Hi, I hope this isn't awkward

[asharmony]

Hi, I'm new to the boards.

I've been reading the forum for the last 4 months or so. Since about Christmas. I started coming to these forums after three years of intense relationships and intense breackups. The last relationship I had was the most intense and had the most intense breackup go along with it. I have been extremely heartbroken since about January two years ago after my second last relationship and then I had a very emotionally abusive relationship last year and then started to breackup with him in about October but then he brokeup with me instead and slept with a lot of my friends.

Ever since then, I have been very withdrawn, depressed, suicidal and searching for meaning in my life. I tried to kill myself with pills but that just saw me being put in hospital. I tried online dating but all the men I met up with just wanted sex. Now I really just want someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I have started to think that maybe being a part of something bigger than myself will make me happy and I thought that exploring spiritual options might be a good idea.

I used to be very outgoing and brash when I was in highschool and then in my early 20s but now I'm the most shy, inhibited person that I know of and I am desperate to find any kind of meaning in my life. I have tried doing some volunteer work and enrolling in an advanced adult literacy course to increase the prospects of me getting a better job (I've been a secretary since I was 17) but I still find myself crying myself to sleep every night.

I just hope there really is something better than sex and men and partying. I hope to explore other options now.

I hope this wasn't took awkward or depressing. I'm sorry.

x

 

[Geoff-Allen]

I used to be very outgoing and brash when I was in highschool and then in my early 20s but now I'm the most shy, inhibited person that I know of and I am desperate to find any kind of meaning in my life. I have tried doing some volunteer work and enrolling in an advanced adult literacy course to increase the prospects of me getting a better job (I've been a secretary since I was 17) but I still find myself crying myself to sleep every night.

I just hope there really is something better than sex and men and partying. I hope to explore other options now.

I hope this wasn't took awkward or depressing. I'm sorry.

Hi there!

No need to apologise - you're just being honest.

Welcome to the forum!

I hope you find some meaning in your life - that is what everyone wants ...

Here's a few tips you may find useful -

21 Habits of Happy People | PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement

One of the tips is choosing friends wisely ... took me a while to get that advice into my cotton-pickin brain

All the best!

 

[Axe Elf]

Where do you live?

(j/k)

 

[ADigitalArtist]

Doesn't look awkward or depressing, don't worry about it.

I would, however, be cautious about making big life changes while so close to severe depression episodes. I've seen peoole who have undergone bad breakups, abuse and depression turn new religions or new relationships into emotional crutches.
If you aren't currently seeing one, I'd try seeing a therapists who can give you some third party advice while you make your new journey of self-discovery. Help you head some potential poblems off at the pass.

Good luck to you and welcome officially to the forums.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Welcome to the forum. Seems like you're going through a "quarter life crisis". Seems common with people of our generation. There's no need to apologize or feel awkward. Many people are struggling with those issues, including om this very forum. I hope we can maybe give you some advice or at least help you feel not so alone. Feel free to message me.

 

[Spiderman]

I attempted suicide by laying down in front of an oncoming train, the train conductor had me arrested, I attempted suicide Again by jumping off a building and broke my back in two places, broke my ribs, broke my arm, broke my pelvis, and had a concussion.

It is faith that is getting me through each day. I hope and pray that you will experience God's love and the love of the souls in heaven

Don't give up hope and don't attempt suicide again because you can wind up permanently injured and disfigured.

Human beings will let you down. God is near the humble, the Brokenhearted, and those whose Spirits are crushed.

Listen to your heart! God speaks to the heart not the ears.

I hope and pray that you experience joy, peace, bliss, and God's love and healing. ((Hugs))

 

[Valjean]

My sympathies, and welcome to the forum.

Relationships? Who needs 'em? -- I've got a cat.

-- but that's just me....

 

[Nakosis]

I just hope there really is something better than sex and men and partying. I hope to explore other options now.

I hope this wasn't took awkward or depressing. I'm sorry.

x

The ideal relationship of unconditional love is pretty much a fantasy. When you first realize that you're not going to have this perfect life you thought most folks had, it's pretty depressing.

Best that will happen IMO is you find someone who is willing to accept you with all your faults and your willing to accept them with all of theirs. It's not easy, usually you'll be pissing each other off for the next decade or so and without a commitment from both of you to make it work, the relationship is not going to last.

