How does courting work in Islam?

[Sajdah]

Sorry if this is a silly question, but how long do these engagements last? Surely people don't get married after only meeting each other a couple of times?

No, it is not a silly question at all, it seems that I wasn't clear enough. I was really talking about the period before any official engagement.
I think the time of engagement depends on what the couple want it to be. Socially speaking, the time is from 6 months to one year. I think it is sufficient period for both to decide whether they are suitable to each other or not.

 

[Sajdah]

Just to clarify Islam stance on engagement,

Engagement: A Promise of Marriage

It is important to clarify that engagement in Islam is just a promise of marriage. It does not entitle fiancés to any special rights over one another, other than publicly declaring serious interest in a life-long commitment to each other under Allah's law.

So Muslim fiancés should be conscious of that fact while dealing with each other during the engagement period, the same rules of decent conduct apply that they would normally follow while dealing with a member of the opposite sex who is a non-mahram. That is, your fiancé is not your lawful husband yet. That could change only after they have been formally declared husband and wife.

So while an engaged couple may freely discuss their values and ethics, plan for their future life together, and choose and prepare a home to live in after they are married, they should also be careful to avoid privacy together and the type of intimacy that is only allowed between married couples in Islam.

After all, an engagement is just a declaration of intention to get married, and only if and when both sides feel absolutely certain of that decision. It should be clear that an engagement — like any preliminary contract or letter of understanding — can be revoked at any point before the commitment of marriage, without any formal consequences to either side.


ReadingIslam

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[Baydwin]

No, it is not a silly question at all, it seems that I wasn't clear enough. I was really talking about the period before any official engagement.
I think the time of engagement depends on what the couple want it to be. Socially speaking, the time is from 6 months to one year. I think it is sufficient period for both to decide whether they are suitable to each other or not.

Ah, ok thanks!

 

[Sajdah]

You are welcome, Baydwin!

 

[Sahar]

Yes, but I don't have the english translation right now.
عن ابى هريرة ان رجلاً خطب أمرأة من الأنصار, فقال له رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : أنظرت إليها؟.......قال: لا. قال فأذهب فأنظر إليها..... الى آخر الحديث
and one else:
عن المغيرة ابن شعبة: أنه خطب أمرأة فقال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم أنظرت إليها, قال لا, قال أنظر إليها فإنه أحرى أن يؤدم بينكما, اى أن يدوم الوفاق بينكما.
and regarding women
قال عمر رضى الله عنه : لا تزوجوا بناتكم من الرجل الدميم, فإنه يعجبهن منهم ما يعجبهم منهن.


You know that the period beforedeciding the engagement is to let both sides to know the primitive things about each other. So if the first time was not good enough for deciding there should be another time, of course on the request of both sides.

ٍShukran, but I am confused as this has nothing to do with the three times or the number of times before engagement. The prophet pbuh here urged the companions to see the women they engaged. msh keda walla aih?

 

[Sajdah]

ٍShukran, but I am confused as this has nothing to do with the three times or the number of times before engagement. The prophet pbuh here urged the companions to see the women they engaged. msh keda walla aih?

Keda taba3an but the times thing is Ijtihad as I see, because there are two opinions regarding it. Anyway, is your objection about "the three times", or because there is no direct hadith about it?!

 

[Demonic Kitten]

Where does love fall into this? I guess the engagement would be the time to see if love can bloom there... See the way I was brought up is that there is courting first and then if you love each other you get engaged.

 

[Sahar]

It depends. They might feel attracted to each other through their work interaction (or love from one side, who knows )...etc. This can happen during engagement. Maybe love comes after marriage? It differs.
The engagement time is essential to test each other; how they think, behave, to know their social, educational and cultural status, what they like and what they don't, to know the family and also essential to get closer, comfortable and get used to each other, attached to each other...

The idea is when they like or feel attracted to each other (or if it was from the guy's side only), this should be directed to the marriage path.

 

[Sahar]

Anyway, is your objection about "the three times", or because there is no direct hadith about it?!

Both.

 

[Demonic Kitten]

It depends. They might feel attracted to each other through their work interaction (or love from one side, who knows )...etc. This can happen during engagement. Maybe love comes after marriage? It differs.
The engagement time is essential to test each other; how they think, behave, to know their social, educational and cultural status, what they like and what they don't, to know the family and also essential to get closer, comfortable and get used to each other, attached to each other...

The idea is when they like or feel attracted to each other (or if it was from the guy's side only), this should be directed to the marriage path.

Ah, that makes sense. Thank you for answering my question! ^_^

 

[nawab]

In islam, there is no love before wedding, its always love after wedding, the more time two people spend together, only then love can develop between two people

Where does love fall into this? I guess the engagement would be the time to see if love can bloom there... See the way I was brought up is that there is courting first and then if you love each other you get engaged.