Favorite Family Guy Quote

[Original Freak]

I know...it's almost completely impossible to pick one...but this makes me crack up every time I hear it.

We now return to the Smurfs.
Smurf 1 - "Hey, you have a good time last night?"
Smurf 2 - "Smurftacular"
Smurf 1 - "Yeah, I saw you leave with Smurfette."
Smurf 2 -"Oh man, as soon as we got out of the bar she started Smurfing me!"
Smurf 1 -"Shut the smurf up."
Smurf 2 - "Yeah"
Smurf 1 - "Right in the smurfin parking lot?"
Smurf 2 - "SMURF YEAH!"
Smurf 1 - "Oh, that is freakin smurf."
Smurf 2 - "You smurf it."
Smurf 1 - "That is freakin smurf."
Smurf 2 - "Yeah"
:biglaugh:

 

[jewscout]

oh i love this show!

Lois "I swear sometimes i feel like i'm married to a child."
Peter "Well if i'm a child then you know what that makes you? A pedophile, and i'll be damned if i'll stand here and be lectured to by a pervert."

 

[FyreBrigidIce]

Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. (laughter)
Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you're so funny!




Meg: Everybody! Guess what I am?
Stewie: Hm, the end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?


Stewie: By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Californ-i-ay and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins.


Stewie: Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.


FBI

 

[jewscout]

Stewie: Flappy, good news. I've decided not to kill you!

Peter talking to his new jewish friend Max Weinstien: "Oh man is there anything you people can't do? I mean, you know, aside from manual labor."
Lois: "Peter don't be silly they built the pyramids."
:biglaugh:

 

[Jaymes]

I love the episode where Peter's boss dies, and he tries to find a new job, and at one point he's dressed up as a hooker and on the street corner...

Lois: Peter, get in this car right now!
Peter: Okay, but it's gonna cost ya...

After all the innuendo and he gets in the back seat with Meg and Stewie:

Stewie: *to Meg* My, it's quite eerie, isn't it? Like looking into the future!

I also love all the zombie Jesus quotes

 

[Neo-Logic]

That is perhaps the funniest animated show of all times. I love this show, it makes me laugh like no other. While i'm also a Simpsons fan, I'm liking this more and more because Simpsons is more of physical humor while this is more of faster-paced jokes and allusions to a whole host of stuff.

For some reason though, I can't remember a lot of the jokes from Family Guy. It's like a quick me-fall-to-the-floor-my-mom-stares-at-me laugh and then 30 minutes later, I won't remember anything.

But halarious nonetheless.

 

[ch'ang]

"Don't worry I have a plan so diabolical that my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about."- Peter

"Joe your twice the man our last neighbors were,... and since your half a man already that splits them into some kind of fraction that I can't even imagine."-Peter

"And if you all lead good and pure lives you will get to live in a magical place for eternity called Hevean....Naw I'm just joshin yeh, you just rot in the ground."-Peter to a sunday school group

"Dad I heard that tanning boths can cause melenoma."-Chris "Aww thats just a fancy word for sexifed, come on now hop in."-Peter

I could go on and on its just endless, no other show makes me laugh like that

 

[Majikthise]

"victory Is Mine!!!"

 

[Mister Emu]

That show is awesome.

 

[Neo-Logic]

Gi gi ty gi gi ty gi gi ty gi gi ty gi gi ty gi gi ty

 

[Cynic]

Gotta love those chicken fajitas.

 

[Original Freak]

Quagmire - "Hey there Sweety, how old are you?"
Girl at door - "16"
Quagmire - "18!, your first."
Girl at door - "MOOOOOM!
Quagmire - "I like where this is going. Giggity Giggity GIG-A-DEE"

 

[jewscout]

[Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus]
German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian Griffin: Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian Griffin: You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian Griffin: A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen! Sie werden ruhig sein! Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland! (You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany.)
[throws his hand up in a Hitler salute]
Brian Griffin: ...uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls

Peter: I'd sell my soul to be famous.
[cut to hell]
Satan: We've got a live one. Peter Griffin.
Assistant: No good, sir. It seems he already sold his soul once in 1977 for Bee Gees tickets and then again in 1983 for half a mallomar.

 

[Ukno]

quagmire, walking by- "hey meg, 18 yet?"
meg- "no"
quagmire- "so Chris, how's life."
Chris- "Well, I-"
quagmire- "aallrriiigghhhtt....."

 

[Unedited]

It doesn't work very well as a random quote, but it's got to be my favourite 'cut away' in Family Guy.

Lois: Why are you acting like this? Nigel's charming. All British men are.
Peter: Yeah, right. That's what they said about Benjamin Disraeli.
-- cut to Benjamin Disraeli --
Benjamin Disraeli: You don't even know who I am.

And from the same episode (I think).

Lois: The British are a lovely people. Not physically, of course, but inside.

Cleveland: The only British idiom I know is that "***" means "cigarette."
Peter: Well, someone tell this cigarette to shut up.

 

[LongGe123]

From that episode where the world ends (then it's just a dream)

Lois: Peter! You just ate a year's supply of food!

Peter: eh...wha d'ya know I'm still hungry
<drinks water and inflates>
Peter: everybody leave, I have to poop....NOW!

Different ones:

Lois: Why did the company make YOU president?
Peter: Maybe it's because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second...YAAH
Lois: Peter that was just a loud yelping noise

Peter: Look Lois it's the two symbols of the Republican party, an elephant and a fat white man who's scared of change.

Brian: Peter you've got to tell Lois the truth (I think this is it)
Peter: Oh what? Should I also tell her I didn't really stand up to that tank in Tian'AnMen Square? <cut to Tian'AnMen> 'screw this I just came here to buy some fireworks!'

Peter: Lois come on, I just spent the whole morning on a boat fishing and drinking beer, how about a little ME time huh?!

Peter: boo Lois yay beer!

OK that's enough from me now I think

 

[Ceridwen018]

Stewie: You! Cut my eggs!
Butler: Your eggs are cut, sir.
Stewie: Excellent! Now cut my milk!
Butler: I can't, sir, its a liquid.
Stewie: {slaps him} Idiot! Freeze it, then cut it! And if you ever question me again I shallput you on diaper detail and believe me, I will NOT make it easy on you!

 

[Jaymes]

Death and a random animal-crazy girl in a coffee shop:

"I like animals."

"Uh-huh."

"'Cause they're like people, just little furry people."

"Uhm... hey, you ever go on the internet? They got some cool stuff there on that internet!"

"Oh yea, I bought these shoes from a company on the internet... because they don't test on animals."

"*frustrated sigh*"

"You know, animals never war. War is an invention of humankind."

"What are you talking about?! Animals fight all the time!"

"Not with nuclear arms! You can't hug your family with nuclear arms!"

"... *pokes*"

"*falls over dead*"

"Check please."

 

[Yerda]

I almost soiled myself when I heard this:

Chris: Hey little dude, how about some ice cream?
Stewie: Yes I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

I love that baby!

 

[Original Freak]

Anyone know there is a Family Guy movie coming out?

It's a straight to DVD movie, and it got leaked on the internet....

Personally I thought it was hilarious.