Family Problems

[Solon]

Ahh, I was wondering how many folks had problems with still living at home ? I actually moved back there a number of years ago when my marriage collapsed. What seemed a good move has turned into a kind of living nightmare. It's not really my parents fault, they've just got really old, and need more and more looking after. Not only that, when I lost my job, and most of my money, I got grounded even more, I don't know about other people, there are obvious finanicial benefits from living at home, but at what price freedom and independence ? My experience tells me I've surrended my independence and and swopped it for dependence, and I have really mixed feeling about all this. Hence I get much anxiety. And I might add, because it's worth mentioning, being at home gives you more scope for incurring debts, and in my case, has caused a loss of my pervious motivational levels.

Solon

 

[jonny]

I love my family, but I won't spend more than a week or so at home. It gets too difficult. I'm too independant.

 

[Solon]

Hi Jonny,

The words of great psychologist Eric Berne echo here, he said one should obtain a friendly divorce from one's parents as soon as possible, and therafter to vist them on occasion. I think you've got things right

Solon

 

[SoyLeche]

I tried moving back home for a summer after about 5 years of living on my own and just about went crazy. I ended up staying at my brother's house instead for about a month. I try not to think about that summer - it was really bad in many ways. Thanks for bringing it up

 

[Solon]

Your welcome, I wanted to discuss this as of course, as it has affected my whole life in ways I didn't wish for, and didn't forsee...

Solon

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

It is becomeing more common for adult children to live at home in the Uk, but it only suits some.
It is very common in Spain and Italy and it works for them.
The furthe east and south you go to China India Africa, Large family groupings are seen as normal.
It frees up more of the family to go to out to work. and it is a cultural thing anyway.

To go back to live with family after having your own life is really difficult.
When our house was being built in Kent, we lived with my wifes parents for 6 months, after moving back from London. I would never recommend it, two families in one house is not fun.

Terry__________________________-
Blessed are the gentle, they shall inherit the land

 

[Solon]

Well, yes it works for some, and I agree Terry, many people are chosing to stay at home because of the high price of housing , bills ect in the UK, But as you say, when you've been away, and I was for quite a number of years, it is hard. It was OK at first, I still had a good job, car, social life, but it's all ebbed away over the years, and now I'm finding it extremely problematical. Being stuck through financial reasons in the main. Also, my parents are now not able to look after themselves, so it's a kind of double trouble.

Solon

 

[Shadow Wolf]

If I could make about 400 more a month, I would move out of my moms house. Or, if one of my friends gets a job that is open year round (he works at a type of drive-in fast food place that serves mainly hot dogs.), we would get a place together and split rent, utilities, etc.
I can't stand living with my mom. I rarly ask for money, so I would be ok. I would rather have the life-style freedom of living away from my mom.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

Well, yes it works for some, and I agree Terry, many people are chosing to stay at home because of the high price of housing , bills ect in the UK, But as you say, when you've been away, and I was for quite a number of years, it is hard. It was OK at first, I still had a good job, car, social life, but it's all ebbed away over the years, and now I'm finding it extremely problematical. Being stuck through financial reasons in the main. Also, my parents are now not able to look after themselves, so it's a kind of double trouble.

Solon

My wifes parents likewise seemed to become old and frail very quickly, luckily we lived very near, but it took a lot of my wifes energy looking after them.
But these situations do not go on for ever, and whilst you never whant to lose your parents, that is what happens.

Enjoy their company while you have them, you will miss them when they are gone.
The time they depend on you, is rather less than the time you depended on them when you were young.

Terry________________________-
Blessed are the gentle, they shall inherit the land

 

[Solon]

Ay, thanks Terry, perceptions of time are strange, I can hardly remember ny younger days, and today's today seems endless. My mother is never well, and my father is incapable of helping her. It's a kind of Catch 22 situation. Both my sisters live away, although my brother is here, well hardly speak because we dislike each other intensly...

 

[jewscout]

i had to move back in w/ my mother recently and i make it a point to never ever be home.
i just can't take living there...it's not like coming home it's like going to someone elses house.

 

[jorylore]

I'm recently back home because my mom fell into poor health. She doesn't need constant care but she must have someone there to remind her to take her medicine. It's tedious. But right now it's my priority. Let me ask, if I may? What would happen to your folks if your situations were different and you were able to move out?

 

[Solon]

Me? well they would have to go into an old folks home or something like that. Although my brother is here as well, so they wouldn't be totally alone; only thing is, he's a thief who would rob them, as he already does, but I try to keep that in check.