archaeologist who did something like that apparently, and it simply bought them. Even the Sheikh (whom I do respect a lot), respected my word and accepted my decision to bring back to worker to my area.

Even though it worked out to your advantage, that was a gutsy move on your part! I can imagine something like that situation blowing up.

Thanks for your thread responses! In general, do you feel you need to be especially careful -- maybe more careful than you would be in your private life -- when acting towards your employees out of compassion, kindness, etc.?

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

My boss does not need to be hard on me, just make me feel important and I shall do all you desire.

 

[Sunstone]

And to address your first statement, I also have no limit to kindness and generosity. I am generous with my time and energy. I have a different definition of kindness, meaning that I empathize with everyone who walks through those doors. But I'm also kind in that I am honest. If I don't see the business relationship being a good fit, I will say so. If a student is looking for something that we don't offer, it's kind to say we don't offer it but will direct them to a studio that does offer what they're looking for.

In general, Heather, have you ever felt the need to be more careful or cautious about acting out of compassion or kindness towards your employees or clients than you would be careful or cautious doing the same at home?

 

[Sunstone]

My boss does not need to be hard on me, just make me feel important and I shall do all you desire.

That's good to hear! I'm wondering, though, whether you ever feel that your boss needs to be at all more calculating, careful, or cautious about behaving kindly or compassionately towards any employee -- not just you, but any employee -- than perhaps he or she might normally be outside of the work place?

Put differently, do you think your boss ever shows signs of being reluctant to show "too much" compassion, or "too much" kindness, friendship, intimacy, etc?

 

[Caladan]

Even though it worked out to your advantage, that was a gutsy move on your part! I can imagine something like situation blowing up.

Yeah, working with demographics out of your comfort zone can be complicated. But I have some experience with that.

Thanks for your thread responses! In general, can you feel you need to be especially careful -- maybe more careful than you would be in your private life -- when acting towards your employees out of compassion, kindness, etc.?

I will never consciously offend their sensibilities. And I am aware of their cultural and religious sensibilities to a greater degree than the average person. I am also mindful about how to communicate with women Vs. the men from certain demographics. Many of the workers I had do consider me to be a more patient supervisor than others, and we always find common language. We break the ice to some extent, but not to the extent of no clear lines. At the end of the day both myself and them came to work. And we have to justify the budget we receive.

 

[Sunstone]

I will never consciously offend their sensibilities. And I am aware of their cultural and religious sensibilities to a greater degree than the average person. I am also mindful about how to communicate with women Vs. the men from certain demographics. Many of the workers I had do consider me to be a more patient supervisor than others, and we always find common language. We break the ice to some extent, but not to the extent of no clear lines. At the end of the day both myself and them came to work. And we have to justify the budget we receive.

Thanks!

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

That's good to hear! I'm wondering, though, whether you ever feel that your boss needs to be at all more calculating, careful, or cautious about behaving kindly or compassionately towards any employee -- not just you, but any employee -- than perhaps he or she might normally be outside of the work place?

Put differently, do you think your boss ever shows signs of being reluctant to show "too much" compassion, or "too much" kindness, friendship, intimacy, etc?

To certain people yeah. Different things work for different people, when you know someone is taking the **** you lay down the law. I think it depends on the person, if someone was hard on me all the time it wouldn't make my work performance any better, if someone had a meeting with me and asked me how things are getting on, asked me my opinion, then said "by the way could you work over time on so and so day?" "YES! Sure I don't have any plans"

 

[Sunstone]

To certain people yeah. Different things work for different people, when you know someone is taking the **** you lay down the law. I think it depends on the person, if someone was hard on me all the time it wouldn't make my work performance any better, if someone had a meeting with me and asked me how things are getting on, asked me my opinion, then said "by the way could you work over time on so and so day?" "YES! Sure I don't have any plans"

That makes sense. My question might have been a bit clumsy, though. I was trying to get at whether you thought that your boss (or you yourself, for that matter) needed to be more restrained at work than at home about showing compassion, kindness, generosity, etc. Would you address that, please?