How does courting work in Islam?

[Meow Mix]

Hi, I've been browsing some of the forum and reading a lot of interesting things I didn't know about Islam before. I'm really pretty ignorant about Islam, I guess as much as most Americans are.

My question is that it seems to me from reading different posts that men and women can't hang out together if they aren't related, and in another thread someone said music is forbidden and men and women can't dance, etc.

How do Islamic men and women meet and fall in love? When do they get a chance to talk to one another and find out if they are right for each other?

 

[Sahar]

Hi and welcome to Islam Forum

They can meet in work, university, in a wedding party, through acquaintance...etc. And during the engagement time they can know each other and if they are right for each other.

As for music being forbidden, it's controversial.
The whole issue of singing is controversial, whether it is with musical accompaniment or not. Some issues succeeded to gain the Muslim scholars’ agreement, while others failed. All scholars have unanimous view on the prohibition of all forms of singing and music that incites debauchery, indecency, or sin. As for musical instruments, given the weakness of the evidence indicating that they are forbidden, the rule to be applied here is the one states that all things are originally deemed permissible as long as there is no Shari`ah text that prohibits them.

Singing is no more than melodious words; if these are good, singing is considered good; but if they are bad, such singing is deemed bad. Talk that contains forbidden content is prohibited. What if that talk is accompanied with rhythm and melody?

Read more: Singing & Music: Islamic View - IslamonLine.net - Ask The Scholar
​

 

[Demonic Kitten]

This may sound like a really stupid question, but .... Are they allowed to date? If so, How is it done? What customs do they have to follow?

Okay so that was more than one stupid question. I ask out of ignorance and curiosity. I like learning about the different religions and customs of different countries.

 

[Sahar]

It depends on what you mean by "dating"?

 

[Demonic Kitten]

It depends on what you mean by "dating"?

Sorry, I am having trouble forming my thoughts into coherent sentences.

IMO the dating process would be the "getting to know you" phase and then comes the engagement. I'm not sure what I was asking for in the first place.

 

[Meow Mix]

It depends on what you mean by "dating"?

Thanks for your response, it cleared some things up.

Can men and women who aren't related date by going to see a movie or having dinner together?

 

[Sahar]

Sorry, I am having trouble forming my thoughts into coherent sentences.

IMO the dating process would be the "getting to know you" phase and then comes the engagement. I'm not sure what I was asking for in the first place.

I know what you are asking about.

Yeah, they meet couples of times before the engagement. Where they can meet, it depends on the family and how conservative they are. In the girl's house (her parents house I mean), or outside in a cafeteria, in a public place with or without the presence of one of their family members especially the girl's family (it depends on the girl and her family). But they might have known each other in work and they could see each other regularly....

I don't know what is the best Islamically speaking, though.
But I believe, the point is this should be done with the knowledge of the girl's parents and they shouldn't meet in a private place alone.

 

[Demonic Kitten]

I know what you are asking about.

Thank you! I'm glad one of us did...I was just confusing my poor sleep deprived brain. >_<

Yeah, they meet couples of times before the engagement. Where they can meet, it depends on the family and how conservative they are. In the girl's house (her parents house I mean), or outside in a cafeteria, in a public place with or without the presence of one of their family members especially the girl's family (it depends on the girl and her family). But they might have known each other in work and they could see each other regularly....

Ah! That answers my question. ^_^

I don't know what is the best Islamically speaking, though.
But I believe, the point is this should be done with the knowledge of the girl's parents and they shouldn't meet in a private place alone.

I think this should be a rule no matter what nation you are from. Of course I had to ask permission to start dating my current boyfriend so I might be a little biased.

Thank you again for answering my questions.

 

[Sahar]

Thanks for your response, it cleared some things up.

Can men and women who aren't related date by going to see a movie or having dinner together?

I believe they shouldn't.
But having dinner for business for example? I believe it's a different case.

