Everything has become bitter

[Spiderman]

Everything has become bitter. I hate sleeping, hate eating, hate using the restroom, hate brushing my teeth, hate calling the taxi cab to arrange rides to medical appointments, hate cleaning up, hate bathing, hate dreams, hate sleeping, hate waking, hate body odor, hate the behavior of the people in this slum, hate being imprisoned in this miserable body which has become a torture chamber where the soul is tormented Non-Stop!

I long to hang myself or be run over by a train , but suicide attempts have had bad results and crippling injuries that affect me for life. No matter how much I long for death, I'll not chase death unless euthanasia becomes legal. But may God bring this to an end.

I can accomplish nothing because nothing motivates me, and without motivation there is no ability to do anything.

Do not become a selfish person or narcissistic. Do not worship thyself, use drugs, or become an atheist. It is the cause of this misery and despair. I lost faith and was inconsiderate of others. Now i reap what I sew.

This is a harvest of corruption where all is a drink from the chalice of bitterness. God wills some of us drink nonstop till the last drop is gone! It is our lot for choosing selfishness, narcissism, drugs, love for money, greed, laziness, pride, lust, anger, covetousness, envy, and hedonism. It is the necessary penance! Some of us live in Sodom and Gomorrah.....it must be avoided at all costs. I was happy as an innocent child. Those days are gone! Now nothing brings joy and all is bitter.

Sin will rob you of far more than all your money. It will rob you of your ability to feel joy and make everything bitter and a miserable experience. Sin will make you sick and unable to experience pleasure. Our society largely has forgotten or denied that sin is even something that exists. It must, for it ruined my life when I chose to let it have free reign over thoughts, behavior, and money. Everything revolved around chasing pleasure and being a selfish narcissist.

It is clearly the cause of this misery and I have myself to blame. I just implore you to be wiser!

 

[The Reverend Bob]

Here is some music to make you happy, Matt. But don't try those dance moves at home because you might injure yourself and remember these people are professionals.

 

[Spiderman]

All has become a cross and affliction! Were I nicer to people, humble, and not so selfish and narcissistic, it would not be so!

 

[Spiderman]

Here is some music to make you happy, Matt. But don't try those dance moves at home because you might injure yourself and remember these people are professionals.

Thanks lol

 

[We Never Know]

Dude, ma'am, you,,,,. Don't be like that. Yes life has its ups and downs, it's highs and lows, etc. Go talk to a counselor or someone.
I don't know you from Adam but I don't want to see anyone hurt, feel pain, feel worthless, suffer, etc.
Seek help in any way you can. My older brother commited suicide 6 years ago because he was crippled from an auto accident, my younger brother is hooked on meth and has spent 18 of the last 22 years in prison. I hurt everyday because it seems there was nothing I could do do make things better to/or help them. Don't get to that point. I'm not always on this forum but feel free to message me if you need to for someone to talk to.
You're young at 32 and have a whole bunch of life left ahead of you. Seek friends, family, counselors or what ever you need to help pull you through it will be worth it if that's what you want.
You may be tired but never give up. You have more fight left in you than you realize.
My mom used to tell me when you think you have it bad, look around and you will see others that have it worse. You know what, she was right. But that's me.
Dig deep, take deep breathes, rise up and show yourself and everyone what your made of. You have more inside you than you know. Don't ever give up. I wish I could say more.

 

[dybmh]

this too will pass; your brain needs time to adjust to sobriety.

 

[We Never Know]

this too will pass; your brain needs time to adjust to sobriety.

Yes sobriety is tough. I tell that to my younger brother all the time. He gets out of prison for 3-6 months Then a goes back again for 3-6 years.
I always tell him "you can't defeat your demons if you still enjoy dancing with them".

 

[Enoch07]

It is clearly the cause of this misery and I have myself to blame. I just implore you to be wiser!

I second dybmh.

this too will pass; your brain needs time to adjust to sobriety.

Hang in there. All that you are feeling is your body/mind craving the numbness that drugs bring. You are feeling stuff you normally block out, and are overwhelmed at the moment. Practice some breathing exercises and focus solely on your breathing. Block out everything else just focus on drawing in long breaths through your nose then releasing out of your mouth. Listen to your breath, and your heart beat. Then focus on slowing that beat down by repeating the breathing g exercise slowly over and over. When your heart rate noticeably slows down you will find yourself feeling better, if only a little bit.

