Fear: Can it take away your choices...?

[MW0082]

So I personally believe and know that fear can be used to take your choices away.

Example, as a child I knew I was gay. However out of fear of hell and family disowning me and all the other bad stuff that could happen, took that choice away from me. I could not be openly gay child or teen. For fear took that option away from me.

Does anyone else agree disagree?

 

[Walkntune]

So I personally believe and know that fear can be used to take your choices away.

Example, as a child I knew I was gay. However out of fear of hell and family disowning me and all the other bad stuff that could happen, took that choice away from me. I could not be openly gay child or teen. For fear took that option away from me.

Does anyone else agree disagree?

Emotions only have the control we give them. We can release all emotions and thoughts if we choose to.

 

[MW0082]

Emotions only have the control we give them. We can release all emotions and thoughts if we choose to.

What if that fear is crippling?

Meaning one person has the strength do to their personality to say eff it. the other not so much, what if the fear is so bad they will not overcome that.

How do they have that choice then?

 

[Walkntune]

What if that fear is crippling?

Meaning one person has the strength do to their personality to say eff it. the other not so much, what if the fear is so bad they will not overcome that.

How do they have that choice then?

Although fear can seem to be crippling, in reality when emotions are released they have no substance as many who release the fear of death come to find out.
In reality it is the resistance of the fear that causes us dilemma.
Freedom and peace lie on the other side of fear.

So although you are correct that fear is crippling to ones life and choices, it is our choice to allow it to be so.

 

[tomato1236]

If fear is oppressing you, maybe you should overthrow your fear.

You still had a choice.

 

[wordmagnifiedabovenames]

Fear doesn't take away choices, it just makes it easier to choose. To use to OP's example, the OP had a choice to either choose to be openly gay, and deal with the consequences or choose to not be openly gay and have a different set of consequences. The fear of one set of consequences made one option more attractive than the other, but it was still a choice.

If fear is oppressing you, maybe you should overthrow your fear.

They say that perfect love casts out all fear.

 

[waitasec]

Fear doesn't take away choices, it just makes it easier to choose. To use to OP's example, the OP had a choice to either choose to be openly gay, and deal with the consequences or choose to not be openly gay and have a different set of consequences. The fear of one set of consequences made one option more attractive than the other, but it was still a choice.



They say that perfect love casts out all fear.

doesn't seem like perfect love to me. does perfect love from god have to be reciprocated?

god is insecure, did he say he was a jealous god

exodus:5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,

hmmm, is god trying to evoke a fear? i should say yes.
i know what you are thinking...
"but you need fear to guide you towards the right path"

isn't instilling dignity better then instilling fear...
god needs to watch a few episodes of supernanny

and why would the 3rd and 4th generation have to be punished?

 

[Kathryn]

Fear isn't always a negative thing. Sometimes fear is what protects us from reacting to situations in a way that may harm us, or harm other people.

Take for example, a man who is tempted on a business trip to have a fling. He's had a bit too much to drink, he's been away from his family for two weeks, he argued with his wife long distance this morning, and he's under a lot of pressure at work. Five drinks down, in an anonymous bar 1000 miles from home, on a solo business trip, he's tempted.

But - he's afraid he may get a disease. He's afraid his wife may somehow find out, and then he may lose his family. Is the fear reasonable? Maybe or maybe not - but those fears play into his decision to forego the proffered dalliance.

Not necessarily a bad thing. Fear can be useful, if we use it to our advantage.

 

[wordmagnifiedabovenames]

doesn't seem like perfect love to me.

The last bit of my post was in responce to something tomato1236 said, in relation to overthrowing fear.

does perfect love from god have to be reciprocated?

For a Christian perspective, I'd say go and read 1 John to find out.

exodus:5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,

Your quote isn't in Exodus 5. It's 15 chapters away in Exodus 20.

Yes, He's a jealous God, in the same way that a husband is jealous for his wife's fidelity. That doesn't mean He's insecure, it just means He cares, it's something He places value on.

If you read the verse that follows the one you tried to quote, you'll see that God says that He shows mercy to thousands who love Him and keep His commandments. I think God is contrasting the example of disobedience and hating God affecting the father + 3 or 4, with the promise of mercy for those who love and obey affecting the thousands. In doing so He's showing that love is greater than fear, and is trying to motivate the people using love, rather than fear.

isn't instilling dignity better then instilling fear...

