Have I done the right thing?

[Truth_Faith13]

Over the past couple of weeks I have become increasingly worried about a friend of mine. He has been struggling with his faith...I suppose its why we had grown close friends...though he is in a much darker place (scarily dark actually) than myself at the moment. He refuses to talk to anyone except me about his problems, and I am not in a position to help him properly. His parents have moved away and he is currently on his own in a house trying to live with cerebral palsy. I try as much as I can to take him out etc, but there is only so much I can do. I feel awful for not being able to help him further...

It came to a head the other day when I suggested to him he move down with his parents to which he replied "I dont want to, I have too much up here...there is you...well and you" - which terrified me! (thats awful of me I know) but I am worried he has become too dependent on me.

While I was talking with my friends the other night, I also decided to mention this and have asked them to talk to Bishop on Sunday - They agreed with whats being said and done, he really needs to be involved. My friend really dislikes the Bishop, but I feel it is the only way...I need to speak to Bishop anyway for my own issues but have I done the right thing in telling the other members about my friend, knowing he doesnt want to talk to anyone about it? and has a great dislike for them at the moment?

Sorry to rant at you guys! But you are all so good at advice etc and this is my "safe place"

 

[themadhair]

Just to clarify - does your friend have CP?

 

[Truth_Faith13]

Just to clarify - does your friend have CP?

Yes he does...

 

[themadhair]

Does he have any carers that pay him visits?

 

[Truth_Faith13]

Does he have any carers that pay him visits?

No, hes an independent little so and so... which is good in away, but he cant cope on his own...

 

[ayani]

i wouldn't suggest taking him to a person he hates for counseling... it might do more harm than good.

sometimes you can't really help a person if they're refusing help. would he consider going to a secular counselor for help, if he's not comfortable going to the LDS church?

 

[themadhair]

No, hes an independent little so and so... which is good in away, but he cant cope on his own...

I don't really want to say this, but you might be safer getting advice from his doctor. This type of situation isn't that uncommon with people attempting to remain independent and I'm sure his doctor would have some good advice on the matter.
I'd be hopeful the bishop gives this same advice.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

i wouldn't suggest taking him to a person he hates for counseling... it might do more harm than good.

I wouldnt take him to see Bishop if he didnt want to, at the moment its me getting advice from Bishop through my friends (as I am unable to get to Church)...I guess I am feeling bad for going behind his back. As a friend, when people tell me things, I keep it to myself...but its the scenario of what is being said is scary!

 

[Truth_Faith13]

I don't really want to say this, but you might be safer getting advice from his doctor. This type of situation isn't that uncommon with people attempting to remain independent and I'm sure his doctor would have some good advice on the matter.
I'd be hopeful the bishop gives this same advice.

Perhaps...just to give an example, the other day he had a cold, had no flu remedies or food for that matter in the house as he couldnt afford it, so I took him out and brought some stuff...

But it is not just the CP/living at home side - he also has problems with the religious side as well which need sorting (as its having a negative effect on his life)...and I dont have the knowledge or strength to help him with those.

 

[themadhair]

he also has problems with the religious side as well which need sorting (as its having a negative effect on his life)

You may want to think about this.

 

[ayani]

i agree with madhair. i think your friend's doctor would be the right person to talk to right now.

 

[lunamoth]

Hi DA,

You are obviously a very caring person. :yes:

You are doing the right thing in going to your Bishop to get support for yourself because it seems to me that your friend is leaning too much on you. It is not appropriate that he depend on you so heavily...he might easily drag you down and get you both in trouble.

And, MH and ayani are right that the person to help him is a medical professional. He may not want that because he wants to be independent, but right now he is not succeeding in that if he needs you to buy him food and medicine. It sounds to me like there may be other issues to, and he might need further public support like food stamps and health and human services.

I recommend that you keep religion out of it except to rely upon your faith to give yourself strength, and to get advice from your Bishop on what you should do.

You can point your friend in the direction of help, but think carefully about keeping firm boundaries on what you can realistically do to help him. Sometimes the best help is to not fill the gaps that allow him to stay in an unsustainable position. Be his friend, but not his whole support system. And be braced that he might get upset if you put down those boundaries.

Keeping you in my prayers.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

to get advice from your Bishop on what you should do.

Thats the plan...unfortunately the only people he knows up here are those that are in the Church and they have known him longer than myself. Hes been in the Church for 20years.