You both have to be willing to forgive, forget and work it out whatever it take.

At some point after all of the pain, tears and blood, you reach a point where you are finally comfortable with each other. You know all of their faults, of of their quirks, all of the vulnerabilities and none of it matters anymore because of everything you went through together.

 

[Sunstone]

Welcome to the Forum! I see you're already getting some good advice, so I don't feel a need to follow up with my typically bad advice. I hope things get better for you soon, but sooner or later they almost certainly will. Life has a crazy way of planting roses that later on flower -- but planting them during storms.

Oh, and don't kill yourself. There are probably at least a few people out there who you haven't met yet, but who if you live you will come to love -- and if you kill yourself, then they will never be loved by you, and their lives will be the poorer for it.

 

[shmogie]

Doesn't look awkward or depressing, don't worry about it.

I would, however, be cautious about making big life changes while so close to severe depression episodes. I've seen peoole who have undergone bad breakups, abuse and depression turn new religions or new relationships into emotional crutches.
If you aren't currently seeing one, I'd try seeing a therapists who can give you some third party advice while you make your new journey of self-discovery. Help you head some potential poblems off at the pass.

Good luck to you and welcome officially to the forums.

Most surprisingly, I agree. I once suffered a severe depressive period because of severe, chronic stress as a law enforcement commander. The advice given is sound. There is meaning in life, rest assured, but until you reach equilibrium and deal with depression, the dark thoughts, the sleep and eating problems, you are really handicapped in your search. Seek someone who can help you who is seeing reality objectively, not through the lies of your depression. Be patient, it will pass, with help, much faster. Then you can happily begin your search. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Frater Sisyphus]

Welcome!

I, from time to time go through small periods of immense existential dread (which makes both religion and philosophy such relatable areas of study), I know how it feels. Life for you; is what you know and the balance of what you don't know, what comforts you and what scares you, what you love and what you hate, what decisions are immediate and what are left undecided.

My self-awareness in my teens bordered on depersonalisation, which gave me an interesting way of being able to analyse my thoughts (both the happy and the depressed, like suicidal).

Truth is, often these kinds of thoughts come from either a lack of challenge in life, detachment from life or the feeling of not having progress - staying in the same ruts (personal-wise and career-wise).
You really have to figure out the "why?" for yourself, to be able to make the "how?" and "where?". Depression is not something I believe can leave a person attuned to it, but it can be counteracted and dealt with.

Also, follow the synchronicities in your life, God/the universe is always dropping strange coincidences in place - which can do anything to you, from a new job, to a new friend to a new scientific development etc.

93!

 

[Kenny]

Hi, I'm new to the boards.

I've been reading the forum for the last 4 months or so. Since about Christmas. I started coming to these forums after three years of intense relationships and intense breackups. The last relationship I had was the most intense and had the most intense breackup go along with it. I have been extremely heartbroken since about January two years ago after my second last relationship and then I had a very emotionally abusive relationship last year and then started to breackup with him in about October but then he brokeup with me instead and slept with a lot of my friends.

Ever since then, I have been very withdrawn, depressed, suicidal and searching for meaning in my life. I tried to kill myself with pills but that just saw me being put in hospital. I tried online dating but all the men I met up with just wanted sex. Now I really just want someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I have started to think that maybe being a part of something bigger than myself will make me happy and I thought that exploring spiritual options might be a good idea.

I used to be very outgoing and brash when I was in highschool and then in my early 20s but now I'm the most shy, inhibited person that I know of and I am desperate to find any kind of meaning in my life. I have tried doing some volunteer work and enrolling in an advanced adult literacy course to increase the prospects of me getting a better job (I've been a secretary since I was 17) but I still find myself crying myself to sleep every night.

I just hope there really is something better than sex and men and partying. I hope to explore other options now.

I hope this wasn't took awkward or depressing. I'm sorry.

x

Not at all...

There is one who will stick closer than a friend and will never use you or abuse you.

Welcome and blessings.

 

[danieldemol]

Hi, I'm new to the boards.

I've been reading the forum for the last 4 months or so. Since about Christmas. I started coming to these forums after three years of intense relationships and intense breackups. The last relationship I had was the most intense and had the most intense breackup go along with it. I have been extremely heartbroken since about January two years ago after my second last relationship and then I had a very emotionally abusive relationship last year and then started to breackup with him in about October but then he brokeup with me instead and slept with a lot of my friends.

