Help!!!!!!

[BUDDY]

Okay, I really really need some relationship advice here. I am in a situation that is very difficult. There is this girl that is so attractive to me it is ridiculous. But, she is a coworker. I know, I know, don't mix work and pleasure. We have been working with each other for a few months and my feelings for her have grown over that period of time, rather than the opposite. We do stuff together every weekend, whether it be to see a movie, walk our dogs, take a hike in the mountains, etc. Nothing has happened that can be considered romantic, just two friends hangin out, you know. So, here's the kicker. She has a boyfriend. He's always gone, never around and she never talks about him. So, I decide to take action. I called her last week and told her that I was attracted to her and that it was not good for me to continue to hang out with her, given that we have to work together and she has a boyfriend. That I needed time away from her so that these feelings of attraction that I have will go away. She said that she understood, and seemed to be upset. We still talk at work like there is nothing going on, but I have the distinct feeling that she is attracted to me. I want to sit her down and tell her that I would gladly give up my job and find another one if there was a chance that these feelings were mutual, but I think I would then have to post on the "Most Embarassing Moments Thread". To me, this is just a job. They come and they go. It is not very often that you connect with someone. I don't know what I should do. Please help.:banghead3

 

[Druidus]

I'm not good in this department. I will, however, advise that is necessary to have a long talk with her, in which you discuss her possible attraction to you, and her boyfriend.

If she likes you, then make sure she has ended the relationship with her boyfriend if you do anything with her.

Most relationships never start, because both parties are too afraid that their feelings are dissimilar.

 

[robtex]

eewren you already laid your hand out brother. You told her you like her so there is no more information she needs to know to assess the situation. If she decides to just be friends she will if she wants to pursue a romantic situation with you she will. At this point you have nothing left to do. There is no hypothical contingencies, no secrets between you two and no variables left. I am guessing you told her a few days ago or maybe weeks ago and if she hasn't moved towards dating you my guess is she won't. Either way at this point there is nothing you can do. I am sorry for your pain but happy you decided to tell her how you felt so it was out in the open. Glad you posted this. Sometimes its good to get the perspective of friends who are not caught in the undertoe of love........

 

[Prima]

A few things, organized as always...

- Find out your company's policy on interwork relationships. Now, rather than later. You don't want something to bite you in the behind.
- COMMUNICATION! I can't stress that enough. Look, I even put it in bold. Really, though. If you think she likes you back...find out why she hasn't broken it off with her guy. Encourage her to be honest. And for her honesty, accept whatever her reply is, even if it's "I like you, but I like him more"
- I personally think it was a mistake telling her you wanted to spend time away from her to 'get over' your feelings. The number two thing (after communication) is to realize that everyone always expects the worst at the beginnings of a relationship - and sometimes still during it! After that, thoughts probably went through her head like "Does that mean he doesn't want to be attracted to me?...Does that mean he doesn't like me that much, that it'll be that easy to get rid of these feelings he has?...Is he being honest?...Is this just an excuse to not hang out around me anymore?..." People think crazy things sometimes. That's WHY it's so important to communicate.

On an interesting note, I'm currently writing a book kind of like this - a 'how to' for guys, aimed toward younger guys (15-30-ish) called The Guy's Guide to Screwing and Screwing Up. It started as a school project, and it's gotten out of hand!

 

[drggowns]

You have already done your part. I would say only hello and good bye to this chick and if she likes you she will come to you. I am a lady I know these things.

 

[SAC]

The best you can do is continue to be her friend. Really be there for her. If you feel strongly for her, and care about her--then your desire for a physical relationship should not overpower the happiness just being with her brings you. Everything has a way of working itself out. But, don't allow anything to come between you and a true friend you have made. That is what's most important, in my opinion. Boyfriends come and go (same as jobs, for some people), but true friends last forever.

 

[Saw11_2000]

So she has a boyfriend? Things can get nasty if you try to make a move on her and her boyfriend finds out.

But, if she really isn't happy in that relationship, it really won't sustain itself for that much longer. See what plays out, and then if it is mutual, ask her out, whatever.

 

[jimbob]

Dude, just ask her if she like you, if she doesn't oh well, there are other fish in the sea. Besides, if you ask her and she says no, she might later come to think otherwise, and she will know that you are willing to give the whole relationship thing another chance.

 

[Prima]

I would say only hello and good bye to this chick and if she likes you she will come to you. I am a lady I know these things

Well, as a lady, I would say that you should never count on someone to 'come to you' She might be too scared to do anything. She might be in an abusive relationship. She might not know how to make an approach. There are a thousand and one reasons why you shouldn't assume that someone else will do something for you.

The best you can do is continue to be her friend. Really be there for her.

Yay Good advice!