Maybe this is relevant:
Muslims should have good relations with all people, males as well as females, at school, at work, in you neighborhood etc. You should be kind and courteous to everyone. However, it is not allowed in Islam to take a non-mahram person or persons of the opposite gender as a very close friend. Such friendship often leads to haram. In the Qur&#8217;an, Allah mentioned that good men and women are those who marry, do not have fornicating relationships and do not have "paramours" or Akhdan see An-Nisaa&#8217;: 25, Al-Ma'idah: 5).

Akhdan are "sweethearts" or for a man a "mistress" and for a woman a "lover". The Prophet, peace and blessings be upom him, is reported to have stated that &#8220;whenever two strangers of the opposite gender are alone with each other, Satan becomes the third one between them.&#8221; (At-Tirmidhi)&#8221;

So it is not allowed for a Muslim boy to have a girlfriend or for a Muslim girl to have a boyfriend. Howsoever pure your intentions may be, the danger is that it will lead you to sin. Or at least you will be alone with each other and spend more time together.

Read more: Having a Girlfriend: Permissible? - IslamonLine.net - Ask The Scholar
​

A friendship wth the opposite sex is not of Islam. It used to be of the Jahiliyyah (pre-Islamic era) style of life. A friendship of the two sexes can never be safe or sex-free. I agree that in some exceptional cases, it could be innocent. But, a law is usually amended for social regulations. There is no law to be customized for a certain person or few people.

Read more: Having a Girlfriend: Permissible? - IslamonLine.net - Ask The Scholar
​

 

[Sahar]

Girls, you are welcome.

 

[Mr Cheese]

All scholars have unanimous view on the prohibition of all forms of singing and music that incites debauchery, indecency, or sin. As for musical instruments, given the weakness of the evidence indicating that they are forbidden, the rule to be applied here is the one states that all things are originally deemed permissible as long as there is no Shari`ah text that prohibits them.

Singing is no more than melodious words; if these are good, singing is considered good; but if they are bad, such singing is deemed bad. Talk that contains forbidden content is prohibited. What if that talk is accompanied with rhythm and melody?

Read more: Singing & Music: Islamic View - IslamonLine.net - Ask The Scholar​

Yet some of the greatest music in the world is Islamic....

of course greatest is subjective... but there

I like a bit of RAI myself.... really only the big names, granted
Cheb Mami, Khaled, Samira Saeed etc....
and frankly that is darn sexy music....

cant beat a bit of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan either

 

[Meow Mix]

Girls, you are welcome.

I have a better understanding, thank you for taking the time to explain to me. I also enjoyed your post dispelling some of the myths about perceptions of Islam and rape. It's a pleasure to meet you, too!

 

[Sajdah]

I know what you are asking about.

Yeah, they meet couples of times before the engagement. Where they can meet, it depends on the family and how conservative they are. In the girl's house (her parents house I mean), or outside in a cafeteria, in a public place with or without the presence of one of their family members especially the girl's family (it depends on the girl and her family). But they might have known each other in work and they could see each other regularly....

I don't know what is the best Islamically speaking, though.
But I believe, the point is this should be done with the knowledge of the girl's parents and they shouldn't meet in a private place alone.

I think they can meet only three times before the engagement, and the presence of the girl's family is important, whether the meeting is in a club, or in her parents home.

 

[Sahar]

Yet some of the greatest music in the world is Islamic....

of course greatest is subjective... but there

I like a bit of RAI myself.... really only the big names, granted
Cheb Mami, Khaled, Samira Saeed etc....
and frankly that is darn sexy music....

cant beat a bit of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan either

It seems you are a good follower of world's music. C'mon, you know Samira Sa'ed...lol!!

I wouldn't say that it's "Islamic" music.

 

[Sahar]

I have a better understanding, thank you for taking the time to explain to me. I also enjoyed your post dispelling some of the myths about perceptions of Islam and rape. It's a pleasure to meet you, too!

Thanks. The pleasure is mine.

