Sunstone said:
That's currently under construction.
How and when do you repress it?
I can't afford to repress it. It results in bad health. The symptoms are often immediate and sometimes severe.
I do *delay* it sometimes though because it causes bad karma for me and the object of my anger to send it out there. I do something distracting or relaxing or very physical, and wait it out until I can be sensible about any problem that needs to be solved.
How and when do you vent it?
I prune big shrubs and clean the kitchen.
Sometimes if I need to pull myself out of an environment (like home) I take a drive. There's something about driving that makes me calm down *right now*. Perhaps it's the knowledge that I'm handling a deadly weapon...
If you are angry at someone, do you try to turn that anger into something constructive? If so, how?
I believe that anger results from several things.
One is the result of problems not dealt with earlier in life. If I'm angry with someone because they remind me of someone I hated as a child, what does it solve to get angry at that person? Isn't the solution to deal with the origin of the anger?
Another source of anger is attachment. It may be attachment to some material thing or attachment to ego (getting my way). The solution to these sources of anger is detachment. I say a lot of prayers for detachment.
I try to reflect on what is making me angry, realize where the need is for spiritual growth, and then do something about it. Again, that doesn't mean I should send out my anger on the person who triggered it. The problem is really mine.
Another source of anger is "should." Someone "should" do this and "should" do that. Well, the truth is, people are going to do what they're going to do. I cannot control them. If they want to do something "bad" and accrue bad karma for themselves, it does not follow that I should accrue any bad karma by acting similarly. When I realize that everyone has shortcomings, and people are entitled to theirs as I am to mine, and I certainly have them, then the anger fades and is replaced by forgiveness. On a good day, maybe even love.
And if someone says or does something offensive, should I be angry? First ask this question: What makes something offensive? Is it because they're right and I'm annoyed because they pointed out my shortcoming? The solution to this problem is not to be "offended" but to work on the shortcoming. If they are wrong and what they said is not true, then why should I be offended? I don't get to choose what people do. I do get to choose how I react to it.
And then there's anger at injustice, though I wouldn't really call that "anger" but rather "righteous indignation." Righteous indignation is the Spirit's call to tell you to find some way to act that will create more justice in the world. This kind of "anger" is not a solution -- it's just the alarm clock. When you can find an action and you take it, the anger is gone. To pretend the alarm clock is not ringing and do nothing is to miss some purpose in this world.
How was anger dealt with by your parents? Do you deal with anger in the same way?
Sometimes my father withdrew. I do that too, when the alternative is to be nasty to people.
My mother is stubborn and holds a grudge.
The one thing they did well is communicate clearly with each other. No one played silly mind games or expected anyone to be psychic.
I am certainly stubborn enough, though I hope I'm turning that into being "steadfast" instead. The former is a vice, the latter, a virtue. Stubbornness comes from the ego. Steadfastness comes not from the ego, but from the spirit telling you to do what's right, even if there's a cost.
When I slip, and I do, it usually comes out in sarcasm.
And no, I defintely don't act like my mother. She never has learned how to pick battles. I live by the question Marines ask: "Is that the hill you want to die on?"
Do you think anger can be a positive emotion, or is it always a negative emotion?
See previous remarks on "anger" vs. "righteous indignation."
Do you think it's kind of silly to get angry with people over the net?
No more so than in real life.
