Engyo
Prince of Dorkness!
I feel like sending in a few of these letters!
http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/business/3235757
June 21, 2005, 11:43PM
An open letter to my dearest creditor
By LOREN STEFFY
Copyright 2005 Houston Chronicle
Dear MasterCard,
This is to inform you of a change in our credit agreement. It has come to my attention that you are unable to keep my credit and debit card information safe.
You recently revealed that data on more than 40 million accounts may have been exposed to fraud because of a security breach at a payment processing company. Information in about 200,000 accounts is known to have been stolen.
It's probably the biggest case of consumer data being compromised to date, which is saying something given what's gone on in the past few months. Just a few weeks ago, Citigroup revealed that it lost data on 4 million customers at its CitiFinancial unit.
Bank of America lost records on 1.2 million customers. Then there's the security breaches at the credit bureau ChoicePoint and the theft of customer credit card and purchase data at more than 100 of Retail Ventures' DSW Shoe Warehouse stores.
As for you, MasterCard, you said that working with law enforcement you identified breaches at CardSystems Solutions in Tucson, Ariz. The processor with the ironic name CardSystems Problems now seems more appropriate handles more than $15 billion worth of transactions a year.
What are we, as consumers, to do? I spent a lot of time over the past few days wrestling with this question, and then the answer came in the mail.
It came in the form of a notice from one of my credit card companies (not you, this time) that had decided to change the terms of the credit agreement and tell me about it after the fact.
It's funny how you guys can't keep track of our account information, but you have no trouble keeping track of the sundry fees you levy against us.
You probably see where I'm going with this. What's sauce for us consumer geese is sauce for you, the credit card gander.
Revised agreement
So here goes:
Effective May 1, 2005, any compromise of my data will result in a $50 liability for you, the card issuer, owed to me, the card holder.
Cashing the payment check I sent you last month (which you did) shall constitute your acceptance of this agreement. Subsequent security breaches will compound the fee. I will spell out the terms of just how much these fees and related costs will escalate as soon as I find a typeface that is small enough.
Failure to comply with these changes will result in finance charges, compounded monthly and based on the average daily balance of the amount lost to fraud.
By the way, I recently incorporated myself in South Dakota, which means I can now engage in usury as much as you can. Therefore, I have selected an annual percentage rate of 28.7 percent. However, failure to make payments will force me to raise this rate to 73.9 percent, just because I can.
And one more thing. I expect my payment to be on my desk by 12:37 p.m. on the day it's due. I'm usually at lunch at that time, so I will consider it late if it's not there by 11:24 a.m. After that, all the previously listed finance charges will apply. The date the payment is mailed is irrelevant.
Also, given the widespread nature of the security problems, I am going to share information with my fellow consumers. If I determine you failed to secure their private account information, I may be forced to enact the terms specified in this agreement even though you did not violate the agreement with me. Call it universal default in reverse.
One more thing
Before I close, let me take a minute to tell you about an exciting new offer: security breach insurance.
For the low, low price of just $45 a month, I will agree to waive the fees described in my new fraud prevention agreement. Finance charges will still apply. I also require a $30 processing fee.
It's a small price for piece of mind. Just think, no longer will you have to worry about the cost of your incompetence. Just think of the savings!
I believe that these changes will greatly enhance our mutual credit experience. I look forward to the benefits of our new and improved relationship.
Fondly,
Your loyal customer.
Loren Steffy is the Chronicle's business columnist. His commentary appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Contact him at [email protected].
http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/business/3235757
June 21, 2005, 11:43PM
An open letter to my dearest creditor
By LOREN STEFFY
Copyright 2005 Houston Chronicle
Dear MasterCard,
This is to inform you of a change in our credit agreement. It has come to my attention that you are unable to keep my credit and debit card information safe.
You recently revealed that data on more than 40 million accounts may have been exposed to fraud because of a security breach at a payment processing company. Information in about 200,000 accounts is known to have been stolen.
It's probably the biggest case of consumer data being compromised to date, which is saying something given what's gone on in the past few months. Just a few weeks ago, Citigroup revealed that it lost data on 4 million customers at its CitiFinancial unit.
Bank of America lost records on 1.2 million customers. Then there's the security breaches at the credit bureau ChoicePoint and the theft of customer credit card and purchase data at more than 100 of Retail Ventures' DSW Shoe Warehouse stores.
As for you, MasterCard, you said that working with law enforcement you identified breaches at CardSystems Solutions in Tucson, Ariz. The processor with the ironic name CardSystems Problems now seems more appropriate handles more than $15 billion worth of transactions a year.
What are we, as consumers, to do? I spent a lot of time over the past few days wrestling with this question, and then the answer came in the mail.
It came in the form of a notice from one of my credit card companies (not you, this time) that had decided to change the terms of the credit agreement and tell me about it after the fact.
It's funny how you guys can't keep track of our account information, but you have no trouble keeping track of the sundry fees you levy against us.
You probably see where I'm going with this. What's sauce for us consumer geese is sauce for you, the credit card gander.
Revised agreement
So here goes:
Effective May 1, 2005, any compromise of my data will result in a $50 liability for you, the card issuer, owed to me, the card holder.
Cashing the payment check I sent you last month (which you did) shall constitute your acceptance of this agreement. Subsequent security breaches will compound the fee. I will spell out the terms of just how much these fees and related costs will escalate as soon as I find a typeface that is small enough.
Failure to comply with these changes will result in finance charges, compounded monthly and based on the average daily balance of the amount lost to fraud.
By the way, I recently incorporated myself in South Dakota, which means I can now engage in usury as much as you can. Therefore, I have selected an annual percentage rate of 28.7 percent. However, failure to make payments will force me to raise this rate to 73.9 percent, just because I can.
And one more thing. I expect my payment to be on my desk by 12:37 p.m. on the day it's due. I'm usually at lunch at that time, so I will consider it late if it's not there by 11:24 a.m. After that, all the previously listed finance charges will apply. The date the payment is mailed is irrelevant.
Also, given the widespread nature of the security problems, I am going to share information with my fellow consumers. If I determine you failed to secure their private account information, I may be forced to enact the terms specified in this agreement even though you did not violate the agreement with me. Call it universal default in reverse.
One more thing
Before I close, let me take a minute to tell you about an exciting new offer: security breach insurance.
For the low, low price of just $45 a month, I will agree to waive the fees described in my new fraud prevention agreement. Finance charges will still apply. I also require a $30 processing fee.
It's a small price for piece of mind. Just think, no longer will you have to worry about the cost of your incompetence. Just think of the savings!
I believe that these changes will greatly enhance our mutual credit experience. I look forward to the benefits of our new and improved relationship.
Fondly,
Your loyal customer.
Loren Steffy is the Chronicle's business columnist. His commentary appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Contact him at [email protected].