I guess I will just have to wait to hear from my friends on what Bishop thinks I should do.

I dont like the feeling "of going behind his back" even though my only worry is to help him and make sure he is OK.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

You may want to think about this.

In what way do I need to think about?

Or do you think I meant it in a way of he wants to leave and I dont want him to? Its not that at all...if he wants to leave the Church I will support him and still be friends with him...same thing he said to me when I left.

My major concern is that he is feeling so down about everything (related to the Church)...just as I did/have, he has many issues, but he will only speak to me about them - and I am still learning myself so cant help as much.

Oh I dont know...I just want the best for him....

Thanks for everyones help and advice though - sorry to ramble on!

 

[3.14]

you have 2 choices

1 you furter your knowlage to help him
2 you getsomeone els to help him


ps
he's not into you right?
cause the your the only one for me is a commen pickup line

 

[Truth_Faith13]

ps
he's not into you right?
cause the your the only one for me is a commen pickup line

Well that would be the other problem...he is! (and any other person of the opposite sex for that matter...this is what causes him a lot of pain...he falls head over heels for a girl far too quickly..almost every girl is "the one")

I am struggling to find the balance between helping him and making sure he isnt on his own all the time...and not being so close that he becomes really attached (although I am starting to think he already is)

 

[FFH]

I'll pray for you and your friend. My best friend's friend has cerebral palsey. It's hard to get him to open up to anyone really. Many are spirtually and/or physically disabled. We all need constant prayer, because our adversary is still in this world, trying to discourage us. Cast Satan out of his life, in the name of Jesus Christ, and he will flee from your's and your friend's life.

It really works, we have been given ALL authority over the devil and his angels, by the power, and in the name of Jesus Christ, because of his sacrifice on our behalf.

I pray that angels will guard you and your friend's life, where ever you go.

The roles we play in people's lives now, are hints of relationships that will last throughout the eternities, GLORIOUS relationships, free from sorrows, sufferings, disabilities, diseases and sicknesses of all kinds.

Matthew 25: 40
And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my bretheren, ye have done it unto me.

 

[DallasApple]

Perhaps...just to give an example, the other day he had a cold, had no flu remedies or food for that matter in the house as he couldnt afford it, so I took him out and brought some stuff...

But it is not just the CP/living at home side - he also has problems with the religious side as well which need sorting (as its having a negative effect on his life)...and I dont have the knowledge or strength to help him with those.

Forget the "religious" side for a second..Did you just say he had "no food"?

UM thats religious .We religiously need to have food.

If I were caring for someone I would FIRST make sure they had food.(and water).Just like a plant.

Love

Dallas

 

[misanthropic_clown]

It may feel like a betrayal of trust, but it is certainly the right thing to do to make people aware of the circumstances your friend is in. Perhaps you could arrange for the bishop to get some home teachers out to see him every so often so that he has another outlet through which he can express his needs.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

Well this just seems to be going from bad to worse....I am feeling awful for keep moaning at my friends at the Church - they are all lovely and have no concerns about me going to them, but they have their own lives to lead. So I thought I would come and moan some more to you guys! Hope thats OK . If anything it lets me just get everything off my chest, I find typing to be quite therapeutic.

The Bishop has been informed and he is sending one of the sisters over to see how he is getting on with food, cleaning etc which I have already determined he is not coping on his own. I went to see him today and the only little food he had was in the freezer and he doesnt get paid for two weeks!! He doesnt even have milk in the house...this is where I really start to worry! I said I would take some milk round to him tomorrow! One of my friends from Church said to call in social services?

I then recieved a text from him today asking me out - he knows the answer to this and I felt awful then because he falls for every girl and wears his heart on his sleeve and then when they say they are just friends, he is heart broken and now he has put me in the same position....

Should I back off for a little while perhaps?

I cant take all this anymore...I feel awful and selfish for saying it, but he never listens to anything you say and takes things completely the wrong way. I said to him last night that "we all get lonely sometimes, and it is difficult" and he took that as me saying nobody wants him....I am wondering whether his CP affects his congitive ability and therefore the way he thinks and processes information? Maybe he is more serious that I first thought.......

I still havent spoken to Bishop myself, I am awaiting on a call from him..hope he rings soon! I need some help in this, someone to direct me and tell me what to do!