Health Care Tips From Revoltingistan!

[Revoltingest]

My own personal affordable health care program (yes, I really employ these methods)......
- For a cold, put your money into premium cocoa, but empower it with cheap Canuckistanian whiskey. Their bland lowest common denominator blends are adequate for this purpose.
- Save money on band-aids by using tape instead. Why waste money on those sissy little cushiony pads?
- For big cuts (like an errant machete blow to the top of one's head), you can avoid stitches by being careful to not disturb the cut with more than light dabbing to stem the copious blood flow. Btw, it was an experimental machete design, which I've since retired.
- Ever dive into a pool & bend back a finger to the point of an avulsion factor? (Yes, it hurts for quit a while.) Now, when you don't go to the doc, & you find that your finger healed crooked, you can straighten it by continual stretching.

We're looking for more suggestions for our "Medical Maladies For Dummies" booklet.
What have you?
And it must be something you've actually done.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

I employed the cost-saving method of being born with a healthy gene-sequence and efficient immune system.

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

For a cold, just deal with it, it will pass

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Daddy's one rule about healthcare: don't get sick.

 

[Vinayaka]

If you get lice, use kerosene. A litre (quart in Revoltistan) goes for about a buck. You only need a teaspoon or so, so you can get head lice maybe 5 times a year for your whole life, and still kill'em with this supply.

The druggist will try to sell you non-working 'lice shampoo' for about 20 bucks a bottle.

Stick with kerosene. Just don't smoke while undergoing treatment. That part could be dangerous to your life.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you get lice, use kerosene. A litre (quart in Revoltistan) goes for about a buck. You only need a teaspoon or so, so you can get head lice maybe 5 times a year for your whole life, and still kill'em with this supply.

The druggist will try to sell you non-working 'lice shampoo' for about 20 bucks a bottle.

Stick with kerosene. Just don't smoke while undergoing treatment. That part could be dangerous to your life.

Now, this is worthy to include in Revolticare!
Do you light it?

 

[Vinayaka]

Do you light it?

Sorry. You're such a nitpicker. The bottle didn't have instructions. Even if it did, I can't read. Most of us in Canuckistan aren't educated. But it is fairly safe to assume not. But either way, I'm guessing those insects would sizzle. Just less damage to the scalp if you don't. Leave it on 4 3 hours, then wash it out with cheap soap. Kills the eggs too. No need to be a nitpicker.

 

[Vinayaka]

Never buy aspirin. Make tea from willow bark. Same stuff, unrefined, and substantially cheaper. You can boil it down and save if if you want to, but why bother when the willow is just by the side of the road? When you cut a switch to use on your kids, after it's all wore out, boil it down.

 

[Vinayaka]

Don't buy Vix. Use yarrow. Grind it up to make a paste. Add a little oil, and use that stuff like a poltice.

 

[Willamena]

- For a cold, put your money into premium cocoa, but empower it with cheap Canuckistanian whiskey. Their bland lowest common denominator blends are adequate for this purpose.

While this is true in principle, in practice there are no bland whiskies.

 

[Vinayaka]

While this is true in principle, in practice there are no bland whiskies.

Revoltistanians have suffered long from an inferiority complex regarding Canuckistanians, so they insult us whenever they get the chance. My advice to you would be to ignore it. I mean, what's more exciting of a name for whiskey that Canadian Club?

 

[McBell]

I mean, what's more exciting of a name for whiskey that Canadian Club?

um...
Devil's Mosh Pit?

 

[Revoltingest]

Revoltistanians have suffered long from an inferiority complex regarding Canuckistanians, so they insult us whenever they get the chance. My advice to you would be to ignore it. I mean, what's more exciting of a name for whiskey that Canadian Club?

Tis true that I look upon the frozen north with envy.
I didn't want to be a landlord...I've always longed to be a lumberjack.
Oh, the wonderful trees....the Scotch pine....the lisping larch....to wear plaid!
[youtube]5zey8567bcg[/youtube]
Lumber jack song - YouTube

 

[Willamena]

...I mean, what's more exciting of a name for whiskey that Canadian Club?

Gibson's... Wiser's... Alberta Premium... Masterson's...

 

[Vinayaka]

 

[Kilgore Trout]

I mean, what's more exciting of a name for whiskey that Canadian Club?

Drying Paint?

 

[Willamena]

My own personal affordable health care program (yes, I really employ these methods)......
- For a cold, put your money into premium cocoa, but empower it with cheap Canuckistanian whiskey. Their bland lowest common denominator blends are adequate for this purpose.
- Save money on band-aids by using tape instead. Why waste money on those sissy little cushiony pads?
- For big cuts (like an errant machete blow to the top of one's head), you can avoid stitches by being careful to not disturb the cut with more than light dabbing to stem the copious blood flow. Btw, it was an experimental machete design, which I've since retired.
- Ever dive into a pool & bend back a finger to the point of an avulsion factor? (Yes, it hurts for quit a while.) Now, when you don't go to the doc, & you find that your finger healed crooked, you can straighten it by continual stretching.

We're looking for more suggestions for our "Medical Maladies For Dummies" booklet.
What have you?
And it must be something you've actually done.

- When in doubt, leave it alone.
- Leave it alone, anyway--if you ignore it, it'll go away.
- Avoid trips to the doctor when you already know what's wrong with you. Paying to have someone else tell you what you already knew isn't helpful.
- Starve a fever, feed a cold... or was it feed a fever, starve a cold? I always get those two mixed up.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

- Starve a fever, feed a cold... or was it feed a fever, starve a cold? I always get those two mixed up.

When in doubt, feed it. If that doesn't work, feed it some more.

 

[Vinayaka]

Breathe fresh air, drink pure water, and get lots of exercise. Avoid excesses. Smile a lot.

 

[Kerr]

My own personal affordable health care program (yes, I really employ these methods)......
- For a cold, put your money into premium cocoa, but empower it with cheap Canuckistanian whiskey. Their bland lowest common denominator blends are adequate for this purpose.
- Save money on band-aids by using tape instead. Why waste money on those sissy little cushiony pads?
- For big cuts (like an errant machete blow to the top of one's head), you can avoid stitches by being careful to not disturb the cut with more than light dabbing to stem the copious blood flow. Btw, it was an experimental machete design, which I've since retired.
- Ever dive into a pool & bend back a finger to the point of an avulsion factor? (Yes, it hurts for quit a while.) Now, when you don't go to the doc, & you find that your finger healed crooked, you can straighten it by continual stretching.

We're looking for more suggestions for our "Medical Maladies For Dummies" booklet.
What have you?
And it must be something you've actually done.

You people in Revoltingistan are soooo barbaric. In Kerristan we teach our children how to perform brain surgery... on themselves... blindfolded! So whenever they get hurt, all they need to do is to kidna... ask for a volonteer from one of our generous neighboring countries, and swap brains. Much more civilized, dont you think?