 

[Quagmire]

Mat, I don't think it's sin thats ****ing with you, I think it's regret.

You know why your life sucks? Because life sucks. Your life, my life, everybody's life. It's just the nature of being human and on this planet. It isn't anything you did or failed to do, its just the way things are. The trick is to learn to live with the fact that life sucks and find some way to make it worth putting up with anyway.

You didn't **** up your world, the world was ****ed up when you got here. Granted, some of the ways you tried to deal with that fact didn't help, but that's true of all of us.

And really, I don't think you're any more selfish than the rest of us. Probably less so than a lot of people.

You can be a bit odd, but you're not an ***hole, which puts you in the upper percentile as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Spiderman]

Mat, I don't think it's sin thats ****ing with you, I think it's regret.

You know why your life sucks? Because life sucks. Your life, my life, everybody's life. It's just the nature of being human and on this planet. It isn't anything you did or failed to do, its just the way things are. The trick is to learn to live with the fact that life sucks and find some way to make it worth putting up with anyway.

You didn't **** up your world, the world was ****ed up when you got here. Granted, some of the ways you tried to deal with that fact didn't help, but that's true of all of us.

And really, I don't think you're any more selfish than the rest of us. Probably less so than a lot of people.

You can be a bit odd, but you're not an ***hole, which puts you in the upper percentile as far as I'm concerned.

Life just sucks. Everybodys does. Amen preach it brother.

 

[We Never Know]

Life just sucks. Everybodys does. Amen preach it brother.

I agree life does suck sometimes but not all the time. I guessing you can think back in your life when life didn't suck. Think, look bsck, what was different then?
If you can see what was different, then you can see what changed.
Work on changing it back to where life didn't suck, from there move toward.

 

[SomeRandom]

Life is crazy and unfair and sucky. But that’s just how life is.
Stop and smell the flowers.
Here’s a tackle hug

 

[74x12]

Everything has become bitter. I hate sleeping, hate eating, hate using the restroom, hate brushing my teeth, hate calling the taxi cab to arrange rides to medical appointments, hate cleaning up, hate bathing, hate dreams, hate sleeping, hate waking, hate body odor, hate the behavior of the people in this slum, hate being imprisoned in this miserable body which has become a torture chamber where the soul is tormented Non-Stop!

I long to hang myself or be run over by a train , but suicide attempts have had bad results and crippling injuries that affect me for life. No matter how much I long for death, I'll not chase death unless euthanasia becomes legal. But may God bring this to an end.

I can accomplish nothing because nothing motivates me, and without motivation there is no ability to do anything.

Do not become a selfish person or narcissistic. Do not worship thyself, use drugs, or become an atheist. It is the cause of this misery and despair. I lost faith and was inconsiderate of others. Now i reap what I sew.

This is a harvest of corruption where all is a drink from the chalice of bitterness. God wills some of us drink nonstop till the last drop is gone! It is our lot for choosing selfishness, narcissism, drugs, love for money, greed, laziness, pride, lust, anger, covetousness, envy, and hedonism. It is the necessary penance! Some of us live in Sodom and Gomorrah.....it must be avoided at all costs. I was happy as an innocent child. Those days are gone! Now nothing brings joy and all is bitter.

Sin will rob you of far more than all your money. It will rob you of your ability to feel joy and make everything bitter and a miserable experience. Sin will make you sick and unable to experience pleasure. Our society largely has forgotten or denied that sin is even something that exists. It must, for it ruined my life when I chose to let it have free reign over thoughts, behavior, and money. Everything revolved around chasing pleasure and being a selfish narcissist.

It is clearly the cause of this misery and I have myself to blame. I just implore you to be wiser!

You have to be stronger. So be strong and you have to remind yourself to be strong. That's what men have to do. But don't be so negative either. I think it doesn't help to view everything as penance sent from God. In fact even the most perfect people suffer greatly sometimes. That's just my friendly advice. Nothing more ...

And God wants people to be strong. I think that's obvious or the world would be perfect.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Everything has become bitter. I hate sleeping, hate eating, hate using the restroom, hate brushing my teeth, hate calling the taxi cab to arrange rides to medical appointments, hate cleaning up, hate bathing, hate dreams, hate sleeping, hate waking, hate body odor, hate the behavior of the people in this slum, hate being imprisoned in this miserable body which has become a torture chamber where the soul is tormented Non-Stop!

