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How do I raise my son with a healthy view of God.

Sand Dancer

Sand Dancer

Currently catless
My husband is Christian, and I was until lately, and we are raising our son as a Christian. With my recent change of heart, I want my son to love God but not necessarily adhere to a specific religion, but I also want him to have a sense of spiritual community, as he tends to be a loner type. He's ten. My husband may or may not agree with this idea of mine, but somehow I must bring my doubts up to him. In the meantime, I just need advice on books or conversations to have with my son.
 
Breathe

Breathe

Hostis humani generis
Take him spiritual places. Mosque, temple, gurdwārā, synagogue...

Avoid the doctrine of Hell. Bad for kids.
Avoid sin.

And go to church. Try an Episcopalian one. They're not so big on Hell from my experience.

From the sounds of things from speaking to people who have been to UU churches, I would personally say avoid UU churches unless you like political discussions and white middle class folk afraid of "the G word" and LOVE tea and biscuits... :D
 
Koldo

Koldo

Outstanding Member
Thirza Fallen said:
My husband is Christian, and I was until lately, and we are raising our son as a Christian. With my recent change of heart, I want my son to love God but not necessarily adhere to a specific religion, but I also want him to have a sense of spiritual community, as he tends to be a loner type. He's ten. My husband may or may not agree with this idea of mine, but somehow I must bring my doubts up to him. In the meantime, I just need advice on books or conversations to have with my son.
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This is a really complicated matter.
I think this sense of spiritual community is achieved if ones feels as an active part of a religious group. On the other hand, he is more likely to suffer peer pressure to be able to fit in this group.

If you see him as a loner, perhaps you should actively pursue with him an activity he gets interested in where he will get to know and interact with other children. It has to be something he likes to do, or else it won't work.

I think the best you can do is to be honest with him, and to make it clear that he can freely speak about things without being reprimanded ( unless he is misbehaving :p ).

If you want to talk about religion with him, you might want to read some parts of the bible you find relevant ( with the context, please. :D ) and let him talk about what he understands by these words before you say anything else. Let him interpret as he deems fit, and then explain why you think your view is better ( if you think it is ) or as reasonable.

I see children as flowers. You just can't force them to grow up as you wish. All you can do is provide the proper conditions for it to flourish.
 
Sand Dancer

Sand Dancer

Currently catless
Breathe said:
Take him spiritual places. Mosque, temple, gurdwārā, synagogue...

Avoid the doctrine of Hell. Bad for kids.
Avoid sin.

And go to church. Try an Episcopalian one. They're not so big on Hell from my experience.
Click to expand...

Good advice!

From the sounds of things from speaking to people who have been to UU churches, I would personally say avoid UU churches unless you like political discussions and white middle class folk afraid of "the G word" and LOVE tea and biscuits... :D
Click to expand...
I'll keep that in mind! :)
 
Sand Dancer

Sand Dancer

Currently catless
Koldo said:
This is a really complicated matter.
I think this sense of spiritual community is achieved if ones feels as an active part of a religious group. On the other hand, he is more likely to suffer peer pressure to be able to fit in this group.

If you see him as a loner, perhaps you should actively pursue with him an activity he gets interested in where he will get to know and interact with other children. It has to be something he likes to do, or else it won't work.

I think the best you can do is to be honest with him, and to make it clear that he can freely speak about things without being reprimanded ( unless he is misbehaving :p ).

If you want to talk about religion with him, you might want to read some parts of the bible you find relevant ( with the context, please. :D ) and let him talk about what he understands by these words before you say anything else. Let him interpret as he deems fit, and then explain why you think your view is better ( if you think it is ) or as reasonable.

I see children as flowers. You just can't force them to grow up as you wish. All you can do is provide the proper conditions for it to flourish.
Click to expand...

That makes sense. Thanks!
 
Sunstone

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
Thirza Fallen said:
My husband is Christian, and I was until lately, and we are raising our son as a Christian. With my recent change of heart, I want my son to love God but not necessarily adhere to a specific religion, but I also want him to have a sense of spiritual community, as he tends to be a loner type. He's ten. My husband may or may not agree with this idea of mine, but somehow I must bring my doubts up to him. In the meantime, I just need advice on books or conversations to have with my son.
Click to expand...

Huston Smith, The World's Religions. Although you might need to read it together so that you can help him understand some of Smith's language and the concepts he uses.

I think your effort would pay off, though, in the ways you've mentioned as your goals.
 
michel

michel

Administrator Emeritus
Staff member
At the end of the day, your son is the only one who can point himself on the path which is right for him.

