Has Anyone Here Ever Been Through A Rough Divorce and Had God Help Them Through It?

[Little Joe Gould]

One of my friends is going through a pretty rough divorce right now and really all she can do is pray to God that both her parents can be happy in some way. If there is anyone here that has some good advice on getting through a divorce with God I would most appreciate it if you would share in this thread. Thank you.

 

[IF_u_knew]

Best advice you could give her is to trust the process fully. If she is old enough to understand advice, then she is old enough to allow for each person to go through what it is they will go through. I imagine it is most difficult for the children (depends on age, I guess), but if she is old enough, then let her know that all she can do is listen to each one of them without taking sides. This will take great strength and courage on her part and she will have to allow herself room for error.. as we all make many of them... but we also learn from them.

I think G.d will help, but not in the way that is typically taught. G.d teaches through experiences. He already knows that her heart is broken for her family... the best thing to do is go with it. Unfortunately, most of learn most by devastating events... G.d is Life and Life is not stale..

Just like volcanoes bring devastation and there is little we can do to prevent it.. they also spring forth new Life. This is the same attitude we must meet those HARD blows in Life... go with it. Let the emotions loose and rather than trying to stop them in yourself and in the others involved, observe the emotions and it will be somewhere in there that Understanding takes root.

I do not say this from a position of not having experience. I was left in quite the harsh way... and the blows kept piling one on top of another in ways that would make most lose their mind... and I did for a bit lol... but I opted to go through it and to not cover it up with "prayer"... "false comforts" ... "false pleasures"... etc. I took them all head on and the result was more precious than I could even express.

As her friend, I would suggest offering up no advice. The ones who I am most appreciative to are not the ones who offered up comforts (for who can comfort something as devastating as a broken family?.. that is pious and haughty to think we could).. the ones who I ended up being most appreciative to are the ones who took the brunt of my anger and bitterness without ever walking away. (there were not many, mind you) They were the true friends, because they took it and never offered up the false comforts and never turned their back on me... thus allowing me to learn MANY valuable lessons that are deeply embedded in me. And they will forever be upheld in my eyes and valued more than treasures for their service and loyalty during my darkest hours.

Summery: 1. No false comforts.. prayer does little for a person when said out of a bitter heart... G.d will never honor hypocrisy, but He WILL honor Truth! 2. Be the target and servant while she needs it.

You are the one who needs advice... in being there for her. She does not... she needs to go though this w/out being untrue to herself.

Just my 2 cents that are here for whatever you think they are worth. And whatever you do... my whole point is to help YOU understand, not her. If she is hurting from this, as I am sure she is overwhelmed, advice is the last thing you should be giving her... so please, do not take my words and share them with her (neither should you share anyone else's advice with her... let her talk it out). She needs to work through this in her way.. :sad:

Edited to add: Just wanted to clarify or you may misunderstand... as I am sure she will not be bitter or angry with you.. just as I was not with my friends... I was speaking specifically of anger and bitterness toward her folks and possibly even herself. If you feed her with cheesy comforts and advice, you could make her feel like you are just trying to shut her up. Even when she asks you, turn the question around on her.. this will be a HUGE TREASURE in the long run because it will teach HER to learn how to handle devastations. Capish?

 

[Little Joe Gould]

I'm really not trying to sound rude, but that really doesn't sound like Christian advice. I'm sorry. I was going to send her a link to this at first, but then you mentioned that "prayer" is a false comfort and right now that seems to be the best thing that is working to keep her level headed and not too depressed.

Can anyone else post?

 

[Smoke]

I was going to send her a link to this at first, but then you mentioned that "prayer" is a false comfort

That is not what she said.

 

[Little Joe Gould]

Maybe it wasn't phrased in the way that would make me understand. Everyone thinks differently. Would you mind rephrasing that?

 

[IF_u_knew]

Actually, I have no desires to change what I said. I tell you the truth. Whether you want to at least try to view it from the perspective of one who has gone through that fire or not is up to you. If you want to be selfish and offer only up what you deem good advice to her based on your "beliefs".. then do so. You asked advice and though I am not a Christian.. I am a person who USED to be a Christian, and am a human (if nothing else), and has gone through this. Have you? if so, then why did not your own advice work for her.. if not, then how do you know my advice is wrong?

Want to help your friend or do you want to "feel" like you are helping her?

 

[IF_u_knew]

oh... and I will clarify my point on prayer... G.d will not accept the prayers that are not from the heart. It is better that she speak in all honesty of heart about how she feels concerning this situation. Personally... my heart is constantly in prayer because I am not a hypocrite and seeking selfish things. I view hard times as a time for growth.. not a time to bypass that growth by being hypocritical in front of G.d. He is not oblivious to our true intents.

What other advice could you need concerning prayer unless you seek ritual which is hypocrisy.