Dear Ash, Could it be time for some new friends? The Baha'is on this forum could help you find a devotional meeting near you which is a great way to meet some new friends who won't be all about sex. I garantee you could find friends who will help make things all right this way. They will love you come what may no matter if you are shy or outgoing, as Baha'is come from all walks of life themselves united by a common higher purpose.

Warm regards and things WILL get better

 

[Revoltingest]

Hi, I'm new to the boards.

I've been reading the forum for the last 4 months or so. Since about Christmas. I started coming to these forums after three years of intense relationships and intense breackups. The last relationship I had was the most intense and had the most intense breackup go along with it. I have been extremely heartbroken since about January two years ago after my second last relationship and then I had a very emotionally abusive relationship last year and then started to breackup with him in about October but then he brokeup with me instead and slept with a lot of my friends.

Ever since then, I have been very withdrawn, depressed, suicidal and searching for meaning in my life. I tried to kill myself with pills but that just saw me being put in hospital. I tried online dating but all the men I met up with just wanted sex. Now I really just want someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I have started to think that maybe being a part of something bigger than myself will make me happy and I thought that exploring spiritual options might be a good idea.

I used to be very outgoing and brash when I was in highschool and then in my early 20s but now I'm the most shy, inhibited person that I know of and I am desperate to find any kind of meaning in my life. I have tried doing some volunteer work and enrolling in an advanced adult literacy course to increase the prospects of me getting a better job (I've been a secretary since I was 17) but I still find myself crying myself to sleep every night.

I just hope there really is something better than sex and men and partying. I hope to explore other options now.

I hope this wasn't took awkward or depressing. I'm sorry.

x

Greetings!
There's nothing but awkward here.
I don't have any deep meaning, but I can offer....

 

[Thief]

Hi, I'm new to the boards.

I've been reading the forum for the last 4 months or so. Since about Christmas. I started coming to these forums after three years of intense relationships and intense breackups. The last relationship I had was the most intense and had the most intense breackup go along with it. I have been extremely heartbroken since about January two years ago after my second last relationship and then I had a very emotionally abusive relationship last year and then started to breackup with him in about October but then he brokeup with me instead and slept with a lot of my friends.

Ever since then, I have been very withdrawn, depressed, suicidal and searching for meaning in my life. I tried to kill myself with pills but that just saw me being put in hospital. I tried online dating but all the men I met up with just wanted sex. Now I really just want someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I have started to think that maybe being a part of something bigger than myself will make me happy and I thought that exploring spiritual options might be a good idea.

I used to be very outgoing and brash when I was in highschool and then in my early 20s but now I'm the most shy, inhibited person that I know of and I am desperate to find any kind of meaning in my life. I have tried doing some volunteer work and enrolling in an advanced adult literacy course to increase the prospects of me getting a better job (I've been a secretary since I was 17) but I still find myself crying myself to sleep every night.

I just hope there really is something better than sex and men and partying. I hope to explore other options now.

I hope this wasn't took awkward or depressing. I'm sorry.

x

relax....keep reading.....
something in the forum will make you giggle

and you will feel better

 

[Hockeycowboy]

He slept with “a lot” of your friends?!

If these ‘friends’ knew he was yours....they’re the worst friends!

 

[Axe Elf]

He slept with “a lot” of your friends?!

If these ‘friends’ knew he was yours....they’re the worst friends!

They may not have been very good friends, but they didn't answer to her as much as HE did. HE was the one she was in an intimate relationship with; they were just friends. It's his fault.

Honestly, if you don't love someone enough to not want to sleep with anyone else, then what you are experiencing is more selfishness than love.

 

[Aldrnari]

Welcome!

Sorry to hear that you've had such a rough time with life lately... Change will do you some good. What religious paths seem to interest you most?

 

[Thief]

I hope to explore other options now.

I hope this wasn't took awkward or depressing. I'm sorry.

x

have you given up already?

 

[asharmony]

Thank you all for the wide range of posts. They each have their value in their own way and all have been helpful in one way or another. I'll try to reply to most.

I've been less depressed and a lot more active in recent days. Very busy.

Regardless of my depressing post, I have still never lost my belief that the world is a beautiful place and that life is an invaluable thing in the most intrinsic sense.