I am a Christian (as is my wife); I tried to bring up my sons to be Christians (or at least open to the possibility of being Christians); One is an out and out Atheist, the other is an "I'll keep my options open". Strangely enough, I think that the biggest barrier for young people to take on Christianity is science. Science has a way of arrogantly saying "what you get is what you see; we can prove the words of the bible are wrong" - follow scientific evidence and you can come to no other conclusion that there is no God, and that we are all part of a random system of evolution - and nothing ore than that..
 
1137

1137

Here until I storm off again
Premium Member
My first question would be to ask "what's wrong with being a loner?". Besides that, what's been said already is good. Teach him of God but not specifics; no Jesus, no Krishna, no 10 commandments. The way to teach God without religion is as easy as teaching God without religion. Perhaps even specify that different people view God in different ways. As said, leave the hell nonsense out, there are longterm psychological consequences.
 
Sand Dancer

Sand Dancer

Currently catless
The Doors of Perception said:
My first question would be to ask "what's wrong with being a loner?". Besides that, what's been said already is good. Teach him of God but not specifics; no Jesus, no Krishna, no 10 commandments. The way to teach God without religion is as easy as teaching God without religion. Perhaps even specify that different people view God in different ways. As said, leave the hell nonsense out, there are longterm psychological consequences.
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Being a loner can often take on a sense of hating or disdaining others. I don't want him to develop a lack of compassion, although he's already mostly there. I want him to care for others.
 
1137

1137

Here until I storm off again
Premium Member
Thirza Fallen said:
Being a loner can often take on a sense of hating or disdaining others. I don't want him to develop a lack of compassion, although he's already mostly there. I want him to care for others.
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You should want him to show compassion where it's earned, not just in general. Viewing humanity through a loner's eyes can help someone realize "hey, I don't need to give the benefit of the doubt unless they've earned it'. It's a bad world, the common religious idea of inherent respect and love is as dangerous as hell preaching.
 
Falvlun

Falvlun

Earthbending Lemur
Premium Member
I've thought about this for when I have my own children. I am non-religious, but I would like my future child to have an understanding of religion and the ability to freely explore them if that is where his heart leads him.

I think a good starting point is to point out that there are different beliefs out there. It sounds simple and obvious, but I think that can be an eye-opener for a kid. They tend to believe the things they have heard, and not realize that there is any other way to be. I would want my kids to understand that I don't believe that God exists, but that other people do, and it's up to them to figure out what they believe for themselves.

It also might help to ask him what his thoughts are on this. How does he conceive of God?
 
G

Galen.Iksnudnard

Active Member
Thirza Fallen said:
My husband is Christian, and I was until lately, and we are raising our son as a Christian. With my recent change of heart, I want my son to love God but not necessarily adhere to a specific religion, but I also want him to have a sense of spiritual community, as he tends to be a loner type. He's ten. My husband may or may not agree with this idea of mine, but somehow I must bring my doubts up to him. In the meantime, I just need advice on books or conversations to have with my son.
Click to expand...

I think the best way would just to be to raise him to be a nice person. For instance teach him to be tolerant of others and to be able to sympathize with other people's suffering. You don't need to bring him up within the rigidness of a "named" religion like Christianity to do this.

I think it is best not to get children too involved in religion at an early age. Just help them become better as human beings when they're young and when they're 18 they can make their own choice.
 
Jayhawker Soule

Jayhawker Soule

-- untitled --
Premium Member
Thirza Fallen said:
..., I want my son to love God but not necessarily adhere to a specific religion,
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May I ask why you want your son to love God?
Thirza Fallen said:
..., but I also want him to have a sense of spiritual community, as he tends to be a loner type.
Click to expand...
A meaningful sense of community results from participating in community. The issue is not what you say to your son but what you resolve with your husband.

My wife and I have had the opportunity to participate at the JUF Uptown Cafe. It is not altogether uncommon to see grandparents volunteering together with their children and grandchildren. That, for me, exemplifies spiritual community and serves as a more than adequate expression of 'love of God' for a young child.
 
Sand Dancer

Sand Dancer

Currently catless
Jayhawker Soule said:
May I ask why you want your son to love God?
Click to expand...

I think God exists and is loving and good, so I want to impart that to my son as well. I don't care what religion he believes in, as long as he believes in God, in whatever form he decides in. Of course, I won't love him less if he grows up to be an atheist.
 
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