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[Krippled By Kush]

hey everyone, i found this forum by searching the web on late nights seeking if god really exists, so why not join and get others perspectives? I was always involved in catholic activities as a kid, parents were really strict about it. as i got older, stuff got harder in my life, was a star athlete at my high school but got involved with drugs(cocaine, weed, shrooms, alcohol, you name it i did it for the most part.) sports were my life, i was good at baseball, good enough to go somewhere but in and out of rehabs by the age of 15 wasnt going to help. then i devolved this awful anger problem, fights every other day at my alternative school at 16 , fights at home, eventually got arrested for hitting my mom out of anger at her taking my drugs that i was addicted to. i've always been in a kind of bad neighboorhood(chicago), never really fell into the bad croud but at 17 it happend cuz i felt i had nothing left to do but resort to someone standing on the corner selling drugs. got caught, did some time, some more time for failing drug tests, pretty much didn't learn. i just got out of rehab like 10 months ago, but in the last month stuff has gotten really awful and ive been doing a lot of bad things, which some i got caught for and am currently on house arrest but still cant shake the weed habit(il prob get locked up if i get tested which is a huge possibility anyday). i am lost in life as my mom says, and my dad is getting weaker as he tries to help me. we are struggling for money, losing our place in 12 days, i dont know what to do. im at a loss, my grandma just passed away recently and i rarely even think about it(only late at night when my mind wanders.) i have had my doubts of god even exists all along, but never have i doubted it this much in my life. i have always been a strong kid, fight back and never give in but its getting tougher and tougher as im getting older. going on 20 now, things are looking worse then ever. i have a constant lying problem, stealing, and im always getting in fights around me. have a broken arm atm, and just went to the hospital for stitches. i seek advice, help, anything that can possibly pull me out of this rut,i dont know how much longer i can stay strong. is god real? i want to beleive someone is watching over me and watching over my grandma but i have a hard time beleiving theres a higher power. i no longer fear death, incareration, i am pretty much lost like my mom said.

Please anyone who can offer advice id love it, id love to be a part of your community.

will god forgive me? without saying things ive done does he forgive all? i dont know if i can forgive myself so i drink, smoke, and **** my life away.

 

[badger]

OK. First things first. Welcome to the Forum. I've not been here long myself, but already I've met some amazing people, and I'm sure you will too.
Yes, you've got some stuff going on in your life, but on the plus side, you recognise it and acknowledge that you need to do something. IMO, your final sentence is the key. I believe it was a US comedienne that said, "Religions are all the same, guilt trips with different holidays" (I'm sure somebody here will correct me if I've misquoted!)
Anyway, the best advice I can give you is - Listen and interact with the people on this Forum, (most of whom are far more eloquent and knowledgeable than I!) And be assured that, I for one, hope you find your way again.

 

[Arkwort]

Welcome to the Forum, Krippled by Kush.

Arkwort

 

[GiantHouseKey]

Greetings

Welcome to RF. I'd firstly like to say good luck on your path to ourd. It won't be easy but i'm glad you've decided to take the first step (Open-mindedness).

Personally I don't think anything I can tell you will make you feel better. One thing I can tell you though: If you only believe something because it is a comfort to believe it, then you're only lieing to yourself.

You can read every holy text in existence, but the answer has to come from you. If you truly believe something then it will be more fluid spiritually and physically in your life. As badger said, talk to people here on RF. Many will know more about the concept of God that you desire than me. If you're dead set on finding a God, then I wish you good luck, but if you want my genuine advice I recommend 'listening to your heart', for want of a better expression.

Welcome though. I'm glad you've come here, it's a nice place really

GhK.

 

[Krippled By Kush]

Greetings

Welcome to RF. I'd firstly like to say good luck on your path to ourd. It won't be easy but i'm glad you've decided to take the first step (Open-mindedness).

Personally I don't think anything I can tell you will make you feel better. One thing I can tell you though: If you only believe something because it is a comfort to believe it, then you're only lieing to yourself.

You can read every holy text in existence, but the answer has to come from you. If you truly believe something then it will be more fluid spiritually and physically in your life. As badger said, talk to people here on RF. Many will know more about the concept of God that you desire than me. If you're dead set on finding a God, then I wish you good luck, but if you want my genuine advice I recommend 'listening to your heart', for want of a better expression.

Welcome though. I'm glad you've come here, it's a nice place really

GhK.

Thanks everyone, and what you said is really how I see things as well. If I don't believe but go to church like I always used to its just faking it. I don't want comfort to succeed in life, I don't want to be religious for comfort, I really want to feel the impact god has on others lives such as in this forum. I wonder, maybe I'm not good enough to believe?

Thanks.

 

[GiantHouseKey]

I wonder, maybe I'm not good enough to believe

That's rubbish xD The human mind is an incredibly powerful spiritual tool. My beliefs state that if you believe something enough, then it will be true for you. A lot of people are so deeply convicted in the existence of God that God literally exists for them.

Personally, I believe in something completely different to God, but I would imagine it's still technically a faith. It also explains the 'impact that God has' on many people's lives. All i'll say on the matter is that everything is what you perceive it to be and nothing more. The further you move spiritually the deeper the perception of spirituality can reach. The monkey cannot even step from the tree of ignorance because it has not developed the spiritual connections that the human brain has.

But anyway i'm going slightly off topic. What i'm really trying to say is that there's a level of spirituality that goes beyond 'I don't believe' and then 'I believe without question'. You have to judge reality for yourself to deduce it's true manifestation in your mind.

Personally, as much as I hate the christian perspective, it's an easy way to experience a taste of the soup of spirituality without putting your whole head in the bowl. Christianity can get you places so I would never discourage you from giving it a go. I was a christian for a while before I had a series of religious experiences that were the religious equivilent of 'Get the hell away from that bomb'. Anyway, again I ramble... Just know that religion is only what you choose to make of it, and that's all i'll say without confusing you further haha.

Good luck!

GhK.

 

[Wandered Off]

Welcome to RF!

 

[onegothmama]

I believe that we shape each of our own realities with our beliefs; so each persons realities can be different from each others. I believe that all the gods exist, but they don't in a way. They only exist in the sense that in your life, they have as much power as you believe they do, or the amount of power that your spirit is willing to set aside for convincing by some higher power. As a discordian, I believe in Eris, and that means that I am free. And you are free too, if you'll let yourself be. You're giving what has happend much too much importance. There is this story/parable that we call the Curse of Greyface in Discordianism. What it comes down to is that somewhere along the way people starting taking themselves and life in general seriously and lost touch with the creative chaos. They started leading ordered, structured lives, which actually leads to destructive chaos. Eris wants us to remember that the world is a playground, and that we shouldn't take the various games (work, school, whatever this corporate world throws at you) too seriously. Be free. I don't have any promises of anything either good or bad to happen in the hearefter after I leave this world, so I have no forgiveness to seek. Memory can be hard to overcome; foregive yourself, and forgive others, the rest will fall in to place afterwards.

The Curse OF Greyface is to believe that Order is the natural state of being, when anyone can see that DisOrder is truly the natural state of the universe. Life is the Art o Playing Game!, people. Wake up! Stop taking life so seriously. WE'RE HERE TO HAVE FUN! When you master non-sense then you've mastered sense. See it for what it is, ABSURDITY! - The book of Eris