How "Go along to Get along" should we be?

[Davidium]

This evening, I attended a wedding for a dear friend of mine, who is also a member of my UU congregation. Now, the gentleman she is marrying is a Methodist, son of a Methodist minister, and the father was performing the wedding.

In fact, she had come to me a few months ago and said that she would have wanted me to perform the ceremony, except that he was going to be her father in law, and she felt it important that he do it. She wanted to keep him happy.

As I sat through a rather traditional Methodist service, there were several points where I know it conflicted with her personal theology. And yet, she is such a sweetheart, she would say just about anything not to offend her new in-laws.

It made me think about how much we UU's do this in society. How much we choose to "Go Along to Get along". In fact, I sat in a row of UU's at the wedding... and when it came time to recite the "Lord's Prayer" in the service, I was surprised that a number of those who are certainly not Christian in their Theology did so. I am more Christian than most, but I abstained from it... for reasons I wont go into here.

Now, I am not criticizing this sweet young girl, nor my fellow UU's who attended the service. It just struck me how much we as UU's will "go along to get along" and wonder if that is why many do not know what Unitarian Universalism is. Her father in law, who was the minister performing the service certainly knows she is a Unitarian, and yet he had her recite the Trinity (In the name of the Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost) during the vows.

As I am saying, I am not criticizing, for I have often "Gone along" myself. In certain company when it was mentioned that I was in seminary, I have neglected to tell them what faith tradition the seminary was affiliated with. In fact, in part to "Go along to get along" when I am a military chaplain, I will wear the cross on my uniform, not the Chalice. (The other reason is that soldiers know that the cross means the chaplain, and would just be confused by the chalice).

My point is, do we often subsume our own beliefs and faith tradition in order to not "ruffle feathers" or "make waves".... and could this be a reason why people discover Unitarian Universalism by reading about it on BeliefNet?

Is it because we are afraid to be "out there" about our faith?

Now, me personally, I am about as "out of the closet" a UU as you can conceiveably be. In fact, I have been accused (not always in a complimentary way) of being an "Evangelical UU". I wear a chalice pendant, have the chalice and the seven principles on my business cards, I wear a Chalice pin on my lapel when I am in a suit, and though I dont stand on street corners with a placard, I do take the time to discuss my faith with anyone who asks. Responses have ranged from "Well, that's what I believe!" to "You know that you are going to hell, dont you? I will pray for you."

I have even had a few people who would no longer speak to me once they learned of my faith.

But, I think that we often, as a faith, find it safe in the closet. We have our churches, we have our covenant groups and Sunday morning services. We do our social action work in the world.... but we rarely stand up for our faith. Oh, we stand up for the disadvantaged... we stand up to stop torture... or for hurricane victims... we stand up for racial and sexual equality... we stand up for everyone else... but ourselves.

Perhaps it is time that we begin to take a stand for our faith. Perhaps it is time that we begin to say publicly what we believe... and loudly.

All I know is that, the next time a fellow Unitarian Universalist asks me why I think our faith tradition is not as well known as it could be... I have part of my answer. Because we have for too long chosen to "go along to get along."

Perhaps it is time to stand up for the "Religious Left".

Yours in Liberal faith,

David

 

[The Black Whirlwind]

interesting. i dont say a word about my faith, mainly because i'll get laughed at. Actions speak louder than words. i just walk the walk instead.

 

[Valjean]

I find the older I get, the less I'm willing to play along when I find something objectionable. I don't care so much weather I "fit in" anymore, so I occasionally ruffle feathers.

 

[Green Gaia]

I believe you are very right, David. I know I do it, and not just with this but in other areas of my life as well, particularly my sexuality. I find it easy to talk to strangers about my faith, but not my own family. I just avoid it and hope they don't ask anything too specific because I know they likely won't care for the answer I give. Having a stranger on the internet tell me I'm going to hell because of "that gay church" I attend is nothing compared to having one of your own family member say that. It hurts, so I just avoid the conversation altogether.

 

[Alicia]

I don't really do much going along. I'm open with my friends and family about my beliefs and don't pretend to be something I'm not. I was never one to just 'go along' with something - for example I didn't say the pledge in high school because of the 'under God' thing.

I just had a conversation about this with my minister though. My problem was that my in-laws want us to have our baby baptized (note: baby to be born *next May*), and I didn't want to do it because I don't believe in it. I thought it would be hypocritical to just go along with it. Well, my minister helped me see that I didn't have to take it as that someone was making me participate in a religious act that I don't agree with. I can see it as supporting my in-laws in their faith and allowing them to share it with their grandchild.

So, I think that participating in someone else's religious rituals doesn't have to be 'going along', it can be supporting them in their faith. So I think your friend was supporting and respecting her husband in his faith when she had a Methodist wedding. Just as I will support my in-laws in their faith when they share a baptism ritual with my child.

