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How do I get my 11 year old to tone down the attitude?
- Thread starter Marie75
- Start date
Rakhel
Well-Known Member
HAHA. I get that from my 7 year old. HEll, she once looked at her own father after he had told her no and said "Well mommy's older." Left him in shock and me jumping down her throat about disrespecting her father.Any suggestions? She's argumentative, talks back, doesn't listen...sometimes I want to pull my hair out!
We could always do what our parents did when we were like that, but it borders on child abuse. So I am not entirely sure how to tone it down without beating them within an inch of their lives.
Any suggestions? She's argumentative, talks back, doesn't listen...sometimes I want to pull my hair out!
Btw, she'll be 11 next month.
She's 11? Then you don't. An attitude is just a natural part of being that age, and the ages to come.
She's at a point in her life where she's starting to realize that she's an autonomous individual, and will try to carve out an identity for herself. The natural effect of this is that she's going to be pushing the boundaries like never before.
My suggestion (and do take it with a grain of salt since, though I've taken child psychology classes including one that focused on teenagers and I have supervised kids of various age groups, I have no children of my own) is to allow yourself into her world. Learn about whatever subculture she's most interested in. Show interest in what she's interested in. Listen to the music she listens to (and DON'T censor it; that'll just drive an unnecessary wedge between you two), and try to learn about it.
Of course, unless she welcomes you in, don't actively try to join her circle of friends. Keep it between the two of you.
In terms of discipline, NEVER raise your voice, and keep the consequences of what she does logical. Draw a line, and stick to it no matter what priceless treasure she throws across the house. Make sure there's no ambiguity, but pick battles wisely. If she thinks she got away with playing on a computer 'till the wee hours of the morning before class, let her think you don't know, and let her learn on her own what happens when you do that.
Remember that grain of salt.
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Breathe
Hostis humani generis
Oh God, I'm not looking forward to this as they get older. My eldest is coming 7 in November so I'm a few years away. She's tried the occasional bit of sass, but not much.
We're careful about with whom our kids play, as well. If they're little ******** (different from a bit of harmless naughtiness),
they don't get to play with them. Simple as.
So I asked my wife, who teaches, and she agreed.
Does she have TV/video games/a mobile (cell)? Take 'em away.
Send her to sit somewhere (My wife calls it "Contemplation Corner", because "Naughty Step" sounds too babyish. In Contemplation Corner, she tells them to think about what the child did, how it affected others, why it affected others, what they should do next time, etc. She uses it when teaching, too)
Lose her privileges. Kids don't like losing something.
Make her do extra chores. Kids hate that.
Be wary about what it says from some parental maganizes and advice columns. Ignoring might work with small kids, but it doesn't work on older ones. I see children like they are like pack animals; they look for a way to be the top alpha (yeah, I'm not fond of with kids, even though I have them, they're different. Shut up, I'm a hypocrite and proud of it). If you aren't filling it, they will.
My aunt and uncle did the 'ignore the bad, reward the good'. Now he's in jail. Or was. Probably still is. I don't see them much.
One of the last things I heard he did was he marched his dad -- at knife point -- to a cash machine, made him withdraw £300, and then beat him up and stole his car.
Also, we're gonna take a leaf out of Mormonism and start doing a family home evening.
We're careful about with whom our kids play, as well. If they're little ******** (different from a bit of harmless naughtiness),
they don't get to play with them. Simple as.
So I asked my wife, who teaches, and she agreed.
Does she have TV/video games/a mobile (cell)? Take 'em away.
Send her to sit somewhere (My wife calls it "Contemplation Corner", because "Naughty Step" sounds too babyish. In Contemplation Corner, she tells them to think about what the child did, how it affected others, why it affected others, what they should do next time, etc. She uses it when teaching, too)
Lose her privileges. Kids don't like losing something.
Make her do extra chores. Kids hate that.
Be wary about what it says from some parental maganizes and advice columns. Ignoring might work with small kids, but it doesn't work on older ones. I see children like they are like pack animals; they look for a way to be the top alpha (yeah, I'm not fond of with kids, even though I have them, they're different. Shut up, I'm a hypocrite and proud of it
). If you aren't filling it, they will. My aunt and uncle did the 'ignore the bad, reward the good'. Now he's in jail. Or was. Probably still is. I don't see them much.
