Have you been divorced?

[Bishka]

Have you ever been divorced? Why were some of the reason that you got divorced? If you could go back and do it again, would you want to stay married to that person or would you still get divorced?

 

[Buttercup]

Have you ever been divorced? Why were some of the reason that you got divorced?

Looking back, which is often a 20/20 hindsight view, I can see that I was waaaay too young to know what I wanted or needed in a lifelong mate at that point. I married simply because I wanted to get married. I know that sounds incredibly dumb, but it's what I did. I talked myself into thinking I loved him enough or that I would grow to love him enough to spend the rest of my life with him. I knew after one month I made a mistake. But, I got pregnant the first month of marriage and tried to make it work for 10 years, mostly because of religious reasons. I wouldn't say the entire decade was horrible, but it definitely was a hard, hard time for the most part.

If you could go back and do it again, would you want to stay married to that person or would you still get divorced?

I just couldn't do it. I couldn't stay married to him. Even when I see him now all these years later sometimes I look at him and say to myself..."how did I do it?". Not because of any physical reason, but just because we are soooo different personality wise.

I tried to make it as easy as I could for the kids and I never, ever say anything bad about him to them...It's worked out pretty well although I wouldn't call us friends but, we're polite and amiable to each other. In fact, he lives one block away. The kids go between our houses in their slippers sometimes. I grew up without a dad and I was extremely determined for my kids to have all the access they wanted or needed with their father.

Divorce is tough for sure. But, it doesn't have to be the end of the world either. I think my kids turned out pretty well overall.

 

[Draka]

Have you ever been divorced?

yep, twice.

Why were some of the reason that you got divorced?

abuse(all kinds), belittling, insults, random affair accusations, threats of violence, etc.

If you could go back and do it again, would you want to stay married to that person or would you still get divorced?

hell no, not with either! besides, I'm happier now than I've ever been with turk. I'd be insane to give this up for the psychos I was with.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Have you ever been divorced?

Yes.

Why were some of the reason that you got divorced?

I needed protection and distance from my ex-husband at the time, who was suffering from alcoholism and drug abuse, and unfortunately a temper that was never put in check. I stayed for four years because I naively thought that I could influence him to change. *slaps self on forehead again*

If you could go back and do it again, would you want to stay married to that person or would you still get divorced?

If I could go back, I'd probably try a professional intervention with his family and a counselor. I didn't do that in our marriage......I just dropped the ultimatum on him like a bomb. The last straw for me was his reaction to the ultimatum - he threw the phone out into the street and tried to convince me that I "had no way out now." I knew he was blinded and beyond reach at that point, so I had to protect myself and my kids. That was when I snuck the kids out and phoned my mother from a neighbor's house. Other than the intervention idea of what I would have done differently, I would still divorce him if continued being so severely self-destructive.


Three years later, he started going to AA after finding himself homeless and completely alone. He now is a very decent man and a great father to the kids, and he even earned a Bachelor's Degree in education, and has continued to become a Special Education teacher because of our son. He also married perhaps the most fantastic and loving stepmother that my kids could ever ask for. :yes:



Peace,
Mystic

 

[Radio Frequency X]

Have you ever been divorced? Why were some of the reason that you got divorced? If you could go back and do it again, would you want to stay married to that person or would you still get divorced?

I have been divorced. My exwife left me because we had different values, I wasn't Christian enough for her, and I didn't enjoy her church or friends. Now that I'm remarried to a woman who makes me truly happy, looking back, I'm glad she left.

 

[mostly harmless]

I was in an abusive marraige..if I could do it again I would leave as soon as I found out I was pregnant.

 

[RevOxley_501]

<just married and believe in avoiding divorce as much as humanly possible---mostly by not marrying until you are ready and very sure.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Happily married here, never divorced.

 

[anders]

Divorced once in the mid 1970's, after not very many years of marriage. But after a year or so, I returned, and we again lived together unmarried, for a dozen years. The reasons for the breakups are strictly between her and me. And my first fianc&#233;e, and the ex's present guy.

I'm too happy living single to consider any alternative right now, but should Mr. NewMan end his days (which I hope won't happen in my lifetime - he's a really nice guy, and I visit the two of them fairly often) I have few problems in imagining returning again, now that I'm at least slightly more mature.

 

[mostly harmless]

Yes.





I needed protection and distance from my ex-husband at the time, who was suffering from alcoholism and drug abuse, and unfortunately a temper that was never put in check. I stayed for four years because I naively thought that I could influence him to change. *slaps self on forehead again*





If I could go back, I'd probably try a professional intervention with his family and a counselor. I didn't do that in our marriage......I just dropped the ultimatum on him like a bomb. The last straw for me was his reaction to the ultimatum - he threw the phone out into the street and tried to convince me that I "had no way out now." I knew he was blinded and beyond reach at that point, so I had to protect myself and my kids. That was when I snuck the kids out and phoned my mother from a neighbor's house. Other than the intervention idea of what I would have done differently, I would still divorce him if continued being so severely self-destructive.


Peace,
Mystic

I can sympathize...My ex wasn't a drug user or an alcoholic (although when he did drink his conrol was even worse than usual)..

He has a horrible raging temper...he doesn't care about who is present or where you are he will let it loose anywhere and in most any company. Both my daughter and I were on the recieving end of his rage, I was married to him for almost 8 years before the divorce was finally final. I did somethings that I am not very proud of to try and get away from him and make him understand he doesn't own me. So, if I could do it all again, I would leave as soon as I found out I was pregnant, that way my beautiful daughter would not be terrorized the way she was for the first couple years of her life.


He seems to be learning some control over his behavior, but his basic attitude hasn't change so any control he has developed is only to hide his nature (so Em doesn't get taken away from him)...it is sad really, he is capable of being a really good person if only he would quit getting in his own way.I tell my daughter that if we model good behavior and make sure that we choose how we are going to behave and re-act to him and his behavior that maybe someday he will see how wrong the way he treats other people is. Sometimes she seems confused about how she should feel about him when he is behaving badly, I simply tell her to love him-he is her father....but that doesn't mean she needs to like or approve of his behavior...and it is ok to tell him so..
She has become very adept at voicing her displeasure with his behavior in a very tactful, respectful mature way. I tell her to just remember to keep her cool so he doesn't find an excuse to get nasty to her for voicing her opinions. He desperately wants her to like him more than she likes me (like it is some kind of competition) so he spoils her and lets her do what she wants, but the biggest thing is her attitude when he misbehaves...he practically grovels to get back in her good graces. She lets him know, in no uncertain terms, how much his bad behavior bothers her...so (finally she gets to the point!)..I am glad to say that the violent attacks are very rare now. (he just recently assualted me, right in front of her again, on new years...the last one was last new years..????) She wouldn't speak to him. I, of course, filed a report with the police again...but I am hesitant to have him arrested.

No one seems to understand why.

 

[Westy]

Getting married very soon, fingers corssed, and i hope it doesnt end in divorce as im very happy at the minute!

 

[Booko]

Married 21 years, never divorced.

I'll say this for the Roman Catholics: They are very down on divorce, but they put you through the paces up front to try and make sure you don't make a mistake in the first place.

Also, Baha'is needing permission of all living parents to marry stops many a wrong choice dead in its tracks. It seems very odd to American sensibilities, but I've seen that overall it works.