"Don't bother converting"

[StarryNightshade]

Should one stop their conversion process, simply because there's an aspect of one's personal life that another finds objectionable?

I was on another forum (I won't say which one) and I mentioned that I chose not to go Orthodox due to some things in my personal life. Namely that I'm gay and am in a relationship with a non-Jew. This prompted some to say that I'm being cruel to my partner by going Jewish since I mentioned that I want to live a Jewish life (and that involves a Jewish partner - implying that I want my partner to change into something he's not) and that I shouldn't convert unless/until I break up with him.

This has been bothering me for the past couple of days. No, I'm not going to stop my conversion just because my partner isn't Jewish. Yes, intermarriage is an ongoing issue in the Conservative movement, but it can work. I've been with my partner since long before I seriously considered a conversion to Judaism, and he was the one who encouraged me to start going to classes.

Would I like an idealized Jewish household with a Jewish partner? It would be nice, but I'm not gonna break the heart of someone I've been with for a while. If he wants to become Jewish, then wonderful. He's stated that if - or when - we get married he could go through a conversion. But if he doesn't want to? Then I still love him with my heart and soul.

I just find it bothersome that total strangers online, who before have shown major support in those who want to convert, are suddenly like "break up with him or don't even bother converting." Especially without knowing the finer details and nuances.

 

[Flankerl]

While Intermarriage is sort of a project in Conservative Judaism, Gay Intermarriage isn't to the best of my knowledge.

 

[StarryNightshade]

While Intermarriage is sort of a project in Conservative Judaism, Gay Intermarriage isn't to the best of my knowledge.

I mean, the Conservative movement has been becoming more open to LGBT people, so anything is possible. ;-)

I don't disagree that this is a unique situation, but I don't think it's as impossible as it was made out to be.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Shalom.

First: you may benefit from reading Wikipedia: Same-sex marriage and Judaism, particularly ...

Same-sex marriage in Judaism has been a subject of debate within Jewish denominations. The traditional view among Jews is to regard same-sex relationships as categorically forbidden by the Torah. This remains the current view of Orthodox Judaism, but not of Reconstructionist Judaism, Reform Judaism and Conservative Judaism, which started changing its position to same-sex unions in 2006.​

Second: whether you are being cruel to your partner is a matter for discussion between you and your partner. I wish you both the best.

 

[Tarheeler]

My wife wasn't Jewish when I converted, and we had to prove to my rabbi that we would work together to have a Jewish home and raise our children as Jews before he would allow me to convert.
She and our two youngest children converted several years later.

You never know what the future will bring, Starry.