The difference might not be in the action taken, but in the outlook and intent. One person might 'go along' with the ritual to avoid making waves, while another person might participate in the ritual to support another in their faith.

 

[lilithu]

Namaste David,

Obviously I can't speak for your UU friend who's wedding it was but as for me, I could easily see myself going along with those things if I knew they were important to someone I cared about. And I wouldn't see it as going along just to get along. I would see it as an expression of my liberal faith.

I can't help but see this dilemma as an extension of the pluralism dilemma that we have within our own congregations. How do atheist UUs sit through a service on easter? How do Christian UUs sit through a service on the summer solstice? etc... As a UU, we are bound to hear things that we don't agree with even within our own congregations, and we can either disintegrate into fighting and chaos over it, insisting that we only have things our way, or we can go along, knowing that on a deeper level we have more in common than we have differences.

As an outspoken UU, commited to freedom of conscience, I have no problems with the trinity and the Lord's prayer, as they offer comfort and spiritual sustenance to others. (And actually, I personally love the Lord's Prayer.) I don't see "going along" as something that I do despite my beliefs. I do it because of my beliefs.

Of course we UUs have limits to our openness. I wouldn't stand for the preaching of hatred, whether towards homosexuals or anyone else, and I don't care how deeply held those convictions are. But whether other people see God as three or one or none, as male or female or genderless, it's all fine with me.

 

[michel]

Lilithu, Namaste.

Obviously I can't speak for your UU friend who's wedding it was but as for me, I could easily see myself going along with those things if I knew they were important to someone I cared about. And I wouldn't see it as going along just to get along. I would see it as an expression of my liberal faith.

I think that is a wonderful message of true humanity, and therefore the true message of religion. That is very much the way I see things; in fact, I had been prepared to marry in a Roman Catholic Church for my wife's sake, even though it wouldn't have been my choice. As it happened, the Catholic Church did not want to marry us, because Marie would not guarantee to bring our Children up into Catholicism.........

So, I think that participating in someone else's religious rituals doesn't have to be 'going along', it can be supporting them in their faith. So I think your friend was supporting and respecting her husband in his faith when she had a Methodist wedding. Just as I will support my in-laws in their faith when they share a baptism ritual with my child.

The difference might not be in the action taken, but in the outlook and intent. One person might 'go along' with the ritual to avoid making waves, while another person might participate in the ritual to support another in their faith.

Exactly; beautifully put. A wonderful sentiment.

 

[michel]

I believe you are very right, David. I know I do it, and not just with this but in other areas of my life as well, particularly my sexuality. I find it easy to talk to strangers about my faith, but not my own family. I just avoid it and hope they don't ask anything too specific because I know they likely won't care for the answer I give. Having a stranger on the internet tell me I'm going to hell because of "that gay church" I attend is nothing compared to having one of your own family member say that. It hurts, so I just avoid the conversation altogether.

I think you just have to understand that some people are so insecure that they cannot help but keep themselves within a strict tunnel-visioned approach. I can't speak for how you must feel, because I don't believe I can know what you are going through; I hope I would be able to see through the insecurity and forgive them in my mind...but obviously, I haven't been there.

At least you do know that there are many on this forum who are on your side - and I speak for all of us; you do nothing wrong; you are a kind and wonderful person.

 

[Ciscokid]

I have historically been very private about my religious convictions. I recently told my Mother that I have been attending a UU church. She had no idea what that meant. I told her it was a church where people from various religious or philosophical backgrounds come together to learn as a unit rather than individuals [what a concept uh!].

She said "Well as long as they keep Christ at the center"...lol. I didn't bother to fill her in more because I don't want her to worry about me going to hell. If I am asked I am very honest about my beliefs....and for the first time I am not ashamed about what I believe...quite the opposite.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I used to be a bit hung up about ritual, and there were somethings I would not go along with because I did not believe in them. And others that I am sorry are not still in vogue.

I am more laid back about it all now...Knowing that there are thousands of rituals that I do not follow and perhaps do not even know they exist,
now all come into the interesting but not important, category.

I am quite happy to attend someone else's service. When I come to a part I don't believe I retreat into my own faith and consider an appropriate prayer or thought.

Some times you can both give and receive more by just supporting, than making a stand.
This is not Just "go along and get along" it is acknowledging Gods love for all men.

Terry________________________-
Blessed are those who bring peace, they shall be children of God

 

[Green Gaia]

She said "Well as long as they keep Christ at the center"...lol.

My grandmother said something very similar to me when I first told her about going to a UU church, something like, "As long as they preach the Bible to you..." I think I said (under my breath, of course) "yeah, I think we have one in the church library right between the Bhagavad Gita and Buddhist texts."