Then I started thinking, "What if God isn't ALL Good? What if he is just like us?" cause the bible does state "created in his image".
I've been searching for years for my answers, all I can do is guess & assume.
Have you ever undertaken a topical study of the Bible? i.e one topic at a time and really examined what it tells you about God?
I can relate to your background and this is what I did.
I will give you an example....you asked above...." "What if God isn't ALL Good? What if he is just like us?" cause the bible does state "created in his image".
Being created in God's image, doesn't mean that God is reflected in our image but that originally we were created in his. We have his attributes, like his sense of justice, his love that we see reflected in nature, his wisdom in using our intellect to make important decisions by evaluating pros and con in any given situation.....and the power to make things happen when we put our mind to it. We don't individually have the power to change the world, but we have the power to change ourselves.
We alone have a moral sense and feel emotions when our senses are challenged. We hate injustice and ugliness and filth and disorder because we are created in a perfect God's image. But the fall in Eden means that we no longer display these attributes in balance. We now imperfectly reflect our God's image....it is tarnished...defective...a distorted image. This doesn't mean that God is not good...it means that once a knowledge of evil entered human consciousness, then evil deeds were not far behind. Within one generation of Adam's rebellion, a murderer was produced...such is the power of sin.
The next important question to answer then is, "what did God do about fallen humanity?" How did he go about fixing what went wrong? He could have just destroyed the rebels and started again....do you know why he didn't? Was giving humans free will a mistake?
What do you think?
I came to the point of "theres no point in being against him, theres no point in blaming him" cause for all I know, we could have chosen to live like this an God is merely respecting our wishes. The fact is, I don't know. No one really does.
I don't claim God to be loving or evil, I don't know honestly, I can only hope that he is good & his reason for not stopping us from suffering is a damn good reason.
There are exceptionally good reasons for God's permission of our present difficult state.....suffering and all the woes we see are the result of something over which we have no control.....a contest for the hearts and minds of men. There are two rival "gods"....one is the true God and the other is a pretender. There is no mystery...the Bible explains everything.
If you were a parent and your child was born with a defect that would afflict him for the rest of his life, would you permit the most painful surgery to correct that defect if you knew that the result would eliminate all future suffering, not only for him, but it would serve to help others with the same affliction? Would the pain be worth it?
If you understand why humans lost their original perfection and became sinful, then you can appreciate that it isn't just God who is involved in this scenario. The first rebel was not human. It is this one who is the cause of all human suffering. He has an agenda that was revealed, not only in his words to the woman in Eden, but also through the testing of the man named Job. (Job 1 & 2)
The devil accused God of putting a protective hedge around Job, and around everything he possessed, and suggested that this was the only reason why Job stayed faithful to his God. He told God to take that hedge away and then strip Job of every material thing that mattered to him. Could Job remain faithful to his God if that was permitted? Only a test would answer that question, so God allowed Job to be tested ...but there was a limit. (Job 1:12) Job passed the test, even though he lost everything, including his 10 children. But satan wasn't finished with him yet.....he then said that Job would give anything in exchange for his life....claiming that he would curse God and leave him if he was made to suffer physically. So again a test was permitted...and again Job passed the test. But the devil was not permitted to take his life. (Job 2:6-8)
We are all "Job" in this life, and the devil has pointed an accusing finger at God in behalf of all of us as well. (Prov 27:11) How are we going in this test? Is satan telling the truth, or are God's servants truly dedicated to their God out of genuine unselfish love? Will we endure all that the devil throws at us and not turn our back on our Creator, even if the test is severe? There is a large reward for those who endure and pass the test.
Job 42:12-17:
"So Jehovah blessed the last part of Job’s life more than the beginning, and Job came to have 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 pairs of cattle, and 1,000 female donkeys. He also came to have seven more sons and three more daughters..... After this Job lived for 140 years, and he saw his children and his grandchildren—four generations. 17 Finally Job died, after a long and satisfying life."
I am still in the middle of what to believe. And so far, o matter what anyone has said to convince to join in belief of god or against him,
I still keep coming back to my questions - they don't help me hate him, they don't convince me that he isn't real, and they don't help me want to be with him.
The bible is a book written by man. And because of that alone, a single question is what stops me from picking a definitive side; " What if The bible could be what god did not intend and the writers could have lied?"
If we have a Creator who loves us and has the power to create the universe, then surely he has the power to write and preserve his own written instructions for mankind.
If you don't believe that, then there is not even a starting point to an investigation.
I'm not trying to defend god or battle against him. I'm just trying to understand & figure out why.
If anything I have said resonates with you please continue the conversation, if not, then no harm done and I wish you well in your journey.