I long to hang myself or be run over by a train , but suicide attempts have had bad results and crippling injuries that affect me for life. No matter how much I long for death, I'll not chase death unless euthanasia becomes legal. But may God bring this to an end.

I can accomplish nothing because nothing motivates me, and without motivation there is no ability to do anything.

Do not become a selfish person or narcissistic. Do not worship thyself, use drugs, or become an atheist. It is the cause of this misery and despair. I lost faith and was inconsiderate of others. Now i reap what I sew.

This is a harvest of corruption where all is a drink from the chalice of bitterness. God wills some of us drink nonstop till the last drop is gone! It is our lot for choosing selfishness, narcissism, drugs, love for money, greed, laziness, pride, lust, anger, covetousness, envy, and hedonism. It is the necessary penance! Some of us live in Sodom and Gomorrah.....it must be avoided at all costs. I was happy as an innocent child. Those days are gone! Now nothing brings joy and all is bitter.

Sin will rob you of far more than all your money. It will rob you of your ability to feel joy and make everything bitter and a miserable experience. Sin will make you sick and unable to experience pleasure. Our society largely has forgotten or denied that sin is even something that exists. It must, for it ruined my life when I chose to let it have free reign over thoughts, behavior, and money. Everything revolved around chasing pleasure and being a selfish narcissist.

It is clearly the cause of this misery and I have myself to blame. I just implore you to be wiser!

Sounds like you're a bit hard on yourself. I am too, but I try to keep it within healthy limits.

 

[PureX]

"I, I, I, ... me, me, me, ... woe and despair!" ... Grandiosity, and more reasons and excuses to get high. It's how the addict brain works.

The antitdote: GET OUT OF YOURSELF! Go to a meeting. Go to an AA club. Get names and phone numbers so you can call them and be around other sober people. Clean your apartment. Practice meditation (de-legitimizing and setting aside the insane conga line in your head). Go jogging. Go outside and pick up trash on the street. Clean your apartment. Clean someone else's apartment who is unable to do it for themselves. Do something positive for yourself or for someone else.

The 'enemy' is that crap going on in your head telling you that everything is 'bad'. "I, I, I, me, me, me, woe and despair, time to get high, no other possible solution, ..." The real solution is to ignore it, by any positive means, and then replace those thoughts with more positive thoughts. In time the new positive thoughts and actions will become your new 'normal'. But to get to that point you have to retrain your mind. Literally, you have to build new neuropathways to replace the old ones. And that takes persistence. Don't buy into the BS in your head. Recognize that it is the addict brain doing what the addict brain has trained itself to do over the course of many years. And now you have to retrain it to think like a sober person.

It's hard, but it's not impossible. Just keep going forward no matter what.

 

[Lionel Refson]

Knowing that reality is hateful, live in it a minute at a time. take pleasure in the small things. Pick a dandelion, apologize to it for having killed it, blow on it, watch the seeds fly away. Consider its form, perfect for its needs. Look at your own skin. Consider how marvellous it is, how it can grow, heal, stretch and shrink.
Its time to look around you and take joy in the seemingly irrelevant marvels that you see every day and as time passes with sobriety you will find yourself again.

 

[sooda]

Everything has become bitter. I hate sleeping, hate eating, hate using the restroom, hate brushing my teeth, hate calling the taxi cab to arrange rides to medical appointments, hate cleaning up, hate bathing, hate dreams, hate sleeping, hate waking, hate body odor, hate the behavior of the people in this slum, hate being imprisoned in this miserable body which has become a torture chamber where the soul is tormented Non-Stop!

I long to hang myself or be run over by a train , but suicide attempts have had bad results and crippling injuries that affect me for life. No matter how much I long for death, I'll not chase death unless euthanasia becomes legal. But may God bring this to an end.

I can accomplish nothing because nothing motivates me, and without motivation there is no ability to do anything.

Do not become a selfish person or narcissistic. Do not worship thyself, use drugs, or become an atheist. It is the cause of this misery and despair. I lost faith and was inconsiderate of others. Now i reap what I sew.

This is a harvest of corruption where all is a drink from the chalice of bitterness. God wills some of us drink nonstop till the last drop is gone! It is our lot for choosing selfishness, narcissism, drugs, love for money, greed, laziness, pride, lust, anger, covetousness, envy, and hedonism. It is the necessary penance! Some of us live in Sodom and Gomorrah.....it must be avoided at all costs. I was happy as an innocent child. Those days are gone! Now nothing brings joy and all is bitter.