 

[Sahar]

I think they can meet only three times before the engagement, and the presence of the girl's family is important, whether the meeting is in a club, or in her parents home.

Why three times? Is there any hadith says that?

 

[Sajdah]

Why three times? Is there any hadith says that?

I heard a scholar saying that the maximum times before the engagement, in case they were not able to decide from the first time, are three. And there are some saying it's only one time, but I'm convinced with the first opinion as far as it will be in the presence of any of the girl's family members.

 

[Sahar]

I heard a scholar saying that the maximum times before the engagement, in case they were not able to decide from the first time, are three. And there are some saying it's only one time, but I'm convinced with the first opinion as far as it will be in the presence of any of the girl's family members.

What is their evidence for this? A hadith?
I don't believe anything without solid evidence.

 

[Baydwin]

I heard a scholar saying that the maximum times before the engagement, in case they were not able to decide from the first time, are three. And there are some saying it's only one time, but I'm convinced with the first opinion as far as it will be in the presence of any of the girl's family members.

Sorry if this is a silly question, but how long do these engagements last? Surely people don't get married after only meeting each other a couple of times?

 

[Sajdah]

What is their evidence for this? A hadith?

Yes, but I don't have the english translation right now.
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and one else:
&#1593;&#1606; &#1575;&#1604;&#1605;&#1594;&#1610;&#1585;&#1577; &#1575;&#1576;&#1606; &#1588;&#1593;&#1576;&#1577;: &#1571;&#1606;&#1607; &#1582;&#1591;&#1576; &#1571;&#1605;&#1585;&#1571;&#1577; &#1601;&#1602;&#1575;&#1604; &#1585;&#1587;&#1608;&#1604; &#1575;&#1604;&#1604;&#1607; &#1589;&#1604;&#1609; &#1575;&#1604;&#1604;&#1607; &#1593;&#1604;&#1610;&#1607; &#1608;&#1587;&#1604;&#1605; &#1571;&#1606;&#1592;&#1585;&#1578; &#1573;&#1604;&#1610;&#1607;&#1575;, &#1602;&#1575;&#1604; &#1604;&#1575;, &#1602;&#1575;&#1604; &#1571;&#1606;&#1592;&#1585; &#1573;&#1604;&#1610;&#1607;&#1575; &#1601;&#1573;&#1606;&#1607; &#1571;&#1581;&#1585;&#1609; &#1571;&#1606; &#1610;&#1572;&#1583;&#1605; &#1576;&#1610;&#1606;&#1603;&#1605;&#1575;, &#1575;&#1609; &#1571;&#1606; &#1610;&#1583;&#1608;&#1605; &#1575;&#1604;&#1608;&#1601;&#1575;&#1602; &#1576;&#1610;&#1606;&#1603;&#1605;&#1575;.
and regarding women
&#1602;&#1575;&#1604; &#1593;&#1605;&#1585; &#1585;&#1590;&#1609; &#1575;&#1604;&#1604;&#1607; &#1593;&#1606;&#1607; : &#1604;&#1575; &#1578;&#1586;&#1608;&#1580;&#1608;&#1575; &#1576;&#1606;&#1575;&#1578;&#1603;&#1605; &#1605;&#1606; &#1575;&#1604;&#1585;&#1580;&#1604; &#1575;&#1604;&#1583;&#1605;&#1610;&#1605;, &#1601;&#1573;&#1606;&#1607; &#1610;&#1593;&#1580;&#1576;&#1607;&#1606; &#1605;&#1606;&#1607;&#1605; &#1605;&#1575; &#1610;&#1593;&#1580;&#1576;&#1607;&#1605; &#1605;&#1606;&#1607;&#1606;.


You know that the period beforedeciding the engagement is to let both sides to know the primitive things about each other. So if the first time was not good enough for deciding there should be another time, of course on the request of both sides.

I don't believe anything without solid evidence.

That's a very good thing