 

[Little Joe Gould]

To answer your question, I did go through a divorce. One of my earliest is me and my sister hiding under a little tent we built out of blankets crying while my parents threw dishes and bottles at each other. My parents absolutely hate each other. The last memory of seeing my mom even remotely near my dad was when my mom was slamming a middle finger against the window as she drove away from his house picking me up. I know what it's like to have the two people you love most hate one another. And your advice is not something that would have cheered me up at the time of my parent's divorce.

 

[IF_u_knew]

To answer your question, I did go through a divorce. One of my earliest is me and my sister hiding under a little tent we built out of blankets crying while my parents threw dishes and bottles at each other. My parents absolutely hate each other. The last memory of seeing my mom even remotely near my dad was when my mom was slamming a middle finger against the window as she drove away from his house picking me up. I know what it's like to have the two people you love most hate one another. And your advice is not something that would have cheered me up at the time of my parent's divorce.

And had you been paying attention, you would easily have noted that I would have never given you advice. People do not need advice when going through these things.. they need the firm security and quiet patience of a friend to work through what it is they are dealing with. Advice just speaks to a person that they need to get over it because you are annoyed (regardless if that is your intent or not... it is how it will be received.. much as you proved in the above post).

 

[Charity]

I'm really not trying to sound rude, but that really doesn't sound like Christian advice. I'm sorry. I was going to send her a link to this at first, but then you mentioned that "prayer" is a false comfort and right now that seems to be the best thing that is working to keep her level headed and not too depressed.

Can anyone else post?

I have often said that prayer doesn't always change the situation that is going on. In order to reverse this situation both parties would have to be receptive and desire the same thing. Apparently they are going their separate ways, maybe this is for the best and even though we can't understand it now maybe months or years later when things have settled down then everyone will see that this divorce was the best for all concerned. Daily arguments and the children having to live through this is certainly not in the best interest of any concerned.
Now to the prayer, like I stated no don't expect the prayer to change people who don't want to be changed, it's like banging your head against a a brick wall when talking to people who have made up their minds to divorce. :banghead3

Prayer often times has not changed my circumstances but it gives me the peace that I need to go through the problem. The peace and understanding to accept the outcome no matter what. God didn't say we wouldn't go through hard times, but He did say He would be there with us.
Telling you I'm a christian doesn't mean that my life is going to be perfect and that I will never have struggles, illness or suffer a loss. I have always been strengthened, through prayer. I have tried God and He has proven himself many times through His love and closeness.

 

[IF_u_knew]

Now to the prayer, like I stated no don't expect the prayer to change people who don't want to be changed, it's like banging your head against a a brick wall when talking to people who have made up their minds to divorce.

I think this is also another astute observation and quite important to remember.. for all of us. I actually learned quite the hard way that what mattered in Life was not our circumstances, but rather what we gained through our circumstances.

After having many failed prayers, I decided to change what it was I was asking for. Warning: not for the faint of heart... :no: I had always been told, never ask for patience because G.d would answer it. So.. I asked in all sincerity of heart for patience. Sure enough... a three year, non stop, series of circumstances ensued. It was not until I was half way through, when I started weeping over the overwhelming burden that seemed to just get heavier with each passing day, that my mind went back to that day that in which I asked for patience. I figured, well... okay let's just get this all over at once.... "I want....." and began listing out certain characteristics that I found desirable.. to be meek, understanding of others, strength (particularly the strength found in Esther), etc. :faint:I was brought very low... there was a point where even "crawling" through life had become difficult. I look back now and think, WoW! I made it through and look what I have gained!

Anyway, point is... perhaps your friend has prayed for something from her heart (not her lips) that she could be building on right now. Yes, divorce is ugly, but when one focuses their sight on certain desirable characteristics, well.. that is when you gain beauty for ashes. I would rather have gained insights in this life than get to the end of it all having nothing of real value.

I thought of a piece of advice that was helpful to me. It was this.. I bought notebooks and any spare time I had, I would write proverbs and other profound quotes from wise people over and over and over.... I have a huge stack of them even now as a reminder of that time and what I have gained. That repetitive writing of the pearls sunk deep into the core of my being and before I knew it, the Wisdom coupled with the traumatic events I was enduring, had a profound effect on the way I think and react to situations now. *shrugs* Just thought of it and wanted to share, for what it is worth to you and your friend.

 

[dawny0826]

I would encourage your friend to continue to cast her cares and concerns to God. It's my opinion that God does care about our hurts and pains and would want her to pray and share with Him, regardless of the circumstances.

If your friend finds comfort in prayer, why shouldn't she continue? Communicationg with God is precious and can yield peace, which your friend may very well need right now.

God has lifted me up in my darkest times.

 

[BaronVonKaiser]

I don't wish to seem uncaring or unfeeling, but I think the Christian religion might be the wrong place to turn if your friend is struggling with a divorce. According to the bible divorce is only allowed if the woman cheats on her husband, and if she does get divorced which is highly discouraged I don't believe she is ever allowed to remarry unless it's to her original husband, Matthew 5:32 and Corinthians 7:10-11. Perhaps while your friend is becoming free of a bad marriage, it would be a good time to become free of sexist and servantile religion as well?