Sin will rob you of far more than all your money. It will rob you of your ability to feel joy and make everything bitter and a miserable experience. Sin will make you sick and unable to experience pleasure. Our society largely has forgotten or denied that sin is even something that exists. It must, for it ruined my life when I chose to let it have free reign over thoughts, behavior, and money. Everything revolved around chasing pleasure and being a selfish narcissist.

It is clearly the cause of this misery and I have myself to blame. I just implore you to be wiser!

You don't have to "find" God. He's there.

Why don't you clean out a closet or pull weeds? Really.

 

[Spiderman]

You don't have to "find" God. He's there.

Why don't you clean out a closet or pull weeds? Really.

I took out trash! Does that count?

 

[Twilight Hue]

Everything has become bitter. I hate sleeping, hate eating, hate using the restroom, hate brushing my teeth, hate calling the taxi cab to arrange rides to medical appointments, hate cleaning up, hate bathing, hate dreams, hate sleeping, hate waking, hate body odor, hate the behavior of the people in this slum, hate being imprisoned in this miserable body which has become a torture chamber where the soul is tormented Non-Stop!

I long to hang myself or be run over by a train , but suicide attempts have had bad results and crippling injuries that affect me for life. No matter how much I long for death, I'll not chase death unless euthanasia becomes legal. But may God bring this to an end.

I can accomplish nothing because nothing motivates me, and without motivation there is no ability to do anything.

Do not become a selfish person or narcissistic. Do not worship thyself, use drugs, or become an atheist. It is the cause of this misery and despair. I lost faith and was inconsiderate of others. Now i reap what I sew.

This is a harvest of corruption where all is a drink from the chalice of bitterness. God wills some of us drink nonstop till the last drop is gone! It is our lot for choosing selfishness, narcissism, drugs, love for money, greed, laziness, pride, lust, anger, covetousness, envy, and hedonism. It is the necessary penance! Some of us live in Sodom and Gomorrah.....it must be avoided at all costs. I was happy as an innocent child. Those days are gone! Now nothing brings joy and all is bitter.

Sin will rob you of far more than all your money. It will rob you of your ability to feel joy and make everything bitter and a miserable experience. Sin will make you sick and unable to experience pleasure. Our society largely has forgotten or denied that sin is even something that exists. It must, for it ruined my life when I chose to let it have free reign over thoughts, behavior, and money. Everything revolved around chasing pleasure and being a selfish narcissist.

It is clearly the cause of this misery and I have myself to blame. I just implore you to be wiser!

That means you're happy living out your days in joy.

 

[Spiderman]

"I, I, I, ... me, me, me, ... woe and despair!" ... Grandiosity, and more reasons and excuses to get high. It's how the addict brain works.

The antitdote: GET OUT OF YOURSELF! Go to a meeting. Go to an AA club. Get names and phone numbers so you can call them and be around other sober people. Clean your apartment. Practice meditation (de-legitimizing and setting aside the insane conga line in your head). Go jogging. Go outside and pick up trash on the street. Clean your apartment. Clean someone else's apartment who is unable to do it for themselves. Do something positive for yourself or for someone else.

The 'enemy' is that crap going on in your head telling you that everything is 'bad'. "I, I, I, me, me, me, woe and despair, time to get high, no other possible solution, ..." The real solution is to ignore it, by any positive means, and then replace those thoughts with more positive thoughts. In time the new positive thoughts and actions will become your new 'normal'. But to get to that point you have to retrain your mind. Literally, you have to build new neuropathways to replace the old ones. And that takes persistence. Don't buy into the BS in your head. Recognize that it is the addict brain doing what the addict brain has trained itself to do over the course of many years. And now you have to retrain it to think like a sober person.

It's hard, but it's not impossible. Just keep going forward no matter what.

Okay dude! In order to escape narcissism and selfishness, one must be getting to talking about their errors and it is healthy to make a confession.

It is part of the steps to confess our failures, shortcomings, faults, crimes etc.

Yes, it is about I I I me me me because that is the project I'm trying to work on and correct. Yes, the end goal is to be others oriented.

I'm trying to turn this fool into a gift to the people he meets.