One of the last things I heard he did was he marched his dad -- at knife point -- to a cash machine, made him withdraw £300, and then beat him up and stole his car.
Also, we're gonna take a leaf out of Mormonism and start doing a family home evening.
Alceste
Vagabond
Remember that if you're confrontational, bossy and irritable with her she is learning to accomplish her objectives by being confrontational, bossy and irritable. Set a good example.
Otherwise, I think pubescent girls are naturally messed up. You shouldn't expect unquestioning obedience. It's unrealistic.
Otherwise, I think pubescent girls are naturally messed up. You shouldn't expect unquestioning obedience. It's unrealistic.
Wherenextcolumbus
Well-Known Member
Any suggestions? She's argumentative, talks back, doesn't listen...sometimes I want to pull my hair out!
Btw, she'll be 11 next month.
I like her already
I think that belongs to being 11. During the teens I suspect it might get worse. Dont know enough about kids to give you advice, though. However, I can say that even if she just seems like she gets annoyed by you and so on, she loves you. I am an adult and I still get frustrated with my mom a lot because she is very bossy, yet I love her.Any suggestions? She's argumentative, talks back, doesn't listen...sometimes I want to pull my hair out!
Btw, she'll be 11 next month.
Lol, yeah, but I can imagine its hard to be a parent to her
.
dyanaprajna2011
Dharmapala
I don't know, but when you find out, let me know, so I can give some to my 7 year old daughter and 4 year old son. It's kind of sad when the least noisy and "rambunctious" kid I have is my 3 1/2 month old son.
oldbadger
Skanky Old Mongrel!
Any suggestions? She's argumentative, talks back, doesn't listen...sometimes I want to pull my hair out!
Btw, she'll be 11 next month.
Hi....!
My daughter is 38 now......... so I've probably forgotten what a stupid rubbish dad I was when she was 11. I tell you straight...... Would-be dads ought to have to take a test before their allowed to...... ok..... yeah.... that won't work, will it?....!
You're probably as much in need of counselling as she is. If you start there then you're getting somewhere.
Try this. For one day..... a whole bloody day....... you're not allowed to actually make a statement to her. You're only allowed to ask questions to her.
This helps, because at the point where you're about to SAY something, you have to stop, think, turn the the whole thing round into a question.........;. and then you've got to LISTEN to what she says.
Did I do all that? I've forgotten, but probably not. Like I said, I was a rubbish dad.
Any suggestions? She's argumentative, talks back, doesn't listen...sometimes I want to pull my hair out!
Btw, she'll be 11 next month.
She's just practicing for adolescence.
On a serious note, she's learning how to differentiate from her parents. It's clumsy and frustrating, but as much as she loves you and as much as she knows you love her, she doesn't want to be you. She is simply carving out her own niche, so to speak.
I noticed when we supported our kids' journeys into whatever they liked that they knew I or their dad would never do or would want to do....like tastes in music, movies, sports, activities, hobbies, job aspirations, etc...the back-talk and attitudes decreased dramatically if not completely became non-existant. But if they ever felt like we were trying to steer them down the same path we went, the attitudes suddenly went up and they became more defensive than usual.
We didn't learn this overnight, though, it came with much trial and error. I think it's why by the time kids grow up, parents finally catch on to what works and what doesn't, and then they want grandkids to really and truly enjoy watching the young grow rather than spend a lot of time worrying over silly things. And in the end, they really are rather silly when you think about it, though it may not seem like it at the time.
Wherenextcolumbus
Well-Known Member
Lol, yeah, but I can imagine its hard to be a parent to her
I ain't getting pregnant :no:
Titanic
Well-Known Member
Or this!
dyanaprajna2011
Dharmapala
Wow, I never thought of treating my kids like an old 8 bit Nintendo.
Jaiket said:
Or a bad Christmas gift.
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
I only had boys.When they ever acted sassy I just told them not to speak to me like that its disrespectful shame on you .They were pretty easy though in that way...bunch of love muffins...They gave me hell in other ways... 