I don't know, I'd imagine there's a whole lot of factors to consider, and it would have to be done so on a case-by-case basis. I'd imagine that instilling love is better though.

Fear can be useful, if we use it to our advantage.

If a man loves his wife "enough," he would avoid having a fling not out of fear for himself (for any disease he may contract, or the consequences that would affect him should his wife find out,) but rather he would avoid it because he loves her. The concerns that fear gives rise to would be secondary. In fact, if the love he had for his wife was strong enough (if love can be quantified in such a way,) fear would not factor in his decision at all.
I think the choices we make should be motivated by love, not fear.

That's probably a bit off topic from the OP though; I still think fear doesn't take away choices, lots of times it just makes them easier (or harder, depeniding on your point of view.) They're still choices though. Whether the decisions we make should be motivated by fear or not is a different question, probably for another thread or PMs.

 

[waitasec]

Your quote isn't in Exodus 5. It's 15 chapters away in Exodus 20.

sorry,
it is chapter 20 vs 5....honest mistake

Yes, He's a jealous God, in the same way that a husband is jealous for his wife's fidelity. That doesn't mean He's insecure, it just means He cares, it's something He places value on.

if you love someone, does that mean you have the right to be possessive of their choices? do you own them? or when you love someone it's giving them the freedom, understanding, hope. i don't see how this can apply to how a husband loves his wife, unless he's the possessive and controlling kind.

you read the verse that follows the one you tried to quote, you'll see that God says that He shows mercy to thousands who love Him and keep His commandments.

as any abusive husband would do if his wife were to bow down to her husbands every whim...
"Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you." gen 3:16

 

[EverChanging]

Fear is only one of many factors that determine our actions, our behavior. In reality, there are always factors influencing us and thus determining our behavior. Change the environment, change the behavior. So while fear makes certain behavior more probable, we never really had any choices to begin with.

 

[EverChanging]

This may be of interest to you: Brain Scans Can Reveal Your Decisions 7 Seconds Before You “Decide” | Exploring The Mind!

 

[MW0082]

This may be of interest to you: Brain Scans Can Reveal Your Decisions 7 Seconds Before You “Decide” | Exploring The Mind!

Thank you so much, I knew that fear could limit your options. Just because you can do it doesn't mean you will, which means the fear HAS taken that option away.

 

[tomato1236]

Oh no! Fear took my choices away! As if fear was some independent entity with power of some kind.

 

[waitasec]

Oh no! Fear took my choices away! As if fear was some independent entity with power of some kind.

you seem to be saying people aren't capable of lying to themselves...

 

[tomato1236]

you seem to be saying people aren't capable of lying to themselves...

Haha I didn't even almost say that!

 

[waitasec]

Haha I didn't even almost say that!

when i first read your post it bothered me
and it took me a while to think about why it did.
i took your post as insensitive. it is real and it is debilitating.
the OP spoke of it and how it kept him from living in freedom. i seem to remember you mentioned your brother is gay, was he in the closet? if so, then why?

 

[tomato1236]

when i first read your post it bothered me and i had to think why it did.
and it took me a while to think about why it did.
i took your post as insensitive. it is real and it is debilitating.
the OP spoke of it and how it kept him from living in freedom. i seem to remember you mentioned your brother is gay, was he in the closet? if so, then why?

There is no doubt that the emotion called fear is a motivator, or perhaps more accurately a de-motivator, or inhibitor. But fear is no more able to take away choices than is happiness, anger or embarrassment. It's an emotion, and you choose what to do in response to it.

I believe that much of who we are and even more of who we become is based on choices we make. If this is so, it doesn't seem to make sense that who we are would also include mechanisms that barr our ability to make decisions.

I'm sorry you felt I was insensitive. Fear can be overwhelming and very difficult. It cannot, however, be autonomous.

 

[waitasec]

But fear is no more able to take away choices than is happiness, anger or embarrassment. It's an emotion, and you choose what to do in response to it.

thanks
explain to me how happiness can take away choices...
i am under the assumption that embarrassment is a symptom of fear and so is anger. the difference between fear and happiness is that fear is a defense mechanism.

 

[tomato1236]

thanks
explain to me how happiness can take away choices...
i am under the assumption that embarrassment is a symptom of fear and so is anger. the difference between fear and happiness is that fear is a defense mechanism.

My whole point is that emotions DO NOT remove choices. So there's no point in trying to explain how happiness DOES. BTW, I consider happiness to be an emotion, in case that wasn't clear.